My answer to this question on Quora:
Forget all the nutty SJW Gay Politics types answering here. One of the big lies of Gay Identity Politics is that gay men don’t act any differently from straight men. Anyone with a brain knows that this is of course not true. Macho or hypermasculine gay men are as rare as hen’s teeth. Masc gay men are just not common.
The controversy over Reddit Gaybros makes this quite clear. Gaybros is a Reddit site for masculine gay men. One of the constant refrains heard from Gaybros is that they are alienated from normative gay culture, where this is not much of a place for masc men, and they are few in number anyway.
The response of the gay community towards Gaybros has been vicious. They have been accused of attacking effeminate gay men, of thinking they are better than effeminate gay men, etc. I read an article by a gay writer on Gaybros, and one thing it made clear was how uncommon masc gay men are in the culture.
They are outsiders.
Now the PC types on Quora are going to tell you the typical Gay Politics line – some gay men are masculine, some are feminine, some are in between. It’s a half truth at best. Yes, it is technically true, but it is sophistry, as feminine and effeminate gay men overwhelmingly outnumber masc gay men.
So…yes! You have touched on what everyone knows deep down inside: that gay men are far more likely to be feminine and especially effeminate than straight men. Yes, some straight men are feminine – soft, sensitive, pretty, quiet – and we always get accused of being gay. But the number of actually effeminate straight men – effeminate meaning a man who actually acts like a woman – is quite small. I would be surprised if it is 1%.
On the other hand, a vast number of gay men are effeminate. It may be as high as 70–75%. Many of the rest are “feminine” rather than effeminate. Straight acting gay men are not common, and masc gay men are like four leaf clovers.
So, sure there is a stereotypical behavioral set for gay men that includes some pretty effeminate behavior from voice to mannerisms.
Now you ask why so many of us straight White men “act gay.” Well, first of all, we don’t act gay. Truly effeminate straight White men are few and far between. I almost never meet one. But many straight White men are quiet, soft, pretty, sensitive and just aren’t very macho. We might say that they have a strong feminine side. I would say that homophobia is a lot less prominent among straight White men.
It’s nothing like the wild paranoia you see in Hispanic, Asian and even Black communities. This extends to women. Hispanic women want macho guys. Black women want very masculine men. It is only White women who are more relaxed about men such that they do not necessarily demand a macho man for a lover.
So there you have it. A lot of us White men, me included, simply have strong feminine sides. We are not afraid of these parts of ourselves, and in fact we are quite happy with them. A lot of us (like me) also have a strong masculine side going at the same time, which mostly just confuses people. Basically, straight White culture gives you a lot more leeway behavior-wise that you can get away with and still be considered straight and not have to worry about people screaming faggot at you when you walk out the door.
Black and Hispanic men are profoundly homophobic. I mean off the charts wildly paranoid homophobic. I don’t really mind in a way since I live in an Hispanic neighborhood, as I am convinced that levels of homosexual behavior are much lower in the Hispanic community as a result, although it must be difficult to be a biologically homosexual Hispanic gay man.
Most all East Asian men are quite homophobic with the possible exception of Thai men. Most Asian men are actually quite macho and hypermasculine, and there are strict gender role reasons for this.