Category Archives: Homosexuality

Is There a Sexual Identity Where a Person Wishes to be Lesbian/Gay, yet Isn’t Attracted to the Same Sex? I Am Confused about My Sexual Orientation and Am Trying to Find a Possibility for Me, as I Don’t Seem to Be Lesbian, yet Want to Be.

Answered on Quora.

Yes, it’s called heterosexual. There are many cases in the literature about gay men who want to be straight but are not attracted to women. Many have gone to useless therapy to try to cure their homosexuality, except there is no cure for it.

We also see many gay men, often gay boys on here, who seem to be clearly gay but are panicking and want desperately to be straight. Some are looking at straight porn in an effort to cure themselves. I am not sure how well that is going to work out as lab studies have proven that male sexual orientation is fixed by age 15. After that age, at heterosexual attraction cannot be increased and homosexual attraction cannot be increased. Men are stuck at whatever orientation they are.

There is a fascinating case in the literature I read in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. It involved a very straight man in college who desperately wanted to be gay. He very much disliked women for some reason or other and wanted nothing to do with them. However his erotic orientation was completely towards women. He hung out mostly with gay men. He had been trying to get interested in men sexually for quite some time and was having no luck at all. He presented for therapy desperate to change from straight to gay and exasperated that he could not do so.

This seems to be what is going on with the person above.

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Is It Gay To Like Rainbows?

Answered on Quora.

Of course not.

However, the rainbow symbol now has been adopted by the gay, bisexual, trans, etc. subculture, so if you are heterosexual, I would not go around wearing rainbow symbols. If you do, everyone is going to think you are gay. If you are straight, why in the Hell would you want everyone to think you’re gay? What would be the point?

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Can You Be Androgynous yet Be Heterosexual/Straight?

Answered on Quora.

The best definition of an androgynous man is a man who has strong masculine and strong feminine characteristics going at the same time. Remember glam rock back in the 1970’s? Many of those male rockers were quite androgynous, and most of them were very heterosexual or at least leaned straight.

Another definition of androgynous means a man who looks and acts so much like a woman that you can’t tell if he is a man or a woman. Or the opposite in a woman. Almost all if not all such cases of extremely feminine men who appear to be women and extremely masculine women who seem to be men that I have studied are in fact homosexuals. In fact they are very gay.

Now if you include men like Prince as androgynes, there are indeed some straight men like this, as Prince was completely heterosexual.
Honestly we straight men had a lot more leeway in terms of true androgyny back in the 70’s. A straight man could wear scarves, velvet pants, silk shirts, short kimonos, smoking jackets, tight jeans, dancing shoes, and four inch blue platform heels without most people suggesting you were gay. People would just say you were “styling it.” You can act a lot softer, gentler, or more androgynous. You could have a strong feminine side, especially if you matched it with a strong masculine side.

Back then, people were assumed straight until proven otherwise, and there were not many out gays anyways. Accusing a man of being gay was a very serious matter, as this was seen as a horrible insult if he was straight. So most men were simply assumed, correctly, to be straight until proven otherwise. If you wanted to accuse a man of being gay, you had better have had some pretty damn good evidence to back it up.

I am actually nostalgic for those days. I had so much more freedom back then in terms of both clothing and behavior.

Now that gays are so out, we straight men can no longer wear those wild clothes I talked about above nor can we act the way I did back then. If I tried to wear any of that stuff now that I wore back then, people would automatically assume that I was gay or bi. If I told them I was straight, no one would believe me, and they would all accuse me of lying. Compared to back then, acceptable behavior and garb for straight men has become dramatically restricted.

It’s not been a positive change. We have gone backwards in a huge way.

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Why Are Some Gay Men Catty?

Answered on Quora.

Do you mean why do many gay men display catty behavior? It’s because catty behavior is feminine behavior, and most gay men act feminine (now proven by science).

Catty is a female quality. All women know what catty behavior is because they are around it all the time, and they probably even engage in it themselves. Cattiness is an essential part of the Feminine Character. Most gay men are much more feminine than straight men and tend to act like women more than straight men, hence most gay men mirror a lot of the behaviors of women, cattiness among them. Why are so many gay men catty? For the same reason that women are often catty and bitchy.

In the Feminine Character, hostility and anger is often displayed verbally as opposed to physically. Hence hostility in women often looks like cattiness and bitchiness. And it follows that hostility or anger in many gay men is typically more verbal than physical also, and hence often looks like cattiness or bitchiness.

Now if you asking why so many gay men act catty, bitchy, and mean, I am, number one, not sure that is true, and number two, even if it is true, I have no idea why they would be like that.

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Why Should Straight People Get Offended If Someone Assumes They’re Gay When We Often Assume Everyone is Straight in Usual/Casual Discourse?

Answered on Quora.

The thing is this: most straight men (and certainly I) have a self-image of ourselves as straight men. That’s how we see ourselves internally. And this is how we wish to be treated. When we are out in public, at our job, at a party, or anywhere, we want people to look at us and assume we are straight because we are not acting obviously gay.

Most straight men don’t think they act gay or effeminate. Indeed, only 3% of straight men are actually effeminate, whereas for gay men, the figure is 67%. So truly effeminate straight men are quite rare. But many more straight men are soft, soft-spoken, gentle, kind, sensitive, emotional, quiet, like to read, write, or cook. Others are often characterized as wimpy.

But most soft or wimpy men are straight and are also not truly effeminate (effeminate really means acting like a woman). The idea that other people think straight men are effeminate is very insulting to us. It’s not so much that they think we are gay for some other reason – it’s because they think we are gay because they think we act gay (effeminate).

Most straight men dislike effeminate behavior in men in general (though they may give gay men a break) and certainly in themselves and their friends. In their mind’s eye, they are not effeminate! In fact the idea of them acting effeminate fills them with disgust and terror. We have a lot riding on this – our very masculinity is at stake.

Even if people acknowledge that we are straight but frown and say we lack masculinity, this is very insulting right there. It’s also a sign that a relationship is doomed. If you girlfriend ever thinks you are not masculine enough, you need to leave immediately. This problem will never go away, and it will cause all sorts of ancillary problems that are no fun to deal with. Just get rid of her.

Try to find some woman out there who is OK with your particular masculine style. Even most quiet or soft straight men have a sort of quiet masculinity or even soft masculinity about them. Assuming you are not overtly effeminate, you should find a woman out there who is OK with your style.

When I go to work at a new job, I expect people to assume that I am a straight man. When I am in a bar or nightclub, I want everyone to recognize that I am a straight man. When I am visiting friends of either sex, I want everyone there to assume I am a straight man. Hell, when I am anywhere out in public, I want people to look at me and assume I am a straight man.

To our way of thinking, it should be obvious because being straight, and appearing straight is a huge part of our self-image. In a way, it’s sort of what we straight men are all about.

Now when I show up at my new job or go to the market, the store, a restaurant, a party, a nightclub, to someone’s home and people start automatically assuming I am gay by making remarks, that sort of upsets everything. It’s like you have a nicely set dinner table and you grabbed the tablecloth and pulled it out and everything went crashing to the floor. You just ruined everything. It’s also very anxiety-inducing and panic-inducing. You think, “No! I am not gay! Dammit why does this person think I am gay!?”

You screwed up everything because we are not now projecting the image to others we want to project. We are now projecting an image of something we are not and frankly something we despise. It’s beyond insulting. It’s an attack at the very core essence of our being.

What I am saying is that straight men’s lives go very smoothly when almost everyone they meet just assumes they are straight. It’s an anxiety-free existence because now the world is seeing us exactly how we see ourselves. Our twin images, our own and others’ of us, now match up perfectly. People understand us and read us correctly.

In summary, most straight men are trying to portray an image of being obviously straight. They certainly do not wish to portray an image of being gay! When people fail to see us as we see ourselves, it’s a great big mess. It’s frightening, confusing, exasperating, and a great big drag.

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Why Do Straight People Assume a Bisexual Man’s Sexuality Has Changed if He Dates a Woman, but Assume He Is Gay if He Dates a Guy? Why Does This Notion Confuse Straight People?

Answered on Quora.

A lot of people cannot wrap their heads around the idea that there are men who are actually bisexual. In straight society, bisexual men are typically regarded as gay. And in gay society, tragically many bisexual men are regarded as gay.

I doubt if there are huge numbers of actually bisexual men, but they do exist. For some time, lab studies concluded that bisexual men did not exist. Several studies of self-proclaimed bisexuals in the lab showed that all of these men reacted maximally to males and minimally to females. This is the precise reaction the gay men get in the lab when tested this way.

It was concluded that bisexual men were simply gay men who could not handle either the idea or the stigma of being gay, so they were identifying as bisexual as a better (less homophobic) alternative to being gay. I will tell you that in straight society, women at least have a much more positive opinion of bisexual men than they do of gay men. They give the man massive bonus points simply for liking and having sex with women. In straight male society, I am not quite sure, as many of them seem to think that bisexual men are gay.

It is quite clear that many so-called bisexual men are actually gay. There are many young men in their 20’s who call themselves bisexual, are married or have girlfriends, but spend most of their time in gay bars or with gay men. By age 30, most of these men have come out completely as gay and no longer identify as bisexual. I appears that many young gay men in their 20’s cannot cope with the idea or stigma of being gay so they retreat into the lie of bisexuality.

However, a recent study in the lab showed a group self labelled bisexual men who indeed reacted strongly to both men and women in the lab. The conclusion was that bisexual men do indeed exist.

Incidentally, studies have shown that bisexual men have worse mental health and more problems in many ways than even gay men, perhaps for the reasons in paragraph one.

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Experimental Homosexual Sex in Straight Males and Females

RL: “Young men need sex with women. When you deprive young men of women to have sex with, they’re going to screw guys.”

Sebastian Hawks: Hopefully this isn’t true of all young men but some more pathetic young men may succumb to. I always assumed this phenomenon is what The Violent Femmes were alluding to in their song Why Can’t I Get Just One Fuck with the part about

“Don’t shoot shoot shoot that thing at me
You know you’ve got my sympathy
But don’t shoot that thing at me.”

I’d assume it was meant at a blue-balled male friend who came on to him at some point out of frustration, and the song is reinforcing that this behavior is out of bounds.

My little brother had a friend like that. A strange incident he recalled in music camp in Jr. High where the dude beat off under the covers telling him what he was doing all proud of it. In retrospect I bet he was hoping he’d join in after later stuff became revealed about him in high school.

Four years later this little schlemiel was in the high school play along with another boy whose mom knew Hillary Clinton and recently had his 15 minutes with an article written about him called Hillary’s Gay Nephew. This dude brought a hetero porno over to my brother’s pathetic friends house when his mom and stepdad were gone.

Homos often use straight porn to broach the topic of sex when they come on to straight dudes. Gacy did the same thing in his early years before when he was just molesting straight teen boys who worked for him at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Hillary’s Gay Nephew whipped it out on the couch and started beating it, encouraging the other kid to do the same, and soon the gay kid talked the friend into letting him such my brother’s friend’s dick. Afterwards the little schlemiel was so freaked out he had a tearful phone confession to a girl in the play who promptly told everyone, and we laughed our asses off at the dude.

Then another dude who now in adult life moved on to be a con-artist heard about it and repeated the same shit with the dude! He gave some line about how he likes to try all kinds of new and different experiences, and come to think about it, he’s never had a penis in his mouth, “So can I?”

This con-artist dude claimed he wasn’t really gay, he was “hetero-emotional” he liked to fuck guys but could only really, really be in love with a girl. Sounds gay to me. He later married a chick under my theory that he found being a con artist and showing up with a gay lover immediately put the mark on the defensive, but having a woman trailing along put them at ease making his scams easier to pull off. My brother’s friend claimed to be horrified about “just two times!” and later went on to marry and divorce a woman.

He’s an amusing character and we like the guy, but his “history” still has us questioning just exactly who he is and we joke about him having a secret life on the down low in Chicago’s “Boyztown” bars.

He was Jewish, and there are a lot of mental pathologies in their community like Woody Allen always makes fun of in his movies. Maybe they are just more likely to experiment with some fucked up shit in their teen years out of extreme, blue-balled horniness?

That’s probably his whole gay history right there. If he were indeed still having gay sex in Boyztown, trust me, you are going to find out about it or figure it out one day. All of the closet cases I knew got figured out very fast, and a friend who got heavily into gay sex without telling us also got outed pretty quickly. They just can’t do this in secret. They always get found out, at least by me.

Jewish guys are actually less likely to engage in this sort of thing as Gentiles. They reportedly have a lower rate of homosexuality, while Black men have an elevated rate. I am not sure what either figure means. Jewish males are also the ethnic group that loses their virginity latest.

He probably did only do it a couple of times. Especially getting your cock sucked. There are a lot of straight guys who say, “I’d let a fag suck my cock.” A gay man in San Francisco said it was well known among gay men that there were a lot of straight men there who sought out gay men in order to receive blowjobs from them. They often said that their wife would not give them oral sex or expressed frustration with their wives.

If you read around, you will find plenty of reports of straight men who experimented with homosexuality. In a lot of cases, they indeed only did it once or twice.

Others may have done it a bit more. I had a friend who was on a Navy ship. He said there was a fag on the ship, and a lot of guys used the fag to get their cocks sucked. I was at the guy’s house once and he took a shower and pointedly walked around naked in front of me, I guess as a hint. I turned my head like, “I didn’t see that!” I didn’t appreciate that too much. He mostly liked chicks though.

Two times is nothing. Anywhere from 17-25% of men have had sex with a man. The 25% figure is by age 18, so a lot of guys do this stuff in adolescence. Experimenting with homosexuality in adolescence is very common among straight males.

That guy should have shut up about his two times though. If the 25% figure is correct, then an awful lot of guys do this stuff in adolescence. But I’ve only known a few guys who admitted to it. I imagine a lot of straight men are lying about having an incidental gay history.

Experimental Lesbian Sex among Straight Women

I definitely know a lot of straight women who have experimented with lesbian sex. I can think of four women right off the bat – one who was a long-term girlfriend – who told me that they had had sex with a woman once. In three cases, it was in the context of a three-way with two females and one male and in another case, it was in the context of putting on a lesbian show for some men. So you see, even their lesbianism had strong heterosexual overtones as males were typically involved it.

A recent study found that 45% of American women had had a lesbian experience. An older Cosmopolitan study found that 20% of women had had sex with a woman.

Blind Surveys Show Much Higher Past and Current Rates of Homosexual Behavior and Hard Drug Use

The 45% really shocks me, but maybe it is true.

They used a different technique for the study using extreme privacy in which the subjects are told that no one knows what anyone’s responses are. It’s done completely blind. These surveys are typically done with an interviewer, and I believe a lot of people simply lie to the interviewer about homosexual experiences and behavior and hard drug use.

One study in the Toronto suburbs used this technique. They had people go into a room with no windows and fill out the survey on a computer. Interestingly, they got very high numbers for hard drugs – the figures for ever used or current use of heroin and PCP were much higher than they usually are. Also the figures for ever having or currently engaged in homosexual sex with very high. Subjects were young college aged men in the Toronto suburbs. Shockingly, they found that 13% of these men were currently having sex with men! I imagine that quite a few of them leaned straight, but that figure is much higher than you usually get.

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Filed under Blacks, Canada, Gender Studies, Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Jews, Man World, North America, Race/Ethnicity, Regional, Sex, USA, Women

Romantic Orientation and Sexual Orientation

Sebastian Hawks: This con-artist dude claimed he wasn’t really gay, he was “hetero-emotional” he liked to fuck guys but could only really, really be in love with a girl. Sounds gay to me. He later married a chick under my theory that he found being a con artist and showing up with a gay lover immediately put the mark on the defensive, but having a woman trailing along put them at ease making his scams easier to pull off.

If that guy really is heteroromantic, then he leans straight.

I know lesbians who told me they could only fall in love with a woman and that is why they identified as lesbian. A bisexual woman I knew even identified as straight because she said she did not do relationships with women because relationships with women were “insane, full of chaos and drama,” as she put it. So this bi woman agrees with what we men have been saying forever.

George Michael was very attracted to women as well as men, but he said he could only fall in love with a man.

In general, your romantic preference is going to line up with your strongest sexual presence.

On the other hand, this heteroromantic guy seems like a very strong bisexual if he had a gay boyfriend for a long time. He can probably easily have relationships with both males and females if he’s telling the truth about his preference.

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Can Gay Men be Attracted to Masculine Women?

Answered on Quora.

You know this is a very interesting question because maybe some of them are!

I had a 15 year old boy in my counseling practice once. After a little bit, it became clear that his problem was that he was gay, but he did not wish to be. However, one thing he told me was very interesting. He told me that there was this one girl that he liked, but she looked like a boy. So gay men are not just attracted to males but to “maleness.” That is, they are attracted to males or anything that seems pretty male, which could include a very masculine woman.

Interestingly, a lot of straight men are attracted to drag queens and pre-op transsexuals simply because even though they are men, they look very much like women. This is because straight men are not just attracted females but to to “womanness.” That is, they are attracted to women and anything that seems like a woman, which could include a very feminine man or a man in drag.

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What Do Closeted Gay Men Do to Appear Heterosexual?

Answered on Quora.

They do nothing at all. If by closeted you mean gay men who are not out, I have known quite a few, and they do nothing aside from simply not stating that they are gay.

Well, the one thing they will often do is have a girlfriend. I have no idea how this relationships works.

Other than that, they do not try to hide their homosexuality. They aggressively pursue men, especially straight men (like me). Yes, I have been pursued by quite a few closet cases, and I have a low opinion of them.

One things they don’t do is feign an interest in women. The closeted gay men I know never talked about women, not even once. They never looked at women, not even one time. In fact, that is one of the ways you can figure out that they are closeted if you watch them closely over a period of time. Look at how the man looks at and talks about women. If he never talks about women, and he acts like they are ghosts, he may well be closeted.

I had a closeted gay boss one time who acted like the beautiful women in the office were part of the furniture. He reacted to them the same way you would react to a chair or a desk.

I knew another closeted gay man at another job. We would eat in the lunchroom, and a hot woman at work would walk in the room, and every man would look up and stare at her. All except for Arthur. To Arthur, those women may as well have been ghosts. It was as if they were not even there.

There was another closeted gay man at the same work. I had no idea he was gay until a co-worker once told he thought the guy was. He said the man got phone calls at work all the time, but they were always from men. Now that I think back on it, I am quite certain that this man was gay.

They were all very easy to figure out, as closeted gay men continue to pursue men sexually, and gay men are quite easy to figure out if you have been around them. For one thing, they give off a strong sexual vibe when you are around them.

One thing I have noticed is that closeted gay men are often not effeminate. The three men described above were all wimpy but not effeminate. They were much wimpier than the average wimpy straight men. In fact, they were so wimpy that it was almost bizarre, a parody of wimpiness. They acted like mice.

There are some other giveaways. I had a boss who I strongly suspected was a closeted gay at a job I had. One day he opened a drawer, and something happened that shocked or surprised him. For some reason, he shrieked in a very high pitched girly voice due to shock. All of the women in the office were looking at each other and me with raised eyebrows. You would almost never see a straight man shriek like that, especially over something trivial. I later figured out that this man was quite closeted.

The only thing different about closeted gay men is that they are not out. They simply do not state that they are gay. I am not sure what they would say if you asked them. One closeted gay men threatened to beat me up when he found out I was telling people he was gay (he had been pestering me forever and would never take no for an answer). Honestly everyone knew he was anyway.

The case of closeted gay men seems to be the “open secret.” It’s something that everyone knows, but no one ever talks about it. I recall once at my aunt’s workplace, a number of closeted gays at work got together one and aggressively came out in front of the whole office in a pretty in your face way. I assume they were looking for a bad reaction. Instead, the whole office simply shrugged and everyone said, “Oh well, we always figured you were gay anyway.” The gays were disappointed, as apparently they were looking for an extreme reaction.

Some of the closeted gay men I have known were profoundly unhealthy psychologically. Even most gay men seemed healthier than these closeted men. Some of them were seriously screwed in the head in a bad way.

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