I regularly get women writing in here asking if a man that they are involved with is gay or bisexual or not. In the latest case, Jenny asks:
Ok everyone, There’s a guy I know 29 yrs old, has a Mohawk haircut, loves to workout, used to play football but doesn’t anymore, works at a gym, seems womanizing, has female traits. He loves anal with women, makes weird faces like batting eyes, can make his voice sound feminine at times, he always notices my clothing earrings and shoes and when he likes them he says, “Those shoes are mean!”
He poses for pics laying on his stomach with his hands under his chin and his feet up in the air crossed..looks gay for sure.. He dresses t-shirt jeans and vans or converse shoes, he’s black by the way. Everyone I know thinks he’s gay even his co workers.. He also is friends w a gay guy who is still in the closet…
He denies being gay and says he doesn’t care that people question his sexuality…He is also extremely arrogant and talks about how hot he is constantly…He also wanted me to rate him in bed on a scale form 1-10…Help
Ok, well, first of all. This is one faggoty guy! On the other hand, don’t let that fool you. I live in California. This is the place where the gay guys act gay and the straight guys act gay too. Lots and lots of guys act gay or sort of gay here, regardless of whether they are gay or not. Around here, people often ask, “Is so and so gay?!” Then someone who knows him just laughs and says, “No! He’s just a Northern California male, that’s all! Don’t worry about it!”
In this part of California, acting more or less faggoty, metrosexual, engaging in manscaping or various other androgynous traits are simply “the thing to do.”
First of all, these guy seems like a womanizing or lady’s man type. I’ve known quite a few of these types. I think I just talked to one at the gas station today.
The curious thing about many serious womanizers and lady’s men is that they are often quite androgynous. I mean that in a good way – in many cases, they have both a strong masculine and strong feminine side going at the same time. I’m not sure why that is.
From personal experience, I would say that a man with a strong feminine side simply feels closer to females to than to males. He’d rather hang around chicks than guys. It’s his feminine side that makes women seem so special and interesting to him.
I’ve recently noted that there are two kinds of guys who hang around women all the time: players and queers. That’s a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the point.
Both have a feminine nature that makes them feel close to women in some way. When women go on and on about their feminine stuff which bores the crap out of most guys, both the player and the queer are apt listeners. Both players and queers take a stronger interest in a woman’s makeup and clothing than most guys do. Most guys simply think that’s stupid or annoying.
The player really has the best of the both worlds. His feminine side makes him feel very close to females, and it probably makes them feel close to him. Females fascinate him, even when they are acting nutty. Unlike the queer, he’s also completely turned on by women!
He has the sex drive of your average Army platoon all rolled into one mortal coil. He likes to be around women just because, and at the same time, females are the high octane fuel he needs to fill his insatiable tank. So he’s around all sorts of females all the time, and he’s probably messing around with more than one of them. He’s in paradise! No matter his age, he can die happy tomorrow.
On the other hand, most players that I have known were not as faggoty as this guy. Players typically have a strong masculine side, and they identify as masculine men. They don’t like to be seen as obviously gay.
To a guy like me, batting my eyelashes like a woman seems like a horrible thing to do. So does posing on my bed on my stomach like a queer. If photos of me are to be taken, I want to act masculine in them. I would feel weird acting feminine in a photo. I would also feel strange making my voice go all feminine. Why would I do that? A masculine guy might admire a woman’s shoes, but does he say, “Those shoes are mean!”? I would not say that! That’s a faggoty thing to say.
It’s a bit odd that he doesn’t mind that everyone thinks he’s a queer. Many straight men are angry if people think they are gay – it’s a real insult.
It’s also quite strange that he’s best friends with a closeted gay guy. I’ve never been able to have any close friendships at all with gay guys, nor have my friends. They simply don’t work because the queers simply won’t stop trying to have sex with us. So my friends and I have pretty much given up on any kind of friendships with gay and bi men and I advise all other straight men to do the same.
Nevertheless, you can go around the web and see that some of these superhip young straight men are able to have friendships with gay and bi men. Don’t ask me how they do it. So things may be different with the younger crowd.
Yes, many gay and bisexual men love anal sex when they have sex with women. This is a common observation. On the other hand, there are now straight men who love this type of sex too.
I really do not think this guy is gay. The vast majority of gay men simply do not run around womanizing with females. On the other hand, he could be bisexual. Unfortunately, we don’t have enough information here to make a positive judgement in this case.
All we know is:
He really likes women.
There’s no evidence that he likes men too.
The last is probably the most important of all for Jenny to be concerned with. His narcissism seems pretty off the charts. She ought to think about how she feels about this young man’s intense narcissism.