Histrionic Versus Borderline Personality Disorder

Histrionic and Borderline Personality Disorders are what I might call the feminine styles of craziness.

When women, who embody the female or feminine character, go nuts, they tend to go nuts in some fairly predictable ways. In other words, their nuttiness is an outgrowth of their feminine character and their female nature. There is a “female style” to going nuts.

Histrionic and Borderline PD‘s are diagnosed overwhelmingly in females. 75% of borderlines are females. One thing you notice if you spend a lot of time around women is that when they act nutty, they tend to act somewhat “borderlinish.” These women are not borderlines at all, but the suggestion is BPD is simply the down side or the nutty side of being female or the female character all bundled into one whole and taken to a wild and utterly uncontrolled extreme.

To be fair, I would say that there are some male styles of being nuts too. One of them is Aspergers of the Autism spectrum. This is simply a case of too much male essence. Aspies show an aspect of the male character taken to a wild extreme.

In addition, sociopathy or Antisocial Personality Disorder is the male essence taken to a wild extreme. When males are nutty, they act narcissistic, antisocial, or autistic, among other things. Males are much more aggressive, egotistical and cerebral than females. These things taken to a wild extreme result in the “male” disorders.

Many male borderlines are bisexual or gay. Histrionic PD has an even higher female % skew than Borderline PD,, and an even higher % of male histrionics than male borderlines are gay or bisexual.

I known at least one female borderline, and a good friend of mine was involved in a long relationship with another female borderline. Both of them were about 35 years old. Fairly regularly, I see women with borderline tendencies. Whether or not they are true borderlines is hard to say, and you often have to spend quite a bit of time around them before you can figure it out.

Female borderlines are quite impulsive and act out quite a bit. Nevertheless, they are females, so they don’t commit a lot of crime. Male borderlines are just the same, except the mere fact that they are males means that they are even more violent, aggressive, and uncontrolled than female borderlines. Many male borderlines are in jail or prison.

Whereas a female borderline can often control herself and stay out of imprisonment, male borderline simply cannot. Males are less repressed and more prone to acting out.

I knew a male actor once who was somewhat histrionic. He was also eventually bisexual.

I have known many women who had histrionic traits to one degree or another, but whether they truly had Histrionic PD or not is another matter. I’ve never known anyone of either sex with an actual Histrionic PD diagnosis. It seems to me that being somewhat histrionic is simply part of the female character.

If I had to sum up the character of the Histrionic PD, it would be “the whore.” The classic personality of the prostitute or similar occupations such as porn star, stripper, etc. looks a lot like Histrionic PD. The Wikipedia article on Histrionic PD links to the article on Femme Fatale. So the classic motif of the femme fatale, the seductress leading you to destruction and ruin, is akin to Histrionic PD.

The Histrionic PD person may also be seen as “the actress.”

When I was in junior college around ages 18-20, I knew many females around the same age. Many to most of them seemed to have “histrionic” tendencies. So being “histrionic” may just be a normal developmental stage for a young woman.

Others have said that Histrionic PD is the same thing as “teenage girl.” It is probably true that many teenage girls go through some sort of a histrionic stage.

Both Borderline and Histrionic PD’s are what are known as “high conflict personalities.” If you’re involved with these women, there’s going to be a lot of drama and even chaos.

Below are two cases. Two different men each describe a “crazy woman” that they were involved with. Both think that the woman was a Histrionic PD. That may indeed be true, but only one is a true documented case of Histrionic PD. The other case may be Histrionic also, but to me it looks more like Borderline PD.

See if you can tell them apart. Which is a case of Borderline PD? Which is a case of Histrionic PD?

Case 1: I have been having an affair for many years with a person that displays these characteristics. This person demonstrates a behavior very similar to what you would associate with a histrionic/narcissistic personality. It is very difficult to be sure. I am not a professional psychologist or psychiatrist, but here is what I have observed over the years:

It does require a lot of free time to provide them with the attention they constantly crave. They can be ultra friendly and appear very caring. They will tell you that they love you, adore you and can’t live without you because they know that you will be stimulated to feed their craving for attention. At other times, they can be cold, cruel and show a lack of empathy for others.

It is a personality that constantly seesaws between extreme positions. They are very bright and extremely manipulative. They will gradually attempt to control your person and mind. When they sense that they are losing your attention, they will tell you that you should concentrate on your spouse. This is only a tactic to get you to concentrate on them.

If you dropped them (and they don’t have another partner), they will call you back and make an excuse about their behavior and tell you about their deep love for you. In reality, your sole purpose is to fill their craving for attention.

When they are not depressed, sex can be utterly unbelievable and kinky. Their craving for sex is limitless and most imaginative. They just want to do it everywhere and as often as possible. It flatters them a great deal when you take pictures of their naked body. Their impulsive drives and flirtatious behavior forces them to look for other partners to sustain their need for attention.

When they identify someone they like, they can be extremely forward with that person. They don’t shy away from telling him of their deep desire. Once they have ensnared the person, they will have some excuse not to appear too “easy”. They can appear prudish one minute and sexually pervasive the next. It can drive you crazy.

Again the sole purpose of these swings is to get your full attention by keeping you focus on them exclusively. Obviously, you should not expect to be their sole source of interest after a while because they get bored easily! It requires a lot of imagination to sustain their interest, but it can be most interesting.

They want the ultimate love and attention. If you have another relationship, they will work very hard at breaking the relationship you have with your partner because they want your full attention. They are envious and jealous of your companion. They are extremely self-centered and continuously talk about themselves.

Conversations are usually monologues about themselves, their money, possessions, and accomplishments. You learn with time that most of their monologues are somewhat exaggerated. At times it can be difficult to interrupt their self-centered narratives. They lie with such ease that it becomes a second nature for them.

They can easily blur the line between truth and lies. They don’t show any shame when you catch them lying. They will even try to make you believe a lie even when you know the truth. They are fascinating manipulators.

A word of advice, if you want this type of personality as a lover, make sure to protect yourself from their great ability to control you and thrash your mind. Don’t ever fall in love. They will destroy your sanity and your life.

Case 2: I too have had a relationship with a woman showing these characteristics. When I met her I was in a relationship that was failing, and she was a friend. She was married and we formed a good friendship based on good discussions. She was very attentive, and combined with being beautiful, I was immediately drawn to her charming personality, her apparent honesty, and constant communication.

What I realize now was that I was a source of attention for her, and she had my attention completely on a daily basis. I was drawn into the savior role as I heard never-ending stories about her daily unhappiness and battles with her husband (2nd husband).

I provided a relief to what she related was her daily agony of her unhappy life. Now I understand that this was the overemotional exaggeration and over-embellishment of her unhappiness as she craved new and exciting things. I also recall her constantly flirting with other men, constantly going out to coffee with them as “friends,” and her relating how she just could not cope with her children.

I eventually left my relationship to live on my own and told her I thought we were drawing too close and did not want to interfere with her marriage, also other friends of hers had told her they were attracted to me. She immediately told me she loved me, we were soul mates, I was the one who truly knew her and she wanted to be with me and leave her husband for me.

I was deeply in love with her and accepted her advances. I felt pressure to praise her and felt sucked into the role of hearing the exaggerated dilemmas of her life, offering advice and solutions but feeling the frustrations that none of the advice or solutions were acted upon to help solve those issues. I was always given the excuse, “You and I are different, and I am doing it my way.”

I realize now that the dilemmas of her unhappy marriage and other concerns weren’t what she wanted solved, otherwise she would not be drawing any attention to herself, nor would she be embroiling herself in the middle of such wonderful drama.

Sex with her was amazing, but it was used as a tool, as ammunition to be pulled out when I tried to draw away from the frustrations of dealing with the deception of the affair and lack of motivation to change anything. If I drew away and stopped contact, I would get completely hysterical phone calls and visits begging me to stay that she was coming to me and asking questions about whether I had found someone else.

The attention was lavish and in hindsight completely over the top. However once I was drawn back to her, she would shut it off, become cold and distant, making me chase, then the pattern would repeat itself once I got upset and decided this wasn’t for me. In hindsight I can see I was a pawn, hidden in a box only to be pulled out when she wanted to play with me, it was all about her and had nothing to do with me.

If I tried to break free, I was drawn back in. If I tried to jump out of that box, I was quickly berated with unbelievable anger and told how much I was hurting her and being abusive to her by my attempts to do so. Eventually her husband left her, and I had to be the unseen and unknown shoulder on the side and support mechanism, drawn in but held completely at arms length.

Any attempt by me to enter the reality of her life was shut down by over the top emotions and threats and then promises of change. Any emotion shown by me was coldly disregarded and not paid any attention to other than the accusation of my being abusive in venting frustration.

I felt driven completely insane via rapid changes of emotions on her part daily, constant shifting positions, and constant drawing in and then pulling away that I broke free of the relationship by declaring the truth of it to her family and her ex-husband and then leaving.

Notwithstanding I had just created a situation of outstanding drama and attention towards her, exactly what she constantly craved and wanted, whether that be negative or not. I was publicly disgraced and accused of various misdemeanors and abuse. Her husband was drawn back to return to the marital home and then accused of threatening her life and physical abuse. My God it was good for her; she was the talk of the town.

Some time later I formed another relationship with another woman who was completely the reverse of her. Immediately for months afterwards my ex-girlfriend pursued me, attempted to seduce me, and told me I was the one, I was the only one, and she wanted me to choose her, we belonged together. I resisted for months but was drawn in by threats and over-elaborate attempts at seduction.

She could not bear that I was showing my attention to another person. I was happy in my relationship and did my best to limit contact, not get sucked in, but it was constant. I was rung day and night and all sorts of guilt trips applied to me. It was as if I was singlehandedly destroying her. The pressure from this after 18 months ruined my other relationship, and I ended up alone.

Once I was alone and paid attention to her again, in the space of three weeks I was drawn and told that we were soulmates and visited with over the top sex and photos sent to me and very sexual text messages and then withdrawn from and treated with contempt.

I eventually lost the plot and became so angry and confused – it was not til I read this article and ticked every single box in the description of her that I realized this was a never-ending battle I would not win. I could not tell her about this condition because nothing is wrong with her according to her. So I left and cut her off all together, changed numbers and address. It had to be done.

It was not only just me; it was every facet of her life. Her brother was married recently, and she pulled a turn about stress and her children in order to draw his attention to her.

She uses her two children born to two different fathers as pawns in custody games with them on a continuous basis and then accusing them of being abusive when they get angry about it or not caring about their kids when they try not to react. Either way, no one will ever win with a person like this.

If you see any women remotely similar in your situations – RUN!!!

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Filed under Antisocial, Borderline, Gender Studies, Mental Illness, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology

13 responses to “Histrionic Versus Borderline Personality Disorder

  1. Sadistic Personality Disorder is definitely a real entity! I am not sure if I have ever met one. The line between Sexual Sadism, Sadistic Personality Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorder is probably pretty damn thin.

    There was also a Self-Defeating Personality Disorder that seems to describe a real entity. This was also dropped from DSM due to political reasons. It’s akin to “masochism” and almost all of them are female. It was thought that battered woman would be saddled with this dx (a lot of them probably would) and this would be unfair, cruel and sexist.

    I think most of the PD’s, existing and provisional, describe actual entities. Once you have met someone with an actual PD, it’s amazing how many criteria they line up on.

    I believe they are also throwing out Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder, but I have known some horrifically passive aggressive people, so passive aggressive that they functioning is badly damaged. It’s real!

    I also think that Depressive Personality Disorder may be real, but I don’t understand it very well. The line between this and early onset chronic dysthymia is probably very thin indeed.

    • Now Robert, I know you keep mentioning these as females, but a lot of this sounds too much like my child’s father, who I often used to call…Big Berth.. since he was the biggest b*/** I know. Demanding without reciprocity, clingy, whine, and worse than the FrankenStorm when he couldn’t have his way. “You don’t give me attention, then I’ll sabotage everything around you until you are backed in a corner and can focus on no one but … MEEeeeee!” . Partly pitied him and partly cared for him, but you could never care enough because they play heavily on that… I was saddened because it reminded me a very close family and I found myself saying… OMG, was I about to marry my ************?! Just to be cruel and vindictive, even when you haven’t actually done them wrong, but anytime they can’t get their way, you’ve offended them.
      I pray to God to help me get out and stay out… It’s been real hard…. but then my Ex is far more whinier, while my *************** is a drama queen for sure… it’s like when he tries to say “Hi”.. I’m just like “click, dial tone”.
      My ****************** will say ” If you loved me, you…. while my EX was like ” Wahhhhhh! nobody loves me! Will you? You will?! It’s about time. Wahhhhh!!!! you’re not doing it right at the right time. At this time, you love me like this and at that time you love me like that. Waaahhhh! You love me at the right times, but you gave me too much at the wrong time. I need this much love at this time, and then 5 times that amount at this time. Waaaaahhhhh! How dare you ask me to reciprocate the love you are giving me? You’re supposed to give me all this love, You’re meant to. I’m so broke, I don’t have any love, and that is why I need all of yours, all the time. Waaaaaahhhh! You’ve run out of love, now? That’s because you’re weak! I thought you were strong enough to love me and let me push you as hard as possible. I think I need more love than what you have anyway. Since you seem tapped out, how about a two-some or threesome so that I don’t run out of love because you’re waning? You want me to Give you some of my love? Waaaahhhh! You’re so selfish. You’ve hurt my feelings, and I can’t believe you’re an indian giver. Wahhhhh! I thought you were different. I think you are better off if I give you some d*** instead; you might as well take it because I’m not giving you any of the love you gave me. Why? Because You don’t need love, yours will grow back sometime, but Wahhh!!! mine never grew in the first place. Wahhhh!!!I think it is very unfair to make me share love with you that you gave to me, seeing my pitiful conditional although I’m still interested in sharing your love with someone else on the side. No? You won’t accept this arrangement? Wahhh!!! Now I have to leave you… You really make me sick. Look, I don’t wanna leave you.. I need you. You’re the only one who has finally perfected the art of loving me, and if you would quit asking me to love you back…. this thing could really work!

    • LOL are these Indian guys?

      You know, there are men who act like women. Like these two “men.”


    • Karen

      I think my partner is borderline I can’t seem to get away and I have been hurt a lot by him and exactly as you described. At the moment he is faithful and thungs seem to be going well but he is still inappropriate at times and right in front of me. A woman who I believe to be histronic suggestively danced with him last weekend right in front of me and she did that with two other men as well in front of her boyfriend. I don’t know what I will do if I have to observe that again it was so wrong on many levels and extremely hurtful. I don’t know where this is going?

  2. Well, one is…from Amritsar, a punjabi. The other? my mom calls him “Twosome Gruesome”…which is kind of nice as opposed to the other names, he’s earned from just always seeking to make a conflict where there isn’t one.

  3. Nat4477

    The both sound as though they had HPD.

  4. Meghan

    Case 1- HPD
    Case 2- BPD

  5. Livid

    I’m late to the party, just wanted to comment that you have great insight into these two types.

    I’m facing the unenviable task of containing my emotions as my long term boyfriend whom I live with (in his house) runs around behind my back with a stripper. I had gut feelings that he kept denying for months. He would go play poker at a casino but sometimes return smelling like baby powder and cheap roses.

    He even tried to explain it away as other people vaping (e-cigs) at the casino. I felt like I was being gaslighted and finally took his phone and read his texts. Since he lied, I feel no compunction about my snooping. He has even said to me that if he break up, he would immediately move out, and I would be left paying his mortgage and all bills. Since I moved here long distance for him years ago and have a few pets, I couldn’t immediately move.

    So I have been biding my time. Vacillating between remnants of love for him and pining to stay and a cool determination to amass some savings to move far away. Even though he is a lawyer and makes bank, I pay his mortgage (he pays the other utilities/etc). So I am trying to be clever and make extra money with my design business. Sadly, I feel inert with the crushing depression of his cheating/lies.
    So for many months he has been following a stripper around various strip clubs (it appears she can’t keep a job at one too long).

    She and he have also been hanging around outside of the club. He attempted to have sex with her in Atlantic City (left me alone for the weekend, said he was going to play poker), but she brought along her mother and sister [according to the texts]. Anyway, this long winded backstory isn’t about him or me. He stopped touching me last Summer [one reason my intuition went off], and since I know he doesn’t find me attractive and texted a friend that the stripper was the hottest woman he had met in 10 years, I know things are hopeless.

    It’s about her texts.

    Holy looney tunes!

    Some highlights of her texts to him:

    Claimed her daughter was in hospital for 10 days and needed prayers and was very ill.

    Next day a super-sunny text asking him to come see her at the club with tons of stupid kissy emojis.

    Then claimed someone at strip club stole all her money. He offered to bring her money, and she accepted.

    On Thursday he sent her a text asking what they were doing and should he come pick her up.

    She replied her friend was in the hospital on life support, and things were complicated for her

    Boom, next day she texts him to come see her at the club and make her happy.

    My soon to be ex-bf is a bright guy, so it’s interesting that he would spend time and money on someone so bonker balls. I am also a little afraid because I imagine that this woman is always grabbing for money. And she knows where we live.

  6. rika

    hi,Robert, I am borderline,sorry for your experience:) I wont deny we do these things, but it is a very painful condition, she could be both suffering and hurting you at the same time. I did believe my ex, who is a Narc, was my soulmate, and many years after the break-up I still cant let it go. This is a very sad diagnosis, because unlike NPD or ASPD we do know (some of us) it’s wrong, but we cants stop feeling like that.

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