Also, a while ago, I have examined various self-esteem tests and found this one as very “thorough” (I don’t think I can put it any other way):
Supposedly my only issue is that I have too much self-esteem to the point where there is some narcissism going on, but not so bad that it is NPD. I had another therapist for four whole years and he never called it narcissism. Instead he said I had egotism going on, but his attitude was like, “So what!” And there was also a suggestion that he might have had some egotism going on himself. Anyway, he didn’t seem to think that simple egotism was a bad thing.
This other guy was more of a stickler on not being prideful, and he was a bit wrapped up in narcissism being unhealthy. He said that I think I am “special.” The implication is also that I have some entitlement about me, and I deserve special privileges.
That is not the case at all. I do not think I deserve to be treated in any special manner. Hell, most people are not even all that nice to me. If I could even get people to have nice to me and treat me halfway decently, I would be perfectly happy. Special treatment? You’re kidding. I will never that from my fellow humans whether it’s owed to me or not, and I doubt if it is owed to me.
I had most of the narcissism taken out of me around 40 when I finally realized that about a billion really horrible things had happened to me in my life, including so many Failures that Failure should be my middle name. This was a very humbling experience and frankly it is normal. No matter what they were like before, life is very humbling and most people over age 40 no longer believe that their shit doesn’t stink.
I told my mother that the therapist had said I was narcissistic, and she fell out of her chair laughing, and then she shook her head. “Tell him to meet “Jeffrey.” Jeffrey is a member of my extended family who us around a lot. He is a classic textbook case of pathological narcissism to the point where he has full blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD. At this point, narcissism can quite a nasty little beast or a massive asshole, depending on how you want to look at it.
They are not fun to be around and there are some very ugly and nasty things about them that make you want to avoid them at all costs. They are arrogant and insulting and have zero interest in whatever is going on in your life or frankly you as a human being except when they are not wrapped up in crazed, sometimes violent pathological jealousy towards you. You are either a pathetic mouse who needs to be squashed or you are the envied rival who is so threatening to you that he needs to be destroyed at all costs. You can’t win with these types.
I do not think there is even a lot of narcissism. I am just your typical vain, conceited, egotistical, self-impressed douchebag. You know who they are; you have been seeing them your whole life. Just walk into any busy nightclub to witness this interesting species in its natural habitat. Sort of like the “Paris Hilton” personality except that is also shallow. I hope I am not shallow. Paris Hilton is a bit of a shallow and silly person, but I rather like her. She definitely doesn’t seem like a narcissistic little shit.
Anyway, all of the symptoms of the Paris Hilton Personality so common among celebrity types are also found in narcissists of course. The problem is that the Paris Hilton Personality only barely scrapes the surface of narcissism.
Real true hardcore ugly narcissism is pretty nasty stuff, and it goes way beyond these surface symptoms.
I do not even understand why this is a problem. Yeah. I like myself. So what! This is supposed to be a problem? Why? Look at all the people around you with low self esteem. That is far worse.