Calculated Risk writes:
The article by Robert is actually a pretty good description of the REAL womanizer (with the exception that they are not always delicate looking).
They don’t hate woman, they love them (too many of them) and they do have the goal to be with as many hot women as they possibly can, even if they have to lie and cheat. Many times the game and the challenge of making them fall in love is even more interesting to them than intercourse itself.
You’ll probably recognize him too because they usually pay for the first date, but most likely that’s all you will get as they have too many women to impress (unless they are pretty wealthy and can afford it all).
They are charming, sexy, seemingly sensitive, sweet spoken and yet completely clueless about the fact that they are hurting and disrespecting the women they’re with because despite their ability to be in touch with their feminine side, they are definitely men in the sense that their brains, their thoughts and their feelings work in the most basic manner (there are a few that are painfully honest, those are the better ones).
The womanizer, does not intend to “use” or hurt women, he simply doesn’t think about it until they meet one that makes them feel the same way he’s made others feel, and usually this woman (who tends to be the opposite to what he usually goes after) will have to go through some pretty tough times with him before he will even start to see her as “his conscience”.
Ironically, womanizers usually have close relationships with their moms, sisters and cousins, their best friends are always women, and he would stand up for them against other womanizers because he doesn’t see himself as the hurtful kind until they find that special woman that is willing to make him stand in front of the mirror…
I know so many stories on which the shameless womanizer falls in love and is even more loyal, faithful and committed to his wife than the manly man type and once that special woman becomes the mother of his children, she can never do wrong…
What I would like to know is whether there are statistics showing a high probability of this happening or if I have just been very lucky to have met quite a few people that were able to achieve this with a former womanizer…
Here I am, the girl that was friends with more than one womanizer and sworn would never date one, now contemplating committing to one (and yes, I did go through all the incredibly painful phase, the humiliations, the constant disappointments, I even had to break up with him and stay away for months, and let him go back to his old ways, before he came back acting like a completely different person)…
So if you’ve seen serious statistics, I could use them right now!!…one thing I know for a fact is that I am not willing to go through the pain again, but seeing the change and after so much work and tears invested in him, I do want to give this a chance.
p.s: Statistics please!!! Quick!!
This is so hard to say. I knew a lot of guys who were serious players as teenagers and young men in the late teens and early 20’s. A number of them settled down and married.
Some of them seem to continue on their womanizing ways, but others apparently did not for all I can tell. One told me that he is monogamous now for quite a few years. I would say it depends on how hardcore they are.
They are some aging womanizers who have told me that this is in their genes and as far as they are concerned, they are this way for life, or as long as they can still get it up. Not only are they addicted to living this way, but one guy told, “This is the way I want to live my life! Deep down inside, I don’t want to live any other way!”
I would not say that they don’t think about the females they are hurting. Some of them do. But if you let it really upset you, you aren’t going to be very good about this game.
I remember when I was younger, people were always telling me what a scum I was for engaging in this sort of behavior, and yes, I did hurt female’s feelings. I made quite a few females burst into tears right in front of my eyes. I felt terrible when this happened, like I was the lowest scummy worm on the face of the Earth.
On the other hand, I kept on engaging in the behavior anyway despite the fact that I often felt horribly guilty about it. So in that sense, it’s like an addiction. At one point, I felt so terrible and the guilt caught up to me so much that I cut way back on my dating. I was more or less walking around feeling guilty all the time.
Eventually I changed my mind and become more cold-blooded, but that took me a long time. Now my attitude is, “All’s fair in love and war!” Also I think females need to learn to understand the minefield of dealing with men and just toughen up and learn to handle it.
My Mom’s generation knew all about womanizers, and my Mom has told me that she and others her age were warned repeatedly about these types and about men in general. Females back then approached men with a very wary attitude and it was assumed that if you got burned by one of these types, well, that was simply to be expected.
Women didn’t fall apart, go nuts and never recover just because they got burned by a womanizer. If they took too long getting over it, they were just told, “What do you expect? He’s just a man. This is what they do. We warned you.” They were also told to suck it up, get over it and move on.
Nowadays we are told that some females “never recover” from dealings with a womanizer. Woman are always falling apart, losing it and going nuts. But they’re dealing with the same crap women have always dealt with just fine.
Women need to psychologically armor themselves with the knowledge of how men behave and need to be told it’s not ok to psychologically go to pieces just because you got involved with some cad.
I still believe, “All’s fair in love and war.” I don’t think that womanizing is immoral, and I don’t think they are necessarily manipulating and exploiting others, and even if they are, who cares! The way I see it is we all need sex like we need food and sleep. It’s not really possible to “use” a woman for sex, not in general. It’s like “using” your food to eat or “using” your boss to get a job so you can survive.
People have their needs, and they have the right to try to fulfill their needs in any legal way they see fit. A man and a woman having sex with each other are each fulfilling their sexual needs via the other person, so that’s a moral, not an immoral, personal transaction.
As far as not getting involved with a womanizer, women need to be smart and look before you leap. My Mom told me, “We were always told to not give it away unless you were getting something in return. Like for instance, a wedding ring!”
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