Wow, could you be any more hypocritical in this article? First off, I am a homosexual. I have never had sex with a woman, nor do I want to. So the first line of your article says “Sexual orientation is determined by thoughts and attraction and not by behavior.” This is true. There are plenty of guys who are married to women who tell people they’re straight but in fact they fantasize about sex with men. Things go downhill in your article after that.
Later in the article you say “[I can tell whether someone is gay or not because] gay and bisexual men act like they are attracted to me!” WHAT? Ok, first, you’re pretty average looking. If I met you, I would NOT act like I was attracted to you. So thus, how would you know if I were gay or not? I guess you couldn’t tell.
In one of your responses to a comment, you say “You mean guy guys just hit on any guy that they think is hot? That makes a lot of sense to me! I always wondered how gay and bi men figure out who to hit on.” This is ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. How does a straight man figure out who to hit on? What if he hits on a lesbian?
And no, not every gay men hits on everyone he thinks is hot. I’m not a moron, I do realize that most guys I see are not gay. Jesus. As a gay man, I can tell you that there are definitely some very effeminate gay men out there, as well as some very masculine ones. There may be a very few effeminate straight men, but believe me, most of those guys are just closet cases. If you think someone “seems” gay, he probably IS gay.
No, no, no, no, no! You cannot tell who is gay or not based on behavior. This is the biggest lie of them all. There is a vast number of straight men whose behavior ranges from effeminate to androgynous to soft, quiet and sensitive and “not macho.” The number of straight men who I have met who got falsely pegged as gay or bi based on behavior is very high! And many, many straight men are quite effeminate. It’s rather common actually.
If a gay/bi man is friendly towards me, traditionally he gives off vibes like he is attracted to me on some level, at the very least. It’s not commonly the case that a gay/bi man acts friendly and not attracted to me. On the other hand, many gay men are unfriendly or hostile. Even some of those act like they are turned on by me, but many are simply hostile. If they are hostile, they often don’t act turned on.
Gaydar is the biggest lie of the century. There is no such thing as gaydar! And even if it does exist, it doesn’t even work! And even if it did work, gay/bi men wouldn’t even use it anyway, since many of them spend a good part of their time trying to screw straight guys. I am convinced that gay/bi men simply like hot guys. They don’t even bother to figure out if the guy is straight or gay or whatever. It’s simply, “Get the hot guy.” That’s all it is. The commenter says he actually tries to figure out if a guy is gay or not before he goes after him. I figure that is pretty unusual for gay/bi men.
Figuring out if a guy is gay is fairly straightforward.
Things that may mean something:
1. Acts quite effeminate. This actually doesn’t prove anything at all, but with a lot of these guys, I give them a “question mark,” meaning “possibly gay.” I like to believe everyone is straight because I think being gay or bi sucks. It’s an insult to think a guy is gay/bi. So in order to be kind to him, I simply assume everyone is straight until I have some pretty good evidence otherwise. It’s extremely cruel to assume that a man who is not gay/bi is gay/bi. That’s a terrible thing to think about someone. To me, you have just accused him of one of the most horrible things on Earth. Innocent until proven guilty!
2. Guy acts like he is turned on by you as a man. Generally speaking, he is also somewhere on the effeminate spectrum of effeminate/androgynous/soft, sensitive, quiet/not macho to boot.
It is not common at all for a straight man to give off vibes like he is attracted to you. Sometimes it happens, but it has a very different feel to it. Sometimes they act like they are very uncomfortable with the feelings. Other times, they act like, “I am having these feelings, but I don’t want to act on them.”
Sexuality “leaks.” Young men in particular are highly sexual. Their extreme sex drive is “leaking out” all over the place. So if there is a very good-looking guy around, some of that excess sex drive might “leak” over in his direction.
Usually I can sort it out regarding a guy who is truly gay/bi or a straight man having passing feelings. For one thing, the gay/bi guys have a very serious aspect to their attraction, like it is something they really want to act on.
3. Has zero interest in females. I worked with a gay man once. The good looking secretary types were always coming up to my desk for some reason. After a while, I figured out he was oblivious to them. They were like part of the carpet, the furniture, the walls. They may as well have not even been there, like they were ghosts.
Admittedly this is hard to figure out.
Sometimes you see a “question mark” effeminate guy who is working somewhere. He is extremely popular with the females he works with, and he is always hanging around with them. However, they treat him like he is “one of the girls,” and he acts like “one of the girls.” A straight man in a situation like that would be giving off some pretty strong sexual energy towards the women he was horsing around with. You will notice that the gay man who is being “one of the gals” is not giving off any sexual energy at all towards those women, and they are not giving off any towards him. This is not an easy thing to pick up on, but if you are good at observing humans, you can sort of figure it out after a while.
Things that indicate nothing:
1. Behavior. Degree of effeminacy or masculinity is not indicative of anything at all. The range of normal behaviors among straight men is vast. Many straight men are on the effeminate/androgynous/soft, sensitive, quiet/not macho spectrum. So are most if not all gay men. Many gay men are not even effeminate at all. Instead, they are more the soft, sensitive, quiet/not macho types. As such, they overlap with a vast population of straight men, and it is quite hard to sort it all out.
So many people double down on behavior when really it’s the biggest red herring of all, and at the end of the day, it literally means nothing. I have known huge numbers of straight men who have been accused of being gay or bi their whole lives, apparently based solely on outward behavior.
2. Married or not. Means nothing in particular, though most married guys are not all that gay. A lot of single guys are gay, but huge numbers of them are not. Quite a few long term, never married bachelors are actually straight.
3. Dating history. Means nothing in the sense that a guy with no women around is not necessarily gay. The number of straight men with no females in their lives for whatever reason is very high. Many long-term incel guys who have never had anything sexual going on with women their whole lives are actually straight. Anyway, homosexuality is not determined by the absence of sex with women but by the presence of sex with men.