I finally noticed something very curious about me. I’ve probably been doing it my whole life and recently I have surely been aware of it on some level, but I never quite pinned it down.
When I am out in public in a business somewhere, the males are not even in the room. There could be 20 males in the room, but there might as well be zero. The only entities that exist in the room are me and all of the females in the room. And I am picky even there because really the only sentient beings in the room are me and whatever attractive women are there.
The unattractive women are more sentient then the men, but not by much. I am too busy focusing on the attractive females in the room to pay attention to the landwhales and muglies. Sure, some of them are very nice people and they are often kind to me, but they’re not very interesting.
So the whole time I am in say an ATT store or a coffee shop, I will be focused on whatever attractive females in the room much to the exclusion of everything else. You can call me a creep and a stalker all you want. Call the cops. Try to have me arrested. Call the Gender Police.
I really can’t help it. My mind simply naturally homes in on any attractive women in the room like a bee to honey. It’s as if I am drawn to them by some sort of compelling energy such that I can barely pull away or maybe I see no point in pulling away.
If there are attractive females in the room, that’s all I want to be looking at while I am in the room. There’s nothing else to look at, and besides they seem to have some sort of an energy field that actually pulls me towards them like suction and then locks me onto them like radar. I finally realized that I do this completely normally and naturally, and I have probably been doing this my whole life. But I didn’t actually pin it down until age 58. Life is an ongoing project the objective of which is the progressive accumulation of wisdom and an understanding of the underlying mechanisms of human social and psychological life.
As an androgynous spirit, I have always felt a great commonality with women. It’s not that I am a woman too. It is hard to explain. It’s more that women and I are the same gender. And we are neither men nor women, but we are instead something in between, a common gender that we both share. On the other hand, I am also very much a man. What I mean is that I like females so much that I can quite easily suck myself into their spiritual Gender World, call it Woman World.
Let’s say that Woman World is half the universe, and Man World is the other half. I can go romp around in Female World to my heart’s content because I feel quite at home there. While being very much a man, I also have a feeling that woman are “just like me.” Women and I are not really different. I am not a woman because I do not act like one, thank God, but still there is a sensation when it comes to women that “I am one of them and they are one of me.”
I think what that means is that instead of acting like a woman, I feel like one of them because I can go romp around in their half of the world and feel quite at home, as if I am with people who are “just like me.” It’s almost like when I am romping around there that is there is no Male and there is no Female. There’s One Gender, call it Universal Gender if you will, and that’s the one I share with women. Women and I are not really different. We are the same essential being, a shared entity and spirit.