I am reading about the East Area Rapist/Original Night Stalker on forums and I ran across this fascinating post.
I can’t really relate to it at all, I must say, though I do understand the feeling of wanting to kill people in general, unfortunately. But that’s as far as I’ve ever gone – feeling that way – and that may not even be a fantasy but instead it may be something else altogether. Raping women? Nah, not my fantasy. Prowling? Never done it, don’t have it in me, and don’t even like the idea. I think the very idea of prowling and enjoying it is a bit sick.
Fascinated with fire and ways of killing? No. My friends and I did use to make non-shrapnel bombs and detonate them. We used one to blow up an enemy’s car windshield, and another was tossed onto an enemy’s lawn and burned a large hole in the lawn.
Animal abuse? Not mammals, no way. My friends and siblings and I devised all sorts of fascinating ways to kill insect pests until our parents put a stop to it.
We used to go fishing and catch smelts and the salt marsh. We would catch up to 100 in a day. We got so bored of catching smelts that we devised methods of killing them. We played, “Acapulco Cliff Divers” and cast the smelts, still on the hooks, onto shore rocks and then quickly reeled them in over the rocks. We tied live smelts to the backs of our bikes and dragged them to their deaths part of the way home.
But torturing fish and bugs and ain’t killing mammals. Screw that. And I never tortured or killed reptiles either and certainly not birds. I never fantasized about being a criminal really. It doesn’t really appeal to me to be a creep as it’s not part of my self-image, and I just don’t think I have it in me to do these things. But I get why people do this stuff. I get it. I know how their minds work.
This guy went way beyond that.
He had actual fantasies of rape starting at puberty (a very bad time for intense rape fantasies to start in a male), he tortured and abused animals, researched killing methods and ways of getting away with the crimes he wanted to commit, spent countless hours in the woods being weird when he wasn’t prowling around residential areas at night plotting crimes, was fascinated with bombs and fire, had intense feelings of rage, etc, was unable to control his feelings on his own because they were so powerful that they had an intense hold on him, etc.
His mother recognized that he was one sick puppy as a child and put him in therapy at an early age. He received professional help was eventually able to become completely free of all such feelings and behaviors.
Typing on smart phones is hard for me. As I was saying, my father was nonexistent in my upbringing. My mother did the best she could but was unable to have a lasting relationship with a man. The area we lived in was a middle class area on the edge of town. A levee wound through the woods and behind my home as well.
I spent a great deal of time in the woods as well as prowling the neighborhood at night. I started to have rape fantasies during puberty and would find myself engaged in working through the best M.O. to avoid detection. I’ve always had rage issues. I used to abuse animals and was fascinated with explosives, fires, and killing methods.
My mother put me in counseling at an early age, and I have been in and out ever since. I as well as others am lucky that I had the help in place to learn to think in better ways. Perhaps my sense of shame for having these thoughts coupled with my conscience kept me from acting on these feelings. I could not help having these compulsions anymore than I could choose my eye or skin color, but it was my responsibility to everyone around me to not give in.
When I learned of the EAR/ONS, it sent shivers down my spine. Here was someone who had put into action an M.O. VERY similar to what I was thinking during those times. I guess part of the reason I came here was to find more about myself. Perhaps remember things I can’t (blocks of my childhood I can’t remember).
Those reading this that have never had these issues can never understand. You can’t just turn it off and without professional help – it may be too much to overcome. If you have no regard for anyone but yourself as EAR/ONS did/does, then my guess is you won’t. I do know wanting these thoughts to go is not enough to make it so.
Based on my background, there are some things I am convinced EAR was and what he was not. I don’t think anyone is a “monster” or “pervert” or “sicko”. I think people just are. It’s when “The selected route will unmask Character when plans take action”. I look at my situation as a re-birth having come close to hurting innocent people but got help.
I urge all of you to view offenders as broken people WHO SHOULD BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS. Perhaps if there was less of a stigma attached to such urges, more people would seek help.
I’m a recovering alcoholic and don’t tell everyone, but I’ve told far more about my drinking than about my other issues. Some family know, and I have shared all with my wife. If anyone reading this wishes to label me, you may. That would be your problem, not mine.
If there are those out there that are feeling urges 1.) You’re human, and it’s ok 2.) It is NEVER ok to act on them 3.) Acknowledge you are not feeling “Excitment’s Crave” – you wish to hurt others as you are hurt, and you must treat it as the sickness it is 4.) There is hope and you can succeed in taking the right path.
I don’t know if I have done anything here, but I have shared what I can. I cannot speak to those like EAR that crossed that line and CHOSE to live out their fantasies and wallow in the rage and pain and pull others into it. I don’t understand that, and I doubt I ever will. Perhaps he did have a conscience and was haunted to the point of suicide.
What is absolutely fascinating to me is that someone can get this twisted and then be completely rehabilitated from these thoughts, urges and feelings. I figured that once you get this far gone at that early of an age, you’re basically history. Even if never act on this stuff, I never thought you could get over of it simply because it seems that you’re already wired up in a very twisted way.
Perhaps one way he was able to get over this so well is that he had not yet started offending. He says that he had moral values that kept him from acting on these feelings, and this is what kept him from offending. He had kept himself in check. And having some base level of morality is perhaps what helped him to recover so well. Once you start offending, you’re pretty far down the road and without a base level of morality, there’s no reason to get better.
At the end of the day, this is a very hopeful post. It shows that perhaps with early enough intervention, a lot of potential psychos can be arrested in their development, converted into moral humans and a lot of crimes and victims can be prevented from ever occurring and existing.
There is more hope for humans than I thought.