Is It Ok To Live at Home when You Are an Adult?

Shi wrote:

Robert, how do you feel about grown-up men who live with their mothers. Nowadays it’s becoming a very common trend everywhere. Apparently, it’s a great arrangement for business-people such as restaurant and hostel owners, shopkeepers and others who never really move out of their home towns.

Last time I saw my mother was like 1 year back because she’s in another town far away from where I am living, a good 2500 kilometers away. That is the norm of course but increasingly, I run into SONS and even DAUGHTERS who never left the crib.

I could understand a man wanting to stay close to his elderly, sick mother but in most cases, the overgrown kids never really had a chance to get off of the apron strings.

There are of course, some advantages of such an arrangement. For starters, you tend to save a lot of money. But, the whole idea of living with your mother after a certain age sounds so rotten and idiotic – how can anyone put up with that.

At what age? If you are at university, unemployed or saving to move out, it makes sense. If you have a great arrangement with your family where you live in the basement or in some house in the backyard or next door it is cool because then you can bring chicks over. Mostly it sucks because you cannot get laid.

Most people I have met who are living at home do not wish to be, but they are honestly too broke to move out. In the US, it is very much not ok at a certain point. I lived at home with a few periods out until I moved out at age 24. I graduated from college at age 23 1/2, and I didn’t really have enough money to move out until then. You would not believe the shit people gave me for even living at home that long while I was in school!

I believe I lost a job at age 24 because I had not moved out. although I did move out for real only 2 months after the job ended. I tried to keep it a secret to everyone but somehow they asked me and I said I was. My fag boss was so enraged by that that that seemed to be one of the reasons he fired me. But then he kept trying to fuck me too and buying me all these fancy lunches and letting me get away with murder on the job and I kept turning him down for the fag sex and then out of the blue I was the Devil and could not do anything right and next thing I knew, I was fired for no reason, for “being unhappy on the job.” Actually it was the best job I ever had.

Please be very very careful if you are a goodlooking young man and have a gay male boss. I have been harassed by them and two of my friends have too. Typically they fire you if you refuse to fag off with them. They often offer you a room too to go along with the deal which of course ties you do them even more because if you refuse to queer around with them, you are on your ass and homeless.

Most of the people giving me shit were dicks who never went to college and moved out right after they got married and usually got married at age 19 or so and now were in their late 20’s-early 30’s and had a couple of kids.

White men in the late 20’s – early 30’s are by far the biggest assholes on Earth. The worst ones of all got married at age 18-21 and now have a wife and a couple of kids. They think they are “adults” and everyone who is not married with a couple of brats and a mortgage at their age is a loser. Their contempt for single men, even young single men around age 22-24, is off the charts, but honestly I think it borders on jealousy. They should be avoided at all costs by everyone.

I think if you have no other choice it is ok.l

In foreign countries and in the third world it is basically normal.

In Italy it is normal for a man to live at home until 40 if he is single. The guy will often live in the basement with a separate entrance where he has his own wine cellar, etc. and he gets to bring women home. There was a recent 60 Minutes type TV show on single Italian men who continued to live at home. It is very much culturally approved and they can often sneak women in.

I talked to someone in Argentina and he said it is ok to live at home until you are 35 or so, but after that, you should probably move out.

I was involved with a Salvadoran woman recently who was almost outraged that I allowed my 81 year old mother to live on her own while I lived on my own 33 miles away. To her, this was almost a crime. Other cultures are a lot different about this stuff.

In a lot of these countries, when they do move out, they do not move far away and often live very close to their parents’ house (even next door) and are over at the parental house all the time.

It made me nuts to live at home off and on til age 24 and after I came on hard times several times in adulthood where it was either go homeless or move home again, I did come back and live at home for a while in adulthood. However, having been on my own for much of my time since age 24, I will say that living away from the parental home is very much superior and desirable. I believe it matures you a lot more, and plus people don’t reject you with insane contempt as they do when you live at home.

You can still go back and visit sometimes. My Mom comes over here pretty regularly, but usually does not stay long. Sometimes she comes over and we go out to lunch. She has meetings in my city so sometimes she stops by. I see her about once a week at her place for dinner and much less commonly, twice a week. I stay for about 2-3 hours and then I take off.

Some people have heard of this and have accused me of living at home. Apparently I have to be like you and move 2,500 miles away from my parents otherwise I am not an adult. When a society gets like that, you know it’s insane.

Most of the world is characterized by close relations between parents and children. It is an Old World/Third World/Arab World/Muslim World/Latin American/Asian tradition. I fail to see what it wrong with it.

For all of their faults and exasperating tendencies, my family has always been there for me when I really needed them, for money, shelter, support or whatever. My friends and lovers have been pretty damn fair-weathered. As soon as things get bad, they are gone.

I would say your family is much superior to your friends because mostly they will never abandon you and will always come help you out when you really need help badly.

21 Comments

Filed under Argentina, Central America, Culture, El Salvador, Europe, Gender Studies, Italy, Latin America, Man World, North America, Regional, Sociology, South America, USA

21 responses to “Is It Ok To Live at Home when You Are an Adult?

  1. SHI

    White men in the late 20’s – early 30’s are by far the biggest assholes on Earth. The worst ones of all got married at age 18-21 and now have a wife and a couple of kids. They think they are “adults” and everyone who is not married with a couple of brats and a mortgage at their age is a loser. Their contempt for single men, even young single men around age 22-24, is off the charts, but honestly I think it borders on jealousy. They should be avoided at all costs by everyone.

    I think what you just described is a problem specific to the US and Anglosphere alone (UK, Ireland, Australia, Canada). “Frat boys” (US), “Chavs” (UK) and “rowdy Aussies” are some of the visible symptoms of this culture of douche-baggery exhibited in the Anglosphere.

    I don’t recall meeting even one German man who could be described as a dickhead. They are genuinely nice in my experience, even the 18-20 year old teenagers – they were respectful to me at all times. I did run into a few dickheads in the Netherlands but the Dutch happen to be heavily influenced by American popular culture. But it wasn’t serious, they didn’t MEAN it. And that’s a huge difference.

    The worst assholes you will run into during your travels would be the FRAT BOYS arriving from universities in Indiana, Texas, Arizona and whatever. Never met a more arrogant and conceited bunch. They will bore you to death with their juvenile stories in “Greek” houses, the fact that they can recite the entire Greek alphabet before you can say “I’m not interested in whatever you have to say, asshole. Is “Greek” a code word for all the faggotry that goes on in the college ? Can someone fill me up on that? I’m clueless about the Greek obsession. ”

    Of course, they’re Americans so they have to LOOK DOWN on other nationalities..they’re always ready for a fight/showdown except they’re not allowed to carry guns outside the US.

    • Jason Y

      Possibly frat boys are annoying cause they might be slightly racist and incredibly homophobic, possibly because the university promotes cultural diversity. Of course, diversity is a good thing, but it inevitably leads to the rise of psychos who feel persecuted, namely 20 year old white college students.

      Also, on top of this situation, you have an incredibly competitive atmosphere at college which always leads to elitism. There is literally no mercy, as everyone accuses each other of being weak, stupid, or a brown-nose. All under the cover of fun, of course.

      • Jason Y

        So when you have a duality of competitive alpha male psychos (as well as female) combined with an “official” policy of tolerance and understanding, you have the modern US university.

  2. Jason Y

    Living at home is a shame and a wussy way to go. A lot of times though, people have no other choice. However, if anyone can succeed at anything at all, then they should consider getting thier own place for pride and honor’s sake.

    • Subliminal Star

      Jason Y? In times of economic prosperity, perhaps society can afford to put itself in that austere mindset that you just described. However, considering what a disaster the American economy has been since 2008, nobody can blame anyone for being allergic to homelessness and retreating back to the original home nest whenever things are not looking so good for them. Also, some people just get luckier breaks than others. It doesn’t mean that they’re better people. It’s incredible how much Americans cling onto narrow-minded social conventions that are not commensurate with the present times. Sorry. But that’s just how I feel.

  3. Emily Goldstein

    Some people can be a great friend if you let them. You’d be surprised at how many people don’t have families they can dedicate themselves too meaning they can be a dedicated friend to you, better than your own blood would be to you.

    We are all brothers and sisters anyway. We all come from the one place.

  4. Jason Y

    White men in the late 20’s – early 30’s are by far the biggest assholes on Earth. The worst ones of all got married at age 18-21 and now have a wife and a couple of kids. They think they are “adults” and everyone who is not married with a couple of brats and a mortgage at their age is a loser. Their contempt for single men, even young single men around age 22-24, is off the charts, but honestly I think it borders on jealousy. They should be avoided at all costs by everyone.

    They’re possibly angry cause they don’t have any brains. They just have working class pride. So they lash out at mama’s boys, homos, retards etc.. out of jealousy. But what are they really angry about? Obviously these working class people are alpha and getting a lot of pussy and getting married, possibly to thin women.

    I suppose it’s just in human nature to bitch even if your getting everything you want. Hence, the ballad of the homophobic construction worker, like you’d see on the movie “Slingblade”. People asking to get murdered, just like as on the movie.

    • “I suppose it’s just in human nature to bitch even if your getting everything you want.”

      And this is one reason I am an active card-carrying misanthrope. I think we are a faulty, clueless, reckless species that somehow evolved and made a society. And one reason I will personally never bring something in this world (have kids).

  5. Hey Rob.

    Rishi here.

    Lots of fascinating points. Here in India its heresy to even suggest that a person move out of their parents’ house. In fact I think Oprah got accused left and right by butthurt Indians when she asked some Indian why they still live with their parents. Indians hate Westerners who leave their parents as soon as they get a gig (which pretty much means every White guy/gal)

    “The worst ones of all got married at age 18-21 and now have a wife and a couple of kids.

    You know one thing I noticed is how many White folks have so many kids. I observe this in books, society (Mormons have like 4-6 kids on average), history and yet their population isn’t going up. Not like Indians or Blacks anyway.

  6. SHI

    Hey Robert, happy Valentine’s day, friend. You deserve the best time today more than anyone else.

    Have any plans there? I have a movie date coming up. Not my favorite girl though, it’s a 28-year old girl at one of the last companies where I worked. She’s a bit clingy though and insanely attracted to me, has been sending me messages all day so that I don’t change the plans at the last moment. I do hope she dresses up like a hottie so that other guys look at her.

    Hoping I don’t ruin this date with my big mouth. I have a terrible time not acting like a dickhead when I’m not really attracted to the girl. I just won’t kiss her on the mouth . It will send the WRONG MESSAGE on a Valentine’s day. I don’t want to set up expectations that I cannot fulfill and heaven forbid, I don’t want to break her heart in any way. Have to tread carefully.

    We’ll be watching this chick-flick called “How to be Single” starring Dakota Johnson and the fat Aussie comedienne called Rebel Wilson. I do have enormous respect for female actors who can pull off comedy well. Jennifer Aniston is one of my favorites and I’m attracted to her because of her intelligence and not looks.

    In my country, a movie costs like US$5-10 for two people with popcorn and drinks.

    Cheers and have a good day ahead.

  7. Subliminal Star

    “White men in the late 20’s – early 30’s are by far the biggest assholes on Earth. The worst ones of all got married at age 18-21 and now have a wife and a couple of kids. They think they are “adults” and everyone who is not married with a couple of brats and a mortgage at their age is a loser. Their contempt for single men, even young single men around age 22-24, is off the charts, but honestly I think it borders on jealousy. They should be avoided at all costs by everyone.”

    Shoot, Robert!!! I thought I was the only one who ever noticed this. When I had my first job in New York City and the very first time I was living on my own, I had a boss who fitted this same description. He was the biggest creep you could ever know in the universe, and what stood out about him was that he found fault in everyone who didn’t measure up to that same prom king standard that you just described, and, at the same time, he was incapable of taking notice of the numerous faults that he had. He was like a regular sociopath. That is, he thought that those who didn’t measure up to his prom king standards had something wrong with them and that he was infallible, when nothing could have been further from the truth. The baby boomer generation seems to have a lot of these prom king types, although Generation X and the Millennials have their fair share as well. There’s just no getting away from these people no matter how old or young you are, and they’re precisely the reason that many people don’t attend any of their high school reunions. It gets me thinking about bozos like Jim Bob Duggar and Joshua Duggar from “19 Kids And Counting” who flaunted themselves off as glittering prom kings to the whole world for years until the shit finally hit the fan and everyone in the world knew about their sordid family secrets after InTouch Magazine put all of their dirty laundry on exhibition. It just goes to show you that these people are about as phony as a three dollar bill.

    • Subliminal Star

      Actually the job I had in New York City was not my very first job ever but rather the very first job I had after moving out on my own. I had already been in the work force for three years by the time I moved to New York City.

      • Subliminal Star

        My boss was also in his late thirties when I first came to work at his agency in New York City. In any event, I can imagine that he was just as much of an asshole when he was in his late twenties and early thirties as he was in his late thirties and his forties. I don’t think he ever was a decent person.

    • Jason Y

      As well as the constructon worker guys, you got yuppie creeps like on the movie “American Psycho”.

  8. Tulio

    In most of the developing world, it’s normal for children to remain with parents until they marry. And even then in some cases you have multigenerational households with grandparents, parents, children and grandchildren all under the same roof. I know quite a few people who are in their 30s living with parents. They are mainly Latino though and I think in that culture, it’s not really much stigma to it, especially with females. It’s also common in poorer black areas where people are struggling and have to rely more on relatives.

    My feeling is do whatcha gotta do. Better that they live with family then live on the public dole.

    If I had kids, I’d actually encourage them to stay home until they can buy a house. The deal would be they could live with me rent free as many years as they want. The stipulation would be that they have to be working full time and they have to be saving the majority of their income. If a kid never leaves the house and begins working at 18 and move out at 30 while saving an average of $20,000 a year, they would have $240,000 when they move out. Enough to buy a house outright with mortgage in many cheaper cities. That is money that otherwise would’ve been thrown down the hole on rent making some land owner rich. Now if they were just eating cheetos and playing video games, they’d have to move out.

    So my feeling is yes, stay at home as long as you can, just be productive about it and SAVE. Who cares if people laugh at you for living in “mommy’s basement” if you can save up 6 figures in cash.

    • Subliminal Star

      Like I said before, some people are just allergic to homelessness; and with the way the American economy is, such an allergy to homelessness has become contagious. Our great nation cannot afford to indulge in backwards thinking as it has for years. People have to be realistic about individual financial circumstances. Attendance at high school reunions continues to get poorer and poorer because of the sluggish American economy coupled with this backwards way of thinking. I once saw a website that stated that the American culture has an inclination to believe that people who don’t attend their high school reunions are losers. The mindset of believing that the world is divided up between losers and winners is what led Russia into a bloody revolution in 1917, and, as a result, that nation suffered under the iron-fist rule of communism as the Soviet Union for decades. Why would even the more fortunate want a fate like that for the United States of America? It simply makes no sense. My sister makes a 6-figure income a year, and she makes the mistake of seeing everything through her rose-colored glasses high up from her ivory tower while she sips on her champagne and eats her caviar. She is not the most logical individual and definitely not the easiest person to get along with, as you might have guessed. She has always had a husband to have her back financially and has never known the true meaning of what it is to struggle.

      • Jason Y

        Phil Collins actually wrote a song about homelessness which became popular around 1990. He took some heat for it because generally he votes conservative. So did he have a right to make that song? i think his song was more sincere than anything Bono might have put out.

      • tulio

        I’ve spoken with people like your six figure earning sister. They live in a bubble and surround themselves with people just like them. I’ve had conversations were they were totally obligious to the fact that the median combined income in a Western household is less than 50k. They think everyone makes six figures and if you don’t you’re a lazy, pathetic loser. I fucking hate these people.

        • Jason Y

          I have a brother like that. He’s an incredibly condescending fellow borderlining on comic. However, to an extent what he says is true. Yes, we need to work hard and get vocational and academic training so we can be a winner like him. Nonethekess, the words coming from a guy who lives in a “Leave it to Beaver” neighborhood will of course come across as snobby.

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