Fraser Crest: Wow, that was homophobic and bigoted. Anytime we make sweeping generalizations about any group of people, especially a minority group that has been oppressed and persecuted by a majority, you run the risk of being “phobic”. It’s stereotyping, it isn’t just, and it isn’t the truth.
So, if that person was in Hollywood and therefore knows ALL about gay people; then, I must be an expert on Orthodox Jews, Russian Jews, Rock-n-Rollers, actors and actresses, singers and musicians, bla, bla, bla, because I lived in and around Hollywood for nearly 30 years.
I had very masculine friends, muscular, confident, and genuinely good people; one friend who liked to do drag once in a while (he couldn’t wear anything too tight because he wouldn’t be able to conceal that huge bulge he had), and another friend who performed in a drag acting troupe that did performances on the weekends in Silverlake with hilarious characters, musical numbers, and a storyline that progressed each week. He was talented and funny, and I enjoyed going to see the shows and usually sat with his partner (a very butch, Latin former gang member who had been married three times and had three grandchildren).
My best friend was from Brazil and working on his PhD at USC (he now teaches back home in Brazil at Universidade de Sao Paulo, Brazil, and his mother is a well-known gay rights activist), and he didn’t fit into a gay stereotype.
As for myself, I lived near the Guitar Center and a theater bookstore – for many years I had long hair, and people asked what band I was in, and one time I was offered a spot in a band (because they liked my look) if I could play bass guitar – I can’t.
When I cut all my hair off, went really short and worked out at the gym – a girl who worked there told me her husband (a comedian) had written a 3-minute performance piece about ME. It was called “The Refreshingly Gay Man” – because I was neither feminine nor hyper-masculine as if trying to conceal something. I was just me. Her husband told me that when you wake up in the morning and open a window and take in a deep breath and stretch — he said that’s what I am – refreshingly gay.
After 9-11 I realized I didn’t know very much about Muslims at all, and I started to read…I hated what I was reading. So, I got a book that’s published by Muslims about their religion…I hated that too. So, I got a book by a lesbian who was raised Muslim and her search to find resolution and peace…didn’t help.
I so desperately did not want to be a bigot, and have bad feelings about a billion + people, but I was discouraged…until one day I discovered an incredibly beautiful singer who sings in Arabic. I have listened to her music for many years now, and I can sing along with quite a few songs. Music is a powerful healer. But she just helped me realize what I already knew — that there are good and bad people in every group…and truthfully, there was a big, abusive religion that forced conversions, tortured, murdered, or enslaved some who wouldn’t convert; and persecuted Jews, calling them “Christ killers”.
That little old religion is still based in Rome. Plus, there is a lot of violence and gross stuff in the Bible so stop pointing out crap from the Quran and think you just exposed all of those Muslims… because there are really decent, caring, loving, peaceful people who happen to follow their religion as they understand it to be or should be.
I also have a friend whose mother turned him into the authorities for being gay – he was only 23 or 24 — he had to appear before Islamic Court (three times) in Tehran. They took everything from him (job, bank account, car, furnishings), issued an order for execution and banned him from travel. Two friends got him out of Iran, risking prison if caught. He was exiled in Turkey for approximately 2 years before being accepted as a refugee to the U.S.
When I heard his story, I heard the words very clearly in my heart say, “I have to do everything I can to help him”. He calls me “dad” or “papa” now, I love that kid, and I’m so proud of him. I am still shaken by what he went through, but I am humbled that he is my “adopted son”.
No, all gay people are not the same.
Although I did joke in the 80’s that some gay men, when they get drunk, turn into black women. But I’m gay. I’m allowed a joke with my friends.
What you are reading up there is the way most straight men really, really feel about gay men. I am straight, and I have been around straight men my whole life. I know what my people are like. I think most straight men are homophobic on some level.
The Rules of the Boys’ Club
These are the rules for masculine straight society or for the Boy’s Club for Men that most such men are members of. Being a Club member means you are one of the boys or one of the guys.
1. NO GAY SHIT. ALSO NO FAGS (SORRY FOR THE LANGUAGE). Not even .00001% gay shit allowed, and no, none of them, no fags, don’t even come around, they’re not members, and they need to somewhere else with their own kind or their straight women friends. No hard feelings, but they are not wanted here. It’s a private club after all.
Gay shit? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don’t even think about it! Do it, and you’re gone. Just like that. You are banished. You can’t even talk about it. If you do, you are suspected of being gay right there. It’s considered such an abomination that you never even bring it up. If you have some feelings like that, we get it, a lot of straight men do. But you really need to STFU about it, and keep it to yourself, dammit.
This is actually the number one rule of the Club, and in a sense it even supersedes masculinity, but not by much. Generally the two are part of a package, one package. Masculine = homophobic and vice versa. Like peanut butter and jelly, they just go together. If you are wimpy but homophobic, well, “At least you’re not a fag” is the attitude. We would tolerate you a bit more because although you are pitiful, at least you are not a menace, an outrage, or an abomination.
This does not necessarily boil down to hating gay men, though sadly it often does. A lot of Club members nowadays are more accepting and tolerant and excuse gay men from Club rules.
They’re not part of our Club, they are not welcome here anyway, and they are seen as outside of our society. They’re over there. Because they are not Club members, the rules do not apply to them. More Club members nowadays think that gay men can’t help it, and we accept them on a somewhat pity basis on the grounds that they can’t help it, and hating them would be like punching someone for being lefthanded. He couldn’t help his handedness. So gay men are exempted from the fierce homophobic rules of the Club. They can act as effeminate and faggy as they wish. It’s weird as Hell, but whatever. Maybe they can’t help that either. Maybe that’s part of getting wired up gay. We give them the benefit of the doubt. Besides, simpatico is a major Club rule and even applies to people outside the Club. See below.
2. BE MASCULINE, DAMMIT. Yep, not real masculine, but just masculine enough. This is called, “Walking the walk, and talking the talk.” If you are not at least masculine or macho enough, get out. You’re not part of our Club. The attitude is “Go over there with the women and fags or your wimpy, pathetic, pussyboy friends.” We don’t even like wimpy and seriously unmasculine, weak men. They’re pitiful and a bit disgusting, and they are not wanted in our circles. Act like a man, dammit! What are you, a girl? This is a minimum requirement for true Club membership, and it goes right along with Rule 1.
3. BE HETEROSEXUAL. A very masculine man who was seriously homophobic and not gay at all but nevertheless did not like women for some reason would still be accepted in the Club because he fulfills Rules 1 and 2, which are mandatory. People would think he was weird, but whatever. So Rule 3 is not mandatory, but most Club men definitely fill it anyway. He gets Club membership on a waiver basis because he fulfills Rules 1 and 2. We rarely see truly asexual men in the Club though. If you truly want full membership, you gotta like pussy. You get massive bonus points once we figure out that you are a regular, normal, heterosexual, high-sex-drive pussyhound who is crazy about women or at least crazy about having sex with them. You don’t have to be having sex with them, but you get huge bonus points for aggressively wanting to do so.
4. GET LAID. This is actually the least important one. I have known seriously masculine, homophobic, apparently heterosexual men who could not get laid with God’s help. One was an extremely scary guy with a car repair place who wore leather all the time and always looked mean and angry.
He was accepted in the Club because he was a badass, but a lot of men did not want to deal with him because he was “just too full of hate.” Yes, you must be homophobic and masculine, being straight helps and you don’t really have to get laid, but if you are too mean and aggressive, you are “psycho,” and even most macho guys think you have gone overboard. You are seen as giving off bad vibes and living in a world of meanness and hate. Believe it or not, most Club men dislike the idea of living in a world of meanness and hate. Most Club men are actually trying to relax, not be angry or hate people, and be halfway nice most of the time. It’s called “being cool.” Even Mexican men are like this. Their version of it is called “simpatico.” and Mexican men are profoundly masculine, yet simpatico is nevertheless a part of the machismo.
You don’t even have to get laid much. If other men see you for years without a woman, they would still accept you if you fulfill Rules 1-3. Extra bonus points if you at l least talk loudly and aggressively about women and sex with them in a lascivious, high-sex-drive sort of way. We know you’re OK inside, you’re just having a spell of bad luck, and almost all Club men have been through dry spells anyway. Most Club men know that getting women as a single man is not that easy even nowadays. Women don’t give it up for free easily.
Why do you think there is a Whore Market? And a pricey Whore Market at that. If women were easily giving it up for free all the time, the Whore Market would collapse. The fact that there is a Whore Market shows that women are actually operating what boils down to a Pussy Cartel which engages is mass price-fixing, monopoly tactics, and a lot of dirty tricks all to keep the price of sex and access to women’s bodies as high as possible. The Pussy Cartel runs something called the Pussy Market. The Pussy Market and the Whore Market are two different things. I am not sure how they relate, but the Whore Market very much needs the Pussy Cartel to limit access to sex so as to drive up the prices of the Whore Market’s product.
This Cartel the reason for the Jailbait Mass Hysteria. Women are terrified that if more JB’s become legal, a lot of men will choose boppers over real women, and the Pussy Market will crash. It’s all about keeping the price high. That’s what is behind all the outrage. Pure fear.
It’s the same reason that feminists are making desperate moves to try to keep men from getting mail order or overseas brides. Too much really scary competition, and more fear of a Market Collapse. A market on which prices are artificially inflated.
Why do you think so many men jump right into marriage? They get married to have lots of regular sex! Men don’t marry for love. That’s just some crap they tell their girlfriends and wives to keep them around. They marry for sex! Now some love might come along as side order, yes, but the sex is always the main course. Women will never figure this out, and they will continue to laughably think men marry for love. Nope!
So Club men are sympathetic to a homophobic, masculine, straight man who’s not having any luck. Almost all men in the Club have some low-level sexism and think women are a great big, huge, pain the ass, at times infuriating, endless headache of a problem. Sort of like a car that you really love, but it’s always in the shop.
It sounds course and crude, but most men use women as a place, product or even object to fulfill their sexual needs. Women are like sexual gas stations where you fill up your human body car. Yes, there is sometimes fondness, kindness, warmth, tenderness, and niceness at the same time. Indeed, pleasantries are often exchanged in the process, but the Sexual Pit Stop is their basic role. Some love might go along with this basic function, but that is actually peripheral. Probably no woman on Earth will ever accept this, but it’s the way it is, like it or not.
But if Club members see that guy with a woman over at his place or spending the night there even one time, their opinion of him goes way up, sky high, and every Club member around wants to come up to him and give him five. He was a member of the Club before, but now he’s really a member. This means he is now what is called officially “a regular guy.” You become a regular guy by getting laid.
If you do very well with women and are a player, you are granted Hero status in the Club. You’re not even a Club member anymore. Now you are a super-member.
You are like a general who is covered with medals. Club men will praise you, buy you meals, etc. They will walk up to you and slap you on the back. Other men in the Club will walk up him with a “Can I have your autograph?” attitude. They will even put their arm around himyou, but it’s not seen as gay because you are a macho hero player, and everyone knows you’re not gay. Ordinarily, you have to be very careful getting physical with other men in the Club because the homophobia is so off the charts, but exceptions are made for the Player. He’s the Superstar. He’s The Man. The rules don’t apply as far as he goes.
But mostly the attitude in the Club towards Player is that he is simply hilarious. Everyone in the Club thinks it is absolutely hilarious how this guy gets so many women. The reason why he is hilarious and why he is a superstar hero is because it is actually very hard to be a real bigtime player. Only 6% of straight men have sex with over 100 females in their lives, and probably 95% want to. Or maybe it’s 100%.
Women will never figure this out either, and most women solipsistically think getting laid is utterly trivial for men. Women can get sex anytime they want, and women are solipsists by nature, so they think if they can do it, men can do it too.
Same thing with marriage. Women usually marry for love, and since women are solipsists, they think if women marry for love, then men must too.
Women just don’t get what it’s like to be a man.
I will say though that once a woman gets to her 40’s and 50’s, a lot of them have pretty much figured us out at least in part, and they accept us for being the way we are, mostly because they figure we can’t change, we are hopeless, and we are just doing what comes naturally. A lot of old women also understand men well too. But they still don’t completely get us. I am not sure if one woman has ever figured out men. Sometimes I wonder.