Homophobia as Default Setting in Heterosexual Men

cheez121 writes:

I agree homosexuality should not be constantly promoted like it is today, but it should not be persecuted either. Just leave it alone. I am curious what you mean when you say homophobia is the default.

It is 100% normal for heterosexual males to be homophobic. It’s just the way they are.

One of the main rules of straight male culture is: No faggotry, dammit. There can be no homosexuality or even suggestion of such at any time. Even the slightest bit of homosexuality in straight male culture is like throwing a turd in a punchbowl – it ruins the whole thing.

Imagine that there are twenty straight men in a room. There are all sorts of rules that go along with that situation, but No faggotry is surely one of them. That’s just not allowed. If any man starts violating that rule in the room, he’s pretty much destroyed the whole gathering. It’s hard to say how the others would react. I’m not sure I’ve ever been in a situation like that.

Let me give you an example. I am friends with some of the local Yemeni Arabs at the store.

I am convinced that most straight men have a deep and abiding hatred of male homosexuality. Not male homosexuals necessarily, although that would probably be their first instinct. Nowadays most straight men would probably check that instinct and say, “Oh well, be nice to him, he can’t help it.”

Nevertheless, straight men are in general pretty leery around gay men, for good reason. Straight men and gay men are never going to be friends. I just can’t see it. I used to think it was some groovy idea, but boy was I in for a horrifically rude awakening. My life has shown me that straight men and gay men in general cannot be friends at all and need to keep at arms’ distance. It might be nice if it worked, but it just doesn’t. The main problem with friendships between gay men and straight men is gay men won’t stop trying to have sex with us.

The level or revulsion that your average straight man has for male homosexuality is very high. It’s a very strong reaction, an aggressive and almost violent sort of repulsion.

Male heterosexuality is about a lot of things, including masculinity.

In fact, I feel that one of the principal components of masculinity and male heterosexuality is aggressive denial and revulsion towards male homosexuality. Macho or hypermasculine behavior seems to be a way of saying, “I’m not gay, dammit!” The most macho or hypermasculine man of all is screaming, “Hell no, I’m not gay!” the loudest of all. Seeing as some level of homophobia seems to be the default in straight men, along with the extreme disgust, repulsion and contempt that most straight men have for male homosexuality, I don’t think that this sort of background homophobia is going away anytime soon.

What is changing though is that although homophobia is still the default, many straight men are incorporating a certain level of tolerance along with that background revulsion that they have towards male homosexual behavior. The attitude is, “We hate that activity, but you have to be kind.”

Hence a lot of the acceptance of male homosexuality among straight men is more tolerance than anything else. Most straight men nowadays are not about to beat up a gay man or even taunt or harass one. That is actually seen as uncool. If you did that, other straight men might grab you and say, “Hey leave him alone, ok?…Whatever, man…Let him live how he wants.” On the other hand, these same men stopping the man from harassing gay men probably have some pretty serious background homophobia themselves in the sense of revulsion and disgust for that behavior.

6 Comments

Filed under Gender Studies, Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Man World, Psychology, Sex

6 responses to “Homophobia as Default Setting in Heterosexual Men

  1. cheez121

    Again I find some truth to what you are saying, but how much of that disgust is influenced by religion? In your example you gave yemeni arabs; christianity and islam seem to have major roles in shaping perception. I don’t know much about ancient china, but from a wikipedia article I found

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Societal_attitudes_toward_homosexuality#Ancient_China
    “Opposition to homosexuality in China originates in the medieval Tang Dynasty, attributed to the rising influence of Christian and Islamic values”

    It would be interesting to see what attitudes were like before abrahamic religions.
    About your point that gay men and straight men can’t be friends, I know many examples and one off the top of my head would be donald trump and elton john. Another would be culture club from the 1980s.

    Lastly when I think of hypermasculinity, many times it is still accompanied by homosexuality. There is ancient rome, greece, most of the arab world, even africa. Instead of being in the open, it is kept on the ‘down low’
    https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/religion/why-some-black-men-prefer-the-down-low-and-what-it-says-about-the-black-church-in-america/2015/09/04/59788754-533b-11e5-b225-90edbd49f362_story.html

  2. Terry

    Interesting analogue is homosexual disgust at heterosexuality. I gather that for a lesbian the prospect of sucking a cock or for a gay man going down on a female is as revolting to them as it is for me (a heterosexual man) to contemplate cock sucking. Is a very visceral thing.

    • Right, gay men will indeed have sex with women and many to most have. But one thing they do not like to do is eat pussy. Most are really disgusted by that. Lesbians can be disgusted by the thought of having sex with men. I was talking to a lesbian once and she told me that the thought of sucking a man’s balls was revolting.

  3. Stary Wylk

    Calling it “homophobia” concedes something to the Cultural Left since every other phobia is a pathological fear.

  4. SpamBy

    What about in Thailand and some parts of Southeast Asia, where lots of heterosexual local men have sex with trannies? Or is that diferent?

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