Category Archives: Schizotypal

The “Crazy” Personality Disorders: Schizotypal Personality Disorder

People with Schizotypal Personality Disorder can often appear quite crazy. Schizotypals really just have a mild case of schizophrenia. They can function but often not very well, and others think they are weird, odd, strange, crazy or disturbing. They never seek help, in part because they are often quite paranoid. Many are capable of working, especially if they work alone. Some are highly intelligent. They prefer to be alone.

They often do not take care of themselves personally by not showering or shaving or wearing old clothes with holes in them. They can have poor personal hygiene because they might think hygiene is not important.

Many of their relatives have schizophrenia, and they score the same as schizophrenics on tests such as eye movement and eye tracking tests where schizophrenics score abnormally. It appears that whatever causes schizophrenia, possibly a gene, is fully expressed or fully triggered in schizophrenics. Perhaps schizophrenics get a higher genetic loading for the illness.

In Schizotypals, perhaps the gene does not fully express or maybe they get a lower genetic loading for the illness. About 15% of Schizotypals eventually develop Schizophrenia. They can have brief psychotic breaks.

James Holmes, the young man who shot up the Aurora theater, was an excellent case study for Schizotypal PD. If you want to understand this illness, study this man and his life.

9 Comments

Filed under Crime, Mental Illness, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology, Psychotic Disorders, Schizophrenia, Schizotypal

What Are the Definitions of Normal and Abnormal?

My concept of normal means “what most people do.” Therefore, by that definition, unfortunately heterosexuality is normal and homosexuality, no matter which way you want to look at it, is simply abnormal behavior. Now this abnormal behavior may simply be natural in the many homosexuals who simply got wired up that way as they cannot change it.

But we can say the same thing about so many other things, including many chronic illnesses like schizophrenia. Sure it is natural for schizophrenics to have schizophrenia because that’s how they got wired up. On the other hand, schizophrenic thinking and behavior is simply abnormal because 99% of the population does not think or behave like this and 97% of the population doesn’t even think or behave that way a little bit.

We can also define abnormal and not only minority behavior but also minority behavior that, if engaged in by the majority, would be a very bad thing.

If a majority of society were homosexual, that would not be a good thing at all. In fact, it would be utterly abnormal and society may well collapse. Therefore homosexual behavior is abnormally because surely you can’t have a world where everyone acts this way.

Schizophrenia is abnormal because if a majority of people were schizophrenic or even quasi-schizophrenic (Schizotypal Personality Disorder), society would not work at all, and in fact it would probably completely collapse. You can’t have a world where everyone is schizophrenic.

The problem with defining abnormal as minority behavior is that we run into problems. Being a great football player is abnormal in a sense. Only a few folks are like this. But society would not collapse if everyone were great at football. Society might be pretty weird, but it wouldn’t fall apart.

You can think of many other examples of behaviors that are objectively good or positive but are minority behaviors because the majority don’t behave that way.

In order to get out of that conundrum, we should define abnormal as:

1. Minority behavior.

2. Behavior that is either non-adaptive or would be highly destructive if a majority displayed the behavior.

 

4 Comments

Filed under Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Mental Illness, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology, Psychotic Disorders, Schizophrenia, Schizotypal, Sex

Numbing Out As Either a Symptom-Derived or Core-Derived

Messi writes:

Schizoids are really attached to their aloofness for some reason. I don’t really get it, it just makes me feel vulnerable and trapped.

As for the neurology vs. psychology argument, I’m not sure. Some parts are unquestionably neurological – you can’t “think” your way out of flat affect. Yet at the same time, the most effective tips are usually psychological.

It seems like their 2-levels of schizoid-ness. There’s the emotional depersonalization and blunted affect, which can only be fixed through physical changes like sleep deprivation, anemia or medication, and the psychological layer beneath it with the withdrawal and vulnerability. You can’t work on the bottom layer without breaking through the top first.

It is looking like the top layer of schizoidness is the symptom cluster and it seems to be biological. In this case the numbing is core-derived in the brain. This can only be altered as Messi points out by actually changing your brain.

The commenter points out that he doubts if you can think your way out of a flat affect. I would add that I doubt if you can think your way to a true flat affect either.

What is the difference between flat, blunted and constricted affect? A therapist told me I have constricted affect but not a blunted or flat affect.

I used to be very emotional but I just deliberately and gradually numbed myself out in order to cope with a lot of ugly life stresses. At the time, I could not think of any other way to cope. Every time something awful would happen to me or around me, I would feel myself numbing out just a bit more. It seemed to be a perfectly logical thing to do. I wasn’t even thinking about it or whether or not it was a good idea, I was just doing it without questioning it as there didn’t seem to be any alternative.

I do not really mind that much but it is true that a lot of people really do not like it one bit. They think I am Spock or a robot. It’s not true as I do have emotions, but it more than they are muted in terms of showing them to the outside world. I have been trying to get my emotions back for many years now since I pretty much deliberately killed them off, but I do not seem to be able to do so. Why that is I have no idea.

I know a lot of wildly emotional people, mostly females.

Quite a few girlfriends have been like this. I remember once I was lying in bed with a girlfriend one morning and she was looking at me and suddenly she looked stunned and she said, “You don’t have any feelings. How come you don’t have any feelings?” She was a notorious emotional rollercoaster, probably a Borderline, though she was wildly, head over heels, out of her mind in love with me. I said, “I don’t want to end up like you. Look at you. That’s what happens to emotional people. Your emotions are all over the place, here, there and everywhere. I don’t want to be like that.” She seemed to think that was a pretty good answer.

Also I look around at Man World and it seems like in US Man World, a lot of men have pretty much cut off or shut down their feelings. That seems to be simply a normal way of being a mature, adult, masculine man. We use words like “businesslike, controlled and stable” to refer to these people. So I feel that by numbing out, I am just being a normal, masculine man in my society. What’s wrong with that? Men are not supposed to be all emo.

I remember when I was pretty emotional, it seemed like every time I got emo people, mostly men, would start giving me a hard time about it. They acted like I was screwing up or blowing it by showing those emotions. I guess the message really is, “You’re acting like a girl.”

The whole message I got is that in Man World they want you pretty much shut down. One thing was for sure, that’s that you can’t get sad. In and in the world of offices, you can’t get mad either. The life of many middle class men in our society seems to be, “You can’t get mad and you can’t get sad.” Of course a lot of them do anyway, so what you find is a lot of men masking rage and especially depression with drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, workaholism, and probably numbing out.

I hear that all sorts of folks numb themselves out and you should not confuse this symptom-derived numbing with core-derived personality structure numbing, which may be biological, as in the case of schizophrenia, schizoid PD and schizotypal PD.

In the former type a formerly emotionally full person simply numbs out as a defense mechanism to cope with life. Probably emotionality is recoverable somehow and anyway, in most cases, they are probably not as numbed out as you might think. A lot of them probably have emotions that they are just hiding pretty well.

In the latter case the numbing out is a core essential part of the personality structure, possibly biologically mediated. If it is biologically derived, there was never a full emotional life to numb out in the first place. They were numbed out biologically from Day One.

9 Comments

Filed under American, Biology, Culture, Gender Studies, Man World, Mental Illness, Neuroscience, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology, Psychotic Disorders, Schizophrenia, Schizotypal, Symptoms

A Case of Schizotypal Personality Disorder

From here, an apparent case of Schizotypal Personality Disorder. I do not understand this disorder very well. It seems like they might have something wrong with their brains. It is much more common in close relatives of those with schizophrenia. It almost looks like a very mild form of schizophrenic illness. I’ve never had a client with this problem, I’ve never seen a case of it in my life, and I would have a hard time diagnosing it.

If there is something wrong with their brains, then why call it a personality disorder? Is there any evidence that this is actually a defensive structure or personality style as opposed to more of an Axis 1 type symptom-based rather than Axis 2 core-based illness?

Although I have never seen a case of it, this case history looks remarkably like what I think it looks like. Note that this man has received two diagnoses from afar, Paranoid Schizophrenia and Schizotypal Personality Disorder. Paranoid Schizophrenia is not correct. An unmedicated full blown Paranoid Schizophrenic would not have been regularly employed for long after the onset of illness. He would not have married three times and fathered a son after the onset of illness. His behavior and attire would not remarkably improve after a woman married him and could more or less take care of him. An untreated schizophrenic would not have it together no matter how much mothering his wife gave him.

This man has never been hospitalized or diagnosed, and I doubt if he has ever set foot in a clinician’s office. Part of the problem with getting types to come in is that they are so nuts and paranoid that they literally are too crazy and suspicious to come in to see a clinician. Obviously the clinician is one of the enemies who is plotting against him.

This man obviously doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him, so that’s another reason why he will never show up. I think it is quite clear that this man is not normal in any way, shape or form, and he is so ill that his behavior goes way beyond eccentricity and free-sprited Bohemian creative type all the way off into serious pathology and craziness. It looks like this illness also limits his life in some pretty important ways too. But apparently he doesn’t think he has a problem. If there’s any problem, apparently it’s with other people. Which is pretty Axis 2-like right there.

My dad is very messed up. Extremely. He was abusive and traumatized my whole family.

His appearance is pretty eccentric. His hair and beard are wild and stained from cigarettes. He wears really dirty clothes covered in industrial glue or varnish from his job…in public. This all goes away if his wife (who he’s had three of) takes care of him.

He has really intense, sometimes bizarre beliefs about politics. I remember him once calling me up to talk about how his wife was “stealing his liberty.” As in the liberty due him from the founding fathers of the US.

He’s paranoid to an extreme. He used to throw the telephone away because he thought people were listening. He thinks that people stalk him. He thinks co-workers are secretly taking nude photos of him and putting them on the internet. I can tell you he has NEVER used a computer let alone the internet…all because he’s paranoid.

He used to call me up after watching a news report about terrorism to warn me about the NYC subway I take to work everyday. I tried to reassure him by telling him my particular train is not a target because it isn’t well used. He told me that’s what, “they wanted me to think.”

He strongly dislikes most institutions: banks, universities, and governments.

He has no friends at all. Never has.

He spends his time in basements or attics.

He’s very smart, but has no interest in making money to support himself.

My mom and his former wife, an LCSW, think he’s schizophrenic. My therapist says he sounds like a schizotypal.

BUT…if you asked if he was paranoid, he’d say no. If you asked if he was eccentric, he’d say he just thinks differently from most people (with a kind of superior attitude). If you asked why he doesn’t have friends, he’d say he prefers being alone.

Regardless, anyone else can easily see that he’s really, seriously, an odd person.

Any of this make sense to people dx with schizotypal?

10 Comments

Filed under Mental Illness, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology, Psychotherapy, Psychotic Disorders, Schizophrenia, Schizotypal

A Bit on Schizoid Personality Disorder

Amy writes:

I tend to think of both types as being on an axis or spectrum so that there would be many milder Schizoid types who were less introverted than the average Avoidant type, regardless of whether being Schizoid is essentially more pathological.

Why do you think Schizoid personality types are lumped together with Schizotypals and Schizophrenics? I’ve never understood why being distant, even pathologically distant, should be connected to disordered thinking & psychosis. Does being disconnected from people necessarily mean being disconnected from reality?

Schizoid PD is found at high levels in the relatives of those with schizophrenia and schizotypal personality disorder. This suggests a genetic or biological link with schizophrenia. Schizophrenics can also have a very weird flat affect especially after the fulminant phase of the illness dies down after ~5 years and schizophrenia heads into the “burnout” territory with less positive symptoms and more negative symptoms.

Also under severe stress, schizoids have a high rate of breaking down and going briefly psychotic, which indicates either that there is something wrong with them in the first place or else it is a lousy defensive system prone to breaking down under stress. Also Schizoid PD is overrepresented among serial killers, which implies that it’s not exactly a normal condition.

I checked out a Schizoid PD board on the Net for a while and it was very interesting. Most of them seemed to be put together pretty well except that could not deal with being around other humans much at all. Some said they could go to family gatherings etc, but after ~2 hours, they really needed to get the Hell out of there. Many had moved around a lot and some wanted to move, especially to foreign countries. They seemed to have the ability to move anywhere all alone, even to some foreign land, and be perfectly fine wherever they end up.

I think if I up and moved to some distant foreign land where I did not know a soul that it would be very stressful for me. I would probably feel very weird and horribly lonely for a long time and psychologically, I might decompensate.

If you think this website is valuable to you, please consider a contribution to support the continuation of the site. This is my only job.

1 Comment

Filed under Crime, Mental Illness, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology, Psychotic Disorders, Schizophrenia, Schizotypal, Serial Killers

Avoidant Personality Disorder Versus Schizoid Personality Disorder

Amy writes:

Bah, I don’t agree with that “introverted spectrum” either. Avoidant and Schizoid people avoid others for very different reasons, do they not?

Avoidant is less introverted and less pathological than Schizoid because the Avoidant desperately wants to be around people but is terrified of rejection so he secretes himself away.

Schizoid is worse, more introverted and more pathological than Avoidant because the Schizoid simply has zero interest in being around other human beings period for any reason. They are 100% content and happy to be as alone as possible as much of the time as possible. Face it, that ain’t exactly normal.

Further, Schizoids don’t really care what anyone thinks of them, and they are like psychopaths in that respect. You praise them? So what. They give you a baffled look. You insult them and attack them? They shrug their shoulders and act like they didn’t hear you.

Avoidants are painfully aware of what others think of them and are ridiculously worried about rejection. Their self-opinion is abysmally low.

If you insult an Avoidant or even so much as criticize them, they walk out of the room.

I had a therapist once and he said I didn’t have anything on Axis 2, but since I have Medical Student Syndrome, I kept going down the list anyway.

Was he sure I wasn’t an Schizoid? I was not a Schizoid because I wanted to be around people. How about an Avoidant, was I an Avoidant? He smiled and said no. “I’ve criticized you, and you handled it, you stayed in the room. You can take criticism. You criticize an Avoidant, and they get this really hurt look on their face and immediately get up and walk out of the room and you never see them again.” He told me he had had ~7 Avoidants in his career. In each case, he criticized them in the course of therapy, and as soon as he critiqued them, they got up and walked right out of therapy and never came back.

Although it is ridiculous to be so sensitive, let’s face it, normal, healthy people do not like to be insulted, attacked, criticized, rejected or humiliated. They react to it in various ways, typically showing their displeasure. It’s healthy to feel hurt or slighted by criticism just as it’s healthy to feel uplifted by praise. Those reactions indicate your humanity. If you don’t react to either, you aren’t quite human – you are more of a replicant.

Therefore, Schizoids are further along the spectrum, more introverted and more pathological than Avoidants.

If you think this website is valuable to you, please consider a contribution to support the continuation of the site. This is my only job.

6 Comments

Filed under Mental Illness, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology, Schizotypal

OCD and Social Anxiety Disorder: Differential Diagnosis

A new commenter confuses OCD with social anxiety disorder. Though I don’t know SA very well, they are clearly different illnesses. The problem is that there is overlap in all of the anxiety disorders, and in some cases, SA and OCD are both present.

You’re right about OCD including unwanted thoughts, but the shyness, nervousness, and anxiety sound more like social anxiety disorder or avoidant personality disorder.

No, nervousness and anxiety are prominent in all anxiety disorders. As far as shyness, this is just the kind of person that gets OCD. Social anxiety is a tough one, but OCDers don’t usually have this too bad. Most of the ones I deal with are more or less social on a regular basis. They’re hanging around people, but they are nervous.

It depends why they are avoiding people.

According to the DSM, if you are avoiding people due to one of the other Axis I disorders, then rule out SA. Keep in mind that people with schizophrenia and folks with some personality disorders like schizoid, schizotypal and paranoid personality disorders may also avoid people.

SA people avoid people due to massive anxiety relating to being around others. The anxiety is related to embarassment over doing something stupid or humiliating.

OCDers might avoid people due to the obsessions and the way that people react to them – heavy duty rejection. SA people are afraid they are going to be rejected in social situations, and social anxiety is pretty prominent.

Social anxiety is not necessarily so prominent in OCDers, but some have obsessions that tend to come out when they are around others. I dealt with this woman once who was afraid that when she talked to other women, she secretly made lesbian remarks to them. So she was nervous when speaking to women.

OCDers tend to be pretty nervous all the time. It’s not something that peaks when they get around others.

Harm OCD is a bad one, because they are afraid that they will hurt someone. It leads to a lot of avoidance.

If OCDers are treated well and treated as if they are normal people and not rejected or treated like shit, they will often hang around people a lot. And if you get rid of the obsessions, some will actually become social butterflies, since the obsessions might be the only reason for the introversion.

It’s true that extroverted obsessionals are quite rare, but that’s due to the nature of the illness. It only hits people with a certain personality, and that person is an introvert.

9 Comments

Filed under Anxiety Disorders, Mental Illness, OCD, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology, Psychotic Disorders, Schizophrenia, Schizotypal

Sexmaniacman On Borderline and Schizotypal PD

Repost from the old site.

A commenter notes:

Schizotypal was always the odd-man-out personality disorder — both literally and figuratively.

Sexmaniacman thinks he had a gf once who was both a Borderline and a Schizotypal:

Hi Bob, this chick was so nuts, man, oh man oh man. She had a dx of “Borderline Schizophrenia” and was a serious acidhead.

She proudly said, “I’ve always been crazy.” Her Mom was schizophrenic and had tried to stab her in the back and kill her when she was 4 years old. Her life was desolate, and she would move back and forth between all these different personalities that you could not keep track of.

She lived in Hollywood, was a fag hag and was always getting picked up by guys and abused. She let groups of guys gangbang her and all sorts of crazy shit. She was always telling stories about guys or groups of guys picking her up, tying her up, torturing her, having sex with her, and threatening to murder her.

The stories seemed almost too weird to be true, but she was an extreme submissive who obviously was giving off “hurt me” vibes that a lot of sicko dudes might have picked up on and acted on.

She was also a bit bi and had sex with women sometimes. But she liked young girls, like 14 years old! Whoa! She also liked young boys, like 13 years old, and she loved to entertain me with stories about breaking in 8th graders. She was an old pro at this. I thought it was just plain weird.

We were going to go a lesbian bar in Hollywood and try to pick up a girl to take home with us (that was real easy to do in LA, which is full of all kinds of gays, bis and swingers), but she was so weird, I figured we would never be able to pick up any decent women.

Her idea of a good time was going to a gay bar and hanging out there all nite. I said pass.

She literally ate acid by the handful, five or eight hits at a time.

I took her to a Cure concert and for some weird reason, all these Goth chicks were grabbing me and trying to molest me the whole time at the concert, even when I was with her. While we were walking around, while we were sitting at the concert, the women just wouldn’t leave me alone. The whole thing seems like a hallucination now. It was 1983. She was flying on a handful of acid.

I took her to see Pink Flamingos, we watched Divine eat dog shit off sidewalk, and she thought that was hilarious. We went to see The Story of O, which I thought was weird, but she insisted was the story of her life.

She kept wanting me to inflict pain on her in all these different ways (A LOT of women are into pain! Is that weird or what?) but I wasn’t really into being a sadist too much. I did inflict some pain on her, but I didn’t really enjoy it. She sure did! Damn right! But it was the weirdest joy, a joy in a bottomless sadness. I couldn’t relate.

We went at forever, and she was a real screamer. One night she turned me in the middle and said, “You know what, Sexman?”

“What?”

“You’re a good fuck.” She repeated that a few times.

I’d just been turned into a complete sex object by a woman, and I didn’t even care.

I’d leave her place at the end of the weekend. Her Hollywood apartment complex was full of all these Guatemalan and Mexican illegal aliens. It was 1984 and the invasion was well under way. I guess the guys had been listening to her sexual opera performance all weekend because as I walked out, the Hispanic guys would all stand up and start clapping for me and raising their beers.

Cheers to the Master Fucker! She would drink, take acid, smoke pot, do speed, and then grab a bottle of antidepressants and start taking pills and downing them with a glass of booze.

“Whoa!” I said. “What do you think you’re doing!”

“You don’t know the pain I’m in Sexguy,” she whimpered and started crying. “You have no idea what it’s like. I need this, Sexdude.”

I shrugged and hoped she didn’t die on my watch. Who wants to deal with a dead chick and cops?

She was schizotypal in that she used language in really weird ways, and even though she insisted she had all these friends, she seemed really isolated. Plus she was just flat-out fucking weird in a way that Borderlines simply are not. Like she was on another planet, an alien. Invariably, she accused me of being a fag too for some reason like all of her faggot friends, and that pissed me off.

I will say she had more insight into my personality at the time than most other women have ever had.

She used to regale me with stories about her gay friends. Her gay friends were all these seriously weird masochist dudes into the leather scene.

Her eyes got really wide.

“My friend Jim, he’s not satisfied until the welts are this big.”

That’s one of her sicko masochist gay friends. Every time she talked about them, I told her to shut up as she was grossing me out.

She stretched her fingers to make about a one inch measurement. In her eyes, she was trying to shock me and I know it turns her on. She wanted one-inch welts too. Obviously. Like Hell you’re getting ’em from me, you sick bitch, I thought.

She called me one time but I wasn’t home. A woman I knew was over at my place in my absence and answered the phone. “Tell Sexman it’s just me,” she sighed wearily into the phone. “It’s just me. Just V.” Her self-esteem was 80,000 leagues under the sea under an anchor. The woman hung up the phone.

Later the woman said: “That’s the woman you’re dating, Sexguy?”

“Yeah,” I sigh.

“Wow, she seems like she thinks she’s the biggest zero on the face of the Earth. How sad.” The woman shook her head, and an incredible sadness came over her face too, a hundred years’ worth.

“I know.”

I broke up with her.

“Can…you…at least…give me a reason, Sexcat?” V. whimpered into the phone.

“You’re just too nuts for me. I mean, I’m nuts, but I’m neurotic. You’re way more crazy than I am, and I just can’t deal with you. It’s like dealing with someone from another planet. I can’t handle you. Good luck in the rest of your life.”

She called me a few days later, crying.

“After you broke up with me, Sexbro, I put my fist through a wall, I was so mad. Now I have a hole in my wall.”

“Over me? You did this over me? Why? Don’t bother, V. Don’t smash walls over me. I’m not worth it. Smash walls over someone else…Look, I can’t handle this, this is way too nuts.”

I got a new girlfriend, K., pretty soon, and V. had given me VD like most sluts do, something called Trichomonas with no symptoms in the male. I immediately gave it to the new girl, and it causes four days of misery in the female. The new woman was pissed.

I said the only thing you can say when you give your girlfriend VD.

“Hey, don’t ever say I never gave you anything.”

I thought that was pretty funny.

She sure didn’t. Icy eyes shone at my across the room.

“That’s not funny, Sexman.”

“Yeah it is.”

“No it isn’t.”

I saw V. again two years later. She came down to visit me, an hour’s drive. I saw her on my porch like a lost poppy, the most forlorn thing you ever saw. We went inside and had some wild sex for a couple of hours. She got pissed at the way it ended and left in a huff.

I never saw her again.

I assume she’s dead, probably long ago. The way she was, she couldn’t have lasted long.

2 Comments

Filed under Borderline, Psychopathology, Reposts From The Old Site, Schizotypal, Sexmaniacman

Sexmaniacman On Borderline and Schizotypal PD

Repost from the old site. The following posts will figure a fellow named Sexmaniacman, who is a friend of mine. He either wrote these posts himself and sent them to me via emails or else I am transcribing them based on conversations he had with me.

A commenter notes on the Personality Disorders

Schizotypal was always the odd-man-out personality disorder — both literally and figuratively.

Sexmaniacman thinks he had a gf once who was both a Borderline and a Schizotypal:

Hi Bob, this chick was so nuts, man, oh man oh man. She had a dx of “Borderline Schizophrenia” and was a serious acidhead.

She proudly said, “I’ve always been crazy.” Her Mom was schizophrenic and had tried to stab her in the back and kill her when she was 4 years old. Her life was desolate, and she would move back and forth between all these different personalities that you could not keep track of.

She lived in Hollywood, was a fag hag and was always getting picked up by guys and abused. She let groups of guys gangbang her and all sorts of crazy shit. She was always telling stories about guys or groups of guys picking her up, tying her up, torturing her, having sex with her, and threatening to murder her.

The stories seemed almost too weird to be true, but she was an extreme submissive who obviously was giving off “hurt me” vibes that a lot of sicko dudes might have picked up on and acted on.

She was also a bit bi and had sex with women sometimes. But she liked young girls, like 14 years old! Whoa! She also liked young boys, like 13 years old, and she loved to entertain me with stories about breaking in 8th graders. She was an old pro at this. I thought it was just plain weird.

We were going to go a lesbian bar in Hollywood and try to pick up a girl to take home with us (that was real easy to do in LA, which is full of all kinds of gays, bis and swingers), but she was so weird, I figured we would never be able to pick up any decent women.

Her idea of a good time was going to a gay bar and hanging out there all nite. I said pass.

She literally ate acid by the handful, five or eight hits at a time.

I took her to a Cure concert and for some weird reason, all these Goth chicks were grabbing me and trying to molest me the whole time at the concert, even when I was with her. While we were walking around, while we were sitting at the concert, the women just wouldn’t leave me alone. The whole thing seems like a hallucination now. It was 1983. She was flying on a handful of acid.

I took her to see Pink Flamingos, we watched Divine eat dog shit off sidewalk, and she thought that was hilarious. We went to see The Story of O, which I thought was weird, but she insisted was the story of her life.

She kept wanting me to inflict pain on her in all these different ways (A LOT of women are into pain! Is that weird or what?) but I wasn’t really into being a sadist too much. I did inflict some pain on her, but I didn’t really enjoy it. She sure did! Damn right! But it was the weirdest joy, a joy in a bottomless sadness. I couldn’t relate.

We went at forever, and she was a real screamer. One night she turned me in the middle and said, “You know what, Sexman?”

“What?”

“You’re a good fuck.” She repeated that a few times.

I’d just been turned into a complete sex object by a woman, and I didn’t even care.

I’d leave her place at the end of the weekend. Her Hollywood apartment complex was full of all these Guatemalan and Mexican illegal aliens. It was 1984 and the invasion was well under way. I guess the guys had been listening to her sexual opera performance all weekend because as I walked out, the Hispanic guys would all stand up and start clapping for me and raising their beers.

Cheers to the Master Fucker! She would drink, take acid, smoke pot, do speed, and then grab a bottle of antidepressants and start taking pills and downing them with a glass of booze.

“Whoa!” I said. “What do you think you’re doing!”

“You don’t know the pain I’m in Sexguy,” she whimpered and started crying. “You have no idea what it’s like. I need this, Sexdude.”

I shrugged and hoped she didn’t die on my watch. Who wants to deal with a dead chick and cops?

She was schizotypal in that she used language in really weird ways, and even though she insisted she had all these friends, she seemed really isolated. Plus she was just flat-out fucking weird in a way that Borderlines simply are not. Like she was on another planet, an alien. Invariably, she accused me of being a fag too for some reason like all of her faggot friends, and that pissed me off.

I will say she had more insight into my personality at the time than most other women have ever had.

She used to regale me with stories about her gay friends. Her gay friends were all these seriously weird masochist dudes into the leather scene.

Her eyes got really wide.

“My friend Jim, he’s not satisfied until the welts are this big.”

That’s one of her sicko masochist gay friends. Every time she talked about them, I told her to shut up as she was grossing me out.

She stretched her fingers to make about a one inch measurement. In her eyes, she was trying to shock me and I know it turns her on. She wanted one-inch welts too. Obviously. Like Hell you’re getting ’em from me, you sick bitch, I thought.

She called me one time but I wasn’t home. A woman I knew was over at my place in my absence and answered the phone. “Tell Sexman it’s just me,” she sighed wearily into the phone. “It’s just me. Just V.” Her self-esteem was 80,000 leagues under the sea under an anchor. The woman hung up the phone.

Later the woman said: “That’s the woman you’re dating, Sexguy?”

“Yeah,” I sigh.

“Wow, she seems like she thinks she’s the biggest zero on the face of the Earth. How sad.” The woman shook her head, and an incredible sadness came over her face too, a hundred years’ worth.

“I know.”

I broke up with her.

“Can…you…at least…give me a reason, Sexcat?” V. whimpered into the phone.

“You’re just too nuts for me. I mean, I’m nuts, but I’m neurotic. You’re way more crazy than I am, and I just can’t deal with you. It’s like dealing with someone from another planet. I can’t handle you. Good luck in the rest of your life.”

She called me a few days later, crying.

“After you broke up with me, Sexbro, I put my fist through a wall, I was so mad. Now I have a hole in my wall.”

“Over me? You did this over me? Why? Don’t bother, V. Don’t smash walls over me. I’m not worth it. Smash walls over someone else…Look, I can’t handle this, this is way too nuts.”

I got a new girlfriend, K., pretty soon, and V. had given me VD like most sluts do, something called Trichomonas with no symptoms in the male. I immediately gave it to the new girl, and it causes four days of misery in the female. The new woman was pissed.

I said the only thing you can say when you give your girlfriend VD.

“Hey, don’t ever say I never gave you anything.”

I thought that was pretty funny.

She sure didn’t. Icy eyes shone at my across the room.

“That’s not funny, Sexman.”

“Yeah it is.”

“No it isn’t.”

I saw V. again two years later. She came down to visit me, an hour’s drive. I saw her on my porch like a lost poppy, the most forlorn thing you ever saw. We went inside and had some wild sex for a couple of hours. She got pissed at the way it ended and left in a huff.

I never saw her again.

I assume she’s dead, probably long ago. The way she was, she couldn’t have lasted long.

2 Comments

Filed under Borderline, Cannabis, Dope, Hallucinogens, Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, LSD, Masochism, Mental Patients, Not Robert Lindsay, Personality Disorders, Schizotypal, Sex, Sexmaniacman, Speed, Stimulants, Women

Cannabis and Brain Damage: Psychological Damage

Repost from the old site.

The original post in its native form was far too long, so I have decided to break it up into seven different posts, in addition to this post. The separate sections are listed below.

The original post, what is left of it, is here.

For an examination of the evidence of whether or not cannabis causes actual structural damage to brain cells, axons or dendrites, see here.

For an analysis of neuropsychological batteries of cannabis users to determine whether or not they suffer brain damage, see here.

For an analysis of EEG testing of cannabis users to discover evidence of brain damage, see here.

For an analysis of studies looking at cerebral blood flow in cannabis users, see here.

For a summary comparing the effects of cannabis on the brain compared to other drugs, see here.

For a summary of the findings of cannabis and brain damage, see here.

A common accusation of those who oppose the use of cannabis is that it causes schizophrenia. We deal with that notion in this post. Along the same lines, cannabis is said to cause schizotypal symptoms in users. Schizotypal symptoms are best seen as a subset of schizophrenic symptoms, or like subsyndromal schizophrenia.

I would argue against this notion just on impressionistic grounds: I have known hundreds or thousands of cannabis users over the years, and only a few of them were schizotypal in any way. Of the cannabis users I know now, none of them seem to be schizotypal in any way. I had a former girlfriend who I was convinced was schizotypal.

Other than that, I’m not sure if I’ve met any. But anyway, enough of my impressionistic stuff, on to the studies.

Cannabis users have shown elevated scores on schizotypy scales in six different studies. These scales have some serious problems, in my opinion (here is an example of one). Also, after people stop using cannabis, schizotypy scales revert to normal, so there are no permanent effects.

I am not sure what all of this adds up to.

Most cannabis users that I know and have known, over a period of 35 years, even very heavy users, are not strange, odd, weird, or schizotypal-type persons, and they do not become more this way with increased years of use. Most people I knew like that either didn’t use cannabis, or they were already pretty strange before they started using it. In many cases, they were less strange after using cannabis than before.

Heavy cannabis users sometimes seem to me to have to slow speech, to be mentally slow, dulled, forgetful (I know one pothead who asks me the same question multiple times after I have answered it), lazy, unmotivated and apathetic, but I haven’t noticed any tendency for them to be schizotypal.

I have known a few people who acted pretty weird when they smoked pot (one was a 15-yr-old boy). In general, most people like that just quit using cannabis.

Along these same lines, studies continue with rats. Giving rats cannabis in utero, in adolescence and in early adulthood led to long-lasting memory problems, increased social anxiety and steady-state anxiety and decreased social interaction. Once again, this is interesting, but over a lifetime, I have not noticed a tendency for regular cannabis users to become increasingly socially avoidant or nervous.

It is a common sequence that after years of good effects, people start reporting that pot makes them anxious. They usually phrase this as, “It makes me paranoid.” In general, these people tend to stop using the drug.

11 Comments

Filed under Cannabis, Dope, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Reposts From The Old Site, Schizotypal