Category Archives: Internetman

Child Pornography on the Internet: An Investigative Report by Internet Man

A few years ago, I met a fellow who I will call Internet Man. Three years ago, he was about 40 years old. I didn’t take notes of our conversation, so I will reconstruct it from scratch. Obviously, he will sound like me. This is what happens when you don’t take notes or record. All interviewees sound like you.

He was involved in the early Internet scene from 1998-2001 or so, and he delved into the Internet pedo and child porn scene, if only out of curiosity. He’s a straight male with an attraction to mature females, but he’s also somewhat attracted to females aged 13-15 and very much less attracted to females age 7-12. In other words, I figure he is just a normal guy.

One thing I will say about him is that he is a trysexual. He’s a total sex maniac who has screwed more women than I can count, plus maybe a guy or two. He is into most every perversion and kink on Earth, so it figures he would dabble in the pedo thing for a bit.

My dx is that he is not a pedophile in any way, shape or form, though obviously, many may differ. He’s simply one of the biggest sex freaks I’ve ever met, and he’s a guy who think about, fantasize about but not necessarily always do just about anything sexual.

During the interview, some strong pot was smoked by both parties, and we were drinking quite a bit of wine.

RL: Hi there, how are you?

Internetman: Fine,and you?

RL: So tell me about the Internet pedo/child porn scene. How did it all start for you?

Internetman: Well, I was into Yahoo chat rooms. I also went to all sorts of other perverted Internet chatrooms. I used to have cybersex with women there all the time, and also I made a lot of female friends and used to talk to them online about sexual matters and other stuff. I was also spending a lot of time in chatrooms chasing women of all sorts, trying to find new women.

So I was online talking to women, playing sex with women, or talking about sex with women a good part of the time. I was also dating sporadically. And of course I was jacking all the time, because I am Fapmaster Flash, the greatest fapmaster that ever lived.

RL: Not bigger than I was? I nearly broke my dick off there for a while!

Internetman: Well, close. A dick’s best friend is it’s hand.

RL: Anyway…

Internetman: Well, on Yahoo there used to be chatrooms that were turned over to Adults Only. There were also Romance Chat rooms, but those were bullshit, because I only want sex. Screw love. Sex first, then love later, maybe, if the woman wants to take it that way. There were also other weird Internet sex chatrooms set up all over the net, some devoted to particular fetishes. There were also swinger chatrooms, for sex swingers. I used to go to all those chatrooms to talk to chicks, play with them, whatever.

RL: How many women did you meet that way, in a sexual sense?

Internetman: Scores, hundreds, no idea.

RL: Were there cams around, or voice?

Internetman: This was before the cam era. The cams were just coming online around 2001. Voice was not common, but I voiced with a few chicks towards the end, around 2003. Also some called me up on the phone, and we sort of did phone sex. Most cybersex was just typing. Many people of both sexes and all ages were in on this. The number of women in the 20’s, 30’s and even 40’s into this stuff would seriously blow you away. Sure, there were tons of guys, but there were many, many women. And some were married women, looking for men.

RL: Did you meet any of them?

Internetman: No comment, but typically, or rather sadly, many lived too far away. I had women constantly inviting me to come see them, and saying that sex was going to be on the agenda. But I would have had to fly there, so I never went.

RL: What is the scene like now?

Internetman: Dead as Hell. It has all been taken over by scammers, spammers and camwhores. The rooms are full of women on cam, but they are all camwhores. All other women are bots advertising camwhores or porn sites. The chatrooms have all been destroyed by capitalism. There are no more female humans of any kind in there. It’s sad.

Also, around 2004, the rooms got invaded by Internet romance scammers out of the Philippines, Russia and Eastern Europe and Nigeria and West Africa. You would strike up a relationship in there, and then the women would start asking for money while professing love. They ask for money for airline tickets to come see you, etc. A lot of times, it is a man pretending to be a woman, so you fall in love with a man. LOL. Many guys have been taken for a lot of money via this scam.

I also developed many close relationships with women overseas. Some fell in love with me. This was nice, but we never got together. Sometimes we talked on the phone. It seems ridiculous, but it’s always nice to be in love, even if it’s a continent away. If I had a choice between overseas Internet love and no love, I would choose the former. A life without love is painful to me. I’m a man who likes to be in love with a woman and especially vice versa.

RL: What were the adult rooms like?

Internetman: Yahoo set up many rooms around all these different adult themes. Then there were user rooms set up for different themes, and this is where there was some really perverted stuff going on. I mean seriously perverted! LOL!

RL: Did you keep doing this into the cam and voice era?

Internetman: Yes I did. After cams got big, a lot of guys had cams. But few women did. I would meet women online, and as soon as they figured out I had a cam, they would be like, “Get on that cam right now, dammit!” Then when I got on the cam, they would be like, “Take it off, baby!” You know how women are, a lot of them are just whores deep down inside. And I seem to bring it right out of them.

RL: Me too. Thank God for sluts!

Internetman: Yes, on the seventh day, God made sluts! Anyway, in 2004-2008, I had some relationships, mostly overseas, that were fun. Twice the women got on cam. One time this chick who lived a few hundred miles away was banging herself with a candle for like 1-2 hours. I had my cam on too, and I jacked and came, but she was a freight train. You know how woman are. They’re like a machine that once you turn it on, you can’t figure out how to shut it off!

Another time this woman from the Netherlands masturbated for about an hour or so with me. She was hot! Those were the only two times. One time a woman from Egypt got me on cam and I put on show while she cheered. Then she got on voice and masturbated on voice for a really long time. “Uggh, Ohhhh, Owwwwww….” It went on like that for 30 minutes or so. It was hot man! You could hear the Cairo traffic below LOL. All three of those women were about 42-45, an age at which a lot of women are incredibly horny.

I had others who were always getting me on cam. Then they would start demanding I get naked. Then they want a show! So I gave them one. I used to jack for women all time on cam. It was a blast! They would watch, urge me on, cheer me on, etc. Sometimes I would take pics with my cam and mail them to the chicks, and the chicks would collect pics of me naked, jacking, whatever.

I also got some pics from women, like pics of their pussies, their tits, them wearing little to nothing, them naked, them fucking or sucking guys, etc. I had a whole collection of naked women pics. They were sending me this stuff all the time.

RL: I have a bunch of those too. Women were always sending me that stuff for a while. What is your opinion of cybersex?

Internetman: Good times! I even cybered with some relatively famous women. I talked to a bunch of porn stars, mostly amateur, but some not. One from Japan and one from Germany. And one famous one from the US who I will not name. Straight cyber is a blast, but audio is better, and camming is the best. Best of all is audio or camming with the woman getting off and you can see or hear her, but it’s not that common. It’s mostly chicks getting you on cam and the chicks not having a cam.

RL: Did you ever worry it was a guy on the other end?

Internetman: A few times it was! One time I think it was a whole Internet chat cafe in Nigeria, with Black guys who must have been all laughing at me.

RL: Is there ever action right in the room?

Internetman: Sometimes there was action right in the room. In user created rooms, they would set up themes. Some of them were really wild. Some had torture or enslavement themes. There were women in there who wanted to be submissive or enslaved or whatever.

I remember one time this 33 year old married woman came in the room and she goes, “I’m going to piss all over these Goddamn bitches!” LOL. Good times!

Sometimes there were sex scenes right in the rooms. I would go at it right in the rooms with chicks and these other women would start cheering us on. “I’m watching Internetman! Oh Hell yeah.” I think they were masturbating watching me play with the chicks. It was fun!

There were rooms set up for kinks like golden showers. I went in this one room and there was this chick in the room and she was like, “Piss on me!” all the guys were walking up to her and pissing all over head. LOL! It was great!

RL: Were any of the females underage?

Internetman: You see,that’s the thing. Back in those days, there were so many females in rooms and on the Net. Females of all kinds were coming to chat on ICQ mostly, and some were underage. And there were some underage girls in the rooms too. And there were user created rooms like Older Men for Younger Women and Younger Women for Older Men. They were extremely popular! Mostly teenage girls in there, age 15-up to young adulthood. You would go to talk to them, and they would be like, “I love older men!” Guys would be like 20’s to 40’s or so.

RL: Did you ever mess around with the underage girls?

Internetman: Yes I did! LOL, what does that make me? A pedo? A pervert? Fuck it. I did it and it was fun. Girls were 15-17 for the most part. One was 14 from the Netherlands. She was in this room and she writes, “I want to suck a cok!.” She misspelled it LOL. I’m like cool, so I message her and we do it, tons of fun, and she was really perverted. After she asks me my age, and she was freaked out at how old I was and disappointed. I didn’t care, screw it!

One time I met this chick in there, 15 year old girl. She was seriously perverted, and we had a lot of fun. Then she sent me some nude pics, one when she was 14 and one when she was 15. The conversation ended because her mother’s boyfriend who was like 35 years old came in the room and wanted sex. She said she was going to go fuck him. I said, “Whoa! Don’t do it!” She said, “I can’t turn him down. I’m addicted.” Then she went offline.

RL: How were the pics?

Internetman: They were hot! A naked girl that age just looks like a woman, a little young, and the breasts are not quite as full, but they have full pussy hair and all. More or less a woman’s body by that age. Looked just as good as a naked woman, no better, no worse.

RL: Where are the pics?

Internetman: Deleted. Back in those days, it was no worries. But now things are extremely insane, and no way am I going to have any nude pics of teenage girls on my drive. I like women just fine anyway. I don’t have a teen fetish, and I think it’s weird if you do.

Another time this woman was in a chatroom. She was 18, but she had been molested all through her youth since age 8 by her family. Or that was her story. She told me this story, and how she had two sisters, 9 and 12 or so, and they were in on the scene too, the pedophilia scene. Pennsylvania, family affair. The girls were having sex from an early age with all the males of the family, father, uncles, cousins.

I guess a lot of guys must find that story exciting, because she said she had told it to like 90 young guys in that room, and they were all getting off on it. She thought most of them were just regular guys. I think they were just normal guys, but they liked the forbidden nature of it.

I realize now that it was a story of molestation, but the kids were getting off on it, so it seemed less bad. Though just the same, I guess it’s not right. Anyway, I would not do it. Doubt if I would turn them in either though. The girls were supposedly having fun for what it’s worth.

RL: Ever do any cam or voice cybering with underage girls?

Internet Man: Well, sort of. One time I was in this room. It was full of people, mostly teenagers, but there were a bunch of adults in there too, and even several adult women! The people in the room said a girl was naked on cam, so a lot of us went to look at her. She looked really young, but she was seriously hot too. She was naked, and she was masturbating like wild! It was cool, man!

I was like WTF. Then the people in the room said she’s only 13 years old. One guy said, “I know her! She goes to my school!” Well, she could well have been 13. But she had very full and large breasts, though they had that funny look about them? You know how girls’ breasts about 14-16 look, even if they are good sized? Sort of funny or weird in some strange way. Not quite a woman’s breasts for some reason.

She had full hair on her pussy. She was just like a woman in so many ways. But she had a very young little girl kind of face, and when she shut off the cam, she acted like a little girl in some way I can’t describe.

But to tell the truth, the show was seriously hot! LOL.

RL: Was it illegal?

Internet Man: LOL, I guess so, but there were a bunch of adults in the room too, including grown women, so what the Hell, eh? She was putting on a show for everyone of her own free will. What are they going to do? Arrest the whole room? Crazy.

But this was in a freer era. I’m very paranoid now. I don’t know what I would do if I ran across that now. I hope I don’t. Things are so weird now.

RL:  Anything else?

Internet Man: Well, I used to talk to this young girl, 14 years old, on ICQ. She was rich and lived in Venice Beach, California. Her Dad was a notorious playboy, and she lived with him. Never-ending parade of women coming in and out. She thought it was funny. She used to talk to me about her body and how it was developing. We had some interesting conversations!

She kept bugging me to send her porn to look at, so finally I sent her some. It was really hardcore stuff, way dirty, but I won’t say what it was. She thought it was sort of shocking. Cool chick, lot of fun to talk to, but we never did anything sexual.

RL:  Is any of that illegal?

Internet Man: You see, this was another era. You could send a teenage girl porn online. You could cyber with teenage girls. But now, adults are actually going down for talking dirty to teenage girls via texting and whatnot! There have been some cases. And clearly they can bust you for sending porn to a teenage girl.

And I think some guys on To Catch a Predator were even busted for talking dirty in chat to teenage girls. So anymore: You can’t talk dirty, cyber with or send porn to teenage girls online. It’s apparently all illegal now. No way am I ever doing this again, or at least I hope not.

RL: Ever see any real child porn (CP)?

Internetman: Well, you see, those rooms, they are perverted. Nothing but perverts in there of both sexes. And one thing is porn pic trading. People do pic trading all the time in there. Well, one time I was talking to this guy who was in there with his young wife. They were both perverts. The guy sends me this pic without asking, and I accept it. It’s like an older man nailing some little girl, screwing her! I look and it, and I’m like, “Whoa!” and deleted it right away.

RL: How did it look?

Internetman: Not erotic. More sick and disturbing. Like wrong. Hard to describe. It seemed like a bomb was heading right in my face from the computer ready to blow up in my face when I saw that pic. I couldn’t delete it fast enough.

Another time I met this guy in the rooms, and he was a major pervert. Young guy from San Diego, 23 years old, had a hot live-in gf, and they had sex all the time. But he also had a thing for girls around puberty age. I was getting curious, so I started talking to him.

He started sending me pics from Russia. I forget what they were exactly. Seemed to be girls about age 12 or 13. That doesn’t do much for me, but there is a “forbidden” factor about it that can be exciting. I didn’t really understand the guy’s fetish. He spent a lot of time dredging this illegal stuff up because it’s hard to find.

Guys would come to me on ICQ and say, “Pic trade?” I usually said yes because I’m a perv. One guy from Netherlands sent me CP without asking. I was mad and deleted it instantly like it was poison.

Later I got a bit curious because I came across the CP fiction stories.

RL: What are those?

Internetman: Well, they are legal! I got into that for a while because it was forbidden, so it was kind of hot. I actually jacked to some of those stories because they were exciting in some forbidden, ought to be illegal kind of way. So it just became another of my zillion perversions and kinks. Later I felt guilty about jacking to those stories and I decided I didn’t want to explore that area of sexuality.

RL: So are you a pedophile?

Internetman: Don’t think so. I’m not into that stuff, don’t want to explore it anymore, don’t want to read about, and anyway, I get off just fine on like a million other things. There’s a million other kinks, etc. I would rather explore. If you dx me pedo, you have to dx me with every other thousand kink and fetish in and out of the DSM.

RL: I don’t think you’re a pedo. Keep in mind that 28% of males react pretty strongly to pedo stimuli in the lab. Are 28% of all men pedos? I don’t think so. Most of them can take it or leave it. Pedophilia is a very strong and persistent interest, one of their main interests.

Internetman: Well, anyway, I started exploring further, and I got interested in CP. I wanted to see it, to see what all the fuss was about. So I spent like 2-3 weeks pounding away at the Net trying to find it. It is that hard to find. Finally I found a lot of it, but it was in Yahoo Groups! Back then Yahoo Groups were almost unpoliced, and there were lots of Yahoo CP Groups springing up all the time. They would pop up like mushrooms, immediately get like 8-14,000 members, then vanish into thin air. That was the MO.

RL: What guys were in the groups?

Internetman: Well, back then, you could talk to people in the groups, but Yahoo got rid of that feature. I talked to some of the guys. They seemed like regular, normal guys, just really curious. This stuff is illegal, and I honestly think the vast majority who look at it are just “curiosity seekers” . Not pedos in any way, shape or form.

One time I talked to the owner of a group.

RL: Who was he? Was he a pedo?

Internetman: A Bulgarian. I don’t think he was a pedo even 1%. What was he then? The guy was simply a criminal. He was Organized Crime. He was just doing this as a lucrative criminal venture. He said, “Here in Bulgaria, nothing is legal, nothing is illegal. Everything is legal, everything is illegal.” He was laughing the whole time.

RL: You saw the pics? How did you react?

Internetman: Yes I did. Grown men having sex with very young girls for the most part. Well, some of it was a bit hot, because it’s like a beautiful young girl sucking a cock, say, and it seems the same as if it was a woman.

But a lot was downright disturbing and even upsetting, and I think the very idea of adults have sex with kids is dubious and ought to be illegal. A lot of kids are hurt by this. Yes, some like it, but so what? It should be illegal just because it’s weird if for no other reason. Guys who do it need to go down. And CP unfortunately probably needs to be illegal too. I won’t have any on my drive, I won’t mess around with any kids, and pedo stuff is not part of my fantasy life. There is some stuff kids should not be exposed to, and one of those things is sex.

I remember one pic in particular was very upsetting. I think that guy in San Diego sent me the url. It was a guy about 40 screwing this girl who was like 8.

Something was just so wrong, sick and messed up about that. The man was way too big and too old, the girl was way too young and too small. I would not say it was “sick,” but it was just very weird, disturbing and upsetting. Sort of like those sicko gore and shock videos online. It was almost traumatizing to look at it. You look at it, and the main thing you think is, “WRONG. That is so wrong.”

You can’t even put your finger on why it’s wrong, it’s just wrong in some hard to describe way. It’s fucked up, and it’s so fucked up, it should not even be legal. It almost seems to scream crime too. But was it “sick?” Not really. Some behavior is just fucked up, wrong, not ok, messed up. So messed up that it ought to be outright banned, and if you do it, the cops should e able to haul you off. It’s something society should not tolerate for the simple reason that it is too fucked up to exist in a decent society. Ok?

RL: More or less my feelings too, though I have seen little of this stuff.

Internetman: You have seen CP?

RL: Only a few times. I used to prowl around on dirty Yahoo profiles all the time. And I found a few profiles that had CP on them as profile pics. Mostly it was young kids screwing each other, like a 9-10 year old boy and a girl the same age, but that also looks very weird and disturbing in some bizarro kind of way. Should it be illegal to do it? No idea. But pics like that should not be allowed.

I also saw some weird profile pics that were like mothers and daughters. Not sure if it was CP, but it seemed messed up. And a couple of times pic trading morons sent me pics of that crap. Like you, I was freaked out and deleted it immediately. I have seen maybe several photos of it – a few on Yahoo profiles, couple others idiots sent me.

Internetman: Oh well, I completed my investigation!

RL: You sure did. Should CP and adult-child sex be illegal?

Internetman: Oh Hell yeah. That stuff is so hard to find, and that’s because it is illegal. Once you make it legal, it will be everywhere, and that will be a catastrophe. And it’s a lie that it’s everywhere on the Net, simple for anyone to find. It is nearly impossible for the average surfer to accidentally run across such things.

Adult child sex needs to be illegal, especially age 12 and below. I don’t care what excuses they have. It’s hurts a lot of the kids, and anyway it ought be illegal, #1, just for being weird if for no other reason.

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Filed under Child Porn, Computers, Internetman, Law, Not Robert Lindsay, Pedophilia, Pornography, Sex, Solitaire, Weirdness

They Were Committing Crimes

Repost from the old site. This literary exercise has been praised by a publisher of short literary works and compared to a Peter Sotos novel, Special. Sotos is a notorious transgressive fiction writer who got arrested for child pornography for putting a kiddie porn picture on the cover of one of his novels as an artistic statement.

Special is out of print but has been republished in an anthology called Pornography 1991-2000. Funny overview here.

Yes, I have published fiction before, and it was praised by Avram Davidson, a famous novelist and personal friend, and Gary Snyder, a famous beatnik author. Some of it is available in a literary anthology.

I am just wondering, who are these Thrillseekerman and Internetman guys anyway? What are their initials?

They were committing crimes.

And no one ever caught.

Thrillseekerman sold dope for 14 years, and the cops never caught on. He finally quit, or did he? And now he’s scared to do it again, or is he? But the temptation is always there, because he so loved the outlaw dealer life where you never get caught and outsmart the law.

He also loved being a dealer because he loved being a criminal. As a dealer, you can be a criminal without hurting anyone else, so if you have a shred of guilt left, and Thrillseekerman does, it’s a great Catholic profession.

I mean, a few months ago, or earlier today, or 10 years ago, Internetman met 15-year-old girls on the Net, and they sent him nude pics without him even asking, and said they wanted to have sex with him right now, but they were too far away.

So what did he do with the pics? Delete them, call the cops and turn himself in, or keep them in an evil secret file to show it to his most evil friends? I bet they are gone now. Internetman is paranoid. Were they illegal? Internetman is thinking about it, and trembling.

Internetman went into a chatroom the other night, or was it five years ago? There was a teenage girl in there masturbating on cam, and everyone in the room was watching the fun. Well, she was 13, but she looked like a full-grown to him. The chat room was full, mostly kids but some adults too, both sexes. Was it illegal? Internetman is remembering it, and shaking. With terror, and excitement.

It was seven years ago, or seven weeks ago, or seven months ago, or seven days ago, and 14-year-old girls came to talk to Internetman in the chatrooms and ask for cybersex. What’s a man to do?

It was a while back, or the other day, or some time ago, or 4-7 years ago, and Internetman did the cybersex thing with them, the 14-yr-olds, the 15-yr-olds, and the 16-yr-olds, and of course the droves of legal-aged women as well, and it was all in good fun.

One of them begged and begged for him to send her porn, so he broke down and sent porn to a 14-yr-old girl. Was that illegal? Now he’s paranoid, and he’ll never do it again. Or will he? Maybe he better not.

In a chatroom, five days ago, or last year, or five years back, the 17-year-old girl saw he had a cam and asked him to turn it on. Internetman did so. She started whining for him to take his pants off so she could see his stuff, because she had never seen one before. “But I’ve never seeeeen one before,” she whined into Internetman’s headphones, but he chickened out again.

Internetman went into these really evil chatrooms, just on a wild dare, and people were all trying to do horrible and illegal stuff in there, men and women of all ages, normal folks and weird. Internetman tried not to do anything illegal. Did he succeed? Will he go there again? He doubts it.

Internetman went to this chatroom last year, or eight years ago, or yesterday, and met this guy in Kentucky, a psychopath I guess, who wanted someone to rape his wife. You had to break in, tie her up, rape her, and get away with it.

He described the sex acts he wanted Internetman to engage in with his wife. He said you could not hurt her in any way, and that she would secretly love it. Getting away with it was Internetman’s business, and the guy would not call the cops and report the rape.

So Internetman sat there and wondered whether or not he could be a criminal rapist and try to get get away with it, under special circumstances of course in which at least the victim’s husband consented, but he chickened out at the end.

Internetman met a girl once on the Net a few weeks ago, or was it seven years ago? She was 17 years and seven months old, lived close by, and wanted sex right now. She kept demanding and demanding, and she would not knock it off. She was a lesbian, but she wanted to try it with a guy to see what it felt like. Internetman figured it was an evil plot by one of his enemies trying to get him arrested for child molesting.

Good thing he was paranoid, so he never took her up.

The Internet is the most evil place Internetman knows.

You can do just about anything on here, and who knows if it’s even legal or what. Where are the cops? What’s a cop? There are bulletin boards right now where people are asking for child porn and bragging about their antisocial acts, and Internetman knows where they are. He’s been to them, lurking, but he didn’t do anything illegal. Or did he?

Internetman went to chatrooms where sex perverts traded porn pics. Mostly it was fun, but some people sent Internetman really illegal pics without him even asking, and he freaked out and deleted them about as quick as they hit the screen. Was that illegal? Did Internetman commit a crime?

One of his drug addict friends, Killerdude, came over the other day, or was it 22 years ago? He asked Thrillseekerman to be the getaway driver for an armed robbery, and Thrillseekerman considered it, but thank God he didn’t do it.

A few months back, or 18 years ago, one of Thrillseekerman’s doper friends drove the getaway car for an armed robbery and he told Thrillseekerman all about it.

Then the armed robber himself came over to Thrillseekerman’s house with his girlfriend and they sat around and took drugs. He seemed like a smiling psychopath, and those guys are always charming in a way. Later Thrillseekerman called the cops and told them the guy’s name, but there was not much they could do.

Last week, or 21 years ago, Thrillseekerman called the cops on his friends and tried to get them busted. Once for selling heroin, because Thrillseekerman thought that was shitty. The other time because Thrillseekerman was mad at his friend who sold pot and wanted to burn the guy.

Dopers work with narcs all the time, mostly for revenge reasons. Most people don’t know that. Without dopers to work alongside them, every narc in America would be unemployed.

Once, 11 years ago, or a few weeks back, Thrillseekerman stole Killerdude’s car, not to be a criminal or anything, but just because he was furious at him, but he brought it back when the cop’s son across the street was going to have him arrested.

One time, it was last month, last year, or it was 20 years ago, and Thrillseekerman drove by a business at 5 AM with a slingshot and blew out a window in a business that because he hated it and it was evil.

Committing street crimes like that, which was actually a revolutionary act in favor of people’s power and against the crooked businesses that rip off the people, is one of the biggest rushes that Thrillseekerman knows. You will shake like a leaf. You will shake so hard it will be hard to steer the car after you do it. You will be terrified and thrilled all at the same time, and when you get away with it, there will be no better feeling.

Killerdude came over a while back, or 25 years ago, or the other day, and said he was considering taking an offer to kill some guy, from a woman who was offering big money to have her husband knocked off. So they, Thrillseekerman and Killerdude, sat around for hours blasted out of their minds on dope and talked about whether or not you should murder someone for the money.

They discussed Christianity, as in whether or not a Christian should kill, and whether or not the would-be murder victim deserved it since he was a wife-beater, and Thrillseekerman tried to spy on Killerdude for the cops, but it did not work. Thrillseekerman didn’t like the idea of killing for money (even Thrillseekerman had some basic values) and thought his friend was degenerating morally.

They took lots of drugs, Thrillseekerman and Killerdude, while they talked about all this insane and evil stuff. It was last month, or was it 15 years ago?

They sat around for hours at night stoned out of their minds on chemicals, saying, “Yeah! I could play the role of the insane serial killer! I could play that role! I could play any role! I could play as many roles as you could! And that’s a lot of roles,” as they shook their heads and laughed demoniacally but didn’t really consider it, just fantasized about it. About what? Being a serial killer? How many people do that?

It was really weird back in those days, or the other day, or whenever it was, but not too many crimes happened.

Once they got loaded and made some bombs. It was a few months ago, or 13 years ago, or back in the 80’s. Thrillseekerman had these antisocial maniac friends, some of whom seemed like they might snap, but Thrillseekerman wasn’t worried, and they liked to make bombs, like all maniacs do. It’s so fun making illegal bombs. The psycho dudes showed Thrillseekerman how to make bombs, which is so easy it’s scary.

Then they took the bombs and blew up this dude’s windshield (who deserved it) with a fused time bomb, and they slashed his tires, then they took another bomb, this time sort of a firebomb that shoots up a flame, and threw it on some other guy’s lawn (who deserved it), and it burned a hole in the lawn.

Making little bombs is the easiest thing in whole world to do, and every revolutionary and maniac of any age might want to make them and set off them in the street at least, that is if you have the nerve, just to see what an explosion looks like and to piss off the neighbors.

They called themselves a gang and sat on the front porch of Thrillseekerman’s house and shot BB pellets and rocks and dirt clods at the neighbors’ house (who deserved it) and dared them to call the cops.

The people did call the cops, but the cops hardly cared because they thought Thrillseekerman was doing a civic duty by getting rid of the real criminal (the neighbor) he was attacking. In other words, Thrillseekerman was a public service vigilante ridding the neighborhood of scum as he saw fit.

The cops paid him a visit on the phone, told him to watch it, and told him to spend $10 to repair the door Thrillseekerman had smashed in with a baseball bat after laughing maniacally and running across the street in broad daylight as a joke just so the whole world could see it and to dare them to call the cops. If you’re doing a public service crime, do it in broad daylight. It was just the other day, or long, long ago.

Another time Thrillseekerman sneaked into the ladies room to take a crap because the criminal, feral, 13 year old Black youths were in the men’s room threatening with their eyes to attack anyone who came in. A woman called the cops, and the detectives threatened to kick Thrillseekerman’s ass if he did not confess to a perverted crime he did not commit.

He only wanted to confess to taking a crap, which was the only crime he did. Well, he was also trying to see if he could get away with it, so there was a thrillseeker aspect. The detectives quickly figured out he was not a pervert, but they kept on torturing him anyway and trying to get him to confess. Don’t you just love detectives? How many people in the US just confess unless the cops beat the shit out of them?

He was 20 again, or was he 50, or was he 35? He was jogging in the park, and Thrillseekerman met a 12 year old girl he had known from an old job for a long time, and they chatted a bit and smiled and laughed, and then she flat out asked Thrillseekerman to have sex with her, and smiled when she said it, just like that. Not only that, but she was beautiful, brilliant, wise and athletic.

And Thrillseekerman considered being the ultimate criminal that you can be, a child molesting sick evil scumbag piece of dirt, but then he decided against it. There are Lolitas and teenage girls that want it, 12 and up, with adult men, 18-45. And if you do it and get caught, you are going down in the worst way.

It was yesterday, or long ago in another lifetime. A whole crowd of gangsters came in the door. There had just been a gang fight, and people were hurt. The gangsters were underage, some of them, but they used an 18 year old girl to get in the door because they knew Thrillseekerman’s fatal weaknesses.

Later there were shots fired 50 yards from his door, and the cops didn’t even want to take any witnesses. They never do in gang crimes, and besides, in Greater Tijuana, here in California, there are pro-gang Hispanic spies everywhere.

Thrillseekerman’s White, and he claims Norteno, or does he? Or does the whole neighborhood? After all, he lives in a Norteno hood, so everyone more or less claims in a way. Thrillseekerman wears jogging shoes with N on them for a reason, or does he?

Three weeks ago, or nine months ago, or 12 years ago, someone came by and flashed a United Farm Workers shirt (Do you get it?) at Thrillseekerman and asked him to go out with a shotgun and kill some Surenos. Thrillseekerman had to think about it for a bit, because nothing would be so thrilling and dangerous, and Surenos probably deserved it anyway, but thank God he declined.

There were criminal opportunities all over the place for decades, right under your nose, people enticing him here and there to break the law and commit serious crimes, some of them felonies, if only one was psycho enough, and they seemed to dare you and egg you on. In the barrio anyway, no snitching was the rule, so you might even get away with it, but you could still get caught.

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