Is this off some TV show? How did they set this up anyway?
Category Archives: Humor
All of you fans of Indian Designated Shitting Streets pining for the same here in the US won’t be crying in your coffee long. A few supporters of Designated Shitting Streets have already made their way into US politics. Of course they are all Republicans. What do you expect? Indians want all of their poor to drop dead tomorrow, and Republicans want all of our poor to drop dead yesterday. A difference? Semantic quibbling!
Well, I am here to bear news of good hope for all of you who have been waiting anxiously all this time for the arrival of Designated Shitting Streets on our benighted shores. With the arrival of casteist reactionary Indian feudalists like Haley and Jindal into the American Dark Enlightenment/neoreactionary scene, Designated Shitting Streets will not be far behind!
Now you will no longer have to spend thousands on an overpriced plane ticket to some shithole to witness the ineffable glory, timeless beauty, and ancient rhythm of Designated Shitting Streets (now all marked as National Landmarks by the Indian government). You will not even have to leave your own country to partake of the age-old rhapsodic beauty of squatting humans on a hot pavement in the blazing sun.
They’re coming to America! Yes. Your dreams have come true, and your prayers have been heard. Sooner than you think, there will be a Designated Shitting Street within a few hours drive of your own home! As the world’s greatest tourist artifacts, arcana, rituals and celebrations make the way to our very homes, the greatest glories of the ancient world, such as India’s world-renowned Designated Shitting Streets themselves, will so on be no more than a few hours’ Sunday drive away from your very own eyes and noses.
2030, India Superpower! Bow down before the new world superpower or forever hold your tongue.
2050! India Superpower! Poo is in the loo! Designated shitting streets are now designated shitting planets!
You realize that has turned into one of the funniest internet memes of them all? Designated shitting streets?
You know how that started? It was on 4chan and people were making fun of Indians for shitting in the streets and everywhere else for that matter. They had all these memes up there, and some Indian nationalist came on there ranting and raving, “2030 India Superpower! We’re going to kill every single one of you!” You know like they do. And then he said that Indians don’t shit in any old street anyway. “We have designated shitting streets,” he said. Well, it took off from there.*
That and the Goddamned idiot wagon wheel flag are too much, man. That one Indian nationalist idiot singlehandedly created one of the most hilarious anti-Indian memes ever made.
Congratulations! Jai Hind!
*I think I was one of the first bloggers to find that conversation and I had a jpg of that whole conversation at one point. After that idiot tried to defend himself with the “designated shitting streets” excuse, everyone just dogpiled all over him and beat up him up for a long time after that. He just sputtered along muttering that he was going to kill all of them like they always do.
I don’t care about all the fools who died climbing Mt. Everest or K2. Actually K2 has killed quite a few more people than Everest. The people who got killed climbing Everest are still sitting there on that mountain, frozen human hot dogs on an icebox mountain. I’m not sure what it means that they are still there. Maybe there is no way to go get the body. Those bodies are actually marked on maps and are used as landmarks by people climbing the mountain!
Can you believe it? You are looking at a map climbing Everest and your friend points in the distance at this darker colored object on the mountain. That’s Climber #74 over there. We call him Human Frozen Burrito for short. It’s on the map. Find Human Burrito on the map, and you can figure out where we are on this infernal mountain.
A little edification for your Monday.
Anything we can add here, guys?
Here’s one:Do you have a gag reflex? Yes_____ No_____
Last night I went to Turkey for a Linguistics Conference! It was only a dream, but so what! I tell you what, I definitely saved on the airfare flying there in REM time!
Anyway, let’s hear what happened!
Dream starts below for you slowpokes:
After a while, I got a pissed off call from my Mom:
“Bob! It says long distance! How much is this going to cost me? What the Hell are you doing in Turkey?”
“I dunno Mom. I didn’t sleep for 18 hours, and I thought, ‘I’m going to Turkey, dammit’, and next thing I knew I was at the airport, waiting for my plane to Turkey, and here I am.”
“But you didn’t get any sleep! You haven’t slept for 18 hours! Did you sleep on the plane?” (Moms never change.)
“Nope. No sleep on the plane and I’ve been awake since landed. I know I’ve been up for hours, but I don’t care. That’s sort of making it more fun because I’m so sleep deprived, I can I can hardly figure out where I am or what’s going on most of the time.”
“Where did you get the money? You just spent all your money!” (Like I said, Moms never change.)
“Yeah, I dunno about that Mom. Somehow I had X dollars before I left, and now I still have X dollars. It’s like the flight didn’t even cost anything. I have no idea how that happened. I don’t get it.” (Actually I do get it. Airplane flights can be totally free in dreams. Isn’t that cool?)
“What do you mean it didn’t cost anything! That doesn’t even make sense!” (I told you they never change.)
“I have no idea, Mom. Maybe someone paid for it? Maybe the organizers paid for the ticket? I really have no idea.”
“Well, have fun!” (It sounds more like a demand than a wish, but I told you they never change.)