More on How To Tell If a Man Is Gay or Not

Doug writes:

Wow, could you be any more hypocritical in this article? First off, I am a homosexual. I have never had sex with a woman, nor do I want to. So the first line of your article says “Sexual orientation is determined by thoughts and attraction and not by behavior.” This is true. There are plenty of guys who are married to women who tell people they’re straight but in fact they fantasize about sex with men. Things go downhill in your article after that.

Later in the article you say “[I can tell whether someone is gay or not because] gay and bisexual men act like they are attracted to me!” WHAT? Ok, first, you’re pretty average looking. If I met you, I would NOT act like I was attracted to you. So thus, how would you know if I were gay or not? I guess you couldn’t tell.

In one of your responses to a comment, you say “You mean guy guys just hit on any guy that they think is hot? That makes a lot of sense to me! I always wondered how gay and bi men figure out who to hit on.” This is ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. How does a straight man figure out who to hit on? What if he hits on a lesbian?

And no, not every gay men hits on everyone he thinks is hot. I’m not a moron, I do realize that most guys I see are not gay. Jesus. As a gay man, I can tell you that there are definitely some very effeminate gay men out there, as well as some very masculine ones. There may be a very few effeminate straight men, but believe me, most of those guys are just closet cases. If you think someone “seems” gay, he probably IS gay.

No, no, no, no, no! You cannot tell who is gay or not based on behavior. This is the biggest lie of them all. There is a vast number of straight men whose behavior ranges from effeminate to androgynous to soft, quiet and sensitive and “not macho.” The number of straight men who I have met who got falsely pegged as gay or bi based on behavior is very high! And many, many straight men are quite effeminate. It’s rather common actually.

If a gay/bi man is friendly towards me, traditionally he gives off vibes like he is attracted to me on some level, at the very least. It’s not commonly the case that a gay/bi man acts friendly and not attracted to me. On the other hand, many gay men are unfriendly or hostile. Even some of those act like they are turned on by me, but many are simply hostile. If they are hostile, they often don’t act turned on.

Gaydar is the biggest lie of the century. There is no such thing as gaydar! And even if it does exist, it doesn’t even work! And even if it did work, gay/bi men wouldn’t even use it anyway, since many of them spend a good part of their time trying to screw straight guys. I am convinced that gay/bi men simply like hot guys. They don’t even bother to figure out if the guy is straight or gay or whatever. It’s simply, “Get the hot guy.” That’s all it is. The commenter says he actually tries to figure out if a guy is gay or not before he goes after him. I figure that is pretty unusual for gay/bi men.

Figuring out if a guy is gay is fairly straightforward.

Things that may mean something:

1. Acts quite effeminate. This actually doesn’t prove anything at all, but with a lot of these guys, I give them a “question mark,” meaning “possibly gay.” I like to believe everyone is straight because I think being gay or bi sucks. It’s an insult to think a guy is gay/bi. So in order to be kind to him, I simply assume everyone is straight until I have some pretty good evidence otherwise. It’s extremely cruel to assume that a man who is not gay/bi is gay/bi. That’s a terrible thing to think about someone. To me, you have just accused him of one of the most horrible things on Earth. Innocent until proven guilty!

2. Guy acts like he is turned on by you as a man. Generally speaking, he is also somewhere on the effeminate spectrum of effeminate/androgynous/soft, sensitive, quiet/not macho to boot.

It is not common at all for a straight man to give off vibes like he is attracted to you. Sometimes it happens, but it has a very different feel to it. Sometimes they act like they are very uncomfortable with the feelings. Other times, they act like, “I am having these feelings, but I don’t want to act on them.”

Sexuality “leaks.” Young men in particular are highly sexual. Their extreme sex drive is “leaking out” all over the place. So if there is a very good-looking guy around, some of that excess sex drive might “leak” over in his direction.

Usually I can sort it out regarding a guy who is truly gay/bi or a straight man having passing feelings. For one thing, the gay/bi guys have a very serious aspect to their attraction, like it is something they really want to act on.

3. Has zero interest in females. I worked with a gay man once. The good looking secretary types were always coming up to my desk for some reason. After a while, I figured out he was oblivious to them. They were like part of the carpet, the furniture, the walls. They may as well have not even been there, like they were ghosts.

Admittedly this is hard to figure out.

Sometimes you see a “question mark” effeminate guy who is working somewhere. He is extremely popular with the females he works with, and he is always hanging around with them. However, they treat him like he is “one of the girls,” and he acts like “one of the girls.” A straight man in a situation like that would be giving off some pretty strong sexual energy towards the women he was horsing around with. You will notice that the gay man who is being “one of the gals” is not giving off any sexual energy at all towards those women, and they are not giving off any towards him. This is not an easy thing to pick up on, but if you are good at observing humans, you can sort of figure it out after a while.

Things that indicate nothing:

1. Behavior. Degree of effeminacy or masculinity is not indicative of anything at all. The range of normal behaviors among straight men is vast. Many straight men are on the effeminate/androgynous/soft, sensitive, quiet/not macho spectrum. So are most if not all gay men. Many gay men are not even effeminate at all. Instead, they are more the soft, sensitive, quiet/not macho types. As such, they overlap with a vast population of straight men, and it is quite hard to sort it all out.

So many people double down on behavior when really it’s the biggest red herring of all, and at the end of the day, it literally means nothing. I have known huge numbers of straight men who have been accused of being gay or bi their whole lives, apparently based solely on outward behavior.

2. Married or not. Means nothing in particular, though most married guys are not all that gay. A lot of single guys are gay, but huge numbers of them are not. Quite a few long term, never married bachelors are actually straight.

3. Dating history. Means nothing in the sense that a guy with no women around is not necessarily gay. The number of straight men with no females in their lives for whatever reason is very high. Many long-term incel guys who have never had anything sexual going on with women their whole lives are actually straight. Anyway, homosexuality is not determined by the absence of sex with women but by the presence of sex with men.


Filed under Gender Studies, Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Little or None, Man World, Sex

24 responses to “More on How To Tell If a Man Is Gay or Not

  1. dano bivins

    I wonder if any bigfoots are gay. I mean, it occurs in nature, so it seems likely. Perhaps they could be lured into the open with pre-recorded music from South Pacific or Oklahoma!
    I imagine they’d probably exhibit much less of the characteristic strong odor, due to an enhanced personal hygiene regime.

  2. narut00

    i dont get what is so bad about being called bi by accident,i guess is the american mentality, united states in many ways is the third world in the first world,i am not trying to be mean,i claim that on the basis that many americans still deny evolution too,something uncommon in the first world,i dont believe people in spain where they allow gays marry each other would think like that being called bi? or in japan neither where shinto dont condemn homosexuality

    • I do not know. Most straight men are very insulted to be called gay or bi. That’s the biggest insult in the whole world! I guess it’s not an insult for a gay/bi man to be called gay or bi. Maybe it is a compliment.

      That Joey Graceffa guy is one of the FAGGIEST straight men I have ever seen in my life! Good Lord is he faggoty! My God.

      • narut00

        and about joey, it seems that sometimes he exaggerates his voice and mannerisms to look for attention? or make his videos funnier acting like a gay stereotype? however after this particular video he revealed that a big part of that effeminacy is natural and part of himself,so we dont know how much effeminate is he in real life,in his first videos when he was less famous and had less attention he acted a lot less effeminate,who knows!

      • Brengunn

        Good Lord is he faggoty! My God.

        You could say that while dressed in a latex catsuit, eating fruit of the naked body of a 15 year old boy and cooling yourself with an ornate lace fan, and still be more masculine than this guy!

    • Brengunn

      Momma’s boy alert!

    • Brengunn

      I may come over a bit gay but I’m Charles Bronson to this guy.

    • Allison

      In this video you could obviously tell it hurt to be called gay or a girl. You also can’t judge a book by it’s cover. So he could be or couldn’t be. It should be a big deal.

  3. Brengunn

    There may be a very few effeminate straight men, but believe me, most of those guys are just closet cases. If you think someone “seems” gay, he probably IS gay.

    I don’t know. I always get taken for gay, even my family think I’m a repressed homo! Tonight, I’m going round for dinner with friends that think if I’d only come out of the closet, I’d have a wonderful life. People often allude to my perceived ‘gayness’. It’s incredibly annoying because it puts distance between myself and both men and women. I like regular masculine things, and even excel at them, but my mannerisms prevent me from being one of the ‘lads’. Similarly, with women, it bruises my confidence to know that I might not be considered man enough for them. Though that’s not a problem during relationships.

    I was never thought of as a ‘girly boy’ in school. I captained football teams and got a fair amount of female attention, which was reciprocated. Sometime in my early/mid twenties I started to notice the gay allusions, I honestly don’t know what changed. Believe me, I worked on construction sites after school, had I been a bit ‘queer’ I would have heard it.

    The sheer weight of opinion has often made me question myself, despite never having had a single erection over a man or the male form. Has it been so repressed that I’m not even aware I’m gay by my mid thirties? Never even had a tingle in my trousers? That can’t be true.

    In today’s world, being gay is not a crime but alleged repressed homosexuality is a crime for which you will be given nothing but scorn and ridicule. It’s open season on anyone who won’t ‘admit’ what they are. This intolerance has led me down some strange roads, saying I’m Bi – just to get a pass. Pretending I’m a gay who has fallen in love with a woman. I mean, it’s just ridiculous the hoops I have to jump through get some pussy and live a normal life.

    On the subject of getting hit on by men, it happens to me, too. I’m not offended by it, it doesn’t make me angry. It may happen more to me than your average bloke because of my mannerisms and perceived gayness. I had one particularly aggressive gay even offer me money!

    • Damn, I got all that too. This sounds like the story of my life.

    • I found this thread trying to find answers to my suspicions that a man I recently met might be gay or bisexual. Via text he seems like the perfect man; but on person his mannerisms are very questionable. I has masculine and effeminine friends who are gay/bi and this person seems masculine until he begins to talk. His hand moves in sync with the roll of his neck when emphasising a point, he has a gay roommate he complains about a’s though they are a couple, and he speaks like a severely feminine gay man (I don’t mean he is nice and speaks peoper). An example is smacking his lips followed by “mmmmmmmkayyyyyy!” When he agrees with something.

      I guess my question is, what are some of the mannerisms you posses that lead people to mistake your sexuality?

      I know flamboyant straight men, but he isn’t even flamboyant he just talks, moves, and makes gayish facial expressions (e.g. duck face in his pics or rolling his eyes and his neck at the same time ). We cant both be making the duck face in pictures lol.

      Any insight would be appreciated, I don’t have the heart to ask him if maybe he is bi.

      • Please excuse the typos and poor grammer, I hate autocorrect, it had to be invented to make everyone who uses it seem ignorant.

      • I haven’t the faintest idea. I do not think I am even 1% effeminate. However, people recently said I was acting gay by holding my coffee cup a certain way and picking at my fingernails to get the dirt out of them. I do that quite a bit; I know it is a nervous gesture, but I never thought anyone would think it was gay. Most people say I am not effeminate.

        All the stuff that a lot of women call “sexy” is all the same stuff that a lot of other people call “gay.” It’s all the same stuff. When I act that way, I am trying to act sexy, not gay. People think I am gay sometimes because I am soft, not because I am effeminate. Us soft men and even a lot of wimpy guys are always getting called gay, but soft and wimpy guys are generally straight, not gay. Soft-voiced men are also usually straight, but everyone calls them gay.

        I’m not gay at all; I’m just David Bowie. A straight David Bowie. And I never thought Bowie was effeminate either.

        This guy’s behavior sounds markedly effeminate. Personally, I would not be caught dead acting like this and I sure don’t act this way myself, or at least I pray to God I do not. He really is acting gay.

        I would not be caught dead having a gay roommate either. Straight men rooming with gay men is often catastrophic. Both cases I have known of in my personal life were catastrophic – the gay men tried to blackmail my straight friends into sex. Any straight man who rooms with a gay man ought to have his head examined if you ask me.

        What you are really looking at here is if this guy seems to be turned on by your body. Is he always looking at you in a sexual way, basically like you are what’s for lunch. Is he always looking at women and checking out women? If so, then he’s not gay, period, and it doesn’t matter how he acts. Gay men never look at women and a gay man will never look at you in a sexual way.

        I’m worried about this guy myself. Have you asked him if he is gay or bisexual yet?

  4. Brengunn

    Ian ‘Torpedo’ Thorpe, winner of five Olympic gold medals, often is thought to be gay, too. He talks about it in this interview and is remarkably calm about it. He has also suffered crippling depression, which doesn’t surprise me in the least.

    What do ye think?

  5. Brengunn

    If you can watch this video without getting a hard on, you’re not gay!
    Check out the photo at 36 seconds, that is, in my opinion, the apex of masculine beauty and probably what an Aryan master race would look like. Where men are concerned, if this doesn’t do it for you, nothing will.

  6. anonymous

    … straight men who I have met who got falsely pegged as gay….

    Poor choice of words. LOL!

  7. Charles Slakan

    Whats insulting is not whether or not any man or women prefers the labels morons create to assure themselves of their own sexuality; the insult happens when one of these morons equates what someone does in the sack with that individual as a man or woman.
    People play many roles in this world that are not at all sexual:

    blah blah blah

    None of them connotate anything sexual although all of them who are adults are undoubtedly sexual. The same man that identify a man with a sex act (faggot or cocksucker) is often a man that allows his straight woman lover, wife to stick objects in his butt. I have a friend who is a nurse in the ER and she told me you’d be surprised what kind of objects straight men stick in their rumps. Billions of dollars are spent by straights on movies with two women having sex. Whether you agree to have sex with another man is entirely up to you. and sexual harassment is anytime you say NO and some idiot whether its a man or a woman cant take no for an answer.

    Getting back to straight sex, whether a man fornicates or is an adulterer or even screw his wife in the butt, practice other 7nnatural sex acts such as oral sex even dress up, do the sadist masochist thing whatever, no one ever says that guy is a butt buggerer or would it even be conceivable to call a woman a cocksucker as a matter of course whether she enjoys sucking cock or not. What consenting adults do is their business, and just like every woman is not fighting to get into one mans pants the idea that a gay man wants to have sex with you is BS most of the time. I have noticed that straight men are often the aggressors playing with their cocks(re-adjusting it constantly)are often the aggressors.

    It’s disgusting. It’s disgusting that anyone would dare to dehumanize me and take away the other 95% of who I am because they have issues with their own sexuality. The idea anyone can tell if you’re gay or not is wrong. Because a man don’t look at every woman’s ass or boobs don’t mean hes gay. maybe he already has what he wants a woman with both of those and a brain to know her man don’t have anything to prove to another man who doesn’t have much else but his stereotype and a cock. Men in Italy walk arm in arm; they are almost always not interested in sex with men. But they have one thing most men don’t have self confidence. Labels wouldn’t be so bad if the men who resorted to them applied those to themselves afraid, probably short changed not just in brains,and pretty deviant from what has always been accepted as the norm.

    after all when Adam and Eve were thrown out of Eden they were told to be fruitful and multiply. Just like gays cant be fruitful hitting a rump or sucking a cock, neither can a straight man be fruitful or multiply hitting a woman’s rump or sticking his cock in a woman’s mouth. what people do consenting with other adult(s) is their business and there is no label for it. Their name means more than those intimate moments..

    • Look you scummy faggot, why don’t you get the hell off my blog? Don’t you have a cock to suck somewhere?

      • Scott

        You my friend are a close minded asshole! This is 2014 and we should be beyond labelling people as anything. What difference does it make to your life or anyone else’s life who’s gay and whose not? Absolutely none!

        Straight/gay/bi/trans people are born exactly the same, their orientation is apart of who they are. As people we are overly judgemental towards others when truly as long as they are happy consenting partners it is none of your business. Life is too short to worry over something so trivial, focus on your own problems which appear to be in abundance and live your own life. It does not concern you who other people find sexually attractive, they do not judge you for being straight, so treat them with the same dignity and understanding.

        • All jerk you are banned. I think it is very important for straight men to figure out if their friends or acquaintances are gay or bisexual. The consequences of not going so cause a lot of pain and headaches. Further, lots of people simply are curious of the sexual orientation of others. One of the most curious groups of all is gay people!

          You are banned.


  8. I know some guys who act straight but really are bi and some gay …they are always with guys you can tell they enjoy being with guys..they don’t talk about women..they carry alot of pics of women on their cell,but they never go out with any their always with the same guys they have had sex with or want to and they get up set if someone else play around with the other..then they act all macho and don’t want to talk to their friend . bi guys are like I got my women me and my friend were just playing around,yeah right hugging each other,touching each other…real guy don’t huge that way and guys only touch the shoulders not rub there backs or their friends ass and hips..eye contact the way they look at you..real guys eyes don’t light up with another guy guys light up they shine when they look at you..I have always been able to tell if they are gay or bi by their eyes and the way they look at you..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s