Category Archives: Humor

Books All White Men Own

Books all White men own.

I read 29 of 79, which 38%, or more than a third of them. If you include the ones where I saw the movie or read another book of the author’s, it’s up to 44 or 57%, more than half. All told I have read 89 books by the 78 authors below.

See how many of these you have read. 

If you are a white man and you think you do not own one of these books, try looking under your bed, it’s probably there.

1. Shogun, James Clavell NO, but saw the movie

2. Slaughterhouse-Five, Kurt Vonnegut YES, and also read Player Piano; The Sirens of Titan; Mother Night; Cat’s Cradle; Breakfast of Champions; God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater; Slapstick; Welcome to the Monkey House; Happy Birthday, Wanda June; and Wampeters, Foma and Grandfalloons.

3. A Confederacy of Dunces, John Kennedy Toole YES

4. Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace NO

5. A collection of John Lennon’s drawings. NO

6. A Farewell to Arms, Ernest Hemingway YES, and also read The Sun Also Rises, The Snows of Kilimanjaro and Other Stories, The Green Hills of Africa, In Our Time, Men without Women, A Moveable Feast, For Whom the Bell Tolls, To Have and Have Not, Across the River and into the Trees, The Old Man and the Sea, and Death in the Afternoon.

7. The first two volumes of A Song of Ice and Fire, George R. R. Martin NO

8. God Is Not Great, Christopher Hitchens NO

9. Catch-22, Joseph Heller YES, and also read Something Happened.

10. I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, Tucker Max NO

11. Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand NO, and never will!

12. The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat, Oliver Sacks YES

13. The Catcher in the Rye, J. D. Salinger YES, and also read Franny and Zooey, Nine Stories, and Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters.

14. The Godfather, Mario Puzo YES

15. The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald YES

16. Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov YES, and also read Bend Sinister

17. Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk NO, but read another one, Invisible Monsters.

18. The Master and Margarita, Mikhail Bulgakov NO

19. The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown NO, and never will.

20. The Grapes of Wrath, John Steinbeck YES, and also read Of Mice and Men, Cannery Row and Tortilla Flat.

21. The Stand, Stephen King NO

22. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, Stieg Larsson NO

23. The Naked and the Dead, Norman Mailer NO, but read An American Dream, The Armies of the Night, Of a Fire on the Moon, and The White Negro.

24. Tuesdays With Morrie, Mitch Albom NO

25. It’s Not About the Bike, Lance Armstrong (definitely under the bed) NO

26. Who Moved My Cheese?, Spencer Johnson NO

27. Portnoy’s Complaint, Philip Roth YES, and also read Goodbye Colombus.

28. Seabiscuit, Laura Hillenbrand NO

29. John Adams, David McCullough NO

30. Ragtime, E. L. Doctorow YES

31. Lucky Jim, Kingsley Amis YES

32. America: The Book, Jon Stewart NO

33. The World Is Flat, Thomas Friedman NO, and never will! But read From Beirut to Jerusalem.

34. The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell YES

35. The Curious Incident of the Dog In the Night-Time, Mark Haddon NO

36. Exodus, Leon Uris (if Jewish) NO

37. Trinity, Leon Uris (if Irish-American) NO

38. The Road, Cormac McCarthy NO, but own All the Pretty Horses.

39. Marley & Me, John Grogan NO

40. Freakonomics, Steven D. Levitt YES

41. The Rainmaker, John Grisham NO

42. Patriot Games, Tom Clancy NO, and never will.

43. Dragon, Clive Cussler NO, never will.

44. Guns, Germs, and Steel, Jared Diamond NO

45. The Agony and the Ecstasy, Irving Stone NO

46. The 9/11 Commission Report NO

47. The Spy Who Came in from the Cold, John le Carre NO, but read Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.

48. Rising Sun, Michael Crichton NO, but saw Jurassic Park and The Andromeda Strain.

49. A Walk in the Woods, Bill Bryson NO, but read Made in America.

50. Airport, Arthur Hailey NO

51. Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki NO, but saw the movie.

52. Burr, Gore Vidal NO

53. Angela’s Ashes, Frank McCourt NO

54. The Wheel of Time, Robert Jordan NO

55. Into Thin Air, Jon Krakauer NO

56. Into the Wild, Jon Krakauer NO

57. Cryptonomicon, Neal Stephenson NO, and never will!

58. Godel, Escher, Bach, Douglas Hofstadter NO

59. The World According to Garp, John Irving YES, and also read Setting Free the Bears and A Son of the Circus.

60. A Brief History of Time, Stephen Hawking NO

61. The Tin Drum, Gunter Grass No, but saw the movie and read Dog Soldiers.

62. On the Road, Jack Kerouac YES, and also read Visions of Gerard.

63. Lord of the Flies, William Golding YES

64. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien YES

65. The Bonfire of the Vanities, Tom Wolfe NO, but read The Hells Angels, The Electric Koolaid Acid Test, The Painted Word, The Right Stuff, Radical Chic and Mau-Mauing the Flak Catchers, The Candy-Colored Tangerine-Flake Streamline Baby.

66. Beowulf, the Seamus Heaney translation NO

67. Rabbit, Run, John Updike NO, but read Toward the End of Time and Hugging the Shore.

68. The Satanic Verses, Salman Rushdie YES

69. The Complete Sherlock Holmes, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle NO

70. The Big Sleep, Raymond Chandler NO, but read The Maltese Falcon.

71. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Ken Kesey NO, but saw the movie, and read The Demon Box.

72. A Clockwork Orange, Anthony Burgess YES

73. House of Leaves, Mark Danielewski NO

74. The Call of the Wild, Jack London NO

75. Gravity’s Rainbow, Thomas Pynchon YES, and also read The Crying of Lot 49, V., Vineland, and Slow Learner.

76. I, Claudius, Robert Graves NO

77. The Civil War: A Narrative, Shelby Foote NO

78. American Psycho, Bret Easton Ellis NO

79. Life, Keith Richards NO

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Filed under Humor, Literature, Novel, Race/Ethnicity, Whites

“Latest Updates from the Land of the Poo” by Magneto

I would like my own little bit here to Magneto’s excellent essay. I had a dream last night and this is what happened in the dream:

“DESIGNATED!” I said, laughing heartily. “A FUCKING WAGON WHEEL!” I added, pointing their flag as tears of mirth streaking down my cheeks.

“Fuck you!” Rajay scowled back. “We have a fucking space program! We’ll be a superpower by 2020!”

I howled even louder in laughter, just as an Indian might howl as his asshole was burned by the spicy curryshit he was taking while he squatted on his designated street.

“Surely you’re joking!,” I laughed. “You expect me to believe that you’ll be putting men on the moon when you don’t even know to put the poo in the loo?”

“You’ve mocked my country for the last time! We’ll show you!” Rajay screamed, walking away, his shoulders tensed, doubtless because he needed to go shit in the street for the eighth time that day.

Later, I was quietly asleep in my bed, when all of a sudden I was awoken by a sudden noise. It was a wooden-sounding rattling, one that I could have sworn that I could recognize, yet I didn’t until it was too late. My window shattered, a giant fucking wagon wheel came spinning through the scattered shards like a whirling dervish, castling flecks of accumulated poo, no doubt accumulated as it rolled down the designated shitting streets as it made its fateful way to me.

I screamed as the wagon wheel crunched into my torso, smashing my ribs and bursting my organs like the bloated corpses of dead children floating down the Ganges River. I think I soiled myself in that moment, but honestly I couldn’t tell, partly because I was in too much pain and partly because the smell was already too bad. As consciousness drifted away from me and darkness closed in, it was almost as if the scattered mounds of shit that had been flung across my room were moving – no – dancing. I could almost swear I  hear their voices of the shit piles as they jigged up and down.

“Take the poo to the loo…” They seemed to whisper. “Take the poo to the loo…”

Latest Updates from the Land of the Poo

by Magneto

It has been a while since I wrote anything, so I just wanted to mention three different incidents regarding Indians in the past few weeks that I found interesting.

The first incident is about an Indian woman named Shree Chauhan who verbally attacked Sean Spicer in public. She was calling him a fascist and her Twitter account is full of anti-White tweets saying “White supremacy is the root cause of all the problems in America”. Oh really, Shree? Well if you hate White people so much, why not just go back to India? At least White men don’t rape you, throw acid in your face, and stone you to death like Indian men do.

Here is a link to that incident:

Second incident is about an Indian airline that was flying from Delhi to Chicago. The airplane had 12 toilets, but 4 of the toilets had been disabled by the previous flight, full of Indians of course. By the time the plane was 2 or 3 hours away from Chicago, the remaining eight toilets had been completely destroyed, disabled, and made unusable by Indian’s idiotic toilet habits.

The 300 people on board had to literally hold their bladder and wait to pee until they landed in Chicago. But it’s their own stupid fault for not even knowing how to use a toilet, so I don’t feel any pity for them. How the hell can you afford to buy a plane ticket to America and yet be completely unaware of how to use a Western toilet? Indians constantly brag about how they are the richest people in America, and yet the retards can’t even use toilets?

Here is the link to that incident

The third incident is about a couple of Indian men who got shot in a bar by an ex-Navy Seal in Kansas. Witnesses reported that the Seal shouted “Go back to your country,” before shooting them both.

It is most likely that the two Indian men provoked the Seal and were engaging in the typical Indian braggart bullshit. They were probably saying “You White people are all stupid, and we Indians have all the good jobs.” So they provoked the guy, and he snapped and shot them. Maybe Indians will think twice before acting in such an arrogant fashion?

There’s even been news about how Indian parents are now refusing to send their children to college in America that blame Donald Trump for their behavior, saying that America is no longer safe for minorities now that Trump is in power.

Here is the link to that incident.

And the last thing I wanted to share is that I found a very humorous video on YouTube. It is a musical video called”Take the Poo to the Loo, and it is fully animated too.

The lyrics are especially hilarious, so I’m taking the liberty of posting them below:

First thing in the morning, what do I see?
A pile of shit staring at me.
I close my eyes, I step away.
No matter where I go, there’s no getting away.
Take your poo to the loo.
Take your poo to the loo.
Take your poo to the loo.
Take your poo to the loo.

Poo, poo, poo, poo, poo, everywhere.
Poo, poo, poo, poo, poo, next to you.
Poo, poo, poo, poo, poo, where is that loo?

I step out on the street. What do I smell?
Shit that’s stinky to high hell.
I hold my breath, I step away.
But everywhere I go, there’s no getting away.

Poo, poo, poo, poo, poo, everywhere.
Poo, poo, poo, poo, poo, next to you.
Poo, poo, poo, poo, poo, everywhere.
Poo, poo, poo, poo, poo, where is that loo?

Shit, not shit, this shit, that shit.p
Let’s see now. Let me check.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.

Poo, poo, poo, poo, poo, everywhere.
Poo, poo, poo, poo, poo, next to you.
Poo, poo, poo, poo, poo, everywhere.
Poo, poo, poo, poo, poo, where is that loo?

Take The Poo To The Loo

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Filed under Crime, Culture, East Indians, Guest Posts, Humor, India, Literary Excursions, Midwest, Music, Politics, Race/Ethnicity, Regional, Republicans, South Asia, South Asians, US Politics, USA, Whites

Male Dolphins Are Evil, Part 1

Repeatedly, for those that don’t know, dolphin and porpoise pods will rape the females in the pod. That’s how they reproduce. In large pods, for instance when multiple pods converge to chase a school of fish, (some of these superpods number in the thousands) a female in heat will find herself raped hundreds of times, often times till she dies, at which point the males drag her along and continue for days after her death.

Ok, so day we learn that male dolphins are mostly complete bastards, except for a few who are total motherfuckers.

Nice try Dolphin guys. You brainwashed all of us with your Flipper propaganda that you all were as harmless and delightful as babies. Whereas in fact, the typical male dolphin has the personality of Ted Bundy. Well, your scam worked for a while, but now we are onto you turds. You better watch out. We got your number.

I had no idea that guy dolphins were so rapey. Jesus, they’re even rapier than Indian men, and that’s pretty bad.

I would like to say something to all you dolphinbros out there.

You know what, you finny dudes? You’re all a bunch of assholes, you know that, right? That’s all I have to say to you oxygen-thieves.

Meanwhile, pro tip for all you lady dolphins. Don’t get horny. Don’t even think about it. Your life may lie in the balance!

75 Comments

Filed under Animals, Cetaceans, Humor, Mammals, Wild

Mentally Ill Jews Hallucinate More Fake Anti-Semitism in Major Fake News Story

Here.

In the latest fake news, New York’s Jewish community is up in arms over a fake antisemitic post that many Jews hallucinated on a local politician’s Facebook page. There was no such antisemitic post. It was all made up. Instead, there was only a feminist statement condemning the brutal misogyny of the Orthodox Jewish community, where women are little more than slaves and cattle.

90% of these Orthodox Jews vote Republican and hence are deemed mentally retarded because after all, any Jew who consistently votes Republican is a complete fucktard.

The ultra orthodox Hasidic community’s abusive treatment of women is epic. In that community, women must separate themselves from men, must dress as they are told, are forced into arranged marriages, can not divorce without the approval of their husbands and community leaders, they are not properly educated, can’t attend college, and can not use birth control, yet, the Rockland County Democratic Committee says nothing: absolute silence. Why? Because the people in that community vote in a block and the leaders of the Rockland Democratic Party want their votes. Please!!!!! Total hypocrisy!!!!

The latest bruhaha from our very largely psychotic Jewish community. Jewish paranoiacs starving for another victim fix fell all over themselves condemning the head of the Rockport, New York GOP for telling the truth about Orthodox Jews in New York.

Rabbi Moshe Schwab, speaking on behalf of the Jewish Council, while experiencing hallucinations and delusions while temporarily off his anti-psychotic meds, ran into the middle of a crowded highway and screamed, demanding an immediate apology for the “ugly anti-Semitic post” and called on local officials to denounce it. If they didn’t denounce it, he stated, the Jews would declare war on these heathen goyim until they were finally solutioned.

“At a time when tensions between communities are high and Jewish facilities and communities across the state are being targeted, the Rockland County Republican Party used its official Facebook page to launch a viciously anti-Semitic tirade against against the Orthodox community,” Schwab fibbed in a released statement.

The sane Republican who made the post defended it.

Lawrence Garvey, chairman of the GOP committee who wrote the Facebook message, said “the post speaks for itself.”

“The point of post was to highlight the hypocrisy of the Democratic Party here in Rockland, who rightfully champion the rights of women nationally and ignore what goes on here in Rockland County,” Garvey said.

The post was intended to be an attack on the hypocrisy of the local Democratic Party for sucking up to Ultra-Orthodox barbarians in the area.

Not to be outdone, another Jew, Kristen Zebrowski Stavisky, chairwoman of the Rockland Democratic Committee, experienced a temporary psychotic break. She said in an email that the county GOP posted a “racist and anti-Semitic rant meant to further divide our community and exacerbate hatred and fear” instead of supporting the millions of women and men who took part in the rallies. After that, she was rehospitalized in an attempt to control her major mental illness.

Stavisky lied, as usual, and said the post “contained falsehoods,” “divisive rhetoric” and “blatant lies.”

Evan Bernstein, regional director of the New York Anti-Defamation League’s prevaricated and said said the social media comments were “deeply troubling.” The ADL is one of the stupidest organizations ever created in our fair land. Staffed entirely by mentally ill Jews, the organization spends its time ranting about their persecutory delusions hallucinations of Nazis in the streets. The ADL truly is completely worthless and it causes one to seriously doubt whether Jews are the most intelligent race because only fucktards would support such an asinine waste of office space.

The ADL drew weapons and pointed them at Garvey and the county GOP about the Facebook post. Understandably, the nonoffensive, 100% factual post was removed. The Jewish lunatics applauded the party’s decision to delete it, Bernstein threatened in a low hiss of voice said, cradling his Uzi.

“People that are public figures have to do a better job across the board to understand that these words have a deep impact,” Bernstein said dishonestly. “The fact that Lawrence Garvey and the Rockland GOP were willing to take it down, they should be commended for that. They understood that it wasn’t going to be helpful and it was taken down, ” uttering even more barely intelligible nonsense.

Orthodox Jewish cuckqueen Kalman Weber suffering from false consciousness, a registered Republican from Monsey and member of the Ultra-Orthodox and Hasidic organized crime gangs,  said deceptively, “women are respected and looked up to in these communities.” This inadvertent joke caused widespread hysterics in social media.

Weber whitewashed the viciously misogynistic community of Jewish primitives and here are no forced marriages in the community although dates and meetings are typically pre-arranged. While women need the approval of their husbands for a divorce, men require the approval of their wives as well, she said, Jewsplaining further. Weber said she was completely cuckqueened to her husband and that was fine with her as she had very low self-esteem anyway.

“By men and women, following the dictates of their religion, does not mean they are being abused,” Weber said, telling another canard. “They are very happy to follow the dictates of their religion.” Weber expanded on her tall tale, “They are just as happy as all those cucked Islamic women who loved getting stoned to death, wearing trash bags and being  deemed too childish to drive.”

Weber also called on Garvey to step down as GOP leader, hollering with a menacing tone in her steely voice.

That said, there has indeed been some antisemitic hate crime associated with the rapidly expanding population of Hasidic layabouts in the region.

The incidents below occurred recently and are much to be lamented. However, today’s so called antisemitic Facebook post was simply a Jewish mass visual hallucination

Concern over the rapidly expanding Hasidic and ultra-Orthodox communities in Ramapo, whose population growth ranks among the highest rate in the state, has become a flashpoint throughout Rockland.

During the summer, several powerful fireworks exploded outside the homes of two rabbis in New City. Community leaders and officials rallied against the attack, and characterized it as a “hate crime.”

Anti-Semitic graffiti was also found spray painted on a Pomona street in November.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Anti-Racism, Anti-Semitism, Democrats, Humor, Jews, Judaism, Northeast, Politics, Race/Ethnicity, Racism, Regional, Religion, Republicans, US Politics, USA, Women

January 30, 1933

Yesterday in 1933, Adolf Hitler was made chancellor of Germany.

Although he hasn’t killed any Jews or started any wars yet, Trump-Bannon are very much cut from the same mold – not only fascists, but racist fascists to boot. Another word for a racist fascist is a National Socialist or Nazi.

So yeah, this time the Godwin Rule actually makes some sense.

Have fun with your dictatorship, Trumpsterfires, or Cum Trumpsters. Which is better,  Cum Trumpsters, Trumpsters, or Trumpsterfires?

I rather like Cum Trumpsters. Reminds me of Teabaggers. Similar acts, both associated with fellatio. And boy are the Trumpsters fellating Herr Donald! Whew. If they don’t come up for air soon, they may suffocate. Wait. This is bad?

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Filed under Europe, European, Fascism, Germany, History, Humor, Modern, National Socialism, Nazism, Political Science, Politics, Racism, Regional, Republicans, US Politics, White Racism

Hero of the Day

Here.

Good job, kid. Let’s set the whole damn country ablaze though, not just a pile of signs.

Make America ungovernable!

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Filed under Conservatism, Humor, Northeast, Political Science, Politics, Regional, Republicans, US Politics, USA

Only White People Have Blue Eyes

blue-eyes-01

I guess all these people must be White then. But…but…wait a minute…um….uh….erm…duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Only Europeans have blue eyes only Europeans are White hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..

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Filed under Afghans, Anthropology, Central Asians, East Indians, Europeans, Genetics, Humor, Iranians, Near Easterners, Pakistanis, Physical, Race/Ethnicity, South Asians, Whites

Gay Day on Robert Lindsay

Sorry folks. The site’s going to be all fagged out today. There’s going to be nothing but a bunch of gay posts. I have to get all this pent-up fagginess out of my system. After that, I can breathe a sigh of relief and carry on as usual.

So today’s Gay Day. Today on the site it’s the queer, all the queer and nothing but the queer. Should be lot of fun here today, but you might want to watch your back or be careful when you bend over until the day’s over. After midnight, you can relax again and not worry about whatever odd or queer thing might be lurking in back of you.

Anyway, hoping you all have a gay old time today!

 

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Filed under Gender Studies, Homosexuality, Humor, Man World, Sex

In Praise of Racism

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Transphobia FTW! Get help freaks!

There is no shame in racism! Be racist and proud, don’t be shy! Don’t let those liberal dogooders stop you!

I’m a racist! A proud racist! A defiant racist! I love my race, the human race! If there’s one race I hate, it’s the nonhumans! That means you its, whatever the Hell you tranny things are! I don’t know what you are, but you sure ain’t people. Humans are either male or female, period. If you can’t make up your mind if you are male or female, I’m going to call you “it.” If you’re neither male nor female, you’re a thing. Real simple. You are not part of my glorious race. You’re one of those lower races, you know, the nonhumans.

Heshe’s got lost!

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Filed under Cultural Marxists, Gender Studies, Humor, Scum, Sex, Weirdos

In Praise of Transphobia

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Up with transphobia!

Transphobia FTW!

Get lost, freaks! Weirdos out!

Get help deviants! There’s no shame in mental illness. A mental health clinician is only a phone call away. Fight stigma now!

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Filed under Cultural Marxists, Gender Studies, Humor, Mental Illness, Psychology, Scum, Sex, Weirdos