Black Man Posts on Juggalos

A Black man stopped by and left this excellent critique of White Juggalos, followers of the Insane Clown Posse band. I don’t really mind when Blacks slam Whites, but most of the time, their slams are lame. My problem is more with the lameness of their slams than with the fact that they criticize us.

We criticize and make fun of Blacks a lot (witness Chimpout, Niggermania*, etc.) but Blacks don’t get us back much in return. I always hoped that Blacks would make an anti-White version of Niggermania making fun of Whites in order to get us back, since racist humor will never go away.

This is some excellent racist humor from Black man pounding the heck out of White juggalos. I salute you, brother! Good show!

The male Juggalo (Juggalus retardus) is the most common breed of ICP fan. Clown makeup, as well as displaying how awesome a Juggalo is, also works to mask the major acne issues that they tend to have. However, it is likely that wearing makeup all day is the main cause of their acne in the first place, which explains why Juggalos are still dressed like clowns when well into their twenties: To cover up their pus-filled sores.

In their youth, Juggalos often rebel against “The Man” in unique forms of protest (By saying “fuck” to their parents and teachers, and even going so far as to dress like clowns in school, assuming their peers do not administer frequent beatings for such behavior).

Due to their accelerated education through the teachings of Insane Clown Posse, many feel fit to leave school early, opting instead for a life of cheap drugs, picking fights with other musical cliques, and trying to father a child in vain.

In the non-Juggalo, or “Hater” world, this places their entire subculture on the same intellectual level as children, which perhaps explains the appeal of becoming a Juggalo to those beyond teenage years who suffer from serious mental retardation.

Juggalos form the crusty flakes of shit around the asshole of society. Their lack of formal education or goals in life (Outside the compulsive accrual of every stitch of official ICP merchandise they can get their hands on) means that their employment prospects are on par with illegal immigrants, ex-convicts, the mentally retarded, and sex offenders.

To be fair, many Juggalos happen to fall into at least two of those aforementioned groups, with the exception of illegal immigrants due to the Juggalos’ rich Aryan heritage. Despite these stigmas, Juggalos have a broad range of employment opportunity in many fields.

It is true, though hard to believe, that there is a female version of Juggalo known as a Juggalette (Juggala syphila). Their appearance is remarkably similar to that of the males, which is why many don’t believe Juggalettes actually exist. Identifying a Juggalette from a Juggalo is like determining a penguin’s gender; the only way to find out is to administer a blood test or a genitalia examination, both of which represent a significant bio-hazard to nearby countries.

The precise mental gymnastics that allow Juggalettes to reconcile both the instruction to hate “haters” and being the obvious object of hate in all Insane Clown Posse songs are unknown.

The largest form of Juggalo, Jugalettes are invariably morbidly obese, and as breeding programs have shown, this problem in addition to their cheap drug addictions means that they are unable to successfully produce live offspring. Their natural habitat is the Gathering Of The Juggalos event where they run around topless or naked.

*Chimpout and Niggermania are pretty damned hilarious if you don’t mind racist humor with a vicious side. You have to put aside your morals a bit to enjoy that stuff. I would go there more often just for the laffs, but I feel guilty about visiting the sites. Also there’s an underlying tone of viciousness, meanness and sheer racist hate that makes it hard to tolerate that stuff. You keep pulling your body back in revulsion from the site when you are not rolling on the floor laughing. An interesting experience.

13 Comments

Filed under Blacks, Culture, Europeans, Music, Pop Culture, Race/Ethnicity, Racism, Whites

13 responses to “Black Man Posts on Juggalos

  1. An Unmarried Man

    15-year-old ICP skanks are hot. Not the pigs though. Just the drug addicts with acne vulgaris still present because they are too young for prescription meds. YUM!

  2. Matt

    That’s pretty funny, surprisingly well-written, and not really racist at all. Juggalos are not a race. The only thing that hints at racism is the crack about their “rich Aryan heritage.” I suppose it would be considered mildly racist if a white guy referred sarcastically to “rich African heritage,” but the Tea Party folks and Newt Gingrich say stuff like that all the time, and seem to suffer few real world consequences.

  3. Matt

    It’s true that most black anti white satire is pretty lame and annoying. Richard Pryor had a few good chops, but even then a lot of it was questionably derogatory. The most annoying anti white criticism comes from PC whites themselves. I was reading the local “Occupy” newsletter and some (young, white, male) hipster was attributing the failure of recent previous progressive causes to “young, white, maleness.” Great, I say to him. Kill yourself.

  4. NoKoolAidHere

    As a person who has juggalo’s in my own family(hard as it is for me to admitt even amonomously) I found myself laughing untill I choked and scared my children. Very well written and on point.

  5. Car Guy

    And here I thought you guys were talking about gigolos…

  6. Ivan

    This certainly beats the standard, “better don walk the streets cracker, iem cumming 4 U and your white crakker hore wife, She gonna taste reel nigger dik, not yor honky 4 inchis” type witty rebuttals to any posting doubting black supremacy.

  7. Unknown

    How about talk to a juggalo.

  8. mike

    I applaud the gentleman who authored that particular piece, and couldn’t agree more. Further, its succinctness and seemingly objective perspective is quite refreshing. Thanks for the accurate analasys and summary!

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