Goldie: I have read your blog – here and there. I find it interesting, in one entry, you state that “children do not have sexual feelings”. I am a female and have been masturbating (with climax) since at least age 8 (and masturbating without climax long before that)… Just wanted to make you aware that your assumption is at least false in some cases (just judging by my own life experiences and what my friends have told me). This is probably not accurate among ALL females (as nothing ever encompasses ALL of anybody); however, I felt it important to share this with you.
P.S. My response is to one of your blog entries from a long time ago, where you call teenage girls “dangerous’ since they do have sexual feelings, yet children do not. You were discussing whether Abby or Libby might have been going to meet a male the day they were murdered– or not (just for reference).
Thank you very much for your interesting comment, Goldie.
I know very well that little girls can reach orgasm. I have had girlfriends who started masturbating to orgasm at age 5. And if you go out on the Net, you can find quite a few women saying that they learned how to do this as girls, sometimes by accident.
One woman said she was seven years old and she was riding the back of the couch like it was a horse. Well as you can imagine, that went on for a while and then there was an explosion which totally freaked the girl out. ”
Mommy!” she called out. “What was that!?”
Well Mom came into the room, figured out what happened, and they had a little talk.
I have had female commenters and a couple of female clients who told me that they started masturbating to orgasm at age 7-8.
The difference is though that I am absolutely convinced that little girls simply do not want to fuck boys or men. They do not have any actual physical or mental sex drive in that sense. They do not lubricate, get abdominal tingles or have the psychophysiological sensation of a “hunger for sex.” Furthermore, they do not find boys or men sexually attractive in the sense that they get turned on by them.
So while yes, little girls have the full capability of masturbating and reaching orgasm, on the other hand, they lack and actual mind-body physical and psychological drive for sex that mature females have. Yes, they can get off, and no, they don’t have a sex drive, and no, the fact that they can get off is not the same thing as an actual drive for sex.
Yes, children do indeed engage in sex play. I hear about this all the time from my clients, and it is often incestuous and sometimes bisexual. You would not believe the wild stories I have heard! The sex that they have is more exploratory in terms of sex play.
For instance, little girls simply do not lubricate. They just don’t. Lubrication starts at puberty. Women lubricate. Even women as young as 18 or 20 have told me that they go through phases where they are wet all the time from the time they get up in the morning til the time they go to bed at night. That’s a turned on sex drive. Little girls experience nothing like that.
I have had girlfriends who told me that there are other sensations associated with the female sex drive. One described it as “a pain in the stomach, but a pleasant pain.” I asked if it was a tingling sensation, and she said yes. Another female friend told me that it is a tingling sensation, and it is lower, in the abdomen. Little girls simply do not have this physical sensation in their abdomen. They don’t get actually physically horny in that sense.
There is also a mental component. One female friend described it as simply a “hunger.” It is actually a “hunger for sex,” like when you are thirsty or hungry for liquids or food. It’s a mental and physical drive. I do not believe that little girls have this psychological “hunger for sex” feeling. They don’t want or need to have sex. With anyone.
In addition, mature females have the psychological feeling of finding other mature persons physically attractive in a sexual way. Most women develop an actual physical and sexual feeling of attraction towards males as a normal part of their development. Boys and men turn them on. I do not believe that little girls find anyone sexually attractive. No one turns them. Neither boys nor men nor anyone at all for that matter.
What happens is that at puberty, something kicks in in the human female. The actual physical sex drive complete with abdominal tingles, a strong feeling of psychological hunger for sex, lubrication and a new feeling of attraction, usually to boys and men. No one knows how this attraction part kicks in, and it is not well understood, but something kicks in in the brain that actually makes you start looking at other humans as sexually attractive and makes you feel like you want to have sex with them.
For girls the onset of the sex drive seems to be around the time menarche. Nowadays most all teenage girls start masturbating at age 13, which is probably around the time of menarche. That seems awful young to me. I doubt if that many girls were masturbating so often and so young when I was 13. It makes sense that menarche and the onset of the sex drive would coincide. Menarche signals that your body is ready to start making babies. Of course if your body is ready to make babies, it makes sense to turn the mind-body drive that makes you want to do the thing that makes the babies, right?
The onset of the sex drive is also very poorly understood in terms of sexual orientation. We also do not know if sexual orientation is malleable. Obviously it is in women, however, most true biological lesbians seem have been wired up that way from an early age, possibly even in the womb as a developmental factor.
It seems to be somewhat malleable in boys too, and boys seem to be able to modify their sex drives somewhat from ~9-~13, but they can’t modify them too much at the later age. Sometimes an environmental drive developed in childhood crashes into a biological drive. In the case of George Michael, a true bisexual, he got very interested in girls at an early age as a boy, and he was still very much into them when his sex drive came on like gangbusters at puberty. What happened was that a pre-programmed homosexual orientation exploded into his mind and came onto him in a rush of thoughts and sensations as it does in all biologically gay men and boys. However, since he had established a strong interest in females as a boy, he remained very much turned on by women his entire life.
All available data shows that male sexual orientation cannot be changed in the lab after age 15. We don’t know if it can be changed before age 15, but it might be hard to get funding for a study like that! Not only can gay men not be turned gay, but they cannot even be moved 10% on the sexual orientation scale. Although only gay men trying to turn straight have been studied, it stands to reason that if is works one way, it works another.
Getting back to the topic at hand in regard to the Delphi Murders, as post-pubertal girls with a full, strong sex drive, of course Abbie and Libby could have been in the park to meet boys. Teenage girls are interested in boys sexually as we all know. On the contrary, if they were younger, say 11 and 12, it would be highly dubious if they were there to meet boys. 11 and 12 year old girls have no sex drive, other humans don’t turn them, and they don’t desire to have sex with other humans. In fact, girls that age are often quite boy-phobic. This is why it was important to note that based on the girls’ ages, they could well have been there to meet boys, whereas if they were younger, we could probably rule that out.