I must say, this is one of the saddest stories I have ever read. It’s literally heartbreaking. I also think this fellow is a fine writer. And that’s a compliment coming from me because I don’t like most writers. You can be assured that if I tell you you are a good writer, you are definitely good. He’s such a good writer that this heartbreaking story is actually beautiful. As we all know, some of the best literature ever written is terribly sad. The saddest story on Earth can also be beautiful in the hands of a literary master. There is a cold beauty in most things on Earth, even the saddest and ugliest things, if the touch of great art is applied to them.
There are some problems with the prose below, in particular switching back and forth between 1st and 2nd person, but it’s nothing a good editor couldn’t fix up. It did require a bit of an edit but more from grammar, punctuation and spelling and a bit for awkward phraseology. But I didn’t change the voice. As you might guess when reading this, the author is an Indian-American man.
The Story of an Omega
Below is a timeline of my life as an Incel. This is going to be a long and depressing read. However, I want to make it clear to anyone that reads this – don’t be so quick to compare yourself to me. Some guys who are only 5’8 claim that their shortness in statue causes them to be Forever Alone (FA). I am only 5’4, and my height is probably only my seventh biggest problem. Even while I’m not the shortest guy ever at 5’4, my hunchback makes me appear 5’0.
I’m short for even a short guy, and yet I was not until I was in my 30’s before I realized my height was even a problem. Mainly that was due to the fact I was focusing on my bigger problems such as my limp, hunchback, clawed hands, ugly face, speech impediment and otherwise weird voice, and learning disabilities. Then after factoring in my height, you can also consider my shattered confidence, social awkwardness, poor sense of humor, very bad teeth and that I am now overweight. Most guys would struggle to get a girl with only two or three of those problems. It’s hard to believe that guy could only be 5’4 and walk with a limp and would be only scratching the surface of his problems.
Recently I have been trying to calculate a rate of girls that would be willing to date me. Perhaps after seeing my face, only 1/20 girls would date me. Of those girls, only 1/40 would date me because of my height. Then after factoring in the deformity of my body, maybe only 1/50 of the remaining girls would date me. Of those, maybe only 1/30 would date me because of my personality. And of that, maybe only 1/10 would date me because of other reasons such as my voice or my teeth.
It is possible that some girls who could look past my height would also look past my deformities, but if not, taking all this into account would mean only .8 of every million girls would date me. That means in an entire country of about 75 million women who are between the ages of 18-65, there would be only about 60 girls that would date me.
Consider how bad that is. I have an unattractive friend. I would say 85% of girls would never date him. If we both decided to get girlfriends and I could go after any girl in the country and he could only go after girls from our small commuter college, he would still be 25X more likely to get a girl than I would. And this isn’t a popular guy at all.
Think about it another way. Let’s say that because of my face, I fall in the bottom 10% of male attractiveness. Because of my height, I am in the bottom 3%. Because of the disability, I am in the bottom 5%. Based on personality issues, I am in the bottom 15%. Finally because of other matters, I am in the bottom 20%. Put it all together, and I am in the bottom .0004%. That means that if you paired me up against another guy and asked the average girl which guy was more attractive, I would lose 220,500 times in a row. After winning one match, I would lose another 220,500.
This is what life is like for this kind of person…
3rd Grade: Problem Free and Already Left Out
This is where it starts. In third grade, before you have any real problems, you suddenly find yourself paying attention to girls. You notice the popular kids have girls approaching them on behalf of other girls. A lot of “he said, she said” games are played. You can’t help but notice you seem to be left out of these games. No big deal, a lot of guys are. No need to worry. Although you do feel a little jealous.
4th–6th Grade: The Beginnings of Frustration
The “he said, she said” games have stopped, and now the popular kids are hanging out with the girls they like. You watch in jealousy as they share their first kisses. Eventually more guys start getting girlfriends. By sixth grade, it seems like half of guys have girlfriends and half don’t. You are disappointed at being in the bottom half. You secretly wonder what it feels like to kiss a pretty girl, and hope you won’t have to wait too long. But you are socially awkward and don’t know how to make the first move. And the girls don’t care to pursue you either.
7th Grade: Things Become Clear
This is when lines start to be drawn and the losers exposed. By seventh grade, 80% of guys have girlfriends. Only the bottom 20% don’t. Even though you want a girlfriend, you keep hoping for at least an above average-looking girl for validation purposes. At this point, you are clueless about how overly-inflated your ego is. Although any thought of being a popular kid has clearly gone down the drain. You don’t give up yet on the pretty girls, but you are starting to realize the competition is fierce. You’re shorter than everyone, have a weird voice, an unattractive face, and a shy and awkward personality. But you keep hoping somehow you will get lucky.
8th–9th Grade: The Onset of Physical Deformity
By 8th grade, the percentage of guys without girlfriends has fallen to about 5%. That’s when something amazing happens, a girl actually says hello to you. Because you never get any female attention, you blow it out of proportion. Four years after guys and girls start dating, you think you are finally going to get a girlfriend. One of the last in your grades to do so. But it turns out she doesn’t like you either! When you look back at that time now, you can’t believe you had only endured about 1/5 of the time you would continue to endure not having a girlfriend.
Only after this disappointment does life deliver another blow. While all the other boys experiences manly growth spurts, not only do you stay the same in height, but you also develop a hunchback and a limp. In fact, everyone got taller, but you appear to have gotten shorter. This opens a new world of rejection. Instead of getting a girlfriend, you start to get bullied.
For Valentine’s Day you get a card from a ‘secret admirer’. As you get your hopes up, the class bursts out in laughter, and you realize it is from a group of guys playing a joke. Even your female teacher has slight smirk on her face. As girls walk by, the bullies announce to them that “he has a crush on you”. The shrieks and looks of horror always get a big chuckle. You can’t get a girl to give you the time of the day. Other female teachers who were previously nice to you act annoyed every time you ask a question or try to talk to them. Every day you are told you are a gimp who no girl likes.
Sharing kisses are a thing of the past. While your desire for just one small peck on the lips goes unmet, couples are making out and fondling body parts. Your ego plummets knowing you still haven’t kissed a girl while listening to the majority of other guys talking about fondling girls’ breasts.
10th–12th Grade: Last Place
Now everybody has a girlfriend. Everyone but you. One by one, all your friends get girlfriends as well. While guys and girls go through periods of being in relationships and being single, you are the only one who has never had a girlfriend. There are a few girls left that you consider asking out, but all the guys would make fun of you if you dated them. You decide to endure. You will soon go to college and have a fresh start. You will certainly meet an acceptable girl there, so there is no reason to be the only guy who asks out the very, very few girls who no other guy will date. You can’t be that bad.
You have no idea how over your head you really are. It will only be years later when you realize even those girls would have just said no as well. Not only do you graduate as the only virgin in your grade, you still haven’t kissed a girl. And everyone knows it. Still, you remember having high hopes that high school was a fluke and college will be different.
It certainly doesn’t appear that it is going to be any different that summer. While working at McDonald’s one day, a couple of co-workers start asking if the others have had sex with their girlfriends. Of course they all have. The one girl in the room says she can’t even talk about sex with you in the room.
Early College: Failing at School
Welcome to the big leagues. Having sex isn’t a rumor anymore, it is happening left and right. You will never forget the day you see a guy and girl step out of the shower together. You felt like a 10 year old in the presence of sexual beasts. Here you are, still looking for your first kiss, and two wet, towel-covered bodies stumble out of the stall with content smiles on their faces. On another night, you walk aimlessly around the campus all night long as your roommate and all your neighbors have fun with their girlfriends. All around you are couples.
You continue to fail miserably with the opposite sex. Day after day, you search for that special girl, but she is nowhere to be found. Not in the dorms, the café, any of the classrooms, the library, or the student union. Nowhere off campus either. You get rejected by every girl you approach. There are even girls who flee the scene when you try approaching them. Without saying anything, they literally pack their belongings and hurry away. For every 500 girls that seem to be immediately repulsed by you, there may be 1-2 who act nice because they feel sorry for you. Often this leads to confusion where you think they like you. When they find out how you feel about them, they make every attempt to avoid you.
It doesn’t matter who you find yourself approaching, they aren’t interested. At first you make the mistake of pursuing the pretty girls again, thinking that like a fairy tale, things will be different here. No such luck. For the second time, you go through the proceedings: rejection from hot girls, then pretty ones, then above average, then average, then below average. Soon it’s just you and the very unattractive ones all over again.
Making it even worse are the Chads. The kind of attention they get is mind-boggling. You even see some lucky Chads eating or studying with several girls. The lucky SOB has an entire group of girls all to himself, while you can’t get a single one to even give you the time of the day. As you are eating alone, you can’t stop staring at the guy two tables down laughing it up with three cute girls. It’s as if you worship and despise him at the same exact time.
While working at the gas station one day, you hit a new low. The door opens and a total stud walks in. Great looking face with a bodybuilder’s profile. You watch him confidentially walk up to your female co-worker whose entire body starts trembling. You can tell how bad she wants to talk to him if only she still had her voice. That is when an older woman walks in. She takes a few steps towards the back of the store, but upon seeing him, immediately changes her direction and approaches him from behind.
Following that, her daughter walks in. As her eyes dart immediately to the guy, she trips over her own feet and falls flat on her face! She picks herself up and skips over to join her mother standing right behind the guy. Each of them tries to flirt with him, each blurt of admiration becoming more desperate than the one before. You try to hold back tears watching it all.
When they find out they aren’t being successful, they start picking on you, hoping it will make them look cool. The slight smile on the guy’s face encourages them to continue. It doesn’t end there. Because you am trying to appeal to both the guy and the girls, you start pretending to laugh at their jokes. So you have a total Chad instigating three girls to take shots at you while you start to take shots at yourself. It was like we all came under his spell.
You join a local community group. You can’t help but think it’s your imagination that all the older, married women seem to despise you from the minute you meet them. Instead of being happy to see you, they look upset every time you stroll in the room. Nowadays, you can’t help but think that even back then, they already knew the struggles you were having and would continue to have with women.
Even at a relatively young age and from a relatively short time of sizing you up, they have your life’s destiny all figured out. Looking back, you wish you could have judged the situation as clearly as they saw it. Instead you will continue to go through years of anger, resentment, and confusion. Only to end up exactly where they said you would 15 years ago.
But we’ll get to that.
Mid-College: The Odd Man Out Again
But long before that, by some stroke of luck, there are 12 single guys in this group and 16 single girls. A few of the girls are extremely pretty. Most are above average. A few are unattractive. One is exactly like you – not attractive, learning disabled, not funny, socially awkward, kind of bitter, although not deformed.
The girls never pay you any attention. Like the older women, you get dirty looks from them. If you pass by them, they literally look right through you. And to make matters worse, most of the guys are quite nice looking. One in particular would qualify as the Alpha of any group. Every time you hang out with him, he gets the attention of countless girls. Things happen to him that would never happen to you, such as female cashiers giving him discounts on merchandise.
There is only one girl in your entire life you somehow were lucky enough to get stuck in the Friendzone with. For years, you have been unsuccessfully trying to appeal to her. One day when you are with him, you run into her. You can tell she is instantly attracted to him. The five minute conversation that follows is really a conversation between him and her. You try to protect the ground you’ve built with this girl and compete for her attention. But at this point, every word you say to her goes in one ear and out the other. That five minute conversation was all it took for him to get a Facebook friend request from her later that day with a flirty message and a dinner invitation. Eventually he becomes the first guy among your group to get married. And when he does, he marries a blond goddess.
While he is clearly the crème de la crop, the other guys have it pretty good as well. Every time you are out in public, you have to watch somebody else getting female attention. At a wedding, you sit next to the second most desirable guy. Dozens of females from married moms to young teens walk by taking quick glances at him and smiling. The waitress tells him he’s adorable. Another one serves the cake and gives him a big, flirty smile, then walks away, forgetting to serve you any. This is the wedding where you also find out he’s dating the girl you like.
Even the second least desirable guy from the beginning of this story gets attention you couldn’t even dream of. At a restaurant one time you see a cute girl giggling over him while her friends playfully tease her about him. Soon another one of the guys gets married, then another, and another, and so on. The girls that they marry are heart-melting beautiful as well. It’s like experiencing your younger years all over again, when you watched guy after guy getting girlfriends.
Your unattractive friend marries a girl from out of state. She quickly becomes friends with everyone. By the time of their wedding, you have lost touch with him. When he introduces you to her, the girl barely looks at you. She barely acknowledges any of your questions/comments. Later on, you try to connect with her on Facebook, like all the other guys do. You are the only one she rejects. Watching 12 straight guys get married before you is embarrassing enough.
But it’s what happens next that wrecks you. There seems to be an emphasis on only starting relationships with people in that group. So by the time it is just you and four girls left, maybe there is still hope, right? Wrong. The first girl also marries someone from out-of-state. She just can’t bring herself to like you. The second moves away and ultimately gets married. You start to panic as you watch the amount of available girls dwindle down from 16 to only two. As you build up the nerve to attempt to court the more desirable of the two, a new guy comes out of nowhere and begins a relationship with her. The fact that you knew her for years and he only just met her doesn’t matter. He’s the one she wants.
Finally, it’s just you and the one exactly like you that is left. She was the only one you and every other guy wasn’t interested in. As someone who always wanted a pretty girl, this is not what you were hoping for, in fact the least attractive girls in high school would have blown her away. Physically, she is as plain as a girl could be. Dry, thin hair with no elasticity. Pale acne skin. Poor asymmetry. Very short at 4’8 and the body of a 10 year old boy.
When thinking she could be the one, it made you feel attracted to just about every other girl out there. Any girl of any age with any curves at all becomes a sex symbol to you. Personality-wise, she was cold, judgmental, and cynical. She was exactly the type of girl you weren’t interested in, but it was starting to seem she was your only chance. Wrong again. She doesn’t like you either!
For a while you watch in angry confusion as she seems more content being alone than being with you. Then you remember how little you have going for you. After all, she may be in the bottom 1%, but even in that very low class, she still has thousands of guys in our hometown alone to choose from before you. Actually even more than that, considering guys are constantly down-dating. She is a 2/10 who will likely score a 3/10. You are a bottom of the barrel 1/10 who can’t go any lower. Then there is always the option of her dating long-distance. In other words, even with her, you never stood a chance. And her time will come soon enough. It’s official, rejected by another 16 girls.
Adding insult to injury, the older women could seem to care less that you were having a hard time. In fact, they even seem amused by it. You can’t tell you how many “Sucks to be you” looks you received from them.
But it doesn’t end there. When you met these women, their daughters were merely toddlers. As time progressed, they became the first girls you could ever talk to in your entire life. Of course it goes without saying that you never remotely considered anything sexual to do with them at that age.
But as time goes on, they enter their teens and start becoming ‘guy-conscious’. That is when they stop talking to you. Several of them even become cute. One of them even develops into a girl that is downright gorgeous. She matures so quickly that you constantly must remind yourself how young she still is. Being that she is still in her teens, you fight the temptation to look at her. One day, maybe out of frustration and loneliness, curiosity kills the cat, and you can’t help but wander over to her Facebook profile for a quick glance.
You are shocked to see that she is friends with everyone but you. As you go to another young girl’s profile, you see the same thing. You keep going and realize they are all friends with everyone but you. It’s pretty clear that now that even they consider you to be a loser. First it was the moms, then the girls your age, and now the daughters. Rejected by three straight generations of females.
Late College: Rejected by Everyone!
Outside of the group, you continue to get rejected left and right. In pure panic, you start asking out anybody and everybody. But every direction you turn, it’s just more rejection. Ethnic girls aren’t interested. Goth girls, emo girls, and tomboys aren’t interested. Older women and single moms aren’t interested. You get rejected by tall and short girls, funny and boring girls, smart and dumb girls, classy and trashy girls, city and country girls, and outgoing and quiet girls.
As other guys are dating hot young girls, you are visiting gas stations to get rejected by 40-year old-Indian women. Fat, ugly girls with bad personalities reject you. You would think handicapped girls would be willing to give you a try. But you get shot down by them as well! Each rejection causes deeper depression and desperation, which only causes you to act even stranger around the opposite sex. You scoff at the memory of not pursuing those unattractive girls from high school. Except when you look them up on Facebook, their 3/10 boyfriends are still taller, stronger, better looking, and more successful than you are.
You still remember the day you gave up on White girls and turned your attention to Indian girls. Another unattractive friend tells you he had an Indian girl begging to sleep with him. This is perfect! While most White guys don’t care about them, you have always considered them to be cute. And with you forgetting the White girls, they become even more attractive. Another nice thing that since they are the race that remains the most separated from American culture, you can almost see pursuing them as leaving this sick, twisted world behind and moving into a whole new world.
Indian women who are rich are like goddesses to you. When you see a good-looking, older, wealthy Indian woman, you go crazy for her. In your city, the wealthiest couple is an Indian couple whom one of the local colleges is named after.
You start to have fantasies of being with her which soon spiral out of control. Getting her would be the ultimate revenge. The couple own the biggest house in the city. A mansion buried deep in the woods. From Google Maps, you can see a swimming pool out back. The greatest thing ever would be if she invited you and a couple of her friends over one day while her husband was away on business. The five of us would spend a lazy Saturday afternoon playing with each other in the pool. Why bother going out on a date with some girl when you are hanging out at a mansion with four beautiful Indian women.
Of course the fantasy never comes true. Instead, every Middle Eastern girl you approach shoots you down as well. One day you spend the entire day driving from gas station to gas station only to get rejected by 47 straight Indian women and drive home empty-handed. You give up on Indian girls as well.
The Latina girls are next. Followed by the Black girls. And then finally the Asians.
In a world that is becoming more and more divided, it seems like the only thing they all agree on is that you are not the guy for them.
You finally graduate college at the age of 28. All your friends and companions are married. Many of them are raising families. Like an elementary school student, you still have not even kissed a girl. In fact, you’re still hoping to hold hands with one. Hell, you wouldn’t even mind playing the “he said, she said” games of 3rd grade at this point.
But even that is out of your league.
Your First Job: Despised Co-Worker
As you graduate college and get your first job, you discover it will continue to be a re-experience of things you’ve already been through. It seems like everything you do either upsets or annoys some girl. They regard you as stupid, lazy, ugly, and dishonest even though you don’t do anything differently than the rest of the guys. You even get blamed for other people’s mistakes. Girls constantly invite the whole department to eat lunch with them, but they keep “forgetting” to invite you. You feel like the biggest pile of trash.
Out of confusion and denial, you start bending over backwards for the girls who just rejected you. You offer to do work for them and stay late while they go home early. You don’t even get a thank you. You shower one girl with gifts, bringing in lunches for her, giving her compliment after compliment, to no avail. You finally realize how pathetic you are the day you win a sporting polo shirt in a company contest. You tell the girl you never plan on wearing it, so you offer it to her.; But upon taking it, she gives it to her boyfriend. Without realizing it, you just gave your crush’s Chad boyfriend a free shirt.
One girl there is your age. She is also a part-time novelist who churns out romance novels on a regular basis. She is your age, not very good looking, a helpless romantic, and unhappily single. Could you be the man for her? No, but the chubby, bald 50-year-old guy who is in a lower position than you can. As they start dating, you swear you could go insane.
On top of that, word gets around, and soon enough, even girls that work in different buildings that have never met you regard you as a loser and make jokes about you.
Giving Up: Rock Bottom
Now there is only one place left to turn…the ghetto. So you spend entire days into the wee hours of the morning aimlessly driving down the ghetto streets looking for a girl. Still, you are determined not to visit a prostitute. You think a regular ghetto girl would do the job just fine. After all, you have been rejected by everyone else. There’s only one problem. The ghetto girls know you have already been rejected by everyone else. And they don’t want middle-class rejection; that is almost an insult to them.
For the first time, you begin to ponder just how bad it is. You have absolutely zero sexual market value. Not only is there not a single redeeming quality about you, you come in last place in every category. You aren’t an OK looking guy with a short, weak body. Or a bad-looking guy with just an OK body. You are last place in face, last place in height, last place in body, last place in personality, last place in intelligence, last place, last place, last place! As irresistible as girls are to you, you are equally repulsive to them. There are four billion girls on this planet, and you mean diddly squat to every single last one of them.
You start developing physical and mental health issues. You get so depressed from always going to bed alone that you can barely sleep. At the same time, you get angry, bitter, paranoid, obsessive, and delusional. For a short period of time, you actually fool yourself into believing that you are so desired by the opposite sex that their rejection is caused by a fear of them getting hurt by you. You fool yourself into thinking every girl has the hots for you and is so intimidated that they immediately keep their distance.
That changes one day when you are walking through the grocery store. You see a teenage boy walking around with his cute, already-busty girlfriend and her mom. They are walking in your direction. You are so desperate that it doesn’t matter that she is 15 years younger than you. You can’t help but wish she was your girlfriend. At about 20 feet in the distance, it happens. Right in the middle of the grocery store, the young boy buries his face in the girl’s breasts and motorboats her. The girl lets out a little yelp followed by laughter. Even her mom smiles at the sight of it. The first thing that happens is that you jump 10 feet backwards in shock.
Then you stand there frozen as tears come to your eyes. Watching a teenage boy motorboat a girl in public while you have never touched one nearly makes you break down crying. As they continue to walk past you, you have to say something. You want to ask the boy how he pulled that off. You want to beg the girl to let you do it to her too. You want to ask the mom if she really smiled when he did it. But all you can do as they walk past is let out a “Hhhhmmmppphhh”. All three of them look at you. The girl looks at you with a mix of amusement and disdain. The boy smiles smugly. The mom looks at you with disgust. They can all see the sexual frustration in your eyes.
“Get lost, weirdo,” the mom says.
The three of them snicker and keep walking. It finally hits you. Girls aren’t intimidated by you, they can take one look at you and instantly tell that you, a grown man, have less sexual experience than an average 12-year-old. They can tell how frustrated and desperate you feel. They can tell that you have been rejected again and again and again and again. They can tell that at every stage of your life, girls have never wanted you. They know that years of hopelessness will continue to fly on by.
Worst of all, they can tell that you feel like a mouse. As a grown man jealously watching a young boy bury his face in a girls breasts while being twice his age, you’ve never gotten a girl to touch you anywhere for any amount of time. At that minute, denial comes crashing down, and it becomes crystal clear to all four people standing there think that you are a helpless loser. And the two girls hate you with a passion for it.
By now, you can be assured it is a hopeless situation. But what happens next causes you to hit rock bottom.
First, you visit an Asian massage parlor and get denied service. The two Asian girls keep saying over and over, “No, no, you leave. You leave, no.” You you walk back to your car, open the door, get inside and scream.
You drive home and take another detour through the ghetto. A busty, blond girl catches your eye. You drive past her several times. From the way she is walking around, she must be a hooker. But at this point, you don’t care. She sits down at a bus stop. You park your car around the corner and sit down next to her.
She mutters something under her breath.
“Were you talking to me?”
“No, I am on the phone with someone”.
But the phone looks like it’s off. She gets up and keeps walking down the street. She “hangs up” after only 15 steps. You’re too embarrassed to follow.
The next night you see the same girl. As you drive past once, she quickly looks away; it’s enough to embarrass you to keep driving for a second. You drive past a second time, but once again she pretends to get a phone call. Two minutes later, you drive by a third time. You see her from a distance. You see her point at something. You look, but there’s nothing there, and when you look back, you can’t find her. Only after a safe distance, do you see her in your review mirror emerging from behind a couple of trash cans. How the hell does this girl keep escaping you? Ten minutes later she sees you about to drive past a fourth time. She quickly turns a corner and disappears into thin air.
When you see her the next night, she looks stunning, wearing a skintight yellow dress exposing an amazing amount of cleavage. You have to talk to her! First drive by, she grabs the arm of somebody walking right in front of her and pretends to be walking with him. The minute you are out of sight, she lets go and walks away from him. In the next drive-by, you position yourself just right so that she has to talk to you. You talk for about a minute, and she even thanks you when complimenting her dress. Not only that, but she even fixes her top right in front of you and smiles.
You ask her if she would like a ride. She says she has to meet a friend real quick but to wait here and she would be back in about 20 minutes.
“OK, great!” The previous couple of nights must have been some kind of misunderstanding. She is sure nice to you now – even tracing her cleavage with her fingers! “She was probably just playing hard to get,” you laugh.
You always said you never wanted a hooker. But at this point, what options do you have? Besides, that girl is great looking. The first thing you are going to do is motorboat her like the boy in the store. You can’t wait to have your mouth between those soft-looking, perfectly rounded breasts. After 20 minutes, she has not returned. After another 20 minutes, you are fighting the feeling of disappointment. After another 20 minutes, you are down in the dumps. Finally after an hour and a half, you give up. She played you for a fool!
The next night is when it all falls apart.
First drive by:
As you approach, she raises her arm, “Taxi!” Of course there is no taxi.
The second time works better. You stop her and ask why she never came back.
“Well, my friend needed me.”
“No problem, at least you’re here now.”
“Well, I need to walk to the store and get groceries.”
“Let me give you a lift then.”
“No, I need the exercise.”
“What are you talking about? You look amazing. Then can I at least come with you; I’ll pay for your groceries.”
“No, that’s OK.”
“Can I meet you after you shop?”
“I don’t feel like staying up too late.”
“Well, maybe you can give me your number and I can call you.”
“My phone broke, sorry.”
“Look, what do I have to do? You keep blowing me off.”
“Well, maybe there is a reason,” she replies hastily.
And that is the comment that ends it.
You drive away in defeat. Of course she never ends up going to the store. You have finally found your place in the male hierarchy. Even with money, girls still don’t want you.
That is when you realize you will never have sex.
Eventually you get to the point where you can’t even fantasize about having sex anymore. You used to jerk off to the thought of having sex with a pretty girl. Now the only thing that arouses you is the fantasy of Muscle-man Chad engaging in a steamy mother-daughter threesome or Ghetto Chad standing proud in a sea of ghetto Black and White girls. You even get aroused at the thought of the busty, blond hooker using every trick in the book to deflect your every pickup attempt.
And that is where you stand.
Poor mental health; poor physical health. Hated and despised by everyone. Wanted by no one. It doesn’t matter what age, race, personality type, attractiveness level, part of the world, intelligence level, or social status the girl is. If you are bottom .0004%, she can do better. Even girls in the bottom .0004% themselves, if there are any, will wait in line for someone better. A girl would rather be fifth in line than be with you. If given the choice, she would rather be the fourth or fifth wheel in an all-girl, one-guy orgy than give you the time of the day.
You become so awkward that all you can do is longingly stare at girls as you walk by them hoping one of them will talk to you. But this only propels them away even faster. Every girl you see is a girl you can’t have. You can’t even tell how old girls are anymore. You can’t tell if a girl is two years younger than you or 15 years younger. You desperately seek attention, flitting from fat 50-year-old women to young teenage girls. But you are invisible to everyone.
This is the life of a loser.
Your teens were difficult. Your 20’s were a nightmare. Your 30’s are turning into Hell on earth.
And you realize you are only halfway done.