Category Archives: Anxiety Disorders

False Memories in OCD

False memories are quite common when OCD gets bad. I have dealt with a number of people who were going round and round about false memories. They are not an extremely common symptom, but you do see them sometimes when the illness is bad. It’s generally a sign of a bad illness.

Ms. Z was periodically convinced that she killed people. She would have a conversation with someone for 5-10 minutes, then walk away ,and then suddenly think that she had killed them somehow during the conversation. Perhaps she had suddenly swung her fist out and beat them to death? Perhaps she had pulled out a knife and hacked them to death? Perhaps she had shot them with a gun? She would have all sorts of false memories of how she killed these people.

In the course of these false memories, she would become 100% certain that she had killed that person she was talking to in that store that day. In the next few days, she would ask around to people she knew if anyone got murdered or if she killed someone in the store that day. Of course she would always be told no. I’m sure her friends must have tired of answering these weird questions. As soon as she was told that no murder had occurred, immediately the firmly held belief that she had killed that person would vanish, and she would never think about it again. Until a little while later when she would be talking to someone again and then walk away and once again become convinced that she had killed that person…

Another woman, Ms. S., was a young college student. She was at a large California university that had a lot of long, winding trails with undergrowth. There were deep gullies on the sides of the paths that were overgrown with foliage. Ms. S. would be walking down the paths and as she walked, she passed all sorts of people coming her way. At some point, she would suddenly get an idea that she had grabbed one of the people coming her way and thrown them down into one of the gullies.

She had a pretty clear memory of who the person was she threw down there and exactly how she had done it. She would be overwhelmed with guilt, and she would take off down into the gully searching for the “body” of the person she had thrown down into the gulch. She did this on a pretty regular basis, and eventually the university wondered what she was doing floundering around in the gullies, and they sent the university police down there to see what she was up to. After a while, it become clear that she needed to go to the university counseling center.

In both cases, the women received a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder in addition to OCD. This was an incorrect diagnosis, and it was based on the fact that for a short while after Ms. S  was clamboring around in the gullies or after Ms. Z became convinced that she had somehow killed someone she was talking to, that both women were absolutely convinced that they had either thrown someone down into the gully or had killed the person they were talking to in the store.

The diagnosis was incorrect because as soon as the women were told that there was no one in the gully or that they had not killed the person in the store, the “delusion” completely vanished and they didn’t think of it again until next time. Delusions just don’t go away like that. It’s not a very strongly held conviction if can vanish with a mere word of reassurance.

We look at the whole process in a holistic sense. What is the nature of the process? Is this a characterological process (personality disorder), a mood process (mood disorder like Bipolar Disorder or Depression), an anxiety process (OCD, PTSD, GAD, Panic Disorder) or a psychotic process (schizophrenia, manic psychosis, psychotic depression, schizoaffective disorder)? It is important to look at things in an intuitive sense and get the “smell” or “feel” of what the basic process is that you are dealing with.

In the case above, this is an anxiety process, specifically an OCD process. It’s not a psychotic process, despite the fact that it superficially resembles a psychosis.

Some of these folks with false memories actually go to the police station and turn themselves in for crimes that they did not commit.

“Hi, I am here to report a murder.”

“Ok, what happened?”

“Well I think I killed someone last night.”

“You think you killed someone?”

“Yes.”

“Well, where did this happen?”

“I am not sure. I think maybe the bridge over the river.”

“What time did this happen?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe midnight?”

“Who was the victim?”

“I’m not sure. I think it was a man, maybe.”

“What weapon was used?”

“I am not completely sure. I think it was a knife maybe.”

After a while the police started to get the message. He was not there to report a murder at all. He was there to find out whether or not he was a murderer!

As the conversation degenerated, the man started repeating, “How do you know if you killed someone or not?”

The police did not know what to say to that. After he left, the police were talking among themselves. “That’s so weird,” one of them said. “What does he mean, ‘How do I know if I killed someone or not?’ How could you not know something like that? That’s so weird.” The cops were shaking their heads.

 

As you can see, false memories are quite common in OCD when it gets very bad.

I dealt with them myself at one point in 1985 or 1986. I have to admit it was a pretty nutty way of thinking. I was so ashamed of my false memories (which I temporarily convinced myself were true) that I never told anyone except for a couple of therapists. I have not dealt with any false memory nonsense in over 30 years, and I hope I never have to deal with that again. It’s truly a crazy way to think.

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Filed under Anxiety Disorders, Law enforcement, Mental Illness, Mood Disorders, OCD, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology, Psychotic Disorders

I Am Now a Published Author

Here.

You can download my first published work above. I was published for the first time this spring in a book called:

Before the Last Voices Are Gone: Endangered Turkic Languages, Volume 1: Theoretical and General Approaches

This is the first volume of a four volume set called:

The Handbook of Endangered Turkic Languages

The first volume alone runs to 512 pages. Articles are in English, Russian and Turkish, variably. It was published out of the International Turkish-Kazakh University in Istanbul, Turkey and the International Turkic Academy in Astana, Kazakhstan. These are two campuses that are part of one joint Turkey-Kazakhstan shared university.

I contributed one chapter that runs from pages 311-384 titled:

Mutual Intelligibility among the Turkic Languages

It’s 83 pages long and has ~100 references. It may have taken me 500 hours to write that chapter. Tell that to my enemies who claim I do not work, ok? When all is said and done, I figure I may make 75 cents an hour on this work. But this is how academic publishing works. There’s just no money in it. It’s all a labor of love. In addition, most work is done by professors who have to publish as part of their professorship (publish or perish), so in effect, their professor salary is covering their publishing.

That document had to go through two rather grueling peer reviews. I had to make many changes in it to get it to publication. The second peer review had to get past the top Turkologists in the world today, and I am amazed that I made it through review to be honest.

Most people publishing in academic books or journals are academics, professors working at universities. There are only a few of us independent scholars out there (I am an independent scholar because I am not at a university). Also most folks have PhD’s, and I only have a Masters, but there are some folks with Masters publishing academically.

In general, this is a rather selective game where everyone is hyperspecializing as is the trend nowadays. Although my mentor at the project calls me a Renaissance Man, I wonder if the autodidact/polymath is an endangered species if not extinct. Everyone has to specialize nowadays.

For instance, common knowledge in this particular field would be that the only folks who could publish in Turkology would be linguists with a PhD in Linguistics, preferably with a emphasis in Turkology. Beyond that, they may prefer say 5-10 years publishing in the field of Turkology in addition to a professorship in Turkic linguistics. You can see where this is headed. I am not knocking it. I am just pointing out that microspecialization is the game now.

What follows is that since I lack the PhD or professorship or any background at all in Turkology, I should not be allowed to be published in this field, or if by some error I am somehow mispublished, all of my work should be promptly ignored as done by a nonspecialist who could not possibly know what he is talking about. Needless to say, I don’t agree with that, and I carry on tilting at windmills like a good deluded Renaissance Man who never got the memo and wouldn’t read it if he did.

The odd thing is that I knew nothing about Turkology until I plunged into this mess. I had written a short piece of mutual intelligibility in Turkic, as MI is one of my pet subjects and put it up on Academia on my scholarly papers site, and a professor in Turkey happened to read it. He wrote to me telling me he agreed with me, he wanted me to expand it into a document, and they would publish it for me. So off I went, down the Turkic rabbit hole. If you study the very high IQ types (140+), they tend to go on “crazes” like this. They also lose interest after a bit, drop the craze and move on to some new craze. Dilettantism for the win.

I also have an anxiety disorder called OCD which is well controlled. A good side of it though is that you tend to do dive down rabbit holes a lot, and the OCD makes you burrow maniacally into the rabbit hole with the notion that one is going to become the world’s leading expert on whatever rabbit hole you are digging in now. So for one or two years, I went absolutely berserk into Turkic, whereas before I scarcely knew a thing about it. The end result can be read above.

The sad result is that either due to the savant stuff or the mental quirk, I also tend to lose interest in my rabbit holes after a bit. I follow them about halfway to China, make several revolutions around the molten core, and after a year or so, come up for air gasping with incipient Black Lung, and next thing you know, I am bored, and it’s onto a new craze. It’s a bit silly, but we all have our crosses to lug, and as eccentricities go, there are many worse things that dabbling, er hobbyism, er dilettantism, er polymathy, er autodidactism, er Renaissance Manism.

Most of you will probably not find this very interesting, as it is pretty specialized stuff that is mostly of interest to people in the specialty, linguists and those interested in the subject. It’s not exactly for the general reader. But if you have any interest in these languages, you might enjoy it.

I expanded Turkic from 41 to 53 languages, eliminated some languages, turned some into dialects, turned some dialects into full languages, combined languages into a single tongue, created some new languages out of scratch and did quite a bit of work on the history of the languages.

I also reworked the classification a bit because I thought it could be done better. Even though this work does not pay much, the pay is in fame if it is at all. My work will either be accepted by the field or rejected outright or somewhere in between. I have already earned the praises of some of the world’s top Turkologists, much to my surprise. If I get fame, well, I get quoted in papers, maybe invited to conferences, and maybe even referenced in Wikipedia. There are groupies in all status fields, and what the heck, there may even be linguist groupies. If not, there are always starry eyed coeds dreaming of professor types to mentor them. I am already working that angle as it is. Writer Game, Scholar Game, there’s Game for everything.

Or my work does not go over and maybe the field decides I do not know what I am talking about.

Crap shoot, like most of life’s endeavors. Roll em, and wish upon a star…snake eyes!

PS. The title of the series, Before the Last Voices Are Gone, was created by me. I think it has a nice little song.

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Filed under Altaic, Anxiety Disorders, Comparitive, Europe, Intelligence, Language Classification, Language Families, Linguistics, Mental Illness, OCD, Psychology, Psychopathology, Regional, Scholarship, Turkey, Turkic, Vanity

Severe OCD: When the OCD Takes Over

Disgusting or Terrified?: Can intrusive thoughts turn you into whatever it is you are afraid of?

Does breaking your rules mean you don’t have OCD?

I’m afraid of…. Sometimes I’m scared that… I’m…I can’t actually type it. Think of the worst thing you could do to someone, and you are on the right track.

But I’ve been breaking my rules. I work with ____, and I don’t even think I should be near them. My job requires that I am around _____, and I feel like I am already a thing that is bad and may have done bad stuff but probably not but you never know. This is killing me. I feel like if I actually had OCD, I wouldn’t break my rules. Ever. Period. But since I have been breaking my rules I’m worried that I am actually ____.

Yes it is still OCD, if you break your rules.

I used to have all sorts of insane rules that I had to live by. They were secret, and I never told a soul. But I was terrified of breaking them. I slowly got up my nerve and started breaking them one by one. But as soon as I broke a rule, a new one would come in! Not as bad as the previous one, but still. It was like the illness was mad that I was breaking the rules that it set up for me, and it was retaliating by setting up new rules. Then I would get up some nerve and break the new rule. It went on and on like this. This was over 30 years ago when I was in terrible shape.

If the illness gets bad, the OCD pretty much takes over and even though you know it’s insane, it starts running your life. Your mind goes split between the crazy part (the OCD) and the sane part, and you end up with a war in your head like all such people have. But if the illness gets really bad, the sane part of your mind will slowly get weaker and weaker. Like it’s a voice in your head, and it gets softer and softer and quieter and quieter. At the same time, the crazy voice (the OCD) will get louder and louder. Eventually the sane side says, “OK, look, forget it. You win. I give. You take over and do what you’ve got to do. We are running up the white flag here.”

And then the crazy part takes over. It tries to screw up your life by making you miserable and saying negative things all the time. In my case, it set up all sorts of lousy rules designed to screw up my life and make me miserable. But I became convinced that this was how it was supposed to be. I had to suffer in all of these ways because the voice (the OCD) told me that I was the worst person on Earth, the worst person that ever lived. I actually became convinced that this was true for some time.

The craziness was very carefully calibrated. I remember I used to ask the voice (the OCD) about being crazy. “Well how crazy am I going to go anyway?” The voice would come back that I had to be crazy, that there was no alternative to this. This was somehow logical, don’t ask me how. It would say that the craziness was going to be completely invisible, all in my head, and I wasn’t going to do anything even 1% crazy because we had to keep the crazy stuff secret.

We were not going to believe anything too weird, and we were not going to see things. We were not going to commit any acts of violence, and we would try to be as rational as possible. Actually one of the Rules of the Craziness was that my actual behavior had to be as close to 100% normal as possible. All the craziness was supposed to be in my head. It was amazing how calibrated the whole thing was. It implies to me that I actually was not all that nuts.

It took me about four years to work my way out of this crap. It was like a journey to craziness. A trip to Crazy World. While I was crazy, I tried very hard to fix all sorts of things about myself that I thought were screwing me up in life, so that was beneficial. I was working full-time or in school the whole time. Most people figured out that there was something wrong, but the illness was pretty much invisible and all you could see was a strange or bizarre stare in my eyes along with a lot of anxiety. I didn’t actually do much of anything nuts.

Eventually after four years, it was like I just got sick and tired of it. It was like I took some sort of a journey that I needed to take for some reason, like I got something out of my system. Being crazy is pretty lousy, and if you have any self-esteem at all, you will get pretty sick and tired of it after a while and just want it to be gone. I also grew a lot as a person and changed a lot of things about myself that needed changing.

I had one other episode five years later in 1991 that was very, very bad, but I went on pills for the first time, and that dealt with it. I haven’t had any serious episodes like that in 25 years.

Even though I have not had any serious episodes in 25 years, I am still very much afraid that it will come back, and I will be like that again. But if you take pills, that seems to keep it away. Also it seems like you have to work on your head a lot, like all day,  every day to keep your mind in a nice, sane place.

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Filed under Anxiety Disorders, Mental Illness, OCD, Psychology, Psychopathology

Psychological Effects of Their Work on Slaughterhouse Workers

Good comment from Kim, one of our excellent commenters. It’s not related to the murder case, but it shows you Delphi may not be the idyllic small Indiana town that everyone thinks it is. There is a very high percentage of RSO’s for such a small town, apparently related to the slaughterhouse in town. Slaughterhouse employees in turn develop psychological effects that would be at odds with the image of a peaceful and easy-going small town.

So beneath the cozy image, there does seem to be a very dark undercurrent running under the town of Delphi.

Kim: This is an article cited from another site about Registered Sex Offenders (RSO’s) and meat-packing plants. It may not be relevant to the crime, but it paints a grittier picture of the Delphi area.

Originally Posted by Blighted Star

No, you read right the first time. Those 54 RSO’s are are all linked to the very small town of Delphi, population 3,000. Check the other “known addresses” on most of them & you’ll see “Indiana Packers Co-op” (or something like it) on over 40 out of the 54 – because the abattoir up the road from the high bridge seems to have a hiring program for RSO’s. They’ve got men designated “sexually violent offenders” working on their kill floor & it doesn’t seem to occur to them that in that particular field of employment, it’s not necessarily a good thing to hire people who might be enjoying their work.

Holy crap!

This excerpt is taken from:

Killing for a Living: Psychological and Physiological Effects of Alienation of Food Production on Slaughterhouse Workers

By Anna Dorovskikh University of Colorado at Boulder

http://scholar.colorado.edu/cgi/view…xt=honr_theses

In Perpetration-Induced Traumatic Stress: The Psychological Consequences of Killing, the study by Rachel M. MacNair describes Perpetration-Induced Traumatic Stress as a from of post-traumatic stress disorder with symptoms of drug and alcohol abuse, panic, depression, paranoia, dissociation, anxiety, and depression stemming from the act of killing.

One study found that slaughterhouse workers, especially those responsible for the direct delivery of the act of killing and participating in the process of slaughter on a daily basis, may be susceptible to PITS as form of PTSD (Dillard, 2008).

One of the symptoms of PITS is having recurring dreams of violent acts, and there are several reports of workers being taken to the mental hospital for treatment of severe cases (Dillard, 2008). Certain jobs like having the responsibility to be the first to kill the animal may have stronger effects on the worker than other jobs. Oftentimes substance abuse of drugs such as methamphetamine (Schlosser, 2002) and alcohol is very common amongst slaughter employees as a coping mechanisms of the emotional toll (Dillard, 2008).

A former hog-sticker (worker who stabs hogs to bleed to death) said, “A lot of the slaughterhouse hog killers have problems with alcohol. They have to drink, they have no other way of dealing with killing live, kicking animals all day long. If you stop and think about it, you’re killing several thousand beings a day” (Dillard, p. 397, 2008).

Another employee explains that slaughter workers can’t care about animals they’re killing.

“The worst thing, even worse than the physical danger, is the emotional toll of the job. If you work in that stick pit for any period of time, you develop an attitude that lets you kill things but doesn’t let you care. You may look a hog in the eye that’s walking around down in the blood pit with you, and think, God, that really isn’t a bad-looking animal. You may want to pet it. Pigs down on the kill floor have come up and nuzzled me like a puppy. Two minutes later I had to kill them by beating beat them to death with a pipe.

Use of a pipe to kill hogs came up quite a few times reading through literature and general websites. Another employee interviewed said: “It’s called `piping.’ All the drivers use pipes to kill hogs that can’t go through the chutes. Or if you get a hog that refuses to go in the chutes and is stopping production, you beat him to death. Then push him off to the side and hang him up later” (Eisnitz, p. 53, 2009).

Some employees even report killing animals for fun without feeling any remorse, suggesting that they are suffering psychological damage to the point of developing abnormal cruelty. Mental changes of this sort would generate concern amongst the general population (Dillard, 2008).

Several studies on empathy amongst farmers in animal agriculture show that slaughterhouse workers and farmers exhibit lower levels of empathy towards animals than the general population. Desensitization was not an uncommon factor amongst the employees of this sector (Dillard, 2008).

A study done on butchers working in the slaughterhouse and retail meatpacking business revealed that as butchers work in a negative environment almost every single day, they displayed the highest levels of somatization and anger hostility among the general occupation of butchery. Once factors like age and education were accounted for, this study of 82 male butchers found higher rates of work accidents, injuries, physical disorders, use of alcohol and drugs, as well as a higher employee turnover (Emhan et al. 2012).

Usually fully aware of the kills that go on every single day, the workers either become very distressed and leave the job or they become numb and begin to display signs of apathy. Some even begin to enjoy the infliction of pain (Helle 2012). Some become less empathetic under conditions of stress as well. See this example:

“This is kind of hard to talk about. You’re under all this stress, all this pressure. And it really sounds mean, but I’ve taken prods and stuck them in their (hogs’) eyes and held them there.” (Eisnitz, p. 53, 2009).

Lower empathy in slaughterhouse workers may be responsible for higher crime rates in neighborhoods where such facilities are located including homicides carried out in a manner of animal slaughtering practices (Dillard, 2008). Amy Fitzgerald, a sociologist investigating the effects of slaughterhouses on communities tested a “Sinclair effect,” a theory Upton Sinclair proposed more than 100 years ago, noting that slaughterhouses had negative effects on workers and communities through increases in crime and unemployment rates.

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Filed under Agricutlure, Alcohol, Animals, Anxiety Disorders, Crime, Depressants, Depression, Domestic, Intoxicants, Labor, Mental Illness, Midwest, Mood Disorders, Pigs, Psychology, Psychopathology, Regional, Serial Killers, Social Problems, Sociology, Speed, Stimulants, USA

Resolved: Transgenderism Is a Mental Illness

RL: I work in mental health, and I have to diagnose people a lot, or at least offer my opinion of a diagnosis as I cannot give out legal DSM diagnoses . I even have to do differential diagnosis constantly where I have to figure out which of two diagnoses a person has. Believe me, these cases can be very confusing.

Magneto: In your opinion, is being transgender a mental illness? I mean, I am aware of the statistics that gays/trans people have a far higher suicide rate than heterosexuals, which would seem to suggest that it is a mental disorder.

But it’s kind of hard to think trans are mentally ill when you are looking at a fucking sexy ass Asian ladyboy who is far hotter than any real woman you’ve ever been with. To be honest, I hope trans continues to become more mainstream and more men do the transition into females. Fine with me, more food to choose from, in my opinion.

Ha ha. So, more pussy, even if it’s fake pussy, eh? I’m not sure I am down with that.

 

Is transgenderism a mental illness. Of course it is. In most cases anyway. And the rate has gone up 600X since the 1970’s. If it is some actual biological condition in the brain like sexual orientation, one would not expect the rate to skyrocket like that.

Rates of biological conditions don’t change much. The rate of homosexuality has probably been 3% for a very long time. Homosexuality appears to be an incurable biological condition that gets wired up in their brains somehow. It is a developmental disorder like left-handedness and a number of other things. Something goes wrong hormonally in utero, and the result is male or in some cases female homosexuality. As it is a developmental disorder, would you expect the rates of left-handedness to go up 600X? Real biological conditions just don’t work like that. Why would the hormonal aberrations that cause homosexuality have gone up 600X? They wouldn’t. They would stay at some consistent rate that is close the the rate of things going wrong in utero.

Hence except in a few cases, transgenderism is not a biological disorder. I really feel for these boys who feel like girls from age 2 or whatever. I am willing to consider a biological disorder there.

Yet a biological disorder can also be a mental illness. Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder and even OCD look like biological disorders, and all are also mental illnesses.

These seems to be a “fad” disorder that a lot of folks are developing on their own in a similar way to how these therapists create mental illness in previously healthy girls who got molested. It’s a cool way of going crazy.

Studies in China show that ~3% of the population feels as if they are the opposite sex. So if we let this thing explode, we could end up with a 3% tranny population. In the past, these people became homosexuals (in itself a sort of transgenderism) or perhaps feminine men and masculine women.

When I was growing up in the 1970’s, we had this idea that all men and women have masculine and feminine components, even heterosexual ones. Just because a man has a feminine side or a woman a masculine one doesn’t mean he is not a man and she is not a woman, nor does it mean that either one is a homosexual.

I have a pretty strong feminine side myself, as many people used to think I was gay or bi. I’m not a Man’s Man at all. I’m not macho enough for that. I’m a Ladies’ Man who prefers the company of women. Most Ladies’ Men are not as masculine as Man’s Men.

I worry that if I were growing up today, I might have been sucked into this nonsense and decided that I was a tranny and I was really a woman or something insane like that.

If a man thinks he is a woman or a woman thinks she is a man, that is known as a delusion. It’s just not true. So they’re psychotic in a sense. And the treatment (sex change operation) doesn’t appear to make them any mentally healthier. So why do it? If the treatment doesn’t help the person, we stop doing it.

13% of people who have sex changes actually re-transition. So men who turn into women turn back into men, and women who think they are men turn back into women. If it was a real condition, one would not expect to see that. Homosexuals don’t suddenly decide to be straight. Left-handed people don’t decide to be right-handed one day. Transgenderism in childhood is highly transitory. 73% of transgender children are cured by adulthood. That is, by the time they are 18, they have abandoned the idea that they are the opposite sex. Biological conditions do not have such high spontaneous cure rates.

There have been quite a few spontaneous cures of transgenderism even in adulthood. There are a number of cases where a man was in therapy for transgenderism, and he showed up for therapy one day and announced that he’s no longer transgender. He’s really a man and realizes that and feels like one now. Then he gets up and walks out of the office. Just like that.

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Filed under Anxiety Disorders, Asia, Biology, China, Gender Studies, Girls, Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Mental Illness, Mood Disorders, OCD, Psychology, Psychopathology, Psychotherapy, Psychotic Disorders, Regional, Schizophrenia, Science, Sex, Social Problems, Sociology

Updated February 26: Sexually-Motivated Double Homicide in Delphi, Indiana, February 13, 2017: Liberty German and Abbie Williams

Note to commenters: Please stop referring to Unsub as a pedophile. He may well be one, but that’s something that can be determined from this crime as it was not a pedophilic offense. Instead, this was a hebephilic offense. And the perpetrator could certainly be seen as a hebephile, although he’s not necessarily one. If you want to refer to the nature of the offense, use the word hebephilic instead of pedophilic. If you wish to refer to Unsub’s paraphilia, please refer to him as a hebephile and not a pedophile.

Thank you so much for this. I am getting tired of words being misused. And now we are being scientific on the board.

Note 2 to commenters: I am really getting sick and tired of saying this, but most of the material below is made up of rumors and my own opinions and theories. None of that is represented as fact. The only thing that is represented as fact as statements sourced from LE or the media.

And incidentally, the way I wrote up the case is precisely how detectives work a case. Detectives do not work cases using the scientific method. If they did, they would hardly solve one case. It’s more “We believe this for now…this is true for now…at the moment, this is what we think happened…we believe…” They are throwing out endless theories about what really happened and accepting them as (temporary) facts. They are then continuously revising and throwing out theories and creating new ones.

Being  a detective is about being wrong. Not just once, but being wrong over and over so many times your head will want to come off. If you can’t handle being wrong, then detective work is surely not for you. Finally detectives arrive at enough information to file a case against someone, but a lot of that is not factual either. They believe he did the crime. They believe that this, that, or the other happened with no way to really prove it – it’s just what they conjecture.

If he is convicted, then the theory that he did the crime is validated as fact, but I am not sure what other evidence is. And even court decisions are not scientific fact because they get overturned all the time. There are not a whole lot of 100% certain, clear scientific facts in LE work, detective work on the judicial system itself. A good portion of the decisions made turn out to be theories, temporary but unstable facts, beliefs, hunches and guesswork, all represented as fact in the court.

If you have issues with theories, opinions and what not, just quit reading and get the Hell off my site right now and never come back. I am really getting sick and tired of this BS.

This post has now been updated:

Updated March 6: Sexually-Motivated Double Homicide in Delphi, Indiana, February 13, 2017: Liberty German and Abigail Williams

Sexually-motivated double homicide of two teenage girls, one 13 and the other 14. For some background on this heartbreaking case, see here.

This is an update of the case as of February 26, 2017.

How Do I Know All This Stuff?

First: How do I know all this stuff?

Question: “Robert, How Do You Know So Much about Serial Killers, Pedophiles, Hebephiles and Sexual Sadists?”

I have done a lot of research on this case including released information, rumors and borderline areas such as cryptic statements by LE. I have also spoken to people close to the case, including those close to the search party and law enforcement investigation of this case. I also spoke to other sleuthers and people interested in the case. Some were associated with missing persons groups. I have pretty good sleuthing skills involving research. This includes digging through background information databases online and other sorts of web research.

This is the source of some of my material.

I also worked a bit with Indiana State Police and the FBI, sharing my POI’s and tips with them. It is not an astounding statement. Please realize that a lot of people are working with LE in trying to solve this case. However, LE did not reveal much information to me other than some cleared suspects. Other information is derived from my own theorizing about the case. This includes offender profiling. And I believe I have some mild psi skills.

So there’s the source of all of the information.

My Musings on This Case

The girls were obviously tied up, I believe with a rope. But it is not proven that rope was used.

I believe that Libby was killed on 2-13, possibly pretty quickly, and Abby died or 2-14. The published obits state those dates. This has been confirmed to me by sources close to law enforcement. There is a rumor that the families chose those dates as death dates, but that would apply only to funerals, not obits. Obit info would come straight from coroner report. Therefore, the coroner report had to state different death dates. See below for more evidence that the girls died on different days.

When the search was going on, Libby’s phone was dead.

This was not a crime of opportunity. He planned this very well. He plans his crimes with the utmost meticulousness. That is why he is armed with the gun and disguising himself.

I have reason to believe that these girls were catfished, possibly via Libby’s Instagram page, although this is not proven yet. That is, the girls may have thought they were going there to meet a teenage boy, but instead they met the killer. The killer would have pretended to be a teenage boy in  order to lure the girls. There is no hard evidence for this, but there is some suggestive evidence via cryptic LE statements and friends of Libby’s speaking about activity on her Instagram account.

In my opinion, Unsub is approximately 5’8-5’10, ~160 pounds with a bit of a middle aged man’s stomach paunch.

LE stated that they believe that Unsub came from out of state to do this crime.

Clearly Unsub has a pistol, a .45 or 911. The pistol was holstered to his right side, which means he is left-handed. The outline of the pistol can clearly be seen in the photo released of the man. A photo exists showing the pistol outlined with graphic software. Assuming that is a pistol, and it is, then Unsub is left-handed. He is either left-handed or pretending to be left-handed. Pretending to be left-handed makes no sense in a case like this as it would be hard to draw with his fake left. This would result in a clumsy draw resulting in possible dropping or fumbling with the weapon. Therefore, Unsub is left-handed.

Law enforcement stated in the media that Unsub may be trying to disguise himself in the photos by using a hat and a scarf. 

He is wearing a hat, a jacket with a hoodie and blue jeans in the photo. In my opinion, the hat is a camouflage hunting cap with padded ear muffs. Unsub is overdressed for the weather, but February in Indiana is pretty cold. He seems to have layers of clothing on. He has almost his entire body covered with clothing. Part of this is to disguise himself but another reason is so he will have few exposed areas of his body if the girls fight back hard. The layers of clothing will prevent them from leaving scratch marks on his body, although they still could scratch up his face pretty good.

LE confirmed in the media that Unsub has a fanny pack. This is probably where he kept his murder kit.

Talk of backpacks and duffel bags makes no sense to me. I do not believe that Unsub had a backpack or a duffel bag, but perhaps he did. At any rate, there was a man dressed in all black seen at the time also. This man definitely had a backpack. I believe that this man participated in the murders with Unsub. In other words, there were two killers.

There were apparently two killers in this case. This can be gleaned from cryptic LE statements. Very quickly, with the release of the photo, LE described Unsub as the man who “participated” in the killings. However, if you study this sort of thing, LE never uses the word participated when describing a crime with a single killer. That verb is only used when there is more than one killer. I kept wondering why they always used the word participated.

At the large video press conference, we got more evidence. At ~3 minute mark, the officer says, “And I especially want to thank the person whose information will lead to the arrest of the murderers of these girls.” I have listened to that part of the tape over and over, and he clearly said murderers. He did not misspeak. He said that intentionally.

Later in the conference, after a cryptic statement by an officer, someone in the audience jumped up and asked, “Wait a minute! Do you think there were two killers?” The officer then said, “Look, this is one of the strangest,  oddest, most confusing and  convoluted cases I have ever worked on, ok? So just keep that in mind.” With that statement, it’s pretty clear that he is cryptically stating that there were two killers. 

As far as how LE came to state that there were two killers by using the word “participated,” I believe that they came to that conclusion by gleaning four sets of DNA from the crime scene: Two sets were Libby and Abbie, and the third was Unsub. But if a fourth DNA sample was found at the site, that can only mean two killers. LE’s official statement right now is that they do not know whether there were one or two killers involved. I believe that the evidence revealed so far is sufficient to conclude that there were indeed two killers.

Sources close to law enforcement say that Abbie’s body was still warm when found, and the medical examiner concluded that she survived the attack but died later of hypothermia. If the body was warm, this means that Abbie died of hypothermia no earlier than 9:30 AM, as the bodies were discovered at 12:30 PM, and bodies only stay warm for 2-3 hours after death. This means that Abbie was certainly still alive when the search started at 9:30 AM.

Sources in the search party in the Delphi case confirmed that the bodies were moved in the course of this crime. They stated that the girls had to have been moved, taken away and then returned to be dumped because the search parties covered the same ground in both searches. The locale where they were found on 2-14 had previously been searched on 2-13. The 2-13 search began at 5:30 PM, and by that time, the girls had been moved out of the area. The attack began at ~2:15 PM, so the girls were moved out of the area sometime between 2:30-5:30 PM.

Unsub must have put the girls in his vehicle and transported them somewhere where he assaulted them either in his vehicle or at a residence, either his own residence, an associate’s residence, an abandoned residence, or a residence that he had use of. Unsub was certainly not in the area from 5:30 PM on 2-13 until 2:30 AM on 2-14 and from 9:30 AM-12:30 PM on 2-14. Therefore, the girls were returned to the site on 2-14 between 2:30 PM-9:30 AM on the morning of 2-14. Unsub has a seven hour window on 2-14 in which to return the girls to the site.

Unsub probably parked his vehicle on the road next to the cemetery. Police vehicles were seen in the area, but they were not searching the cemetery. Instead there was a long line of them parked on the road next to the cemetery. Therefore, Unsub may have parked his vehicle on the road next to the cemetery.

In published UK media, grandfather who raised her made an odd statement, “I know Libby. She put up one Hell of a fight.” The grandfather has been cleared. However, he is correct that Libby put up a strong battle. The reason that the grandfather said she put up a wild fight is probably because that is what it says in the medical report. If she fought hard, there will be talk of defensive wounds and maybe DNA under her nails. The condition of her body at the funeral adds weight to the notion that she fought back very hard and sustained many defensive wounds. In that case, Unsub may have scratch marks.

I do not believe that LE has any particular POI at this moment. They are far away from solving this case.

The first LE they did was to go around questioning people who were being talked about as possible suspects. They have already cleared a number of people this way. They are also going around to all of the local RSO’s and questioning them. They want them to come talk about the case. While at the police station, they searched their phones and asked them to submit DNA. They are clearing many of the RSO’s this way.

The raid was on the property of the Jim Maxwell who lives on Bicycle Road. He is completely innocent and cleared. This poor guy had nothing to do with it.

I believe the gun obviously holstered on the right under the jacket of Unsub was used to control the girls. He also got them to keep quiet, probably with the gun. However, I do not believe the gun was used to kill the girls. It would have made too much noise. Rumors that this was not a gun crime are probably correct.

Sources people close to law enforcement confirmed that both girls had their throats slit. Funerals were open casket, and witnesses stated that both girls had scarves covering their necks, more to cover something up than as clothing. This adds weight to the theory that their throats were slit. Libby also had small wounds in many places on her body, and her face had been somewhat injured. This is because she fought back against him very hard.

This is obviously a sexually motivated offense. Initial reports said both girls were raped. Sources close to law enforcement confirmed that rape was involved in this case and that Abbie was definitely raped. Whether Libby got raped is not known, and there are problems with the theory. There are different reports about the state of the bodies. There are rumors that both girls were nude. But sources close to LE say that Abbie was nude while Libby was clothed. It is difficult to reconcile Libby being raped with her being found fully clothed.

There is no evidence of physical torture in this case.

Prepubertal girls have no sex drive, and they have no sexual interest in boys. If these were prepubertal girls, we could rule out their meeting a boy via social media, as girls that age are not interested in boys sexually. At sexarche, usually age 13, the sex drive comes on strongly, and many girls become very sexually interested in boys and even men. Both girls had surely passed sexarche. Therefore, it makes perfect sense that they could have been there to meet a boy their age.

Ron Logan, the property owner where the girls were found, was in Lafayette, Indiana on 2-13, and Unsub may have known he would not be there, but there is no proof of this. How he may have known this, I have no idea.

Other posts in this series:

Possible Major Break in the Delphi and Evansdale Murders

Updated March 9: Profile of the Evansdale-Delphi Serial Killer

The Case for Unsub Involvement in the Delphi and Evansdale Double Murders

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Filed under Anxiety Disorders, Art, Child Porn, Crime, Criminology, Girls, Iowa, Law, Law enforcement, Mental Illness, Midwest, OCD, Pedophilia, Personality Disorders, Pornography, Psychology, Psychopathology, Regional, Serial Killers, Sex, Sociology, Sociopathy, USA

High Narcissism (High Self-Esteem), Solipsism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Differential Diagnosis

Trash: NPD is sort of like Attention Deficit Disorder. The terminology is getting tossed around a great deal but I think a vast, vast number of people would fit its criteria.

No, Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD has very precise criteria, but clinicians do screw it up. I really doubt if true NPD is overdiagnosed. It is not an extremely common disorder. However, much has been written about how we are becoming more narcissistic as a society. That may be true, but that doesn’t mean we are in an NPD epidemic.

My last therapist told me I was a narcissist – not NPD but narcissistic traits. This took me aback because I am not real fond of these types. They really rub me the wrong way and mostly they are just too much. I have one in my family and he has been known on many occasions to not be a very unpleasant person. There is a real ugly and nasty side to this disorder when it gets bad. They truly do not care about you, are not interested in you at all, and they can be very mean and cruel. Not that they care about that either. Of course they are also utterly clueless.

My best therapist has told me that I am not a narcissist. He said I am self-centered, but that’s more of a case of being all wrapped up in my own stuff to think about others much rather than being selfish. It’s related to my OCD and a lot of OCD’ers are pretty much all wrapped up in their own stuff. This is often confused with narcissism, but it’s not the same thing. It’s more like solipsism. I admit I am pretty solipsistic. It’s not that I don’t care about others. I do, but I am so wrapped up in myself all the time that I do not have a lot of energy left over for others.

He also told me that I have high self esteem. This could also be called high narcissism if you believe that narcissism = self-esteem. In that case, low narcissism would be low self-esteem. However, high narcissism in the sense of high self esteem, though it may seem a bit much, and such folks are often conceited, vain and egotistical, is considered healthy in that generally empathy is fairly well preserved. It is typically considered to be a sign of good mental health. Personally, I think everyone should have high narcissism or high self esteem. Why not? What’s wrong with everyone thinking they are great? How is that bad?

The problem is that people keep going beyond high narcissism all the way into pathological narcissism or NPD. The problem here is that now self esteem has gone so high that as it gets higher and higher, one cares less and less about and has less and less empathy for others. To put it briefly, at some point, the more you love yourself, the less you love others. I am not sure why that is, but perhaps there is only so much love available in a human.

Also at some point, self esteem gets so high that you feel better than or superior to others. This tends to coincide with low empathy. I don’t claim to fully understand narcissism as it is an extremely complex subject. I have been studying it deeply for over a decade now, and it still doesn’t really make complete sense to me, but that’s typical of a lot of mental issues. I’ve also been studying sociopaths for most of my life, and they still don’t make sense to me. I can’t for the life of me see how anyone could be like that. To me they don’t make sense.

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Filed under Anxiety Disorders, Mental Illness, Narcissism, Narcissistic, OCD, Personality, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology

The Dangers of Identifying Excessively with Your Mental Disorder

Let’s say you have OCD. OK, that’s a lousy illness, but are you OCD? Is OCD you? No. You are John Jones or Mary Smith, who happens to have OCD, but who also has all sorts of other attributes and things going on with them. The OCD is part of who you are, but hopefully it’s not the most important part, and there are many other parts of you that hopefully are just as important as the OCD if not more so.

I think there is a real problem with identifying with your illness too. In fact, it may even be better to deny that you have it as you go around town doing your business or even socializing. Of course you know you have it, but you sort of pretend that you don’t.

I find that when I go out into the world thinking, “I have OCD,” I end up focusing on symptoms. Since the symptoms are mental (thoughts), you are focused on the OCD and the OCD thoughts. Well what this does is it tends to bring the thoughts out. Other people seem to be able to go around with these thoughts in their head and be ok. Once I have these thoughts going on, everything tends to go downhill pretty fast. Principally, most people decide that they don’t want to talk to me. If they start up while I am socializing, a lot of people will try to just shut down the conversation and walk away.I just can’t seem to be around people while thinking this stuff. It seems like they pick on that something is wrong with me, they find it disturbing or even frightening, and they don’t like it.

Anyway, what seems to work better is to lie to myself and say, “I am completely normal. I am the most normal person on Earth. I don’t have OCD or any of that crap. There’s nothing even 1% weird about me.” Now that’s not true, but so what? It’s a nice little lie and when I go out into society thinking I’m as normal as a human being gets, I tend to act a lot better and get a lot fewer OCD symptoms. In other words, the OCD sort of goes away. And there’s no harm in telling yourself while lies anyway. If you go out into the world thinking you’re a little bit nuts, guess what? You tend to act sort of nuts. If you go out into the world thinking you are completely normal, guess what? You act a whole lot better and more normal. Behavior is often a self fulfilling prophesy.

So I am worried that this trend of identifying with your mental illness as some sort of badge. It is going to lock people into their illnesses and symptoms to the point where they start displaying symptoms just to show how special of a snowflake they really are. I’m gender nonbinary, so I’m going to act weird and genderqueer so people can’t figure out if I’m a man or a woman and this will show my specialness. I’m depressed, narcissistic and histrionic, so I am going to act out all these symptoms as a display of identity in order to show more of my special unique snowflakyness.

There is also a hypchondriacal attitude here. Just a lot of folks love to revel in their often imaginary physical illnesses, there are quite a few mentally ill people who really get into having a mental disorders. Quite a few Borderlines adopt the borderline label tot he point where they are wearing it like a badge. Unfortunately, they don’t act any better. They just as crazy as ever if not worse because now with this badge on, they have a reason and a right to act crazy. They’re ratifying and legitimizing their pathology. A lot so-called Multiple Personality Disorders nowadays also seem to be fabricated. These are often women with a Borderline diagnosis.

They get used to be nonfunctional, disabled and going to therapy and group meetings all the time. They go to meetings and go on and on about their “alters” and whatnot. A lot of them are probably just making up a lot of these fake multiple personalities for some reason. They will go into a child alter and suddenly start acting like a child, no matter where they are. I know a woman who used to carry around a coloring book and crayons in case her child alter came out. The child alter would come out when she was out to eat with others, whereupon she would whip out the book and start coloring in front of everyone while talking like a little girl.

This is part of the problem with identifying too strongly in “I’m crazy” as one of your identities. You wallow in your disorder and allow the disorder to become your identity. It is as if you walk around with a badge saying mentally ill on it. What I have noticed is that people who do this do not seem to get better. They get worse or at least stay the same. Wallowing in your disorder and making it part of your identity is not a way to reduce symptoms. If anything, it probably makes them worse or at least more chronic.

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The Nature of Denial in Various Mental Disorders

It is very hard to accept that you have a mental illness. Even a minor one. Most people who don’t have one act like they would not accept it even if they did. I have known many people in my life with untreated and even undiagnosed issues that went on for years, if not lifetimes.

Anxiety disorders are different because they are so painful and ego-dystonic but even there a lot of folks don’t want to admit it. The fact that almost everyone has low levels of anxiety on a regular basis nowadays does not help matters and it enables you to think you are just like everyone else.

Manics are notorious for not admitting they were ill. I have known a number of them in my life and probably 50% refused to admit that they had it. It is not helpful that the manic seems quite normal to many of his friends drawn in by the overblown charm of the hypomanic. I have sat in rooms with flagrant, raving, idiotic hypomanics charming the whole room with their grandiosity. I sat there shaking my head. It’s obviously an illness. Yes, it’s possible to be too damn happy. Hypomania is a case of excessive happiness. They are so happy, they’re nuts! If you do not believe that hypomanics are crazy, spend some time around one if you get a chance. This is not normal, healthy happiness, which I actually believe that there cannot be too much of, despite society saying that being too happy is “not adult” and “acting like a child.”

Schizophrenics almost all deny that they are ill. It is a hallmark feature of the disorder. Even after they have been told countless times that they have schizophrenia, even after multiple hospitalizations, even after years on antipsychotic drugs, they still insist that they don’t have schizophrenia. This is not so much a denial mechanism as a feature of the disorder. The disorder is such that it blinds you to the fact that you even have it! This disorder feels completely real, as if this is the normal way that life is.

OK, suppose you went to classes at college yesterday. The next day you tell people that you went to college yesterday, and everyone laughs at you and says no you didn’t. And to make matters worse, says you’re crazy for thinking you went to school yesterday. What would you think.? You remember full well that you went to school the other day. You remember it loud and clear. How they can they say that some obvious thing that I clearly experienced did not happen. After a while, they start thinking it’s everyone else that’s nuts and not them.

Almost all people with personality disorders deny that they are ill, as mentioned above. Everything is everyone else’s fault, and they go through their whole lives like that.

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Filed under Anxiety Disorders, Mental Illness, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology, Psychotic Disorders, Schizophrenia

Mental Health Diagnosis: More of an Art Than a Science

A commenter writes:

How can they be “pretty damn good” and “wrong”?

Because diagnosis of mental illness is much more of an art than a science, that’s why. It’s almost impossible to get it right every time. It’s not uncommon for people to have maybe 10-15 different diagnoses. This is because psychiatric diagnosis is murderously hard. I don’t blame most clinicians for getting it wrong. It’s nothing like the diagnosis of physical illness at all.

I see a number of people with OCD who got misdiagnosed as psychotic, but that’s actually pretty common, and looking at their symptoms, I don’t blame the clinician for dx’ing them as psychotic.

When OCD is very bad, they appear psychotic, and the people I am thinking of have symptoms that appear exactly like psychotic symptoms, except they are not. They have what I call “fake delusions”, “fake illusions”, “fake hallucinations”, along with a lot of derealization and depersonalization, etc. Sometimes they can even get actual perceptual distortions, which makes things even stranger.

These people who have a form of health anxiety where they worry that they are going psychotic, and then they develop a lot of “fake psychotic” symptoms psychosomatically in the same way that patients develop fake physical symptoms psychosomatically as part of some hypochondriasis.

I know more about this stuff than the vast majority of clinicians, and I have seen more people with this problem than most clinicians will ever see. I have seen scores of people with this problem, maybe 50-75. I have gotten to the point where I can tell “Schiz OCD” (OCD with the fear of schizophrenia/psychosis theme) apart from true psychosis, but it’s not clear or easy at all if you haven’t dealt with a lot of these people. Actually it is not even easy for me sometimes.

Furthermore, in the course of diagnosing these people, you will get a few people who are actually psychotic, and you have to tell them apart from the Schiz O’ers. They are much more ill than the Schiz O’ers, but their symptoms are extremely confusing and they seem to have OCD going along concurrently with some sort of psychotic process. They are very confusing.

I don’t think mental health workers are inept, and I work in the field myself. And I do not think they are crazy at all. Most of the ones I have dealt with were amazingly sane.

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