Monthly Archives: April 2018

Can Gay Men be Attracted to Masculine Women?

Answered on Quora.

You know this is a very interesting question because maybe some of them are!

I had a 15 year old boy in my counseling practice once. After a little bit, it became clear that his problem was that he was gay, but he did not wish to be. However, one thing he told me was very interesting. He told me that there was this one girl that he liked, but she looked like a boy. So gay men are not just attracted to males but to “maleness.” That is, they are attracted to males or anything that seems pretty male, which could include a very masculine woman.

Interestingly, a lot of straight men are attracted to drag queens and pre-op transsexuals simply because even though they are men, they look very much like women. This is because straight men are not just attracted females but to to “womanness.” That is, they are attracted to women and anything that seems like a woman, which could include a very feminine man or a man in drag.

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Filed under Gender Studies, Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Man World, Psychology, Romantic Relationships, Sex

What Do Closeted Gay Men Do to Appear Heterosexual?

Answered on Quora.

They do nothing at all. If by closeted you mean gay men who are not out, I have known quite a few, and they do nothing aside from simply not stating that they are gay.

Well, the one thing they will often do is have a girlfriend. I have no idea how this relationships works.

Other than that, they do not try to hide their homosexuality. They aggressively pursue men, especially straight men (like me). Yes, I have been pursued by quite a few closet cases, and I have a low opinion of them.

One things they don’t do is feign an interest in women. The closeted gay men I know never talked about women, not even once. They never looked at women, not even one time. In fact, that is one of the ways you can figure out that they are closeted if you watch them closely over a period of time. Look at how the man looks at and talks about women. If he never talks about women, and he acts like they are ghosts, he may well be closeted.

I had a closeted gay boss one time who acted like the beautiful women in the office were part of the furniture. He reacted to them the same way you would react to a chair or a desk.

I knew another closeted gay man at another job. We would eat in the lunchroom, and a hot woman at work would walk in the room, and every man would look up and stare at her. All except for Arthur. To Arthur, those women may as well have been ghosts. It was as if they were not even there.

There was another closeted gay man at the same work. I had no idea he was gay until a co-worker once told he thought the guy was. He said the man got phone calls at work all the time, but they were always from men. Now that I think back on it, I am quite certain that this man was gay.

They were all very easy to figure out, as closeted gay men continue to pursue men sexually, and gay men are quite easy to figure out if you have been around them. For one thing, they give off a strong sexual vibe when you are around them.

One thing I have noticed is that closeted gay men are often not effeminate. The three men described above were all wimpy but not effeminate. They were much wimpier than the average wimpy straight men. In fact, they were so wimpy that it was almost bizarre, a parody of wimpiness. They acted like mice.

There are some other giveaways. I had a boss who I strongly suspected was a closeted gay at a job I had. One day he opened a drawer, and something happened that shocked or surprised him. For some reason, he shrieked in a very high pitched girly voice due to shock. All of the women in the office were looking at each other and me with raised eyebrows. You would almost never see a straight man shriek like that, especially over something trivial. I later figured out that this man was quite closeted.

The only thing different about closeted gay men is that they are not out. They simply do not state that they are gay. I am not sure what they would say if you asked them. One closeted gay men threatened to beat me up when he found out I was telling people he was gay (he had been pestering me forever and would never take no for an answer). Honestly everyone knew he was anyway.

The case of closeted gay men seems to be the “open secret.” It’s something that everyone knows, but no one ever talks about it. I recall once at my aunt’s workplace, a number of closeted gays at work got together one and aggressively came out in front of the whole office in a pretty in your face way. I assume they were looking for a bad reaction. Instead, the whole office simply shrugged and everyone said, “Oh well, we always figured you were gay anyway.” The gays were disappointed, as apparently they were looking for an extreme reaction.

Some of the closeted gay men I have known were profoundly unhealthy psychologically. Even most gay men seemed healthier than these closeted men. Some of them were seriously screwed in the head in a bad way.

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Filed under Gender Studies, Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Man World, Psychology, Psychopathology, Sex

Have You Ever Walked out of a Doctor’s Office Because the Doctor was Being Disrespectful to You?

Answered on Quora.

No, but there were a number of times when I should have!

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Does Fearing Homosexuality Make Someone Gay?

Answered on Quora.

No. I believe most straight men find the thought of being gay to be frightening if not terrifying. A number of straight men told me that they would rather get shot in the head then have sex with a man. Fear of being gay is fairly normal for straight men. There is even a type of OCD called Gay OCD in which straight people fear that they are gay. 0% of these people are actually gay.

There has been an attempt by PC types to conflate fear of homosexuality with hatred of homosexuals, but they seem to be very different things. Yes, there are a few closeted gay or (usually somewhat bi) men who overcompensate and engage in reaction formation or projective self-hatred by hating gays, but that’s not common.

Most gay haters are not gay at all; in fact, they are quite the opposite. I have known many homophobes in my life. In fact, I know some at this very moment.

Generally it is associated with masculinity. The more masculine the man is, often the more homophobic he is. Most of the strong homophobes I have known were extremely masculine men, I mean some of the most masculine men I have ever known. They were also probably some of the least gay men I have ever known. All were aggressively heterosexual and some had had sex with many women.

I would say that homophobia or hatred of gays is associated with masculinity, particularly hypermasculinity, extreme masculinity or as they call it toxic masculinity more than anything else.

I doubt if most homophobes really fear homosexuality all that much. Instead they just hate gay people for some reason or another. Gay people need to wake up and figure out that the “homophobes are all closet cases” is a big fat lie. There are a lot of people out there who are just assholes and openly hate gay people simply because of what they are.

They really ought to come up with another word. Gayhaters pretty much sums it up.

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Filed under Anxiety Disorders, Gender Studies, Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Man World, Mental Illness, OCD, Psychology, Psychopathology, Sex

Everyone Thinks I’m Gay and Won’t Stop. Help?

Answered on Quora.

We need to know why they are saying this about you, assuming you are a man.

Is it because you do not have a girlfriend or a wife or you do not date women? If so, then just say, “No, I am not gay. I am just a straight guy who has no luck with women.”

Is it because of the way you act? One of the most painful things I ever had to realize in my life was that there was something about my behavior, the way I walked, talked, looked, sat, stood, moved, my mannerisms, how I held a cup of coffee, etc. that was leading many people to think I was gay.

I was crushed when I heard this because I never thought I was effeminate and, in fact, I very much dislike effeminate behavior. The implication that people thought I was effeminate in some way was soul-crushing. I was suicidal for months afterwards.

The problem is that in your case this is probably due to behaviors that have become so deeply rooted in you that they are almost impossible to change.

In recent years, I have decided to act a lot more masculine, and I hardly hear this anymore. Unfortunately, now I knock things over, break things, make a lot of noise, and even get into yearly fistfights, but if this is the price I have to be for people to stop calling me gay, it’s worth it. I have always had a masculine core, and I have found that most straight men do, even men who you would rarely suspect it in.
I would say that if you increase the masculinity of your behavior, you might be hearing this a lot less often. I used to hear it a lot as a young man, but now I hear it maybe once every two years. 99.9999% of the time, people think I am straight.

There is a particular sort of Hell for straight men who are often thought to be gay. It’s not a pleasant place at all to be, and it leads to all sorts of problems. These problems will follow you all through life like a black cloud that never goes away, everywhere you go and everything you do, until you deal with the fundamental issue.

You may find gay and bi men after you a lot, which is no fun. In my case it was like mosquitoes in Alaska. You may start wishing you never see a gay or bi man again. I did.

Gay men will often hassle you and insist that you are really gay, you are just pretending to be straight, and you need to come out already. This mind game can have devastating effects on a young straight man unless he has a very strong mind.

Gay men may sexually harass you and fire you from a job for not having sex with them (this happened to me and one of my friends) or try to blackmail you (this happened to two of my friends who rented rooms from gay men who after a while said you’re either having sex with me or I throw you in the street). And when you tell people you are not gay, typically they will not believe you and will accuse you of lying. It’s exasperating to say the least.

Lots of people are getting you wrong on the most fundamental level.
Probably the worst of it is you get all of prejudice of being gay without any of the fun.

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Filed under Gender Studies, Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Man World, Sex

Is Sending Kissing Emojis to Men Considered Gay?

Answered on Quora.

It sure seems gay. I would never send a kissy emoji to a male unless I was pretending to be gay for a gag.

Straight men don’t kiss men. When you send a kissy to a man, you are either kissing him or blowing him a kiss. They both sound rather gay to me.

There are some straight men out there who kiss guys who they are close friends with. It is a straight up peck on the lips, not a deep kiss. I don’t get it, and I wouldn’t do it if you paid me, but these men are not gay.

Why do it? There are lots of smileys, winks, thumbs up, etc. you can send instead.

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Filed under Gender Studies, Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Man World, Sex

Was Marlon Brando Bisexual?

Answered on Quora.

Brando himself stated that he had had sex with both men and women and he didn’t feel bad about it at all. He seemed to lean straight though.

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Filed under Celebrities, Heterosexuality, Sex

Sticky: How to Access the Newest Posts on the Site

To access the latest posts on the site, please scroll pasts the first two sticky posts. 

The first post(s) on the site, including this one, are sticky. That means that they are always at the top of the page every time you come here. If you want to see the latest posts on the site, you have to scroll down past the sticky posts. So the newest posts on the site will always start where the sticky posts end.

For information on the new changes to the private Delphi Murders and Other Crimes Forums and how to join them, see here.

For information on how and why the site is going to a (partially) paid model, see here.

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Situational Homosexuality in Men and Women with Emphasis on Prison Populations

Rod Fleming: Heterosexuality is the default human position, absolutely. Evolutionary pressure alone assures that. However, don’t forget the importance of ‘situational homosexuality’. Extreme examples of this occur in prisons, boarding schools, and other single-sex environments. Although more work has been done on the male variant, it happens in women too. This means that in some cultures the number of people who have, perhaps even regularly, indulged in homosexual behavior, is much greater than the number of those for whom it is their primary orientation.

This even becomes a defined feature in many cultures, where young males go through a phase of being submissive sexual partners to older ones. Once they get older, they adopt the dominant role BUT they also marry women and become fathers.

Homosexuality is a very complex phenomenon, massively influenced by culture. I think this is because the imperative to have sex, particularly for men, is stronger than the imperative for heterosexual sex.

Thanks Rod. I am quite familiar with situational homosexuality. A lot of young straight men engage in some sort of sexual behavior with men when they are young, say between 18-30, particularly say 19-23. I saw enough of it with my own eyes, though I never participated and it always creeped me out big time. Sometimes they did it right in front of my face (guys grabbing each other and kissing each other). I was disgusted and frightened. Later they got mad at me for not joining in the faggy fun!

These young men had sexual things going on with women too, but just not very often or at least not often enough. Later in life, I think all of them did the default marrying or LTR’s with women and even having kids. The gay stuff early on was just a short term detour, a side road off their main route in life.

Young men need sex with women. When you deprive young men of women to have sex with, they’re going to screw guys.

Regarding your last sentence, see above. The dominant theme of men’s sex lives is, “A pole needs a hole.” No women around? Fine, they’ll screw a guy. Or a little girl. Or an old lady. Or maybe an animal. Or probably even a hole in a wall.

Older women often say, “Men will fuck anything.” In a sense, they are largely correct.

Regarding women, let me tell you something.

I know a thing or two about women’s prisons. There is far more sex going on in a typical women’s prison than in a typical men’s prison. The sexual energy in those places is crazy. They even create their own dildos, I think in the bakery, though I am not sure how they do it. Most are basically straight women. They call, “Gay for the stay, straight at the gate.” As soon as they leave prison, those women go right back to men.

Behind Gay Bars

There is not nearly as much sex going on in men’s prisons as people think. Further, there’s a strong taboo against homosexuality among many of the very masculine men who are typically in there.

A friend of mine did some time in Los Angeles County Jail, only a 4-5 months. It must have been pretty bad in there though because when he came out, he was far worse than when he went in. He was basically full-on psycho when he got out. I don’t see the point of imprisonment if they are even more violent, nuts and psycho when they get out than when they went in. What’s the point?

He told me they had a “Nut Tank” for the crazies. It was a segregated unit separate from the main unit for seriously mentally ill or disturbed prisoners.  They also had a “Queen Tank” for the gay men, who were also segregated from the main unit.

I know some guys who did some serious prison time and they told me there is not nearly as much sex in there as you might think, and rape is not real common either. They said the majority of men who are not doing very serious hard time or life don’t participate in gay sex behind bars. Even guys doing ~10-20 years often don’t participate in homosexuality behind bars.

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Filed under Corrections, Culture, Gender Studies, Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Man World, Sex, Women

How Do I Become Asexual or Permanently Freed from Sexual Desire?

There are some drugs out there that will kill your sex drive pretty well. Either that or wait until you are my age (60), and your sex drive will go away on its own whether you want it to or not!

Realistically though, some men have gone off to monasteries for this reason. As far as turning off the very physical drive though, good luck with that!

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Filed under Health, Little or None, Medicine, Sex