How Can You Tell If a Man Is Gay Or Not?

It’s actually quite simple – so simple that there is nothing to it. I can always, or almost always, tell if a man is gay or bisexual. It’s as clear as air. Obviously, some men are effeminate, so that’s suspicious. Yet there are many effeminate straight men out there – I’ve met them.

One surefire way I can always tell if a man is gay or bi is how he acts when he’s around me. Gay and bi men always, or almost always, give off a sexual vibe when they are around me, like they are sexually attracted to me. If I’ve spent quite a lot of time around a man and never got that vibe, I generally say he’s not gay or bi. I haven’t been wrong yet.

This is really the most obvious thing on Earth, so you would think that stupid straight men would figure this out. Yet I’ve had male friends who knew me for years, through countless girlfriends and dates the size of parade, guys who I spent a very long time with, even took long overnight trips with. Of course I never gave off any gay vibes towards these guys because I don’t play that way. Even after knowing me for over a decade, I had very good friends insist that they always thought I was gay.

As I said, gay and bi men give off vibes. A man who has a lot of girlfriends and dates is almost certainly not gay. That’s dubious. And if you’re around a guy a lot, you can tell if he likes women or not.

There’s an old friend of mine named DN. Everyone always called him gay because he’s pretty, sensitive and soft. But I spent a lot of time with him, and I knew he liked women as much as any man who ever lived.

You can tell when a guy likes women. It’s so obvious that I don’t understand why it’s controversial. When there are pretty women around, they look. They talk about women. Their eyes light up when they see women or talk about women.

I used to live and work in Hollywood, and I hung out in Hollywood for years. Hollywood has more gay and bi men than there are blades of grass in field. It’s an exaggeration to say I’ve met 100,000 gay and bi men, but that’s what it seems like. There are said to be gay men who try to fake people into thinking they like women. I’ve never met a gay man yet who fooled me into thinking he liked women. They must be exceedingly rare.

I always knew that DN had a gay side, but he never acted on it. I could tell when we were changing to go in the pool. He said some funny things. One time I was changing into my suit and I was naked in front of my two best friends. It’s usually no big for straight guys to get naked in front of each other if they are best friends. DN yelled, “Awooooooo! Look at Bob! He’s getting naked! Hell yeah!” I looked at him dubiously like, “What is wrong with you dude? Are you a faggot? What the Hell is your major malfunction.” Gay men were constantly hitting on him, and people were always saying he was gay. We used to talk about this stuff.

He always said, “I’m not into that stuff.”

I would say, “Yeah, me either. Screw that.”

The pool incidents showed that DN had a bi side of him in that he had some attraction to males, but he didn’t feel like acting on it. Meanwhile, DN was screwing a small army of women. That guy got more women that most guys will in 20 lifetimes.

Later on, he moved in as a roommate with a sleazy, disgusting gay man in West Hollywood. He lost his job, and the sleazy, despicable gay man aid either give it up or I throw your ass on the street, like gay men always do when straight men make the fatal error of rooming with them..

One time I went up to LA, and DN and I went out on the town in Hollywood, trying to pick up model and actress types. You know how that goes. I ended up on the couch. I woke up at 3 AM, and my best friend in the whole world was in there screwing the sleazy gay man!

I thought, “Whoa!”

I got up in the morning, and DN was defiant. I lost a contact lens, and they both made a big game of finding it, putting their disgusting gay hands all over me.

I decided he was still my friend, which was a bad idea. He went off into gaydom big time. I’m sure he still likes women, as that will never go away. Last I heard he was living with a woman in Santa Barbara.

What’s odd is that of many people who’ve known DN, they don’t give him credit at all. According to them, he was a fag in 6th grade (we all used to kick his ass for being such a pussy), and he’s a fag now. That small army of women? They look at me dumbfounded when I bring it up, like it’s completely irrelevant. I tell them that he’s always had an extreme attraction to women, and they look at me like I’m speaking Greek.

“He’s a fag, dammit,” they insist.

Fag fag fag fag fag fag fag FAG! FAG! Once a fag, always a fag. That’s their mindset.

Truth is, the guy is very much bisexual, probably one of the most fully bisexual guys I’ve ever known, but no one can wrap their idiot head around that.

Just as it’s clear as air when a man is gay (or bi), as a man who’s attracted to other males is a dead giveaway, it’s also clear as day if a man is straight (or bi) – that is, if he’s attracted to women. Gay men don’t look at women. Period. I had a gay boss once, and he treated the women like they were part of the furniture. They weren’t even there. I’ve never in my life seen a gay man check out women like straight men do. If a man obviously checks out women a lot and seems very interested in women, he can’t possibly be gay.

As my mother noted, “It doesn’t matter if he’s is 13 or 93, if a beautiful woman walks into the room, they all perk up and look at her, and their eyes light up. Gay men don’t do that.”

How can you tell if a man is into other men? He acts like he’s attracted to you, if you’re a man.

How can you tell if a man is into women? He checks out women, looks at women, talks about women, etc. And if you are a woman, he acts like he’s attracted to you.

How can you tell if a man is bisexual? This is very hard to determine and is further complicated by the fact that there all sorts of different types of bisexual men. If you spent a lot of time around the man and are highly observant though, you might be able to figure it out.

From a woman’s point of view, the one thing that is not clear is a bisexual man.

A woman can tell very simply if a man is attracted to women or not, and many women have figured this out about me, which shows women are not completely retarded. If a man checks out women, he’s into women. 100% fact. No two ways about it. On the other hand, it’s hard for a woman to figure out if a man is into guys or not.

So all a woman can tell for sure about a man is:

+gay = never looks at females

+straight or bisexual = obviously looks at females

For a woman, a man who’s attracted to you or to women in general (he looks at women) is straight or bi. A man who’s not (he doesn’t look at women) is gay. Simple.

The reason this is limited is because it’s hard for a female to figure out if a guy’s into guys or not.

A man can easily make the following determinations about another man:

+ straight = not obviously attracted to you

+ bisexual or gay = obviously, clearly and shamelessly attracted to you

A man who is attracted to you is bi or gay. A man who’s not is in most cases straight. Very simple.

The reason this is limited is because it’s hard if you are a man to figure out if a man is into women or not, although if you spend a lot of time around him, this should become quite clear.

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Filed under Gender Studies, Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Man World, Sex

358 responses to “How Can You Tell If a Man Is Gay Or Not?

  1. An Unmarried Man

    I had a gay boss once, and he treated the women like they were part of the furniture. They weren’t even there.

    This conscious behavior toward women is one of the tenets of the PUA community. Little do they know they are all just acting like fudge packers haha!!

      • An Unmarried Man

        “Pick Up Artist” or as they would presume, “Pick Up Artistry”

        • craga

          So is that why you women don’t get guys that often if I thought about this on women I would not get no where no wonder am single even after haveing a good sex session the women eventualy is sick of me posibly texting to much at once maybe don’t help i supose fucked up world where we are guessing why not ask the lad if he is gay. No am not gay by the way

  2. Daniel

    There is one surefire test as to whether a man is straight: if he eats pussy, he is straight. Homos would rather die than eat pussy. That’s the truth.

    Bisexuals? Do they really exist. Do Bi-dudes eat pussy?

    • Bisexual men? OH THEY ARE REAL ALL RIGHT. My friend, DN, was a bisexual man. I spent years hanging around with him, and that guy loved females as much as any man who ever lived. This is something that is so obvious about any man that’s incredible that anyone would ever question it. Guys who love women are completely transparent. It’s totally clear to anyone who spends any time around them that they are really into chicks.

      They say some gay men pretend to be into chicks, but I’ve never met such a creature in my life. Recall that I used to live and work in Hollywood and spent years running around the LA club scene, which has more queers than there are grains of sand on a beach. I’ve never in my life met a gay man who pretended to be into women. They very idea is so ridiculous to me. A lot of men with a strong homosexual component, even if they have a beautiful gf on their shoulder, well, they simply don’t show much interest in women. A woman walks in the room, and they don’t look at her. What do they look at? MEN! This whole idea that there are really faggoty gay or bi guys who are way off into chicks is so ridiculous.

      My friend DN was very much a bisexual man though. As I said, he was totally into females. This is something that can be easily determined about any man. Then, at age 22, he got into guys, and he dived headfirst into the gay scene. He also developed some health problems, as you might guess. He rapidly developed an anal fistula from getting fucked up the ass. Nevertheless, this is a guy who had an extremely strong attraction to females, and that attraction is not going anywhere. Once a strong attraction to females is fixed in a man, it’s permanent for the rest of his life.

      I conclude that this guy was definitely a real bisexual.

      I have met and known many other bisexual guys. You would be amazed at how many of them are married and have kids. I don’t know the details of their sex lives, but they seem to have happy marriages. The number of married men, even with kids, who fuck around with guys on the side IS VERY LARGE.

      • Daniel

        Did DN eat pussy, though? That’s the test. Most homos are repulsed by the idea of sex with a women, but some can go along with fucking, but no homo will eat pussy. I’ve been told by homos that they wouldn’t eat pussy even if a gun were held to their head. They would rather take a bullet than eat pussy.

        • I am sure that he did.

          Those men you are talking about are just gay. Bisexual men are another breed altogether, and they are very complicated.

        • Spencer

          As a gay man, I find this answer wrong.

          Yes, I would eat pussy if a gun was held to my head. Do you really think I’m that shallow that I wouldn’t?

        • Thank you for your answer my gay friend.

          This is nonsense. A lot of straight men don’t like to eat pussy either. Just because a man doesn’t want to eat pussy doesn’t mean he’s gay.

          The most reliable way to tell if a man is gay or not is very simple. A gay man gives off vibes that he is attracted to you. In addition, a lot of gay men are effeminate. But there are MILLIONS of effeminate straight men too, so this is not a good sign. The main thing you can do about an effeminate man is give him a great big question mark until you learn more about him.

          If a man is effeminate, acts like he’s attracted to me, well, good chance he’s pretty gay. If he also has no interest in women, he is gay.

          But bisexuals screw up the whole mix. A bisexual man can act any way on Earth, from quite effeminate to extraordinarily macho. A man who acts sexually interested in me is clearly either bi or gay, that’s all you can say for sure. If he’s quite masculine, he’s almost certainly bisexual. The more masculine the guy is, the more he goes with women. The more effeminate a man is, the more he’s exclusively with guys.

        • Alex

          If a gun was held to my head, I would. I want to say, using “Homo” is a slur and is offensive to many LGBT people, please refrain from that slur along with any others. Gay, Lesbian, Bi, trans* are the acceptable terms. Thank you

        • bg

          I’m a bisexual guy , eating pussy is a huge turn on for me.. I still prefer guys for HJ and BJ as I’m sexually dominant to men since I have a large penis. I use guys to get my rocks off. I have a very high sex drive as well .I would not mind a monogamous relationship but she would have to put out 3-4 times aday minimum.

        • Mary

          that is not true. I was married once and my husband mainly wanted me to give me oral sex. I am a woman. We divorced a year later because he admitted he was gay and in love with a man. and he mainly gave me oral sex in bed. he didn’t like intercourse as much. so not true

        • What is a gay man doing eating pussy? A gay man, by the very definition of the word, has little to no attraction to women. Why is a guy who isn’t turned on by women eating pussy? Don’t get it.


      • huax

        They say some gay men pretend to be into chicks

        How would you know if they’re successfully pretending or not?

      • Ali

        YAY ROBERT!!!

        Thank you for acknowledging we exist! We EXIST! I get so tired of the whole, “Bi women are just heterosexuals trying to give their boyfriends boners, bi men are just gay men in denial” meme. Yes, folks, Robert’s right…bisexuals come in all variations, they can be 50/50 like me or prefer women like my husband, or prefer men like my best friend from my early 20s. I immediately take a liking to someone when they are sensitive and perceptive enough to see through the stupid stereotypes about bisexuals.

      • bb

        bisexual is not gay..what you cant understand,gay,make sex with gay,bisexual make sex with noth..what you cant understand about it..buisexual is attracted to not

    • The problem is that there are all sort of different types of bisexual men, so they are really hard to figure out. And they are hard to figure out as it is anyways. So I don’t know the answer to your question. I’ve known quite a few bisexual guys who had steady gf’s or even wives, and some of them had really beautiful chicks. I don’t have any idea what their sex life was like though.

      • Gay State Girl

        Out of curiosity, what do your hispanic neighbors particularly those of Amerindian descent think about 2012? What is their version of Armageddon and doomsday?

      • Willbethere

        Hey Robert, I am a gay dude and today I met up with the most beautiful masculine guy based on a common interest. We were with a group full of people yet he showed me a lot of attention. His masculinity makes me assume that he is straight. He also brought up a comment about the eye colour of women in a certain country and how pretty they are. I am not sure if his said this because he thought I was straight… What do you think? I get a confused vibe from him, I feel half that he is interested, half that he is just interested in being a pal… he comes from a conservative country too…. He is very straight acting. Is there even the slight chance that he could be gay? Should I wait and see over the next few times that we hang out? What should I look for?

        • Hello there my friend! Answered in a new post.

        • Steve

          Your masculine male companion sounds a lot like me and I’m totally gay. My best friends were shocked when I came out to them and all of the guys I’ve gone out with always mentioned on the first date how “straight-acting” (God I hate that term) I am. So he very well could be gay if he’s looking at you frequently he is most definitely gay (especially if he looks at you even when you’re not the one talking).

    • “Bisexuals? Do they really exist. Do Bi-dudes eat pussy?”
      Yes and yes.

    • rowdybimale

      i eat my wife all the time…she even squirts on my face but i also like to suck on one just as much.

      • tamara

        My husband wont come out and say it but i caught him fucking a man before… he still likes to fuck me but is more into my asshole then anything … does this mean he is still fucking men

    • LeBop

      I am a male, i identify myself as gay, and i have eaten pussy, i didn’t find it gross, and i actually liked the experience but, i prefer men…so there’s that

      • Hi there LeBop. Looking at the scale below, how you would define yourself? Obviously you are somewhere between 0-100 and 40-60.

        100-0 Maximal heterosexual response, minimal gay response
        90-10 Maximal heterosexual response, incidental gay response
        80-20 Maximal heterosexual response, more than incidental gay response
        70-30 Maximal heterosexual response, significant gay response
        60-40 Maximal heterosexual response, very strong but lesser gay response
        50-50 Maximal heterosexual response, maximal homosexual response
        40-60 Maximal gay response, very strong but lesser response response
        30-70 Maximal gay response, significant heterosexual response
        20-80 Maximal gay response, more than incidental heterosexual response
        10-90 Maximal gay response, incidental heterosexual response
        0-100 Maximal gay response, minimal heterosexual response

    • Ivan

      Yes, they really do!

    • Mr been there done that!

      Yes they do. I’m gay, but I got a guy to have sex with me coz I told him she was turned on by gay sex, and she was coz she would say to me” You know when you & Mr X were kissing, it turned me on, I love watching guys blowing each other” I was surprised actually. The other thing is I will look at a beautiful women when they enter a room. Not coz I’m sexually attracted, but coz I’m like ” damn your gorgeous, I envy you” in that kinda way. So there’s much more to this cake than yall read from Robert!!! Also Mr X came to my room alone for some one on one time. Then a new guy, they were just ‘ bros’. I watched the dy came in & I watched the dynamics of their friendship 24/7, as all of uswere in a mixed sex Drug rehab facility ‘no drugs, & no co- dependant r/ship or sexual relations. Guy 2, I will call him Mr Z, had the straight boy act, down pat. He even wore a T-shirt saying ” Gynecologists In Training ” Lol. I ended up having them both, Mr X & Mr Z, with the chick watching. I guided the whole tour, & when I had finished with them, they took turns on her while showered. Being gay I did feel uncomfortable with her watching our boysome!!. See the real truth is a man will suck a man to get pussy, or if he’s drunk & horny, he will let u suck him. A gay guy won’t eat pussy unless a huge cash reward is offered, or life or death is @ stake. But Supposed “straight men”, with girlfriends and or wives with kids, will do a guy for a couple hundred, even fifty bux or after a” few beers with the boys”, for free. A mouth is a mouth, right???. Everybody has a price, and I’d bet my life on it!!!!! 🙂

    • Chase

      Guess what, I’m gay and I have PLENTY of friends who are bi/pan (Don’t know what that is, look it up) and they DO exist. My friends have “eaten pussies” and had sexual encounters with men before. Also, although I am a guy man, I am not afraid, nor would I kill myself over “eating a pussy” Next time, please try to be a little less ignorant when offending a large group of humans. 🙂

    • Horatio

      Yeow. Pussy is sour and fish smelling!

  3. johnUK

    “Gay and bi men always, or almost always, give off a sexual vibe when they are around me, like they are sexually attracted to me.”

    The Linx effect.;)

    Anyway it is pretty easy to tell if someone is gay or not as there is a test they can take.

    • dano bivins

      Arnold does dance.
      Arnold Schwarzenegger — Courting The Housekeeper

      Three years before she gave birth to his child, Arnold Schwarzenegger was bumpin’ and grindin’ with his maid Mildred Patty Baena at a private party in the actor’s home … and TMZ has the photo.

      I think listening to musical numbers all the time is gay. Rogers & Hammerstein on the MP3 player? Uh oh.

    • Chase

      Hey! Just wanted to let you know that u r wrong! I’m gay, and I’ve never “checked out” a man or women when going into a room, so does that mean I’m not sexually attracted to people? No, haha 🙂

  4. An Unmarried Man

    I think men who prefer to ass-fuck their girlfriend/wife over traditional vaginal coitus are fags. I knew a chick whose husband nearly always wanted to have ass sex with her. Someone said this is a power thing but I that’s bull. Any traditional male/female sexual position is a display of masculine power, and in fact, this is what the lesbofeminists decry about traditional sex. Ass sex is gay, openly or repressed. Ass is not meant for sex it’s meant for shit. Ass can certainly be added to the list of activities, but it should not be a primary preference, or you’re a fudge packer!

    • Big G

      why would you wiast your time with this bullshit. The anal canal doesn’t have shit in it except for bowle movements. They copacity for a women to have an orgasm is just as great in the ass as vaginal. many women offered thier ass in history as a form of birth control. many woman offer a tighter ass after giving birth. there are many reasons why 25 percent of modern couples enjoy anal sex as part of thier sex game. i’ve never had a sexual thought about a man. but i have givin anal sex to many women who loved it and because of how gentle i was i got it often from women who had bad experiences before or the first timers. Its idiots like you that spew bullshit keeping the religious right incontrol of our lives. go pray you idiot. some one is having anal sex right now. hell oral sex fifty years ago was a horrible thing.

    • Hotfuzz

      I certainly agree with you.
      Sounds familar

  5. Shawn

    The PUA scene if full of scammers. A lot of the PUA guys go in sounding gay to the woman so she will not reject his opener. hahah fools. If any legit PUA trainer told the truth (for example, all guys cannot get models) his business plan would fail because people who go to the charleten. Race to the bottom.

    • An Unmarried Man

      They teach dandyism and the fact that lots of women eat it up just shows to go how messed up women are today. Hate to use this phrase, but “real women” want real men, not some pretty boy with hair goop and a disproportionately developed upper body. As women get more “power” it seems the demand for more effeminate men grows.

      • Hacienda

        “As women get more “power” it seems the demand for more effeminate men grows.”

        They want boy toys. Been to 24 Hour Fitness lately?
        These are not men. These are the male equivalent of the plastic fuck dolls.

      • Michael Heinen

        So if a man is a pretty boy with goop in his hair then he’s gay ??? , so then i guess most football player are gay then right LOL!!!! and also what about gay men that dont care about the way they look ???? , i mean what does putting goop in your hair have to do with being gay , alot of men style there , meanwhil some gay men like to shave there heads , so how you look has fuck all to do with your sexual perferance . What kind of stupid attitude is that ?????.

  6. Gay Pride World Wide

    Some of the most masculine guys out their are gay more buy. Nothing proves your a real man like taking it in the Ass. Straight buys are pussies and get all squeemism about having anything near there anus. Who are real tough guys?

  7. Gay Pride World Wide

    Straignt guys that is.

  8. Adam Brunswick-Stokes

    i think ther best answer is— NOTHING can determine sexual orientation theres as many girly straight guys as girly gay guys (if you think about the amount of girly gay men would roughly equal the amount of girly straight men, both very small amounts of total men in the world anyway)….ive seriously met 250 pound bodybuilders that are gay and hair stylists that are totally straight….so nothing can say it, BUT i will say what u said is tru about men who check out women are straight…to be honest im gay and my eye never “picks out” women…i only see males as attractive…so therefore that is totally tru, cuz what your eye “picks out” is what you like, obviously!…as well as ppl will always know what you like once they spend time with you. eventualy they will see that you a) dont check out women b) dont have a gf/wife c) dont flirt around with women so obviously ppl will always find out etc….THAT SAID I have never believed in religion as most religion instantly discredit anything “humane” such as the existence of homosexuals, bisexuals, people who feel trapped in another body (transsexuals) that we now know to just be a variation of the norm, not something punishable by hell or death etc…so just know what you are, embrace it, be accepting of other people, never impose your beliefs on others and you will SURELY lead a happy and respectable life with your dignity intact! hope this helps at least one person. ))thanks for readings

  9. Diva Disagrees

    I disagree somewhat. If a woman is fierce, strong, painted in bright colors and a diva, and says what’s on her mind, and has powerful, unconventional features, gay men are often romantically and sexually attracted to her. I’m a straight female. I’ve had more gay men AND women come on to me than I can count. Number of gay men who actually fell in love with me, or put their hands on my boobs, tried to pull me in bed, or wanted to see what was under my towel when I stepped out of the shower? About twelve and counting. “I wish you were a man,” I’ve been sighed to more than once. Gay men have stalked me. Lesbians have stalked me more. My interest factor to gays messed me up good as a teenager. I had no idea WTF was going on and why so many gay guys were attracted to me.

    Later I spent years scared to death when lesbian after lesbian fell in love with me. I’m a woman, I have a boyfriend, and I’m powerful. Gay men and women eat it up. I’ve even had gay men fight and end friendships with each other over me. And I have a vagina.

    This is what happens when you are a non-dual being. Look it up. We’re the new black.

  10. missy

    I need a little advice. I’m really confused I’m in a relationship with a arab man in UAE. He married but getting divorced lol well he says that. We were friends for 2 years and I know his wife doesn’t give him sex. We fell in love and have been together 24 hours a day for 7 months. I once never thought he was bi whilst we were friends I never really met uop much. And when we did we got drunk and sometimes he would ask to come back to my place but I refused.
    We are living together in a remote area where he was born. He from a bedioun tribe. All his family friends live close by. Since we started out relationship one of his cousins meantioned a friend of his is deep down gay. Then joked about it saying he said it as he thought I was interested in him. Since then well the seed was planted. My man hangs around with this gay guy we travel to places always together he runs around after my man like a dog on heat. Once me and fella had arranged to go on a hike anyway this gay guy came and my fella made excuse and rushhed off saying he was going to collect a car they were gone 2 hours he came back alone with the biggest grin on his face.
    The gay guy always comes around and can tell by the way he looks at my fella he loves him.
    His cousins always ring one everyday he came to visit once and when a guy visits its usually the case he goes to local supermarket with all the men that visit , and always asks if I wanna go. I alwways do. Anyway the chemistry was way abnormal in the shop they spoke arabic as his cousin doesn’t speak english and then we came back to the house had a bbq. My fella acted normal kissing me etc infront of everyone. He never as withdrawn affection towards me only a little in front of the gay guy.
    This cousin we met again one day he said he was going to see his wife I kicked off and we ended up going to meet his cousin they greeted with nose kiss and held hands and his cousin pulled him towards him it was like with lust. His cousin gave him money and walked away giving me the most evil look. Another occasion my fella said he was getting some money off the same cousin we picked him up went for coffee at a mall and his cousin kept going to toilet maybe to wwipe the dribble lol. We dropped him at the airport without him giving him any cash. 2 second after we dropped him my fella said oopps I forgot to ask for cash. I said he there still go ask I thought you’d already rang earlier to ask he said forget it and we drove off.
    Think they just wanted to spend time togther. Always after this cousin rings my fella goes quiet like sad.

    I questioned him why does this cousin ring everday always give u money his reply was he loves me!
    After I found pictures on a old phone of when he went to asia with this cousin one picture which bothered me was a close up face picture of his cousin
    Can understand a picture sight seeing but this picture wa s strange he had a loving smile.

    There aree many stories some were my fella really stares at men sometimes jumps to great men like he loves the attention. Once we went in starbucks and there was only one beduion in there reading a paper he never looked at us but my fella was staring waiting for him to look up.

    Recently his brother in law arrived in the picture he said he was going to visit us this day that’s what my fella said anyway late that night he meantioned he was going to ask his mum for cash but say around10pm we were sat with some of his friends and he said he was going to go see his mum to ask for cash. I said
    She be sleeping now. So he didn’t go. Anyway I’d seen missed calls from his brother in law.
    Another time he had somemore missed calls from the same number when I questioned him he had had a drink said he didn’t know who it was then showered shaved aftershaved the lot. Think he was expecting a visitor but he was wrong. Another time we needed a key from him anyway my fella said he was gunna drop it off we we not really speaking so he wwent outside for a cig was gone for ages then came back in saying his brotherinlaw had come with the wrong key. And had gone back to bring right one but he is very busy. He said it like he wanted me to say go pick it up. So he came and the same handshake pulling my fella towards him with lust and left.

    Its like he always wants to be around men. But wants a woman for love. As he very very loving do anything for me always kind bit controlling sometimes with clothes

    I have asked about his sexuality told him all this he went crazy said its a sin but that is bullshit to be honest.

    Sorry if this is jackanory these are the signs I have got. Am I right that my fella is bi


  11. missy

    Just wanna add to my comment I’m from UK and always my ex bf hung around with there male friends even went on holidays I was always ok with this.
    Think it the fact my bf now wants me to trust him so he can go fxxk men and not feel guilty as I always used to tell him to go out and he wouldn’t go.

  12. Hello there!
    I’m really having a hard time deciding whether this friend of mine is gay or not. He’s a guy and he is extremely… EXTREMELY perverted, like he would be so desperate to do it with a person anytime anywhere. But the catch is, its as if all he wants is sex. And I’ve noticed him act a little too touchy on guys as well. In addition, very recently, he checked out this “internet test” thing to identify how much of a person, in terms of percent, is a girl or a boy. I can give you the link if you ask. Was that a sign that he was confused?

    I really have no clue as to what he is right now. He seems very flirtatious towards other guys as well. He has been my friend for a while and its kind of bugging me whether he’s gay or not. And one more thing, he’s the biggest homophobe that could have probably ever lived in this planet. He hates gays as much as Hitler hated the Jews. Although lesbians seem to not bother him.

    Can you draw a conclusion?

  13. Dan

    Wow okay it appears as though you were obsessed with this “bi” friend of yours, so much so you actually made me laugh!! Honestly I look at women all the time, while I don’t think they’re sexy or hot they can be quote beautiful. To be perfectly honest I’ve been slapped for staring at a women!!!!! Also though sometimes ill just be looking at what they’re wearing too. And just because you used to be bi doesn’t mean you always are. Best way to know for sure is to gain his trust and actually ASK him!!!!

    • What bi friend of mine? I’m not obsessed with him. It’s a sad story. Queers recruited him, blackmailed him and brainwashed him to get him into bisexuality, just like they always try to do.

      DN was a good guy, and if it wasn’t for those idiot queers, I don’t think he would have gotten into this stuff.

      After he got into homosexuality, DN and I did not have a lot of contact, so, no, I was not obsessed with my bi friend. Anyway, most of the time I knew him, he was straight. After he got into homosexuality, I wasn’t “obsessed” with him at all. I tried to keep the friendship going, but to be honest, after he started doing that stuff, the friendship more or less fell apart.

      And I assure you that DN, if he is still alive, is still bisexual, or maybe he is only with women now. I know him quite well. He was always strongly oriented towards women.

      You are gay and you check out women? Well, you’re the first one I have ever met. I used to live in Hollywood. Every day there, you see about a million gay males. You get a crash course in homosexuality. Never seen a gay man to this day check out chicks. I am sure they look at women, but not in the same way we do. Looks reveal a lot. There are sexual looks and nonsexual looks.

  14. Young Layla


    Is there a strong connection between bisexual or gay men and the modelling industry? My best friend has told me of a time a dude gave him oral sex and he agreed out of curiosity, hes with his girl of 4years, he says he isn’t sexually attracted to men and this time happened once.

    He eats pussy btw

    Is he bisexual?

  15. Confused Carla

    Hi, can you help me with this one, I am not sure if my bf is gay, straight or bi. He is very feminine. When I first heard him talk, I thought he was gay. He is very skinny and conscious about his body. I noticed he checks out guys more than girls when we go out, but he definitely checks out girls too. He does want to have sex with me all the time though, and yes, that includes eating. He said he has done threesomes because the male of the couple was attracted to him but he said he hasn’t done/been done anal to, but did a lot of things, of which he did not specify. He insisted he is straight but when I asked him if he was bisexual, his answer was “I do whatever feels good.” I asked him if he would have sex if a very attractive guy approaches him and his answer was “I will cross that bridge when I get there.” One friend of mine says he’s gay, another friend says he just likes attention or he has ADHD. Help before I fall too deep!

    • Val

      He is definitely bi sxual, no straight guy would answer a direct question about having sex with another man with that answer…He doesn’t gay but he’s bi for sure.

  16. Cautious

    Help me with this one…. text from one guy to another guy includes I’ve got no pussy for you no more ??? Does this mean they were f@#king? This same guy is now my ex and will text me I’ve got no dick here for you when he’s mad at me so that makes me wonder why he would say almost the same to a man but use the word pu##y instead if they weren’t having sex… your thoughts?

  17. jim

    I’ll bet you wouldn’t be able to tell I’m bisexual.

    • I could probably tell by the way you acted when you were around me. If we spent a fair amount of time together, you would give off vibes like you were attracted to me. That would probably set off some big warning signals with me right there at the very least. At the least I would put a big question mark by your name. This is an aspect of yourself that you can’t control. You’re attracted to good looking men, and there’s no way for you to hide that or mask it.

  18. Ms. Confused & Curious

    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend a little over a year. He has been married, now divorced and has children. My concern is if he is bisexual. The red flags that I have are: likes to have his nipples played with, sounds like a female during sex (moaning f me f me), shaves his armpits every so often, likes to where my cherry blossom lotion. He also has a questionable tattoo (its a rose in the shape of a upside down triangle with a matching design on both sides of it) on the top center of his back. Has a workout magazine in his car with muscle bound men and does not work out. I have asked him if he was bisexual and he gets upset and says no and five minutes later he’s thru with being upset and we are conversing like the question never came up and says that I am an isolated incident and he has never heard this before. This man is eager to marry me. So confused.

    • Based on what you have told me, there is no evidence whatsoever that this man is bisexual. I mean, maybe he is, maybe he isn’t, but you have not yet presented any good evidence that he is.

      Understand that really any man could be bisexual, but there’s no evidence that any man is until we get something good and solid to work with, otherwise it’s just another question mark.

    • IDK

      I’m with you that Ms. Confused & Curious. I’m in the same situation where he exhibits the same tendencies, and wonder if my bf his bi. I don’t have hard evidence, but I also don’t want to fall deep in with this guy to find out later that he really is!

  19. Tim

    WOW. you guys are rude. Fag is not a nice word. It’s not like we make fun of you for being straight. At least most gay people promote love and not hate.

  20. Jenny

    Ok everyone, There’s a guy I know 29 yrs old, has a mo hawk haircut, loves to workout, used to play football but doesn’t anymore, works at a gym, seems womanizing has female traits. He loves anal w women, makes weird faces like batting eyes, can make his voice sound feminine at times, he always notices my clothing earrings and shoes and when he likes them he says’ those shoes are mean!’ He poses for pics laying on his stomach with his hands under his chin and his feet up in the air crossed..looks gay for sure.. He dresses tshirt jeans and like vans or converse shoes, he’s black by the way. Everyone I know thinks he’s gay even his co workers.. He also is friends w a gay guy who is still in the closet.. He denies being gay and says he doesn’t care that people question his sexuality…He is also extremely arrogant and talks about how hot he is constantly…Help

    • Brengunn

      he’s black by the way

      What’s that got to do with it?

      What’s the problem, anyway. If you like him and he likes you, it should’nt matter.

      Are you worried about infidelity? If you are, then I would be more concerned about him wanting sex ratings and talking about how great he is rather than him being bi-sexual. A person who carries on like that is obviously not into stable relationships. I would advise you to prepare to be cheated on or to walk away.

      • mason

        What’s the problem? Do you have any idea what percentage of ppl with HIV/Aids are gay/bi ? Obvious not. Go read a book and stop acting like questioning something like this is insulting. Many men deny their gayness
        for societal reasons and that is sad. But don’t act like someone shouldn’t know when there is an elevated danger/risk that correlates …

  21. Jenny

    He also wanted me to rate him in bed on a scale form 1-10…

  22. EnvyEyes

    1. Your derogatory names toward homosexual and bisexual males need to be put on PAUSE because you come off as ignorant.

    2. So any guy you spend a substantial amount of time with who is homosexual/bisexual will always give themselves away by being attracted to you? Always? Are you that conceited and irresistable? You need to SWERVE.

    3. Homosexuals/Bisexuals RECRUIT, BLACKMAIL and TURN guys to their persuasion? They stole your friend from you? Yeah, you need to go to h311 like s#!%.

    4.Question: There’s this guy and he can be rather goofy, jovial and cute with me but he does make comments about how attractive females can be. His first conversation with me was how he couldn’t find a girlfriend. He’s very smart and political and is kind of your jock kind of guy, but he doesn’t play sports, but has a nice full body. Bigger guy.

    Anyway, besides when he’s being playful with me, I’m always wondering and trying to notice any give aways, but I never find any.

    We’ve only hung out at work, and it was my last night on the job and he knew this and so towards the end of the shift while I was cleaning up an area he kind of migrated over to me and another coworker and we all just started talking. It was kind of sad. It felt like a farewell. They knew it was my last night.

    And so at one point I made a comment about how I felt so alone whenever I watch old movies on tv as if I’m the only person in the world at that moment watching it and as I discovered he’s a fan of them. So he told me to not feel that way to just call him over and he’d watch with me. I wrote my obituary, laid down and died then.

    I don’t know if he was serious or not considering we’ve never hung out before but yeah. We had also had a lengthy discussion earlier doing the shift about life and choices and he divulged some very personal things about his life to me. It’s as if because our time was fleeting, we spoke the most and the most personal we had ever had in a work shift.

    I also made it a point to tell him I would facebook him at the end of the shift. I had always wanted to but didn’t want to give myself away, but I figured I had no choice at this point. But he was cool and seemed to soften up to me a bit more afterwards so I don’t know.

    And then as we were walking out of work and saying goodnight, he was like, “See you, _____”, and I said it back and then thought about it and said, “No you won’t.” He then looked back at me and was like, “What? You?”. And I said, “Yeah.”

    And then he thought about it, smiled and said, “Yeah, I will.”


  23. DropBassNotBombs

    I don’t really like how some of you speak. You tend to use words that make homosexual and bisexual people sound like, “its” or just use really offensive names.

  24. RealityCheck

    I hate how straight guys think that every gay guy is attracted to them. Just because we like guys doesn’t mean we want to screw everything that has a dick. And no offense but I would definitely not give off any sexual vibes to you because you’re not that attractive.

    • Well, if they are friendly, they act like they are sexually attracted to me, in general. I can only think of a few cases where that was not the case. There were some that didn’t act like they were attracted, but they usually acted sort of hostile. I can usually figure out if a guy is gay pretty quickly. Certainly if I spent any amount of time around him. Bisexuals are way harder to spot, but if they are friendly to me, I will figure it out real quick because they will act attracted. And if I spent any significant time around them, I can pick up on the bisexual thing just like that.

      PS, I think I am going to ban you for insulting me.

      • Steff Jorgensen

        Ooooo see here now this is where I disagree with you , you should rethink and re-evaluate those times that Gay men ” acted sexually ” attracted to you , you’re puss ugly nooo Gay guy will even muster the courage to have a thought of even touching you because of how incredibly revolting you are … And your personality , wow , fresh outa the dumps too … I come from a country where us Gay people are equal and are treated the Same as Straight people , so I’ve learned to put filthy Magots – ( straight men ) like you in their place …. Shame , you’re probably so pussy deprived for being such an asshole you’re gonna need a big fat dick to fill that huge void in your life , Happy cock sucking you filthy , bigoted Maggot !!! On behalf of all of us ” Faggots ” 😉

  25. TheyThinkImGay

    I’m glad I learned the word “effeminate”. I got frustrated cause girls, when they first met me, often thought that I was gay. What confused me was, when I would tell my male friends, and male coworkers about this, they were always confused. They said they didn’t understand why a girl would think that. I don’t think any male has ever thought of me as being gay.

    This was an interesting article for me, and I now understand why a women would be confused about me. It sucks being “effeminate”, but I was raised by women, all of my good friends were girls, and I’ve always loved and respected them. I guess one reason girls may think that, is because I don’t sleep around, or try to take advantage of them. Sucks for me, I have enough girl problems. I don’t need them thinking that i’m not attracted to them :/

    Guess i’ll do some research on body language and tone of voice to see where I look gay.

  26. s knows

    I was engaged to a man who I swear was a bisexual wanting to come out. In fact, his long business trips were a testament to his wanting to get away and be with male friends I believe. Though we had an active sex life, he always acted like something was missing. He broke things off so he could move in with his daughter and her children. I am now dating another man who seems extremely wrapped up in himself and his own image. He says he was abused as a child and his parent abandoned him. I feel that he is afraid of intimacy and has avoided relationshipships with women all his life because of the physical and emotional abuse from his mother. The last boyfriend I had was close to his mother (I think overly close) and distant with his father because of alcohol abuse. Both he and the man I was engaged to were addicts of some sort. Where do I find these men?

  27. Jay

    I wanted to share this so that maybe someone can help me understand this man I’ve been involved with for over 8 years. I’m a 26 yr old male and he’s 40 now. I recently told him how I feel & he said he didn’t want a relationship. He pretty much broke up with me. He called me 3 weeks later and we’ve been back together since. He has told me before that he is bi, but I find that very hard to believe. I’m honestly in love with him, but doubt that he is with me. He has said that he cares about me more than I know. I’m just so confused by his words/actions. When I stay the night with him he wants me to cuddle & stuff. Actually gets mad when I don’t. Stuff I say concerns him & he acts like he cares. Told him that I got him a Christmas gift & he didn’t know what to say other than I shouldn’t have. I’ve never given him any kind of gift that’s wrapped with a bow. Lol! I wonder if he’s really bi & if he really loves me… just too afraid to tell me. It’s compacted for sure!

  28. Jay

    Interesting question. But for openers, I am straight man of 26 y.o. I have a good friend of mine, who is like a brother to me. He is a little bit younger than me, but not by much. This friend is ALWAYS wanting to spend the night at my house and hang out, watch movies, etc. So far, I have been kind of “iffy” on letting him stay. However, he does always hang out at my house, we get down on gaming and watch TV mostly. Sometimes we hit the gym at my complex.

    Now, the “spending the night” thing is not what is concerning me. What concerns me is how close he like to be to me all the time. When we are sitting on my couch or bed, watching TV, he wants to be really close to me, sometimes trying to discretely put his legs on mine, acting like he is stretching (or so it appears that way).

    The thing that confuses me most, is how he talks about chicks. He doesnt talk about them alot, but occasionally we will see a hot chick, and he will say “Shes fine”. But, then when we are hanging out alone, he is always trying to be next to me and get really close.

    He constantly tries to flick my nipples as a “joke” called bean dipping or some shit. He is always trying to hit me in the nuts, but not hard enough to hurt. This friend is dear to me, but I am wondering about him. I will still be his friend if he turns out to be gay/bi, but I just have to let him know I do not swing that way.

    Any ideas?

    • Jay

      If I were you, I’d simply ask him. He may just deny it if he is gay/bi because he’s not ready to come out for whatever reason. He could very well come out to you if you guys are close friends. Just ask!

  29. Angry Gay Man

    I stopped reading after you used the word fag 50 times. Obviously a man this ignorant knows nothing about the LGBT community. To all future readers I would suggest taking your business elsewhere. This homophobe is just an idiot who thinks he knows everything about us gays.

  30. tellmenow

    Piggy back off they think I’m gay, what made you come to this site if you are not. I have been in a relationship with a guy who has ways of a female. The way he moves, holds his pinky hand out when drinking, how he wipes his hand with napkin, moves his hand when speaking, scream like a girl and has to let it be known he’s in the company of a woman (me) when speaking to anyone as if he he got to prove to others he’s into females, plus everyone I introduce him to tell me he’s uncover. How can I truly know. I asked and he said no but would one really tell the truth? Please help

    • Hi, he may well be straight after all. There are literally millions of effeminate acting straight guys. Effeminate behaviors among straight men are legendary.

      A lot of these guys are very upset that people think they are gay. After all, their sexual orientation is 100% straight, and their sexual fantasy life 100% involves females. So they may be trying to advertise the fact that they are straight to try to get people to quit thinking the opposite.

      Been through a lot of this idiotic bullshit of people thinking I’m gay in my own life and frankly and I am extremely sick and fucking tired of it and I sympathize with any guy going through this.

      On the other hand, perhaps he is bi or gay. Does he look at women? Does he have a pornography collection? Does he look at men?

      • tellmenow

        Yes he says he has porn but I haven’t seen any of them. It just bother me that most women think he’s bi. I want to belieeve he’s not but one never knows the truth, its hard to let it go being I’ve never dated anyone as soft as he. I mean what guy screams out like a girl when you sneak up on them just to touch on him. I don’t want to leave him because he’s really sweet but how sweet is he really? I guess if it bothers me this badly I should end it. Otherwise I’m going to have to defend him all the time to women telling me honey watch out he’s on the dl. Just never dated anyone that act sissy like

  31. Sabrina Griffin

    I have a friend who is a very attractive man. Is a singer in a band and is always being hit on by women and men. He has had very beautiful girlfriends and says he likes me because I am beautiful inside as well as outside. He treats me very well and I like him alot. He says he is straight but not narrow. But, his friends and him are always using the term “bromance” to define their relationships and everyone says he is a “man’s man”. I saw a picture of him were one friend was standing with his legs touching my friend’s legs. Another picture was of my friend kissing one of his friends on the cheek. Then another of one of his friends standing with his arm around my friend’s waist. My friend likes to put his arm around his friends shoulders and his arm around my waist, so he shows a difference in how he embraces men and women, but his friends seem overly enamored with him. My friend keeps saying he wants to be in an exclusive relationship with me, so I just asked him if he was bi-sexual. He answered “No, I’m not bi-sexual at all. I love women only.” Then he said, “but I have gay fans, gay friends, and heterosexual fans who fall temporarily in love with me when I perform. So, I don’t want to make them feel bad so I will let them flirt with me and hug me. But, they can’t touch my private parts or tongue kiss me.” He says he is a one woman man, but he will always be a flirt (with his fans) and a friendly guy. I don’t want to be in a relationship with a bi guy. So, what do you think?

    • Probably not bisexual at all from what you describe. I mean he could be, but you haven’t provided us with any good evidence. The evidence you describe is what I would expect from a straight and narcissistic rock star guy nowadays. Iggy Pop was like that too.

  32. erika

    maybe one video isn’t enough,so maybe you should watch all his videos to get little clues here and there,but i want to know if this man is gay or not:
    (sometimes i think he is pretending and sometimes i think he is genuine)

  33. Idk

    Theres this boy whos very aggressive with me. Hes always around me and he invited me to his house once. We play fought a little and when i touched him he likEd it. He sometimes put my hand on certain parts of his body. We held hands and at one point he was on top of me and made a kissing gesture. But at school he tells me has has a crush thats a girl but he never looks at her. I really like this boy but i dont know if hes gay bi or straight. Help me

    • So hard to tell. Maybe you should ask him?

      • fabjc

        Hello I need some help! I recently met a very nice sexy man on a darting website. He is originally from the Ukraine and has been in the us for four years. He didnt want to tell me what he did for a living but I insisted. He told me that when he first came to the us he was offered a Jon working in a gay bar where he would give lap dances to men. He claims he only did it to make the money to take care of this family in the Ukraine. Now he lives in NY and his roommate is a old 64 yrs old gayy man that he met while working in the bar in key west. He claims that he is fully straight and the man pays for everything and he has never had sex with this man. Now he works as a exotic massage theripist he has a page on gay massage website and the men contact him for massages. He still claims he does this just for the money untilled he is able to get his green card to get a regular job in the us. I really like him but I’m afraid of falling in love with him due to these things. Please tell me what u think thanx!

  34. bebis

    I have a big cock, I used to suck it when I was single, now I have my wife, I dont feel any attraction for men, I dont fuck men or let them fuck me, I dont kiss men but I like very much to suck my cock, Im gay?

    • Of course not. It’s great to suck your own cock. Many men try to suck their own cocks, but few succeed. I read a statistic somewhere that said that 62% of all males had tried to suck their own cocks, but only 2% succeeded. Just think now. You are one of the lucky 2%! Thank your lucky stars.

  35. Lrs

    Hey Robert, whats up dude? Dont you have any email adress where i could talk to you by?

  36. The one thing I can tell ya is when a guy won,t lend his phone, cause it,s crammed full of male pics, oh,oh just like mine. Well he,s gay for sure, one back click on google and you,ll see more meat than a butcher store. Been there, been caught. And said yah well so what I think men are more beautiful than women especially whn mother nature rips their looks to hell in thier forties.

  37. S

    Please help me! I have no gay-dar at all. I’ve just started seeing a guy, (he spotted me at a party and got in contact) but I’m having trouble working out his sexual orientation. He’s slightly effeminate but a lot of guys are these days so that doesn’t bother me. But, he’s very awkward around me. I have seen him several times now, yet his body language is awkward. He will kiss me when I leave, and he initiates it, but it’s all very formal and to-the-book. He hangs around with a lot of guys and he has had a long term girlfriend before (but she has quite masculine features). To be blunt, I’m a good looking girl and this is usually not so difficult. whilst joking in a conversation he said that if all girls had a strong odour then ‘you never know’ with regards to going the other way, he doesnt hold eye contact. Is this likely to just be the symptoms of someone shy or someone bi?

  38. emliy

    Hi i really need some help on this one i had just started dating this guy he is a sweet heart or should i say too sweet he always know what too say he have plains too settle down and have a family one day but every time he say something i cant help but too think he is gay and he talks with his hands i have a few gay friends and i knew right away they were gay but he confusing me because what he tells me is something a straight guy would say but how he sounds and move leaves a big? Mark do anyone thinks he is gay or am i going crazy

    • realist

      if you suspect he’s gay he probably is. you’re intuition is picking up on something. if he’s straight you should have chemistry. maybe leave some gay porn and straight porn lying around and spy to see which one he looks at when he thinks no one’s watching 🙂

      • Not really. There’s no way to tell if anyone is gay or not. I’ve known hundreds of 100% straight men who were constantly being told by everyone in sight that they were gay. None of them were gay. People can’t tell, and you can’t tell by someone’s behavior if they’re gay or not. It pretty much means nothing.

  39. The

    /// One surefire way I can always tell if a man is gay or bi is how he acts when he’s around me. Gay and bi men always, or almost always, give off a sexual vibe when they are around me, like they are sexually attracted to me. ///

    That’s because they think you are gay too. You may deny it, but you are obviously giving out vibes that are loud and clear.

    • I don’t agree with that. I talked to a lot of people and they just said that that means they think you are good looking. They told me that gay men react that way to all good looking guys. Though some idiot gays do apparently think I am gay. They just like any guy they think is hot, that’s all.

    • Yeah and females have been hitting on me and acting like they are attracted to me forever now. According to your crazy theory, that’s because all those chicks think I am straight. So chicks think I am straight, and gays think I am gay. Really makes a lot of sense!

      Give it up while you are ahead.

      Are you gay yourself? If not, then how do you know how they think?

      Queers are guys. They are guys who like hot guys. Any hot guy, they are going to act like they are turned on by him whether they think he’s gay or not.

      I know hot women who tell me that they have men and women after them all the time. Lesbians like hot chicks. Guys like hot chicks. All it means is people think she’s hot, that’s all.

      Think about it. If you see a chick you think is hot, you act like you’re turned on by her. Does that mean you think she’s straight? You have no idea. She could be dykey as Hell for all you know. All you know is she’s hot.

      Gays have no way of figuring out sexual orientation. Their gaydar doesn’t even work and it never has.

      • realist

        and gay guys are probably more attracted to guys who are straight.

        • Gay guys hit on straight guys ALL THE TIME. The range of ploys is vast. Among them are offering a room for rent (never ever rent a room from a gay man), offering straight men a job (I would recommend never getting hired by a gay man or even having a gay man for a boss), on and on and on. They will try to brainwash you into thinking you are gay, get you to doubt your manhood or masculinity. They are sleazy as Hell and try every trick in the book to fuck straight guys. They also try to convert straight guys to homosexuality. They do all this ALL THE TIME.

          It’s so bad that I would recommend that all straight guys do not make any gay friends at all. Just stay the Hell away from them and have nothing whatsoever to do them. As far as straight guys are concerned, gay guys are a plague, a catastrophe.


        • Jet Li

          that is non romantic U,u i would love someone who likes me too x) forcing someone to love you feels hollow U,U i want someone fascinated by me naturally, it has more value; and at first sight without me having to force it U,U in fact i like when people have the interest first in me U///U it feels nicer than when is one sided by someone, i don’t understand the gay people who do it, only if they are desperate and alone; written by Jet Li

  40. Ej

    How about if a guy won’t respond to you texts or facebook messages? And has had girlfriends before but is socially awkward?

  41. coward

    Isnt lesbianism like the new shit for girls these days. A whole lot of girls are expected tO be bisexual. Sorry this has nuttin to do with man sex

    • bill

      No not really, they’re just more “open minded.” For example, there’s a game called gay chicken that some guys participate in. They have to kiss each until the other guy gives in, however, they’re still straight. Times are changing and things like this are becoming more common. I would also like to say that lesbianism doesn’t exist. It’s impossible to change one’s sexual preferences. Just because some does something “gay” doesn’t necessarily make them gay.

  42. Jessica

    Not sure if you are still responding to this thread but figure I’d give it a shot. I’m engaged to a man who up until recently gave me very little indication he had interest in men. He is one of the most masculine men I have ever dated and I’ve dated a few, being 30 and attractive I can say I have been with effeminate men who were certainly very straight. He is as manly as they get,. My fiancé comes from a small town in the south where being gay or bi is very unaccepted…to add to this he was raised as a “witness” which should go without saying very against homosexuality. He is a cowboy, used to ride bulls etc. but the only one in his family who dresses the southern way with a cowboy hat and boots etc.
    he moved to the city a year ago and for the first time is seeing “gays” in public. He talks very negatively about gays, calls them queers and points out when he see them that he disagrees with the lifestyle.
    Well, last week he looked up “gay bars” while I was out with friends. I returned home around 11 and found him very dressed up and asked where he had been…he said wal-mart. When I confronted him about looking up gay bars he got very defensive.
    After many long talks he admitted he started to question his sexuality when we began having difficulty in the bedroom, found out by his doctor he has low-T and that has been the “reason” for the low sex drive.
    He admitted he picked up an obviously gay stranded motorist (he does this often for any person stranded) and did so with some curiosity about gay men in general and also admitted he thought briefly about what it would be like to get a blow job from a man. The guy asked if he was interested in having sex, to which he declined. He said he hesitated some though.
    I’ve been encouraging him to go to gay bars. He has done so twice, returned home saying he knew for sure that he is not gay and knows now because he had many many offers.
    He has been trying to prove to me he is straight. We have not had sex since I found out. He, just talking about my body and how it turns him on gives him an erection. He also tried to prove his “straitness” by having me strip naked and stared at my face and breasts while masterbating…he was very obviously aroused i believed him for a while after that until i discovered gay men CAN be attracted and turned on by a womans body. He has been begging me to tears to have sex with him so he can prove how attracted he is to me, I won’t, as I fear he has contracted a disease from his possibly risky behavior.
    He also admitted to watching gay porn for curiosity sake but would not become aroused. Made him watch it in front of me but he could not get an erection. Looked at my breasts for 20 seconds and became very aroused.
    What is going on with him? are his passing fantasies and curiosities a consequence of his upbringing and the taboo of being gay? Maybe he is so afraid of it he worries that he is? Is he bi, but to afraid to admit it? He looks at both men and woman. He says he compares himself to men when they are in better shape than him (he has low self-esteem). He seems to flirt with everyone when he talks to them, even the old ladies at my work. This guy is a serious mystery. Bi? Gay? Confused? What do I do?

    • Hi, I do not think he is gay at all, personally.

    • Most people have a bit of curiosity or question their sexuality at some point, often as a teenager. It sounds to me like he went through a phase like this when he was first exposed to homosexuality and realised it is a possibility. That doesn’t mean he is gay. Well, it seems pretty clear that he is attracted to woman and to you so he is not gay.

      Bi? Possibly but not necessarily. Its possible to be bi but mostly interested in woman or mostly interested in men. Or you could be fully straight and have a gay experience just out of curiosity, then decide it isn’t for you.

      I guess you have to take his word for it. He sounds pretty honest and brave and trusts you enough to talk about it. Besides, if he is attracted to you, which he clearly is, and he vows to be faithful to you, then arguably that is all you need to care about.

      What risky behaviour are you talking about? From your story, he hasn’t done anything sexual with a guy. If you are that worried, he can get tested for sexually transmitted diseases but if he says he hasn’t done anything, then there’s no reason to not believe him, is there?

      I say give the guy a break and resume your sex life. He is obviously attracted to you. If he has low t, that can get that treated too. Exercise helps a lot too with the libido.

      • Ali

        Gee, that’s tough, and I mean that sincerely. It sounds like he feels torn between a homophobic upbringing and a new way of thinking, i.e. treating gay men as people. The latter attitude is the more socially acceptable one nowadays, and it may just be that he realizes he was “behind the times” and is trying to explore what it means for someone to be gay, and what he has/does not have in common with the gay and lesbian community. Or, maybe he is bi or “heteroflexible,” but prefers women. Is that a possibility?

        My husband is bi. He’s been with a couple of men, and fell deeply in love with his male best friend, who served as the groomsman in our wedding last year (they have been “two peas in a pod” for ages, but alas, said best friend is 100% straight). However, a couple tell-tale markers show that he prefers women to men. First off, the majority of his long-term relationships were with bisexual women, with a decent showing of het women sprinkled in. Even the trans woman he dated was very, very feminine – long hair, lacy dresses, gorgeous heels, very soft-spoken without being “swishy,” very emotionally vulnerable, and looked more female than most of the women we know.

        Secondly, when he chooses porn, he’s hungry for heterosexual or lesbian porn, pretty much without exception. Thirdly, everyone who has broken his heart is female. And finally, when we go out, we both tend to wind up checking out women or getting ourselves “warmed up” by talking about bringing one home. We seldom see men we find attractive. (I am bi as well, but much closer to 50/50, and much, much more turned on by women, even though my dating history would seem to indicate a slight preference for men. I chalk that up to growing up in the age of AIDS, when queer = leper, and not being 100% sure of who I was or what turned me on until I was about 23. That was when I met my husband – and I’d just gotten out of a relationship with a stunning older female journalist who cheated on me and broke my heart so bad I wanted to put my fist through a wall. I am incompatible with heterosexual men – bi men or women only, plz!)

        Besides the checking out gay bars, does your BF give you any other indications of being bi or gay? If not, you probably have nothing to worry about. I can always tell when a man is bi, and especially, when he prefers men. I slept with one man like that and have befriended a couple more, and they just don’t get the deep, ravenous desire for the female body like het men and bi-leaning-straight men do. Would you be able to have an honest talk with him about how he feels? And, would you be able to listen with an open mind? I’m not saying you must date a bi man. That’s your business. But it is worth it to hear him out, hear his concerns, and so forth, to see what’s going on in his head, no?

    • Very well Done

      He’s Bi.
      or Straight curious, it sounds like my type of prey.
      If someone like me was to meet him, especially in a time where your relationship wasn’t as good as it should be, I would use all of his own curiosity’s against him. If the man wants to have sex with you, you need to do it!

  43. Your story is sooo boring and your ego is soo big ..i dnt lyk dat

  44. Sam

    Hey Robert,
    I have been with a guy for just over a year. He is 10 years older than I am. When we met we had the most amazing chemistry. Never thought of him as having a gay side. I didn’t see him a lot at first, but the times I saw him I never had any suspicioun.

    Then after about 4 months we started to see each other a lot. He then told me that a lot of his friends think that he is gay and asked me if it bothers me. I said to him no, coz he is not. Why should that bother me and he was happy to hear that.

    After he said that I started to think about it too. He goes on about small little stuff more than I do. He talks about sex a lot and he is definitely trained in that field. He works very long hours and sometimes don’t want sex as he is either to tired or want to watch tv. He has asked for anal before, but that’s a no to me (he accepts that). He don’t realy likes kissing.

    He also have a looong list of girls before me and he have some friends I think is gay. One even made a move on him a few years ago (he told me about it), but they are still friends.

    He gets angry very quick and are very sensitive. He will tell me when he think a guy is hot it happens often ( I also tell him if I think a girl is pretty, not that I am Les), and he will tell me if he think a girl is hot too.

    He loves me and I am almost sure I am the girl he wants to marry, but could he be gay?

  45. sam

    Robert you as ugly as a fucking shit in the toilet… you remind me of this retard that has to blog on the internet to fulfill the void in your life where friends are supposed to be. The made up stories about your life and how everybody likes you is actually really funny. I did however get a kick out of this…

  46. Ben

    There’s this guy at work (I work at Walmart) who acts kind of strange around me. I’ve caught him staring at me a couple of times. Usually, he’ll quickly look the other way if I look at him, but sometimes, he’ll just keep staring at me (this happens from a distance across the same room). He sometimes puts his hands on my shoulders while I’m doing something and has even smacked my ass a couple of times.

    Thing is, he has a girlfriend (while I don’t have a list of all of his past girlfriends, I imagine that she isn’t his first) and he sometimes points out hot chicks in the store. Is he bi?

    • It’s really hard to say. I have got it to the point where I can tell if a guy is a serious gay or practicing bi by the way they look at me when they talk to me. They often even come onto me. I can just figure it out. A lot of more or less straight guys have some level of bisexual attraction. I am not sure what he is doing slapping your ass. He may be bisexual on some level. It is certainly possible. Straight guys usually don’t stare at other guys in weird ways, and they don’t go slapping guy’s butts unless they are football players. He obviously likes women a lot too.

      • Ben

        To add onto what I’ve said, he’s hugged me from behind once and it lasted for 6 or so seconds. I heard that’s typically something only couples do, so looking back on it, that was pretty weird. It was kind of embarrassing too, since there were customers and other employees there while it happened.

  47. Jon

    I have a personal trainer who I can’t figure out his orientation. I am male and straight, this guy is engaged to a woman. He regularly insists on making eye contact and finds ways to, by bumping fists or what not. While in a group exercise one day, doing planks, he kept saying my butt was too far in the air. Finally, he touched my butt in order for me to get it down, and said, “That was with my stopwatch by the way, not my hand.” Nothing in a million years would prompt me to touch another guy on the butt. In the fitness class or any other time, I never really see him hit on women but when he caught me staring at a chick in class, he asked what was I looking at. He has these pet names such as “Chatterbox” for me, and upon entering a room prior to a training session, said, “Good morning, Sunshine.” That caught me by surprise because I would never call another guy that. He said he liked my haircut once, and while I laid down waiting for class to start, he came and patted me on the chest. Another time when I was trying to hit on a woman, he came up and tried to touch me on the stomach. This guy also always wants to know whats going on with me like the reason I am sometimes stressed, getting little sleep and tried to offer financial support when money was tight. He would make it a point to greet me at the door during the exercise class and was always very excited to see me but also possessive and controlling. For instance, when seeing me he may say, “Whats up, my man” and wanted me to consult him on the type of new shoes I should buy months ago. Its hard to figure it all out. He has a gorgeous fiancee’ and I heard him remark that he is under pressure by family to marry. When I started recognizing him he became less hostile than before but often tries to stay near me during group exercises and frequently advises and critiques, even when I am doing things correctly! The gym manager and another trainer threaten to report me to the regular trainer if I am doing the exercises incorrectly or if I fail to eat properly. I am confused and do not know whether to think he likes me or to think of him as a good friend.

  48. Jon

    Oh, I forgot also that when we were doing a squat exercise, he kept trying to stand in front of me. Obviously I did not want to squat far where his dick would be in my face and had to move him to the side physically. He insisted on standing there so I did a higher than usual squat and as he walked off, made a snide remark which I was unable to hear. Thanks for all your input.

  49. Jon

    I never see him look at women. They make contact with them and he talks but usually not beyond the norm. Maybe he works with so many women in the course of a day that he is just accustomed to their presence, I don’t know. I watch the guy with his fiancee’ and he is never overly affectionate but may simply be conservative because of the environment. From my subtle observation the people he works with more closely and in depth tend to be male. This could just be sexist behavior on his part though, as he is not beyond calling a guy he perceives to be weak a “pussy.” One day during the group workout my arms were so weakened I did girl pushups. He commented on it and I said I had a vagina for the day. He says, “I was going to say something.” Its been hard to read and it made me think he may be attracted to me without even being aware.

  50. Jake

    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”
    Only the man knows his sexual orientation… Not you… When did assumptions become creditable? Try asking the man… Instead of making accusations

  51. Lara

    I want to ask u something. If a woman touch a man ”there down” and that man is gay, can he has boner ?

  52. Lara

    But how it’s possible ??? because I have heard that gay men can have boner from women because they don’t feel attraction towards them.

  53. Lucia

    I have a friend who is a bit feminine looking (not as behavior) but does not do manicure , don’t dress feminine,but just his outside look and he likes women perfume. Sometime he shows to me good looking women on the streets although rare but never said something of men or admiring men on the streets. He wants to marry but he’s a little scare of being hurt by women.I must to mention he was abused as a child by his father and his father took him to strip clubs when he was a child and also he saw a couple of times his father having sex with prostitues.He tries to be with women in his but always finished bad for him.For about 10 years he hadn’t had really any girlfriend.Might he be gay or just scare/affected by what he saw and experienced in his childhood and traumas caused by his father.Thanks

  54. Lucia

    He has thin voice not strong voice , but as I know everyone in his family have this type of voice.He was in love very much in his early 20’s with an older woman but she refused him and since then I never saw him really in love with any woman, just platonic love.I think that maybe because that lady refused him (he proposed to her 4 times) it’s possible he can’t trust women anymore.He always told me he will always love that woman.He also believes that if a man is cheating on his wife is disgusting because he feels that men only use women and he does not like it.He is a devout Christian and years ago hevery bad cracked his lips and since then he use lipstick to cover this injuries and somehow he’s interested in cosmetics but only because he have his face full of pimples.

  55. Lucia

    He looks somehow like Michael Jackson.He lives alone.He’s photographer and he’s in late 30’s

  56. Koko

    @Lucia do you imply that Michael Jackson was gay ???

  57. Jay

    I’m gay but not out and all of a sudden and old friend from child hood began hanging with me again after 18years… back then we use too be together everyday, spending time at my house, wrestling, taking naps and occasionally spending the night in the same bed. Now its like we’ve never been apart, He comes over all the time and we he does stays the night. we watch movies all day sitting on the couch and most times sitting closer to each other than whats normal for a straight guy(s). Lately he’s been staying over more and has become more comfortable by sleeping in my bed with just his boxers on and even walking around the house in just his boxers. I cooked for him and he do the same for me, I wash his clothes that he leaves over here and he made no comments about it other than can you wash these for me. I’ve given him a foot massage and he has given me a back massage… but i’m still confused as to him being Bi or not. I know he like women and he has three kids. but lately he has not been dealing with women but been here with me when he can.

    Can someone help with this?… Is he Bi and attracted to me or just being a really good friend.

  58. joseph klein

    Was Michael Jackson gay ?

  59. joseph klein

    please tell me your facts that think he was gay.

  60. dem rusu

    I would say that Michael Jackson was asexual.According to his biographer J.R.Taraborelli who was a friend of the star since he was a child he said that Michael was asexual.He was abused as a child by one of the members of the Jackson’s family and his father used to call prostitues in order to have sex with him but he was scared of them.He liked nice and become quiet girls.He said that indeed Michael had sex with Lisa Marie Presley but she didn’t wanted to have his child because she was afraid because of custody battle and she said that he himself need a parent to have care of him.Mark Lester,one of his best friends and the godfather of his children have said that : “Michael found it very difficult to have relationships with women,” Lester said. “He found the sexual act something he couldn’t do. When he was about 16 or 17 he had a very famous female child star who basically jumped on him, naked in his hotel room, and tried to seduce him.”He became very scared, and found it so disturbing he couldn’t perform. Michael wasn’t gay. But I’d say he was asexual.”He was very conscious of his own body. He had vitiligo (a skin lightening condition). Believe me, it wasn’t just his face that was white, he had it all over.” He also said that if Jackson would have been gay he would have not donate sperm to him in order to have children.There are two types of asexual men :
    1.those who loves emotionally men or women but do not feel attracted to any of them in terms of sexual
    2.those are not neither emotionally nor sexually attracted to men or women.
    Michael was sort of feminine because he had vitiligo and suffered of body dysmorphic disorder ( a type of mental illness, a somatoform disorder, wherein the affected person is concerned with body image, manifested as excessive concern about and preoccupation with a perceived defect of their physical features The person thinks they have a defect in either one feature or several features of their body, which causes psychological distress that causes clinically significant distress or impairs occupational or social functioning. Often BDD co-occurs with depression and anxiety, social withdrawal or social isolation.) Jackson used makeup to cover the spots left by vitiligo.According to his dermatologist and his make up artist in 80’s he had white patches spreading over the whole body and he was ashamed of it that being black to have it, he even tried to hide this from his close friends and family. As time went by , the disease was spreading all over and he looked like inhuman , half of his body was white and another part was black and he used makeup and bleaching creams to standardize his skin.He used lipstick and fake noses suffered because after so many plastic surgery he have been through they were destroyed even fallen,he looks like a freak, yeah he did but he was infatuated with Egyptian art and in ancient Egypt both women and men resembled alot because they used to wear make up (makeup that was at the time).Egyptian men were effeminates.He was ashamed to show his body because of his disease to anyone either man of woman.

  61. dem rusu

    This is personality characteristics of those who suffers of Body dysmorphic disorder :

    Perfectionism, in psychology, is a personality trait characterized by a person’s striving for flawlessness and setting excessively high performance standards, accompanied by overly critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others’ evaluations.

    Introversion is “the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one’s own mental life”.Some popular writers have characterized introverts as people whose energy tends to expand through reflection and dwindle during interaction.This is similar to Jung’s view, although he focused on psychic energy rather than physical energy. Few modern conceptions make this distinction.

    Neuroticism is a fundamental personality trait in the study of psychology characterized by anxiety, moodiness, worry, envy and jealousy.Individuals who score high on neuroticism are more likely than the average to experience such feelings as anxiety, anger, envy, guilt, and depressed mood

    Sensitivity to rejection or criticism

    a form of behavior characterized by a confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person’s rights or point of view without either aggressively threatening the rights of another (assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one’s rights or point of view.

    Avoidant personality
    Individuals afflicted with the disorder tend to describe themselves as ill at ease, anxious, lonely, and generally feel unwanted and isolated from others.People with avoidant personality disorder often consider themselves to be socially inept or personally unappealing and avoid social interaction for fear of being ridiculed, humiliated, rejected, or disliked. Avoidant personality disorder is usually first noticed in early adulthood. Childhood emotional neglect and peer group rejection (e.g. bullying) are both associated with an increased risk for the development of AvPD.

    Schizoid personality
    Schizoid personality disorder (SPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency towards a solitary lifestyle, secretiveness, emotional coldness, and apathy. Affected individuals may simultaneously demonstrate a rich, elaborate and exclusively internal fantasy world.

    Shyness is the feeling of apprehension, lack of comfort, or awkwardness experienced when a person is in proximity to, approaching, or being approached by other people, especially in new situations or with unfamiliar people. Shyness may come from genetic traits, the environment in which a person is raised and personal experiences.

    Social phobia
    Social anxiety is a discomfort or a fear when a person is in social interactions that involve a concern about being judged or evaluated by others. It is typically characterized by an intense fear of what others are thinking about them (specifically fear of embarrassment, criticism, or rejection), which results in the individual feeling insecure, and that they are not good enough for other people. The results of this are fear and anxiety within social situations, and the assumption that peers will automatically reject them in the social situations.

    Social anxiety disorder
    It is characterized by intense fear in social situations,causing considerable distress and impaired ability to function in at least some parts of daily life. These fears can be triggered by perceived or actual scrutiny from others. While the fear of social interaction may be recognized by the person as excessive or unreasonable, overcoming it can be quite difficult. Some people suffering from social anxiety disorder fear a wide range of social situations while others may only show anxiety in performance situations. In the latter case, the specifier “performance only” is added to the diagnosis.

    Even psychiatrists have just came across to this conclusion after have analyzed Mj’s behaviour.He was a brilliant showman but he has suffered from this BDD mental illness among other.This disease even lead to sadism sometime which may explain the very unpleasant to see magazines the police found in his house in 2003 who had some references to sadism and mutilation of bodies.

  62. Eleanor Wayne

    OK, this is crazy that I’m on here at 1 AM. I met a man recently I REALLY like but he has repeatedly told me he has mild autism. He’s also a highly functioning medical professional, and yet we act bashful around one another, like middle schoolers. I’m usually extremely confident around men, because I am a fortunate woman to have a lot of attention, but this one – wow! I really like him. My problem? He lives in WeHo, which is unsettling; but I get the strong feeling he’s interested in me but very shy. I want to chalk it up to the autism, but I also wonder if he’s gay or bi and I’m just missing the cues? There’s no evidence anywhere online or among our mutual acquaintances one way or the other. I like him more and more every time I’m around him. But he is moving so slow I’m concerned. Recently, he asked me out but in a sort of gawky, awkward way. My gaydar is usually functioning, but this time, I can’t pinpoint it. Advice? I can’t just ask him! He’s never married, no kids, in his early 40s.

    • He is just an Aspie, that is all he is. I was going to rent an apartment in West Hollywood myself in 1982, but I declined. WeHo is one of the finest places on Earth to pick up hot women! The whole place is full of queers, and the rest of the guys are all married or Orthodox Jews (same thing). Bottom line, the place is full of really horny frustrated women. If you are straight, you can totally clean up there. Furthermore, the place is full of straight people who do not live there but are just there temporarily running a business or hanging out at a club or buying clothes or whatever. The residents are heavily gay, but the sheer volume of humans wandering through there are vast majority straight.

    • Gaydar is nonfunctional for a straight woman.

      All you can tell as a female is:

      Attracted to females? Yes/No and to what degree.

      Attracted to males? This is very difficult to tell, and as a woman you will probably never get it.

      Problem is Aspies probably act like queers. Queers don’t check out chicks. That’s how you can tell if a guy is gay or not. Never met one single gay in my life who checked out women. Now the difficult is! An Aspie won’t check out women either! Nor will he check out guys!

      A man in his 40’s, never married, it is perfectly ok to ask him his sexual orientation. Phrase it this way: “Are you gay, bisexual or straight? I honestly cannot tell.” This is very non-offensive way to ask that question, and I have been asked such questions MANY TIMES in my life.


    There’s a guy I’m friends with and there’s just a strong vibe I get that he’s bi. Great guy, engaged to a woman (who by the way doesn’t look very feminine to me, little by the way of breats and buttocks). Anyway, he pretty much insisted we be friends,

  64. Jerry

    Hi Robert, I would like to ask you about this guy I met a while back at my new job called Jake. He is this really athletic guy and he’s had tons of girlfriends, but I get a sense that he’s also attracted to me as well (even though I’m a dude). When I first met him, he gradually insisted on becoming my friend and after that, he got kind of flirty with me… Which felt really weird. Like, while I was in the middle of doing something, he just sort of came up to me and said with this seductive voice “Look at those muscles, I bet you could get any girl you want” and then just kind of felt up my arms. He’s even outright softly grabbed my ass before (he’s never addressed this, so I guess he thinks I somehow didn’t notice) and has just randomly said he loves me a couple of times. None of this was played up as a joke. What’s really awkward is that his current girlfriend is actually an old friend of mine from way back in Middle School and she doesn’t seem to notice any of this. She’s even told me that he’s told her that he loves me (which she probably assumes he means in a platonic way) and that he tells her how excited he gets when he sees me. I mean, shouldn’t she sense that something is wrong here? Should I say anything to her?

    • I am really concerned about this guy. Ask him flat out if he is gay or bi. Then tell him about those things that he did that bothered you, and could he please not do them anymore, something like that. If he bi, he will probably just keep on doing that shit, or you could just blow it off. If he is bi, you should reach an understanding that you are not going to screw him, but maybe you are ok with his being bi. You have to figure this out for yourself. Normal heterosexual guys simply do NOT do that weird stuff like you described him doing. If he is not actively bisexual, he is at least so in his head. Many men are bisexual in their attractions but only heterosexual in life. That is, they only act on their strong attractions to females. They are also attracted to males, but they do not act on those attractions. Whether or not they are truly bisexual is a matter for the semanticists.

      • Jerry

        I wouldn’t really be bothered by what he’s doing if he wasn’t in a relationship, let alone a relationship with a childhood friend. I’m a closeted gay guy myself and I’m all for having a little fun with another closeted guy when no one’s looking, but not with a guy who’s promised to be faithful to someone else. I’m afraid that my friend might get really mad at me if I mention my concerns to her (she’s nuts about this guy), so I think I should just keep quiet. I mean, as long as she doesn’t intend on marrying him, then I guess it’s not really my place to say anything.

        On another note, what really bothers me is that he isn’t even really discreet about it. One time, I overheard him saying he thought I was cute to another girl.

        • Looks like he has figured out you are a closeted gay. Why don’t you tell him you are a closeted gay guy and see how he reacts? Then ask him if he is bisexual. That is all you have to do.

          If he is being open about it, then he is more or less out to these chicks as a bisexual man. He has to be to talk like this.

  65. Jerry

    I’d assume that you’re right about him being out as a bisexual if he’s talking about other guys like that without worrying what others think, but the problem is that I’ve overheard him making homophobic comments on numerous occasions. He’s never said anything homophobic directly towards me, but I’ve heard him say bad things about homosexuality with some of his guy friends. I can’t tell whether he’s just not okay with being out with straight dudes (to be completely fair, most of them probably wouldn’t want to be around him if they knew) or if he’s just not that smart when it comes to being on the down low. Even though the guy seems to be hitting on me really hard, I still get a bad feeling about what might happen if I do come out to him. I mean, he’s really weird and confusing about things. Despite grabbing my ass and making flirty comments towards me, he sometimes tries talking to me about girls he’d like to screw and how much he likes a certain girl’s tits.

    • Rachel

      So I’m worried about my boyfriend.he told me he had crushes on boys in his early teens and got scared he was gay, then finally decided he was gay at 20 and came out. After a period of being gay and doing who knows what, he started dating women. Now he is with me, and he says he’s not gay and is in love with me?
      I’m not sure what to think, do you think he is closet gay?
      I know will never actually have an open relationship with a gay man. if he is gay, he will never come out publicly again. I don’t understand how he can decide he is gay and then he is straight again or am I being played for a fool. He doesn’t act gay. He takes care to act like a straight man

      • This makes no sense at all. How can a man decide he is gay and then decide he is straight. Makes no sense whatsoever.

        • Rachel

          How does it make no sense? For him, life got a lot more difficult when he came out. So either he’s gay and ran back into the closet, or he’s straight and made a mistake.

          Somehow I don’t believe a straight man can make a mistake like that.

      • James

        Wait, you’re saying he came out and copped some homophobia? And now he is ‘straight’? Has anyone ever heard of a straight guy coming out as gay?

        My guess is unfortunately he’s probably closeted, but I’m not an expert.

  66. Arrie T.

    There’s a guy I know who has become a close friend and yet I get a feeling he likes me as more than than. Early on there were little things and incidents I noticed but didn’t pay much mind to but now they are getting too hard to notice. For one, lately, I was doing a hand stand push up at the gym he works at and as I did the exercise, my shirt feel to my face. He says, “Good job, nice nipples by the way.” It really caught me by surprised as he has a wife. He’s said other things like, “I like your haircut.” That may not mean much but even as a bi guy myself, I never really notice a guy’s hair enough to comment on it. Anyway, I was thumbing through some papers on the counter at the facility one day and he says, “Why are you messing up those papers?” I said something back and just walked off. About a week later while talking to another male friend to whom I was smiling, he walks up and says, “What are you smiling at, boy?” He’s gone so far as to call me “Sunshine” when no one is looking. He routinely stands near me when talking to others and does things to try and get my attention. I even heard him say he’s going to mess with me for the rest of my life about an exercise I messed up on. One day I entered a room where he and about 4 other people were and he immediately lights up, and while I was on a machine, he made a joking remark. Seldom do I reply when he makes these comments but the fact that he’s married really throws me off with this man. He’s constantly asking how my day was and tells me he’s concerned about me and honestly, it’s the very thing I do when there’s a WOMAN in my life. To try to get him off my trail, I decided to bring my girlfriend and he sees her, walks up to her and asks her how we met and says he knows all about me. Then he told her he likes picking on me because I’m one of his “favorites.” I think he purposely sabotaged things with her and me because she’s communicated and dealt very little with me sense. He is very popular at this place so if I ask what his intentions are, it’ll make me look bad and all my money is tied up in this place, however, I do need another opinion. I like the guy but would never bust up a marriage, especially as his wife is head over heels for him.

  67. kate

    I’ve been engaged four yes to a man who doesn’t like sex.(so he says) we tried it two times in the beginning and never again. Lived together in separate bedrooms. Now he got an inheritance and is moving out of state. We had plans of spending our lives together. Even went to counselling but he never answered the questions. I kept telling him he must be gay. I felt horrible. O could stand naked in front of him and he wouldn’t notice.all he wanted to do sometimes was cuddle with pj’s on. Is he gay? Help.

    • Who knows? Some guys just do not like sex.

    • Big G

      Kate i dont understand that you made a whole life with this guy without a physical relationship. While i will concede that a relationship isnt just about sex it does make up a large part of a relationship. men and women dont really agree on much. evolution has built things into a relationship that can only be explained as love. without more physical i dont see it lasting a minute. You’ve heard of the saying pussy whipped. that is a women using what god gave her to secure a man and keeping him. I would think that something else motivated you to be with him. ( money)

  68. Moss

    I have a gay friend. He’s very gay and has been out since a young age. He had only ever had sexual experiences with men until his mid 20’s and considers himself gay, not bi. However, he often checks out girls and points out attractive women to others. He’ll talk about some hot girl who came into work that day, or some actress he thinks is hot. When he did finally have sex with a woman, he enjoyed it, and he said he’d do it again. You can call him bi, I suppose, but he identifies as gay and rarely has heterosexual experiences.

    • However, he often checks out girls and points out attractive women to others. He’ll talk about some hot girl who came into work that day, or some actress he thinks is hot.

      If he’s really gay, why does he do all of that if he is not attracted to women in the slightest? Makes no sense.

  69. Arrie T.

    LOL, me neither. What doesn’t add up in your opinion?

  70. Jerry

    Hey Rob, I haven’t come out to that guy yet, but I just wanted to ask about something weird that’s been going on. He’s pretty much stopped acting flirty with me, but he still acts really friendly. On top of that, when I went out to a bar with him and some of my friends (he’s still in a relationship with my female friend, so that’s why he was there) and told him about this guy that was sexually harassing me, it made him upset and he told me that he’d take care of the guy if he kept bothering me… yet, given what he’s been doing to me, I don’t understand why he’d be upset about this. After all, he’s guilty for doing pretty much the same thing. Do you know why he might have had this sudden change in attitude?

    • Sorry, I do not understand this guy. I do not understand a lot of these gay/bi/questionable type guys. A lot of people just don’t make sense.

      • daj

        So there is this guy I’ve been crushing on for ages, he is so beautiful and perfect, he doesn’t know I’m gay, I haven’t told anybody that although I’m very out there so everyone thinks I am or they think I’m camp. So anyway this boy and eye always make eye contact but we never speak only like a few times but its nothing big. He recently added me on facebook and I got really excited because we do NOT speak in school so why would he add me? Maybe because we have a lot of mutuals? Who knows.. But in school I’ll sit with my people and he’ll sit with his and I always catch him staring at me and when I look back at him he carries on staring or looks away or just acts like he was looking at something eles, he sometimes comes over with his people to my group of people at break and we all talk but I see him staring at me and when I look he looks away, he’s quite manly and all that I know he’s had a girlfriend before but only one. I looked through his facebook pics and I notice he’s always with his guy friends pretending to kiss them or there are videos of him fooling around shaking his ***, his info says “intrested in women” but I don’t pay attention to that as I have hooked up with closted guys who act homophobic around people. But this boy is different, the way he looks at me is just unexplainable, I’ve dreamt about him a few times and I like to think he’s dreamt about me why he keeps staring at me, we never talk but when we do talk he makes eye contact and smiles a lot, when we talk online he always sends me winks and things like that, I’m a very very confident and outgoing person and I’m not afraid to take risks (hence why I hooked up with homophobes) but with him its different, I get butterflies and I’m nervous around him, I have a very big crush on him & I hope he feels the same way, I dunno.. HELP

        • Hi, he may well be bisexual on some level. Why don’t you just ask him sometime, very nicely, not like the way so many depraved gays hit on straight guys. Just be cool, kind, nice and show some class and dignity. Tell him you are gay and ask him if he is gay or bi and then just take the answer and leave it at that. I have confidence that you could do this like a decent human and not in some sleazy depraved way. Go for it. You gay guys have a right to get laid just like us straights. All the power to ya.

  71. Arrie T.

    I think he answered the question. As we conversed with a mutual third party, he winked his eye before walking away, making sure the other person didn’t notice.

  72. cristina

    hi,please I need advice ASAP about my boyfriend or should I say ex bf.We started going out as fiends almost every sigle day(dinner,,his house u name it) for about 2-3 months,on Christmas he take m flowers,presants,lot of things showing he like me(complimets as well) we got together on valentine’s ,kissing but never sleep together even if we spend the night in the same bed,he sad he likes me a lot but he needs time(I was thinking he is not over his ex girlfriend) he took me to meet his family as well so is very confusing.after few months he break up with me,went back to his ex ,after another few months break up with her again,come back to me and start going out as friends again,sleep in the same bed and he didn’t try nothing,when I ask him he sad is happy for us to be just friends but he gives me all the messages theat he doesn’t,he acts like we are together except the sex part.I have to say he olso is much older then me and I look quit nice so I don’t understand him.My friends are telling me he has to be gay because is not possible for a man to sleep in the same bed,do the things we do together and nothing happened except of a hug or kiss .Could he be gay???please help…he gets me crazy

  73. Sharon

    Hi Robert,
    I have been married to a man much younger than me for 8 years. He was very masculine and had quite an ego about himself and would stare at himself in the mirror a lot. He is very handsome and hails from another country that is behind the times with homosexuality. I had always dated older men but he completely convinced me he was mature and in love with me and that we could have lots of adventures together. He liked a lot of guy type activities but was not into sports or soccer like his country was, but he was really into mechanics and cars. Once he put on my bra just for laughs. Since we planned to be together anyway, we married so that he could get his green card. Fast forward to 9 years and a couple of kids later, as soon as we got married the “maturity” and the “nice” things he did for me disappeared. He became verbally abusive and very angry all the time. Sex was still frequent, but mechanical, and often for him and not to please me. Sex was meant to “please” him and he didn’t look at me often during and he wouldn’t kiss me in public or in private. He complained that I didn’t want sex, but I just wanted intimacy with it. He rarely went down on me, and occasionally requested anal sex. He began drinking heavily and it seemed the only time he wanted me was when he was drunk. His drinking became really bad and his excuse always was that his mother abandoned him very affected by that. He really hated her. He had lots of stories of his youth that sounded outlandish and untrue, but I could never verify them because he had lived in another country. I never met any of his relatives, but eventually he found a half brother online who is gay. When he would go drinking with his buddies, one of them later told me he would brag about his penis size and how big it was (it was average) and ask to look at theirs. Before we married and when dating, he would always stare at other women in a restaurant or bar to get them to notice him when he was with me. However, I was his first long term relationship, although he bragged that he had many one night stands with other women of all ages. But he seemed only secure around older women and attracted to them, even on TV. A younger woman was immature to him, dumb or a whore. He seemed very insecure around them. He never stared at men that I noticed, but he definitely liked to brag to the point that it was embarrassing. He would try to make himself look better and smarter. He thought cheating was bad and said he would never do such a thing, but I found he was quite a liar. He made quite a few male friends but always spoke poorly of them, he was a real angry person, always saying he thought some of them were gay, etc, but on the other hand he used to say he was ok with a man being gay and was not homophobic and if one of his kids turned out to be gay, he would be ok with it (in his hispanic country this was still a bit unacceptable). One of his buddies who later became sober told me that he kissed him once when he was drunk, but he later told the friend, “no, you kissed me.” He also used to brag about his penis when he was drunk and ask his friend to show his when they were drunk. His friend always said no. He also would point out other gay hispanic males in a negative way. One guy was in AA meetings with him (he tried to stop drinking for a while but did not succeed) and it was known this guy was gay and married, I later found out. Well he hung out with him after AA meetings a few times at his business along with a few other men. He would come home and tell me about it, that this guy was gay, but he didn’t tell me that until it was the last time he met with him after AA (by this time he had probably hung out with this guy after the meeting about 4 or 5 times). Finally he cheated on me with another woman almost the same age as me (a little older), He bragged to male and female friends that he was having an affair with a married woman. I put up with this for a year and gave him several chances to come clean, but he kept seeing her, so I finally kicked him out. Our marriage had developed into more of a mothering role (me) and him (child). I took care of all his needs. Now he is lost without me, even though he is with this other woman, she is not a mothering type. His once best friend (no longer) thinks he is gay and the other day he got mad at him regarding a mean thing my ex said to him, so then his ex-friend told me he saw my ex several years ago during our marriage having sex with another guy. I don’t know whether he is just mad and trying to get revenge, or if its true. I guess I’m in denial, but I’m not with him anymore anyway, let the other woman worry about that. He still gives me a hard time and harasses me and is abusive, and wants us to get back together, but I would never trust him ever again. His ex friend seems very truthful, he is the one who convinced me he was having an affair with another woman..I already knew but needed a final push to believe it. In the beginning of our marriage, the thought never crossed my mind until once we saw Brokeback Mt in the theatre together (I thought it was a really good love story) and he seemed moved by it, and after we got home he said jokingly, “well you know I’m gay.” And then he laughed and said, “I really am kidding, ok.” I just thought it was so odd to say that, but he pretended he was a modern man and thinker, than where he grew up. Something always felt off. Maybe this is why he is so angry??

    Signed Moving On

    • Not sure what is going on with him. He does not look at guys. I feel that he is a bisexual, straight-dominant, either 90-10, 80-20 or mayb e 70-30. Gay? I doubt it.

      One thing he is for sure is a NARCISSIST!

  74. Your a twat

    Ok where to start with this fuckery 1. Every sign you stated in this story was complete and utter bullshit a gay guy can look at a woman and think shes pretty they can check them out what do you think all the people in the closet do? And trust me if they wanted you to feel the *sexual vibe* they would make you feel it the way you said you shouldnt have stayed friends with your bisexual friend your just a biased asshole and as i stated before your entire artical is shit

  75. I would really prefer to talk to you about this in person, but it does appear based on what you have written that you are most definitely gay.

    Since we do not choose our sexual orientation, I really think you should embrace your orientation the same way we straights do. It’s great that we straights are straight, and it’s great that you are gay!

    Natural and normal things should not be opposed, and in your case, being gay truly is natural and normal.

    I do not think you should get involved sexually with women, as this will probably just cause a lot of problems, mostly for her.

    PS How old are you?

    • I wrote you a mail but you have not yet responded. What were your sexual fantasies like during puberty, say from ages 12-15? What got you hot? What turned you on? What gave you an erection? What did you fantasize about when you masturbated? Males? Or males and females both? If both, in what proportions?

    • I do not know. Infatuation can probably occur with any sexual orientation. I remember that I felt very deeply about some of my male friends. In all cases, we were both heterosexual as far as I could tell. In one case, the bond between him (RP) and me was so great that I thought, “You know, if I was gay, I would probably try to fuck this guy.” But I’m not gay, so I had no sexual feelings toward him whatsoever. What we had though was a very intense friendship that could be seen as a sort of “love,” minus sexual attraction. We can feel the same way about parents and siblings. I have felt intense love for my mother and some siblings, but I never wanted to fuck them.

  76. Shawn

    It sounds like you were gay. In all honesty, the cause of your homosexuality is mist likely germs, based upon our current knowledge of biological science.

    See here:

    and here:

    I am sorry that this had to happen to you, but I agree with Robert, embrace it–however I think you should conceal your behavior because it is off-putting to most reasonable people. Regards, friend.

  77. This article is so retarded it hurts. It actually reads like a parody, maybe I didn’t realize this is a satirical blog. If it is serious, you and your funny commentators should consider psychotherapy to work through their issues. A masked inferiority complex seems to completely warp your perception (“Everybody is flirting with me ’cause I’m so hot!”) and you obviously don’t really know a lot of diverse gay men, probably cause the decent, clever people generally don’t talk to yokels like you who seem to insult everybody else to feel good. And if you detect “gay vibes” meaning attraction, maybe you’re gay, too, and that has fucked you up. Sorry to say so.

    • It’s all true my friend. Good looking straight men have to fight the gays off with swords. Most every gay or bisexual man who I had the misfortune of making friends with has tried to have sex with me. That is simply a fact. And almost all of them kept on doing it even after I turned them down. There is something crazy and obsessive about them.

      Detecting gay vibes from a man is as clear as air. I can tell when a woman is attracted to me, and unfortunately I can tell when a man is attracted to me too. It’s the same vibe, a sexual vibe. And you don’t have to be gay to recognize that.

      Anyway, I am banning you. Back to Frisco for you!


  78. Look, I am banning you. NO I was never molested as a boy! Thank fucking GOD!

  79. Mr. Stallion 76

    You can’t eat every females pussy, some stink, some don’t bathe properly, some are just plain nasty.
    So therefore, your pussy eating theory is foolish.
    Some women are sexy as hell, some women are ugly as hell.
    You must have a woman that he is attracted to, before the theory can be proven.
    I am known to be picky about women I like.
    Must be petite, or athletic, must be feminine, take care of herself.
    Must not be fat, or obese. And wild in bed.
    I think all of you are just flat out confused.

  80. Adam Hughes

    Believe me,as a Bi-Sexual man myself,it is really REALLY difficult to fully understand what Bi-sexuality is. By-gum,even i get confused. Since I was about 16 I have had periods of thinking about nothing but men,as if women don’t exist. Then other times when I have thought about women and men become less interesting to me. It is a real head fu** I’ll say. But one thing I do know is; we definitely do exist. It’s so frustrating,when people make cracks at us (pardon the pun) I have some friends who call me gay,others whom understand what bi-sexuality is. I don’t find women as exciting as men,but I do find women attractive sexually. Though to add even more confusion to the mix. I am sort of A-sexual, since I don’t really have sex and often don’t have the desire to either. This might change,as everything in my life tends to.
    Great Article,thank you.

    • On a scale of 1-100, with 100-0 being 100% straight, 0-100 being 100% gay and 50-50 being fully bisexual, which would you be?

      You would be somewhere between a 10-90 and a 40-60, if that helps.

      Thank you for coming to the site, my bisexual friend. It is pretty obvious that you just got wired up this way and didn’t choose it, and I know you can’t change it, so I sympathize with you.

  81. Adam Hughes

    🙂 You are most welcome. Merry Christmas to you too. I think your percentages are spot on,

  82. Steven Fraser

    The repeated use of the words “fag” “queer” the assumption that gay people go around ‘recruiting’ straight people (If someone is truly straight, you can’t just talk them into taking part in gay sex!) & the fact that you claim you know when someone is gay, because you can tell they’re attracted to you, (i’ve seen your picture), is shameful, disgusting and narrow minded. But then a lot of the comments left here, show a lack of intelligence & an inane overuse of profanity and vulgarity to get their message across.
    I am a gay man, i am not feminine, well groomed or into musicals or Madonna, & the last thing i would want to do is sleep with, or ‘convert’ a straight man. The majority of my male friends are straight and none of them have a problem with my sexuality, nor live in fear that i would make innapropriate sexual advances towards them.
    If your friend, DN, didn’t come out to you, perhaps it’s due to your backward, homophobic attitudes. And don’t try to tell me you’re not a homophobe- believe me, the proof is all right there in your writing.

  83. Bob Scharff

    This gay so glad that there is at least one oh-so-intelligent straight man out there who can get us all sorted out and put into the right “sexual preference boxes.” This is so important, because as you can imagine, I worry a lot about being hit on by straight men. What often tells me that a man like you is straight and not gay or bi is that he is SO FUCKING CLUELESS.

  84. N

    Hi , im a 16 year old boy in high school currently. I really like this boy & i believe hes bi but i know he’d never come out. He hangs out with all boys plays sports & knows i like him and ill catch him looking at me at lunch and on the way to 3rd period almost everyday, when i’m around him he’ll do things to bring attention to himself and other people see this as well . i really like him but i get severely nervous in his presence , but i’m by no means shy. i really want to at least befriend him , but since everyone knows i like him , i feel he wouldn’t be okay with that. i don’t know what to & i cant get him off my mind . HELP

  85. jam

    hlo der ,thanx i found ur site. been searchin’ for answers over d net. ahm, i’ve got a new co- worker whom i wonder to be bisexual or not. hes quite 9 yirs older than me. he plays basketball and has no girlfriend now. d first time i’m confused wid him was when we ate at our canteen. he was beside me and we accidentally scratch each others arms during eating. i observed but he doesnt remove his arms while scratching mine. and he always sit beside me, not in front of me. he is fond of putting his arm around my shoulder when wer standing and having conversation. we have that new male co-worker(not so gud looking) also who always leans his chin on his shoulder (his taller than him) during meetings but he always transfer location to avoid him. until last wik, im surprised when we met along the way at work, his right hand hit my crotch without reacting or saying sorry. when i approached him in the line for a work related question, he stick his face to my face and our forehead hit each other. oh man, its so sweet haha. hope you can help me. thanks

  86. jam

    Ah ok. Do u know some tips so i can further confirm that? F u have. Thanx.

  87. jam

    Wel, ders one more question from me regardin dis another newly hired co male co worker( from d other group )of mine who always keep a stare on me everytime he sees me coz i see him at the corner of my eyes (and he thot i didnt see him). What could i do with dis coz its irritating. U think he just wants to befriend meh?pls help. Thanks ser

    • Not sure how is he looking at you?

      Are you gay or bisexual?

      If you are gay or bisexual, I must say that I like you a lot for not rudely jumping all over these questionable fellows. You are a good person.

  88. jam

    Nope,im straight. Thanx for that observation. At least 2 seconds of stare. Am just so disturbed wid dis in d workplace coz he is not stopping doin dis for months now. I tried to stare at him at once and our eyes met, hoping for him to stop doin that to me but days after, here he goes again. I find staring at people unethical coz i dont do that especially to the guy i’m referring to here. I have a guy close friend in d workplace but hesitant to tel dis story for fear he might tel dis to anybody also(coz he did that many times to me). Thanks to ur site, at least i can avoid gossips in the workplace. Mybe befriending him would do better? Or mybe looking at him back wil stop him?

    • You have to figure out what the stares mean. Whether they are good stares or bad stares. I can pretty much figure this stuff out.

      If you are straight, then do not bother asking the maybe bi guy if he is gay or bi. You might want to just go ahead and make friends with the guy and see what happens. If he is bi or gay, you will find out soon enough, trust me! I have made friends with many such guys. I just figure if the guy is gay or bi, I will find out pretty soon anyway. I never ask a man if he is bi or gay usually. To me that is unspeakably rude and insulting.

  89. I am sorry, I can make no sense at all out of this post. How about if you write it in German and I give it to one of German-speaking friends to see what they can do with it?

  90. Closetotheedge

    hey .
    you said you gonna delete the post , but i see it s still there .
    can you tell me when you gonna delete it please ?

  91. confused as hell


  92. confused as hell

    ok… here goes nothing i guess… i met my now-husband at a bar three years ago , it was his birthday and i had a girls night out with my friend and my mom was watching my daughter who is now 4 so i could go do something. (we never go out anymore btw, i don’t frequent bars being a parent). we dated for a few months and then we started moving pretty fast, he moved in with me, we got married in sept 2012, i got pregnant a month into the marriage, and now we are raising my 4 year old daughter from a previous marriage together (the dad terminated his parental rights and pays no child support so she calls my husband daddy), as well as our son who will be 1 this summer. he is a great father to both of them and we go to church together and have a lot in common which i think is why our relationship is so strong and i never really worried before. when we started dating he swore off talking to other females and told everyone he was exclusive with me (apparently although i haven’t met all his friends). before me he had only had one serious relationship with a girl, for about 2 years, and they broke it off because she was unhappy. he has only had sex with about 4 girls in his entire life. he is in his mid 20’s. my brother and his friend have met him and they joke with me all the time that he is a “butt pirate” and make gay comments about him and i used to laugh it off but i got to thinking about it. we were out the other day and a gay friend and his boyfriend saw us together and told his boyfriend that my husband was DEFINITELY gay just from looking at him “he could smell it on him”. he likes to go shopping, he had a chihuahua when i met him that he would carry around all over the place, he is comfortable walking around shirtless even in front of other people guys included, when he gets drunk he pinches guys’ nipples, he says some super gay stuff like about penises, apparently he has seen his friends’ and he said what guy hasn’t seen his friends dicks or talked about their dick size, and when i get mad he thinks i am just being homophobic. he vehemently denies being gay and he does have sex with me, although lately his drive is reduced and he told me he wants to start taking testosterone, and he’s also been going to the gym almost every day and looking at bodybuilder magazines and exercise videos on youtube and stuff and becoming a total fanatic about it. he also spends about an hour at the barber shop “because it takes a long time to get a chair” although i think he just wants to go shoot the shit with the guys, and he tells me he likes my purse and look at clothes with me. i mean like i said he does get a boner for me but if he’s bi that doesn’t mean anything. i have asked him several times if he’s gay and he gets mad, but the other night it was late and before we went to sleep i said “well okay, you’re not gay, but what about bi? i just need to know if you’re interested in something other than me”. he paused for a long time and then told me that he just loved me and he only wanted to be with me and spend the rest of his life with me. i still have a lot of doubts though.

    oh another thing, he has this friend he buys weed from, i know because i’ve seen him with the weed and i don’t think he’s 100% using that as a coverup, but he will get a call from his friend at like 7:30 and go get weed and i won’t know anything about it until his phone rings and he talks to the guy. like he doesn’t tell me about stuff before he does it as much as he used to. he claims it helps him with “stress”. i wonder if he’s stressing about his sexuality. and he just recently started watching game of thrones, which he didn’t fail to mention it has a lot of giant flaccid penis flopping around all the time, and i was like, wtf, then he said i was joking it doesn’t really. well i looked it up and yeah, it does, as well as a huge gay romance in the first couple of episodes apparently.

    sigh. please help me with this. also i’m sorry it’s so long. i really need advice and i have nowhere to look and i don’t want to tell my mom everything because she’s judgmental and the people in our church wouldn’t get it.

    • That long pause before the bisexual question was extremely bad and makes me think he might be bisexual.

      4 lifetime sex partners for a male in the US is pretty near normal, not abnormal. Only a few us are doing the Wilt Chamberlain thing and guys like that are outliers.

      Who does he look at? Does he look at women? Does he look at your body in a sexual way during sex or outside of sex? Does he look at women on TV and in magazines, etc.

      Talking about gay stuff and dicks in movies is weird. If there were dicks and gay romances in a movie I was watching, I would be complaining about it to my gf. He’s not complaining. I talk about dicks and gay stuff too, but mostly as a joke. Like, “LOL I am such a fag LOL.” My gf’s usually go along and say, “Yeah you are such a fag LOL.” But then when they talk seriously they say, “You are one of the least gay guys I have ever known, etc,” so I know they are not serious. Lots of straight guys like to joke around about gay stuff, like, “I am moving to Frisco with my boyfriend” “I sure would like to suck his dick LOL,” stuff like that. It is considered hilarious to say you’re a fag if you’re straight. But this guy doesn’t sound like he is joking, which is very weird.

      Why would I tell my gf about flopping dicks and comparing dick sizes. I have discussed this with gf’s but all I say was I saw my friend’s dick and it made me very uncomfortable because I really do NOT want to see my friend’s dick!

      Not sure if he should get furious if you ask him if he is gay. Sometimes I get mad, sometimes I don’t. I get mad if they are asking the question for the umpteenth time, yeah. And I do get asked that question by gf’s I assure you, but more like, “Are you bi? Are you bisexual? Did you used to be gay? Was that back when you were gay?” The reason chicks usually think I am bi is that it is painfully obvious to a woman whether a guy has a heterosexual component. Look at his eyes and his body language when he is around women. Gay men don’t look at women. PERIOD.

      As far as what the gay man said, screw that. There have apparently been a number of gay and bi men who were absolutely insistent that I was gay. They simply would not accept that I was not, and they kept saying that I was lying and a closeted gay who won’t come out and admit all of my relationships with women were tragic frauds. Whether this is some sleazy fag pickup scam (It could well be because fags have done this to a couple of my straight friends too), I have no idea. And quite a few straight guys insist that I am gay or bi, and of course there are or were a lot of women who thought that, though like I said they usually think I am bi as my heterosexual factor is utterly blatant to any non-blind female.

      Ditto with all the faggy stuff he does. Personally, I wear my girlfriends’ clothes (especially coats and shirts). Walking around shirtless in front of other guys is weird unless you are at the beach, otherwise it would make me very uncomfortable. Pinching guys’ nipples is profoundly weird and implies very much a faggy component. I do not talk to my male friends about dick size as that is considered to be a faggy thing to talk about with your bros and my friends would get alarmed if I talked like that. I comment on gfs’ clothes all the time would compliment a purse too I suppose. Carrying your chihuahua around with you all the time is extremely lame and rather queery too. No way would I do that. Lots of guys go shopping. A lot of straight guys work out.

      Does he look at men. Does he look at men when you are out in public, men on TV, men in magazines.

      Look, next time tell him that sexuality is not black and white, instead it is a grey area and a continuum. Show him this chart:

      100-0 Maximal heterosexual response, minimal gay response
      90-10 Maximal heterosexual response, incidental gay response
      80-20 Maximal heterosexual response, more than incidental gay response
      70-30 Maximal heterosexual response, significant gay response
      60-40 Maximal heterosexual response, very strong but lesser gay response
      50-50 Maximal heterosexual response, maximal homosexual response
      40-60 Maximal gay response, very strong but lesser response response
      30-70 Maximal gay response, significant heterosexual response
      20-80 Maximal gay response, more than incidental heterosexual response
      10-90 Maximal gay response, incidental heterosexual response
      0-100 Maximal gay response, minimal heterosexual response

      Many guys who behave 100% heterosexually and commit no homosexual acts are like than 100-0’s, I assure you of that! Anyway, tell that if he is not totally 100-0, that is ok with you, but just ask him to level with you.

  93. confused as hell

    i left that long comment. also he was molested as a child, by a man in his family. if that helps.

  94. Don't know what to thinl


    I have a friend who is younger than me. He sought me out one night when I was picking up my sibling from an event. He found out I was there and he eagerly came up to my car and started talking to me. Then I saw him again in a store a couple of weeks later with a group and he walked towards me and started talking to me eagerly. At this point, I thought he was just really friendly. However, I have had regular encounters working with this person over the past couple of months and several modest gay jokes have been made including: going out on a date with me later, and liking to blow on things, referencing his privates but never in an extremely direct way. He also likes to text and text for awhile. Typically, the texts are lengthy. This guy does have a girlfriend, however does not seem to greatly appreciate her. Is it possible he is gay or bi and attracted to me? It’s been kind of creeping me out…

    • Guys like this are a dime a dozen. There is no accounting for them. I’ve known so many I can’t even count them.

      If you like the guy, keep on staying friends with him and just see what happens. Unfortunately, if he is really gay or bi, I assure you he will make that very obvious sooner rather and later.

      If the gay comments disturb you, tell him to please stop making them or explain why he is making them. Flat out ask him if he is gay or bi. This is what I do.

      • Don't know what to thinl

        Ok thanks. What do you think whenever I am texting him and there is an obvious place for the texts to stop and he obviously continues the texts? At first I thought he just really respected me, however now I don’t know and the sexual jokes are interesting. I feel as if he were 100% straight he would have no reason or desire to make those “jokes”. I will maintain a friendship and see where this leads to. I just wonder if it is possible that he is gay or bi with said events that have happened?

        • Impossible to tell with the information you have given us. I have known a number of straight guys who act idiotic like this.

        • Don't know what to thinl

          OK. Thank you. Is there are there any general tell-tale indicators to watch for in the future that may indicate whether he is interested in being more than friends?

        • One thing though.

          I really do not think this guy is a homosexual or a strong bisexual.

          Let me tell you something. I have known more homosexuals and strong bisexuals in my life that I can even count. I used to live in Hollywood, and I had a girlfriend in Laguna Beach. Plus a lot of people used to think I am gay or bi for some stupid reason. And as a young man supposedly I was very handsome with male model good looks.

          Anyway, add it all up and I was Fag-bait Central as a young guy. They were literally coming at me like mosquitoes in Alaska. If there was a queer anywhere in the vicinity, he could be almost certainly counted on to be staring at me weirdly if not trying to hit on me. Any time I had to talk to one of these idiots, it was a disaster because the weird vibes would start right up.

          Haven’t you ever had a gay or bi guy hit on you before? Well, after it’s happened a few thousand times, you can just about read their minds, let’s say, and there is an unmistakable vibe a guy gives off when he is not only turned on by you but he is seriously thinking of doing something about it. After a while, it’s like, “Oh no! Not this vibe again!” Then I look the guy over really carefully. “Another faggot? Say it ain’t so!”

          When these guys really want you, it is as clear as air, and there is no mistaking it for anything else. They are not subtle in any way, they know what they want, and they are going to try very hard to get it.

          Most gay and bi men who really liked me a lot tried to screw me almost immediately. It’s what they do. They don’t mess around. You have been spending a lot of time with this guy, and nothing weird has happened except for some odd jokes, and a lot of straight guys make fag jokes.

          I am going to go out on a limb and say this guy is neither gay nor strongly bi. I think he is either straight or mostly straight in orientation. Unfortunately, a lot of young mostly straight guys try to screw other guys! It’s not what they really like. They really like chicks. They are 100-0, 90-10 or 80-20, emphasis on the straight. This type can act like this guy and know you for a really long time before they drop the bombshell on you, and even when they do it, it is often rather subtle. If you turn them down, they usually leave you alone and don’t try it again.

          Tell him to quit texting so much and to knock off the fag jokes because you don’t like them. You sounds like a fun guy to hang around with though, and good male friends are hard to come by. Always nice to have a male friend who is really fond of you. Go ahead and hang out with him all you want and don’t worry too much.

          If he is really dead serious about wanting sex with you, it will be pretty much unmistakeable. Even then, if you turn him down and tell him you don’t do that, he will probably knock it off. I think this guy is mostly into chicks.

          Until then just relax and enjoy your friendship I suppose.

  95. Arthur

    Why would a guy typically stare at another guy? I know someone like this who I believe to be bi or curious. When our eyes met, he kept staring. In group settings, anytime he talks to me, other people start to look at me and it makes me wonder why.

    • Kind of hard to say. Why don’t you give us some more information and we can try to figure it out. Staring at other guys is a bit weird, but it does not always mean gay. Have you ever had a gay guy hit on you before?

      It is true that gay guys do stare at other guys a lot, especially at parties, restaurants, concerts, etc.

      • Arthur

        I walked into the gym and saw the personal trainer working with someone and the trainer and I locked eyes. Thinking maybe he was just glancing, he held the deep gaze.

        In one of his classes I take, he is constantly being a jerk. If I catch him away from there or even in there, he was quick to say that he doesn’t hate my guts and try striking up conversation.

        At different times, he might say, “We love you.” We meaning the class. Most people in there rarely talk to me. In fact, he’s basically the only one who does.

        During my business trip which was extended he asked me to call and tell him thank you for all he does in helping me. I did, and noticed he was away from his wife and family when we were talking. He was elated to hear from me and said, “I knew you were going to call.” I couldn’t talk long, unfortunately, and he hated to get off the phone.

        I’ve noticed him wink at me when he was ending a conversation with a third party, and I was standing nearby. He seemed to do it so as not to be seen by the third person.

        On a separate occasion, when I was talking to that third party in the office, he walked in and started talking to the other guy. I was looking out the window, smiling and he asked what I was smiling at; when I picked up a piece of paper to read, he asked why was I messing with the papers, in his joking way. Speaking of class, again, there was one day I was talking to another class member, he approached and asked what I was smiling at. During the class sessions, he is often so severe that the other guys offer words of consolation.

        I like the guy very much and thank him for the nice things he does. I wouldn’t have a career, if not for him but I can’t decipher if it’s merely friendship or more. Honestly, none of my other guy friends operate this way. He consistently reminds me that my hard work will pay off in the future, and I’ve written that I love him as a friend, brother and more, and he’s never said anything to discourage it.

        I would simply like to know if I’m reading too much into this and your thoughts.

        • Based on everything this guy has done, I advise you to keep hanging around with the guy and just wait for him to do something really weird and gay, which he may never do. He is not gay or a strong bisexual based on his behavior. Those guys hit on you instantly. Just relax and wait until he does something seriously gay towards you, then re-evaluate the situation. He may never do anything weird and gay towards you. As is, there is nothing to worry about. Just relax and be friends with this guy.

        • Arthur

          What you’re saying makes perfect sense. I will do that. I believe some of what had me confused were a couple times he sat nearby and stared hard and deep in my eyes while asking how things were and a time that he complimented me on my haircut. I will go with the flow, like you suggest.

        • Wait until if and when he does something really gay towards you, and if that happens, then maybe come back here and we will reevaluate. But that may never occur. It may just keep going on like this for as long as you will know him. He’s acting a bit weird, but a lot of more or less straight guys act weird like this.

          He’s a heterosexual of some sort, either 100-0, 90-10 or 80-20. If he has a gay component, it is much less than his straight component. And with those guys, even if they try something gay, you can just be real firm with them and say none of this crap in our friendship, and then they cool out and just relate to you on a straight level afterwards, since straight is their primary way of relating anyway.

  96. Pius

    well i my self is gay but i do have a son,this i did just because i wanted to avoid suspicion from my family and friends because they will obviously reject me because it is a taboo in my community and is a crime in my country so does that mean am bisexual

  97. sadandy

    I’m very confused by a guy I met. At first I thot he was attracted to me because he would blush when he spoke to me, he would giggle like an idiot for no reason. So I look up his Facebook and he has pics of gay men in action. Is this person confused or shy?

  98. When I scan a room full of mix sexes quickly determining the location of the women, the men nearest them, and their nearest exits, there is that subconscious understanding that some men won’t protect the women around them if a disaster struck. After many years of observations, I’ve noted that these are the men who seem to be more interested in the other men in the room. It’s difficult to see a man treat a woman like ‘furniture,’ as you so aptly stated in your article, knowing that in the event of men needing to respond as a protector to threats to the group, he might just sacrifice her for himself.

    This isn’t an indictment against gay men as much as it is against a sadly consistent behavior I have observed in them over several decades. Since we men are built the larger and stronger, I hope all men would consider their instinctive and very necessary role. It’s not hard, but it is selfless, and absolutely necessary for the survival of our society.

  99. SG

    Holly crap people are still talking this about after two years haha tip my hat to you sir, as a bi guy I found your info helpful 😀 thanks!

  100. John

    Hey Robert, there’s this guy I’m really interested in who claims to be straight, but he’s acted in ways that make it seem like he’s attracted to me.

    Before he knew I was gay, he would say very strange things to me. For example, he would sometimes refer to me by some cutesy pet name rather than my own name. He would typically say “baby”, but he would sometimes go for “stud” or “honey” (the latter only happened a few times). He would also be VERY touchy and invade my personal space all of the time. He’d sometimes put his hands around my waist, lean in really close to me while holding onto my shoulders, etc. There was also the occasional stare down from across the room. Sometimes, he’d look away if I caught him, but there were two times where he just kept staring with this look on him.

    Now that he knows I’m gay, almost none of this stuff ever happens and he seems to have deemed me as “just a close friend”, but the occasional weird flirty thing still happens sometimes, just not nearly as often as it used to. He also goes extremely out of his way to establish his straightness to me.

    Do you think he’s really straight? If not, why doesn’t he trust me enough to tell me how he really feels/felt?

    • I do not think he is gay at all. I think he is straight. His behavior sure is weird though.

      • John

        I definitely agree with you on the weird part. All of that stuff I talked about started happening back before I barely knew the guy. What’s really weird is that he only seemed to act like that with me (at least to that degree, anyway). He even made an awkward comment about wanting to kiss me after I bought him a small gift for his birthday (this was before I came out to him though).

        I wonder why a straight guy would do all of that stuff. Maybe it was for an ego boost? I mean, he acted surprised when I told him I was gay, but he had to have known I liked him back when we first met. I was so bad at hiding that fact before I got comfortable around him.

        • Are you familiar with this scale that I designed? Where would you put yourself on this list?

          You realize that 37% of all males are not 100-0’s, meaning that they have some gay component in their minds at least.

          So I am thinking this guy is not a 100-0. OTOH, I think he is somewhere around a 90-10 to a 70-30. He appears to have some homosexual interest, but I believe he is mostly into women. Nevertheless, sadly from your POV, I am afraid he is not interested in having sex with you, or probably any other man for that matter.

          I would like to thank you very much for stopping by the site my gay friend, and happy hunting!

          100-0 Maximal heterosexual response, minimal gay response
          90-10 Maximal heterosexual response, incidental gay response
          80-20 Maximal heterosexual response, more than incidental gay response
          70-30 Maximal heterosexual response, significant gay response
          60-40 Maximal heterosexual response, very strong but lesser gay response
          50-50 Maximal heterosexual response, maximal homosexual response
          40-60 Maximal gay response, very strong but lesser response response
          30-70 Maximal gay response, significant heterosexual response
          20-80 Maximal gay response, more than incidental heterosexual response
          10-90 Maximal gay response, incidental heterosexual response
          0-100 Maximal gay response, minimal heterosexual response

        • Very well Done

          Hey, I read your story. If you get this, that guy was into you!
          I have had soooo many similar stories, you wouldnt believe, and I can say for almost a fact, if you wanted to, that guy was into you! He’s scared, because you came out as gay or bi or whatever. Thats a red flag for straight or bi guys, they like to be more discreet when exploring their sexual curiosity.

          But the grabby, touchy, need to be closeness?
          thhheee nicknames he gives you that sound less like a friend and more like a partner?
          thheeee I could give you a kiss for the present you got me??

          Sounds to me like he was giving signals best he could to tell you he wanted you to respond..

          Let me put it to you this way, I’ve been with straight men who were curious, and they make a point to not bring it up. It just kind of, happens.

          Men who are Bi, or have some attraction to men, thats what they do.
          They have to touch you, they have to give you nicknames, and hold you.
          He just got scared when you brought up being gay, because he doesn’t wanna come out.

  101. John

    Thanks so much for the help, Robert!

    I would personally put myself at 0-100. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced any real sexual attraction to women in my lifetime.

    As for my friend, I think you’re right about that. Maybe he’d be 80-20? It’s just hard for me to believe that he’s completely straight after all of the weird shit he’s said/done in the past (and still occasionally does).

    • Yes a very large number of men are 90-10’s and quite a few are 80-20’s. Most men with homosexual interest are like that – predominantly heterosexuals. Pure gays like you are probably no more than 3%, however the 0-100’s to 40-60’s may be as high as 7%. Furthermore, ~2% of men report that they are gay and married to a woman!

      So you are a true blue pure gay then? I really think your homosexuality is biological in some sense. Of course, I support 100% total human rights for true biological gay men like you. After all, you can’t help it, eh? You are about as turned on by guys as I am by women I figure, so I can surely understand why you would lust after men!

      I doubt if he is much more than an 80-20 though because once you start getting down to the 70-30’s, 60-40’s and the 50-50 pures, those guys have such strong homosexual interest that they are just going to do it, not chicken out like this guy did.

      I feel he has some limited homosexual desires, but clearly he doesn’t feel like truly acting on them. Look don’t touch I guess. He just wants to fantasize about you, not fuck you for real. I would move on if I were you.

      I would also like to thank you for your decency in not more or less forcing yourself aggressively on this man. I am a straight man who has been fending off gay and bi men most of my life, and a lot of them are not very decent about how they come onto us, and it makes us pretty angry.

      And I wish you a long, healthy and happy life as a gay man!

  102. Jason Y

    In the Philippines, all the gays dress in drag and talk in a female voice. They are everywhere, even in the countryside. They are on some TV shows there. All in all, the gay stuff is more acceptable in that nation.

  103. Five5x

    I have to say this is by far one of the funniest things I have ever read in my entire life. What goes on in your straight minds about gays is absolutely funny as hell. First off, Robert, if that is your picture I can tell you now that 99.9999% of men would never ever give a sexual vibe towards you. You straight men love to assume who gay men are. Either you think gay men are the ones coming onto you or they are all effeminate or some other stupid thing you guys make up. In reality most gay men would never come onto a straight man. Secondly, most gay men are actually masculine but straight men like to stereotype so those who fit the stereotype are the only ones who are gay. As for giving a sexual vibe in general, most guys give one off all the time and it has nothing to do with who you are attracted to. As for saying gay men would never eat pussy, well that’s wrong too. There are plenty of gay men who get married so they can live a straight life, but many of these men come out later in life. The little 0-100 scale you use does not work at all. There is a 1-100 scale of sexuality, but people can fake a response or gear what they say to a certain sexuality, The fact that you think you can tell a gay man from a response is very very funny.

    • I haven’t been wrong yet, asshole. Most men certainly do not give off a sexual vibe all the time. When I talk to straight men, they certainly do not give off a sexual vibe in my direction. They interact with me in a certain way called, “One straight guy to another straight guy.” This is one of the ways I can figure out if a man is straight or not. My cousin married a man who everyone thinks is really gay, supposedly due to his behavior. I talked to him for half and hour and it was quickly apparent that he was straight because he was dealing with me in that “one straight guy to another straight guy” way. I do not believe I have ever met a true homosexual who has dealt with me that way in a conversation.

      Responses in the lab, in particular eye dilation, cannot be faked. It has been proven that man’s sexual orientation in the lab is fixed at some number somewhere along that 0-100 scale at least by age 15, and it cannot be moved after that date.

      There are some problems with my technique. I was said to be a very goodlooking man when I was young, and in fact, many gay and bisexual men told me this to my face. In fact, gay men tell me this to this very day, at age 56! So you are just wrong. Perhaps a man who is rather homely might not elicit much of a response from a gay man.

      I did not say that all gay men try to hit on me. I said that in general, they give off a sexual vibe in my direction. And I have not been wrong yet.

      The problem with my technique is that I am getting older now, so apparently I am not very attractive to young gay men. I have met young men recently who are obviously gay, but they do not give off that gay vibe towards me in general unless I start getting very friendly with them.

      Most gay men are not very masculine at all. They range from soft to metrosexual to flaming queers. But behavior is a poor way to tell this as there are so many faggoty straight men.

      Gay men who are playing straight do not particularly like to eat pussy. That is my understanding.

      Some gay men are pretty hard to figure out, but you can pick up on it after a while. I have never once met a man who I was certain was 100% straight turn out to be gay later on. It just doesn’t happen.

      If you spend a lot of time around a gay man, you will notice that he never looks at women. This is a dead giveaway. All straight men have a wandering eye, and gay have this trait 0%. If you are truly observant, you will notice that he checks out men a lot, but this is very hard to figure out.

      PS fag, I am banning your ass. Back to Frisco for you.


  104. Ava

    Hi Robert,

    Your views definitely make sense, so I was wondering what you might think about this:

    This guy at work, “R”, has been seriously flirting with me from what I can tell (but now I’m not so sure). I guess I always get a feeling when he’s looking at me, because I will look up and find his eyes on me. Sometimes he will look away and sometimes he won’t. One time we held eye contact for a few seconds, then I looked away and then I looked back and he was still looking at me. I even caught him looking at my chest once, ha. Also, he always smiles when I see him, to the point where his face will light up when he sees me. I also just get the strong sense that he is attracted to me.

    We talked once at my instigation and he asked me to send him a friend request for Facebook, so I did. Now, all of this I know since we are fb friends: He has a close gay friend who got married recently and he went to the wedding. This friend tagged R and another man in two photos from the wedding. In the photos the other man is putting his arm around R and R has his arms in his lap, but they are touching and sitting close. Honestly, it looks like they are a couple. The man in the photo has referred to R as his friend on fb before, but I don’t know what to think now.

    I am really confused now and honestly a little hurt because I was hoping R was going to ask me out sometime. Any thoughts? Thanks

    • Well, whatever he is, he is not gay. He is either straight or bisexual. He is definitely attracted to females. As far as whether he is into men too, I have no idea. There are indeed bisexual men. One of my very best friends turned out to be that way.

      • Ava

        Thanks, that helps some. Couldn’t wrap my brain around a gay man doing this over such an extended period of time. Nothing to do but wait and see now.

  105. penny

    Also , this guy is older. Dont think married…

  106. RobertY

    I have a question: I am straight , but it seems that quite a few gay men seem to think i am “one of them” I cant explain how this happens, but I am also autistic, so maybe that is it. I get hit on by gay men. Im not very good at knowing what flirting is, but I have told some of this to my girlfriend and she confirmed it and said “that is definitely flirting”. Some times they give my arm a little squeeze and say “its so nice to meet you”. I have never had that from a straight man. They just shake hands and that’s that. And they will find an excuse to touch me or stand really close. I find that is more a gay thing. I don’t like standing close to anyone for any reason. Not even family members. Im not sure why they think I am a gay. I am very soft spoken. I have a slight Southern accent, which some people find charming and maybe even “effete” ? Its more like Eric Cantor’s accent. Its not redneck, but more of a polite accent . I don’t really like Sports. I am actually slightly overweight and I heard most gays hate fat people. Sometimes a gay will be very rude with me. But other times they will be too “friendly”. And also- this is strange to say but gay guys have a certain scent about them. I find it almost repulsive. Its not a foul odor, but its something else- I cant say what that is. I dont know why they think I am a gay. I guess I’m too nice.

  107. Pingback: Traffic Report on Robert Lindsay | Beyond Highbrow - Robert Lindsay

  108. Jason Y

    If they say “honey” in general public. If they say “fabulous” “smashing” or “darling” and they’re not Austin Powers LOL

  109. Arrie Tucker

    There’s a friend of mine who I’ve felt has been hitting on me the past 2 years. He has a wife now but it doesn’t seem to quell his behavior, and I will share details. I noticed an album on his fb page where he took a selfie while posed very close to another guy. In a few more pics, this guy’s friend posed and held him around the waist, slightly but also seemingly suggestive.

    I am bi but have never told him. When I moved away, he told me to call and thank him once I settled in a new area, so I did. I could tell that he stepped away to take my call and he hated to get off the phone when it was time. I started writing a ton of letters to him that are very effusive but he never returned them unopened, he accepted them all.

    I saw him after some months and he stopped his car on the way to an appointment, so he could give me a hug. His wife saw me later and rolled her eyes at me and half jokingly asked had I turned into a man. I responded back saying she didn’t miss me and she should try to get me kicked out of the gym. She said she already tried to.

    On my return home, I gave my friend a new knife and patted his shoulder as I was leaving. He then said, “Give me a hug.”

    I gladly obliged and as I left, he said, “Keep in touch.”

    What do you think?

  110. Thirdeye

    The sure fire way to tell? His dick tastes like shit!

  111. This might sound stupid, but it is a life observation that I have made. You cannot tell for sure of a guy is gay simply because he is oblivious to women and never makes any comment regarding ones he finds attractive. As a man of nearly fifty, I have met numerous men who are simply indifferent to attractive women, influenced by two things, firstly if they are married, and secondly if they themselves are older men. I can’t quite understand it myself. I would think that if a man does not have an instinctive reaction of looking at an attractive girl when she passes, surely he must be gay, but no, weird though I find it, it seems not to be the case. The one thing that I find quite disgusting though with so called men, and much more so now than in years gone past, is those who spend time looking in the mirror, acting and talking like a jealous bitchy girl, and wondering if they are prettier than their male counterparts. It makes me sick. You can usually spot them cos they are obsessed with stupid fashion trends. Women’s hair styles gone wrong, wearing a scarf in a hot bar, walking about with their Y Front underwear hanging out, not shaving for a week, but wearing expensive clothes. They make me puke. Cannot understand why girls swoon at them rather than thinking ” what an idiot”

    • This is completely wrong.

      Yes there are some men who have no interest in women at all. Some are suspected of being gay. I visited my mother recently and we went to a fancy concert with classical musicians. A teacher at her school was there. She always wondered if he was gay or not. I said let’s go check. We went up there during a break and she interested this fat, awkward middle aged nerdy guy to me. We talked to him for 5-10 minutes, and then we turned around and walked away. I said, “He’s not gay.” I can guarantee you 100% that if that man were gay, he would have given off a certain vibe towards me. They really can’t help it you know. So in this case, this man is asexual and is not attracted to anyone.

      What you look for a guy who shows no interest in females at all. Next he is usually effeminate to some degree. Next he gives off strong gay vibes. That is how it works.

      I have never in my entire life met one married man who would not perk up his eyes when a beautiful woman walked in the room. They don’t exist. Nor have I met such an older man.

      My mother once told me, “When are beautiful woman walks into a room, all the straight males from 13 to 90 would turn and look at her in this particular way. 100% of them. It doesn’t matter if they are married or single. They will all look at her, every single one of them. They can’t help it. But the gay men will not look at her at all.”

      She is right.

      Hi sorry I came off this way in the comment, but actually I rather enjoyed your comment.

      In a gay man you will see:

      1. No interest in females,

      combined with

      2. Strong interest in males.

      They pretty much go together.

  112. Clarissa

    Wow, I’m a Brazilian woman and that’s exactly how I feel. I can say when a man is gay even when they are very “discreet” because of the way they treat us women. Eg in a lift, straight men pretend not to see us (but we know you’re stealthily checking us out), whereas gay men really don’t (most of them keep looking at themselves in the mirror, completely unware of our presence ). Bisexual man is harder to get, but I simply feel something in the air…

  113. The Flash

    All this gay stuff comes from WHORING heavy drugs and sex outside of marriage, when that happens people receive evil spirits. If you go out as a young person to bars looking for the opposite sex and wind up in the sack with someone involved with bi-sexuality or someone involved with the occult, and you didn’t know it …u received a evil backwards spirit.

    Many people in this generation have evil spirits and (don’t know it) that includes straight people..because of whoring and very few have repented. Others are polluted with evil spirits and r possessed and sleep around everywhere infesting more people…inside of those who r possessed, “{gay)”,many many r waiting to be freed from the grip of satan because they r possessed and there is nothing they can do about it, unless someone prays for them. Which very few do, because for whatever reason, no one seems to understand.

    At the same time many gay people who r possessed, secretly get involved with churches not telling people they r gay and end up wearing holy e tire….telling the people to except the gay life style, blah blah blah and because so many people have very little faith, they will except whatever they r told to keep peace and for the good of humanity….which is a pile of crap!

    This is a current list of accused priests the number of accused priests is beyond staggering!

    Many other churches have the same problem…a good church is far and wide between in this generation.

    If u were to look back in history, there was alot of gays in the early 1900′s and gay movies at theaters. In 1917 The Blessed Virgin Mary appeared to children in a place called Fatima. She gave a warning that if people don’t repent God the Father will punish us by a world WAR…that happened, not just once but twice. When the wars was over, in the 40′s and 50′s was the cleanest time with many living with good morals. Divorce was taboo, the movies were clean and decent and people like my mom did not even know what a lesbian was until the 60′s.

    In the 60′s young people rebelled…heavy drugs, dirty feet and dirty bodies and hair…open sex ,orgies and whatever. The singer Cher was a part of that and tried a lesbian thing that she realized was not for her….the point is, she tried it! and got cursed for it, just look at her daughter or son…whatever this person is? that goes with many many others…it started back in the 60′s and many r cursed by it. There is even prophecy that the pope at that time stated “the smoke of satan has entered the church.

    Here’s something off the wall. The Lord has different ways of showing people stuff, if they r receptive. The rock star Alice Cooper was the first man to have a woman’s name .We all know how he flaunted sick images of all kinds in everyone’s face. Alice Cooper comes from a very strong long line of ordained Baptist Ministers and other preachers in his family. His father was a ordained Baptist Minister and the woman AC married, her father is also a ordained Baptist Minister.

    When he first came out IN 1968 0R 69 the majority of people hated his guts BIGTIME!…In LA people would buy tickets just to walk out….even when they came to see Jim Morrison and the Doors…they cleared the building empty when Alice Cooper took stage before the Doors.

    Within ten yrs after Alice Cooper …gay bars flourished in all major cities…men dressed like women and women dress like men…Everything u see when u look at Alice Cooper is what this generation is all about…total darkness. What people use to hate is now excepted as a normal thing. When AC chopped babies to pieces in front of the world…they didn’t realize, it’s about them and the onslaught of abortions everywhere!…instead, they would point the finger at AC and say your sick! when it’s really the whole generation that is sick.

    AC has never, ever, whored around, never divorced, and he’s not covered in tatoo’s like everyone he is surrounded by.

    There is more to this, The Blessed Virgin has appeared everywhere around the world…VERY FEW LISTEN….There is a Great Warning coming to everyone…After the Warning, many will flock back to church not realizing many of the churches r sick. Soon, after the Warning, the ANTI CHRIST will come out as a man of peace and per sway the people that gay is ok, and preachers the current pope and governments political people and many by the multitudes will agree with this anti christ…until he shows his full colors.

    When he shows his full colors, persecution of Christians will be alarming…..the same thing that everyone has seen at a Alice cooper concert…the hangings guillotines, electrocutions will happen in real life to many Christians and to those who will not take the mark of the beast…which will be a computer chip on the hand or forehead..

    It’s true…The Second Coming of Christ is right above us. It’s going to happen in our life time…once the Warning, then the anti christ for approx 3 and a half yrs…then The Second Coming.

    Only Catholic prophets r calling out about the Warning in the Christian world..all other Christians from different denominations….r putting flames to it because it comes from the Virgin Mary and only a few listen to her when she appears with messages for the whole world. Even many many Catholics today r against these messages of The Warning and Second Coming of Jesus.

    Because a whole pile of them, r queer.
    In Jesus Name, Thy Will Be Done, Amen and Amen (*)

  114. todd

    I m a gay man of 44 divorced from women and i love boobs and a beautiful woman , society has trained men in my generation to act , so good luck all you know it all types good luck !

  115. Melanie

    question- I met a guy and we went out once, he was amazing and very much inot asking me questions about myself, etc. he seemed into me, mostly my mind, but I didn’t feel any sexual energy towards me. anyway, once he asked me if his eyes were like sexy doll eyes? maybe that was a flirt but he made it hard to tell. I am attractive by the way and men flock to me. anyway, after our date, and it ended in only a hug. he seemed to like me and was texting with me a lot. when I asked him to get together again he said ok, then made an excuse to not go. he said he was sorry and we will do it soon. I look at his facebook page and guys seem to tease him a lot about gay type of stuff. like one guy said I would like to beat those cheeks to him. and he played along with it, and said come on over. then they guy said people will think we are serious. and he said to the guy, I hope not because we are joking. anyway, this guy never goes further than talking, or a hug. but for some strange reason he has twice told me about incidences of guys trying to pick up on him. and then he makes it a point to say he isn’t gay to me, even though I don’t question it. then he says he hates when they do that to him. I just say, well tell them not to. there seems to be some reason he felt the need to twice tell me this and tell me he isn’t gay. yet he never advances any moves to me in a romantic way. so I am confused. is he gay or bi? why tell me about these guys coming on to him then tell me he is not gay even though I never acted like he is? or is he just not attracted to me? please help. thanks

    • A lot of straight guys deal with gays coming onto them a lot or people thinking they are gay. It’s quite common for a certain subset of guys. Many of them tell other people about this. I know one who has been dealing with this his whole life and he told me that he told every gf he ever had about this stuff. It’s just something guys talk about.

      Most straight guys get pretty pissed off when gays come onto them. They main reason is because you can’t win. When a gay comes onto you, all you can do is lose. Most of the gays will say he did it because you’re gay, and a lot of idiotic straight will say well that means you’re gay if gays try to pick up on you. So every time a queer a tries to pick up on us, it’s like the whole world jumps up and screams, “Faggot!” at us. You can’t win. So as you can see, it makes us pretty mad and it pretty much ruins our day when it happens.

      Telling gay men to leave you alone is useless. One thing about these guys is they never quit. You have to keep distance yourself away from these guys right away after they do that and you can never get close to them again because as soon as you do, they are going to try it again.

      I suppose you can always ask him if he is gay or bi? Ask him why he isn’t being very romantic or touchy.

      Go someplace with him where there are lots of good-looking women or even lots of good-looking guys or better yet both. If you are a smart and intuitive female, you should be able to pick up very fast if he looks at women or not. You should also be able to tell if he looks at guys or not. A man who doesn’t look at good-looking women has something wrong with him. Straight guys don’t check out other guys.

      Never known a single gay man in my entire life who checked out women. Or at least they didn’t look at them like we do. Any guy who obviously or even blatantly checks out women cannot possibly be gay and must be either straight or bisexual. It’s a dead giveaway.

      The gay jokes on the Facebook page are something straight guys do. A lot of straight guys like to joke around and pretend that they are gay. They never do any gay stuff. They think it’s funny. If those guys were really gay, they would not be saying, “Hey people will think we are serious.”

      Nothing you have told me so far suggests that this guy is gay or bi. I think he is rather a sort of soft, sensitive, possibly somewhat nervous and inhibited straight man. Maybe he’s not into sex too much?

  116. I am a male aged 16 and my best friend– best friend wanted to have sex with me n i said no thts wen i knew he was bi sexual but now i dont kno if he has had sex with my best friend

  117. thisisokay

    You are making a lot of generalizations. I accept this is your opinion, but it is not fact.

  118. jonny

    A friend of mine has a girlfriend, but whenever me and him are alone, or sometimes even in public places, he lets his hand rest on my shoulder or thigh and doesn’t care to remove it quickly. I’m a bottom gay but have never told him. When we are sitting and his body touches mine, he doesn’t try to move away. I’m attracted to him mainly because of his handsomeness and smell. Is it possible that he knows I’m attracted to him? Could he be gay or bi? Does he seem attracted to me too?
    Whenever we are together, he avoids talking about his girlfriend or even picking her calls. And even if he picks her calls, he makes sure to keep the conversation short and brief when I’m with him.

    • Thank you very much for your decency in respecting this man’s boundaries. On the other hand, he is doing some pretty gay stuff here.

      1. Tell him you are gay and see what he does. I suspect he already knows.
      2. Ask him if he’s gay or bi or likes guys.
      3. Make a move on him. Normally I do not recommend that gay men move on guys they don’t know are gay, but this guy’s behavior is so gay you might as well just go for it and he’s got it coming anyway.

      Enjoy yourself.

      And thank you very much for stopping by the site!

  119. Curious

    tell me if a guy holds a gaze with a girl in a club (a few times, which normally would suggest he has an interest in her) but then is british (a lot of them look like gays), has a lot of gay friends, has few best friends who are girls, a lot of gay guys like and comment his instagram’s pictures, is he 100% gay or not? Just trying to figure out if my gaydar is still working 😀

  120. Why would a straight man aways comment on other men penis the sizes if he,s not gay

    • I do not know. It is an awful strange thing to talk about all the time. I suppose I might be a bit suspicious that a man who is always talking about other guy’s cock size may well be gay or bisexual. It is not something we straight guys do. Sometimes we talk and one guy will say, “I am big,” and then you can ask, “How big?” but you have to do it in this certain “no homo” type way. Or you can even laugh and say, “How big no homo?”

      The guy will tell you how big he is, and in my case, I would mention how big I am, and say, “Wow you have a big dick. That is so great cuz chicks do love a big cock. Do chicks mention that you have a big cock? Do they like it?” He usually says, “Hell yeah.” So you frame the whole conversation around women and screwing chicks which more or less keeps it in the no homo zone.

      But it is a pretty weird thing to talk about and straight guys have to be careful talking to other guys about dick size because it seems like a pretty gay thing to talk about

      Do you know this man?

  121. ..

    Perhaps I can clarify some people’s misunderstandings of bisexuals. I’m a guy, and I’d consider myself to be bisexual because I like both guys and girls. However, I like them in slightly different ways. For girls, I want to get to know them. I want a relationship. I’d want marriage. Yes, I find girls attractive and I’ve love to have sex with them, but I also seek an intimate emotional bond in a girl.

    I like guys because I definitely think some guys are hot, and they turn me on as easily as a hot girl does. I’m more selective about which guys I like, because it’s like 90% physical attraction and only 10% emotional. If a guy’s not hot, I have zero interest romantically, but would like to have him as a friend if he had a nice personality. I could never have a true relationship with a guy, though. At best we’d be “friends with benefits,” and more in a fleeting, thrill-seeking way.

    To sum it up, people can like genders for different reasons. Factors like physical versus emotional attraction are key evidences. I’m split like 60% physical/40% emotional for girls, and 90%/%10 for other guys.

    Yeah, it probably seems weird, but hey, that’s the way I’m wired.

    • Thank you very much for this. A lot of people on the bi spectrum are like this. I knew a woman who would not identify as bisexual because her relationships with women were only of the type you have with men, whereas her relationships with men were like yours with women. I also know a woman who identifies as lesbian because she can only fall in love with a woman.

      Where are you on this chart of mine?

      100-0: Maximum heterosexual, minimum homosexual
      90-10: Maximum heterosexual, incidental homosexual
      80-20: Maximum heterosexual, significant homosexual
      70-30: Maximum heterosexual, strong homosexual
      60-40: Maximum heterosexual, very strong strong homosexual
      50-50: Maximum heterosexual, maximal homosexual
      40-60: Maximum homosexual, very strong heterosexual
      30-70: Maximum homosexual, strong heterosexual
      20-80: Maximum homosexual, significant heterosexual
      10-90: Maximum homosexual, incidental heterosexual
      0-100: Maximum homosexual, minimal heterosexual

      Thanx for the great comment, my friend.

  122. Adnaan

    Hey … I dont know if i’m asking this in the right place but anyways ,… I have always been attracted to beautiful boys and girls . I didnt know what gay meant or whether it existed . When I was 13 , people my age would start to be interested in nudity and nude stuff , I would also find it interesting . Once me and my friend were having a combined study and we engaged in what you yould call experimentation ; it was more like boys messing around in their curiosity of nudity . So we engaged in these stuff over a period of time . I started getting interested in men . When he would open sites on the computer about chicks , i wasnt really interested . I was more interested in looking at nude men . Beautiful and hot women still catch my attention though . So my question is : did my homosexual experience cause me to have interest in men andprefer men sexually . Do i need to sexually experiment with a girl to see if i’m bisexual ? Note that i have tried to trace down why i like men and i could not identify any cause such as desire for affection or bonding or humiliation or inadequate masculinity etc . I just desire the essence of a male sexually . I have tried to imagine having sex with a woman ( in masturbation ) but i was successful in that pretty insignificantly . Will i desire the essence of a woman sexually , if i experiment with them ?

    • 100-0: Maximum heterosexual, minimum homosexual
      90-10: Maximum heterosexual, incidental homosexual
      80-20: Maximum heterosexual, significant homosexual
      70-30: Maximum heterosexual, strong homosexual
      60-40: Maximum heterosexual, very strong strong homosexual
      50-50: Maximum heterosexual, maximal homosexual
      40-60: Maximum homosexual, very strong heterosexual
      30-70: Maximum homosexual, strong heterosexual
      20-80: Maximum homosexual, significant heterosexual
      10-90: Maximum homosexual, incidental heterosexual
      0-100: Maximum homosexual, minimal heterosexual

      How would you describe yourself on this scale of mine?

  123. Rahul

    Gay Robert Christain can tell. Hindu man alone is the real mans

  124. Nick Power

    Hi guys it would mean a lot to me if you could gave me some type of answer to my question.

    So I’m a gay male still in the closet. I’m 18 years old and I’ve known a guy called Con since the start of school we are now in our last year, we talk almost every week and he send me non sexual pictures on snapchat, he acts weird around me especially when we are in the toilets alone together but Con and i have never acted in a sexual way towards each other, like he makes me awkward and I just want to know if he’s into me or not.

    Back in my first year me and a friend witnessed Con feeling up another guys bum in Woodshop class and from there I’ve always had the thought that he is gay but the thing is that he kisses hot girls all the time and then my mind is fucked again, but recently he told me that he watches Pretty Little Liars which I watch too and now I think he’s definitely bi rather then straight or trying to hide that he’s gay.

    I always get that feeling when I’m around him like I know he likes me and we are just holding back, but I don’t want to take the chance of outing myself to him if he’s not gay! Or do I spend the rest of my life wondering what if?

    Thanks in advance!!

    • Hi there, this is going to be a difficult thing to do if you do not want to out yourself. As long as you do not want to out yourself, it is going to be quite hard to figure out this guy’s orientation.

      If this guy were gay, he would have made some pretty strong passes at you by now. I have become close to a number of gay and bi men and they all hit on me quite strongly almost immediately or soon after.

      He’s definitely not gay, that’s for sure. He is predominantly straight as 94% of all men are. However he may well have some bisexual interest.

      Here is a sexual orientation scale. Where would you put yourself on this scale? He is clearly near the top end of the scale, but I doubt if he is a 100-0. He could well be a 90-10 or an 80-20 as those orientations are quite common.

      100-0: Maximum heterosexual, minimum homosexual
      90-10: Maximum heterosexual, incidental homosexual
      80-20: Maximum heterosexual, significant homosexual
      70-30: Maximum heterosexual, strong homosexual
      60-40: Maximum heterosexual, very strong strong homosexual
      50-50: Maximum heterosexual, maximal homosexual
      40-60: Maximum homosexual, very strong heterosexual
      30-70: Maximum homosexual, strong heterosexual
      20-80: Maximum homosexual, significant heterosexual
      10-90: Maximum homosexual, incidental heterosexual
      0-100: Maximum homosexual, minimal heterosexual

  125. Can you help me with this?
    I have a friend who I think he is gay. He is very comfortable around us (female friends) but when we ask if he is gay, he would hold off his answer and prefer us to guess. He complimented on one of the girl in our group that she is beautiful and that mellow man would find her interesting. That girl then joked around and asked him if he is gay, he again holds off his answer and wanted us to guess if he is.
    I mean, would a straight men refuse to answer about his orientation? if not, he is gay , correct?

    • I think it is quite clear that this man is gay. No straight man would ever respond do the question, “Are you gay?” by saying, “Guess.” It’s not even possible.

      Can you not tell when a man is straight? Do you not notice that a lot of straight men give off a strong sexual vibe when they are around females? What about this guy? Does he give off a strong sexual vibe when he is around you or not? If he doesn’t, he’s probably gay.

      • Daisy

        Hello again, thanks for your time
        Let me admit to you that i do have a crush on this guy, that is why im very curious and confused about him.
        To add onto my previous question, here are a couples more things about him:
        – He is very religious, he loves god. He is also a singer at church and events. He hang out with varieties of people: gay, straight, female friends, older friends. I observe his facebook activities and see that he hangs out more with gay friends (however, none of them is his partner, seems like very platonic, no flirty comments between them). The second group that he hangs out (seems like he is extremely comfortable around) is older female friends. He hugs, puts arm around, even quick kiss with them (again, very platonic way too). He does take pictures with a lots of female friends his age, however he seems to keep his distance with those girls (or shy).
        – His music idols are mostly woman.
        – He highly support same sex marriage, even set his profile to Rainbow.
        – a few times, his friends did joke (comment) about him being “a girl” but im not sure because they only do that 1-2/100 pictures.
        – I observe the way he talks, moves his hands bla bla. Very manly, no trace of gay gesture.
        – he seems to “like” me (or i may exaggerate things lol). He picks on me, teases me alot, always try to pull my name in the conversation (we only hang out with group so far). Trying to show up at our store when Im there. When I asked him if he is gay, he avoids answering it and said that he likes the way im wondering about his sexual orientation so he leaves me wonder. My friends ask him many times too but again, he avoids amswering it.
        I mean i like this guy and i think even tho he is very talkative and out going but also shy at the same times. I am just trying to figure out if he is gay before i make any move. Please help.

        • I say this guy is gay. No straight men would ever answer, “Guess,” to the question, “Are you gay?” Would not happen. Also it is weird that he hangs around gay friends. Last time I checked, straight men simply do not have gay male friends. I have never known any straight man to have gay male friends. In fact, if a male friend is starting to hang around gay guys, he is probably getting into homosexuality.

          Is it common in your circle for straight men to hang out with gay men? That is so weird to me. My experience in life has simply been that friendships between gay men and straight men are just not possible. They don’t work at all.

  126. Pranav

    “friendships between gay men and straight men are just not possible”.

    I guess it depends on the person. One of my colleague in a company that i worked earlier was gay, He was nice and friendly and never tried to prey on us and most of his conversations with us was platonic. We got to know that he was a gay when we saw an interview of him with his partner in a LGBT parade when the supreme court verdict upheld section 377, penalising those who engage in homosexual acts. There was sudden discomfort after we learnt that he was a gay. Given his decency, we didn’t have the heart to desert him. I am not even sure whether that person knew that we were aware that he was a gay. We never expressed our discomfort on his face. We generally had a amicable relationship when i worked there and still maintain some contact.

  127. You want to know 100% (with 5% statistical confidence) what tells if a guy is gay or not?

    Check their Facebook. If they have a picture of themselves topless and one arm raised above the head showing their hairy armpit to the camera, they are surely gay.

  128. daisy

    The guy I was mentioning. Let me put it this way.
    When I talk/interact with him, he is no gay at all. My gaydar is normally very good and I feel myself that this guy is not gay. His gesture, posture, hand, voice things are not gay at all lol. I even feel that he’s checking me out (trust me, I don’t feel this or pay attention to this at all but somehow, i feel it with this guy )
    However, when I check his facebook. It is 50% gay in there. I don’t know if it is his career that it’s normal for him to hang out with gay guys (entertainment industry) but he hangs out with them here and there ( i don’t see romantic part of it). He hangs out with older woman and calls them like street sister/family. He has best friends who are female and it seems like none of them really romantically involved. The thing that sold me he is gay is he accepts a lot of gay friends requests. He follows a couple of gay guys on facebook (he mostly follows singers/artists). He doesn’t follow any hot girls at all. But again, Im a female and i follow hot females out there too, i don’t follow hot guys nor pay attention to them :P. He idolizes lots of female artists and to me that is so so gay. So, after checking his facebook, i almost came to conclusion that he is gay. SAD!

  129. maria

    It’s 19 years we are married..I can count the handful of times we have been intimate. 2-3 yrs dry spell at a time. He does not even want to talk to me leave alone touch me. 2 kids : 18 and 14.
    End of my rope.. hoping to file divorce ASAP..
    Advise pls

  130. xy

    I luv gals but sometyms I get this feeling wen am around my friend so wat shuld I doo pals

  131. Jason Y

    Whatever the case, my university, at least the large one (with many gays) is inceredibly homophobic, with guys purposely acting macho to avoid accusations. Seems like wherever gays set up group in large numbers, a paranoia and hate atmosphere comes about.

    However, one person on a forum disagreed (a gay guy) claiming more gays lead to less homophobia and areas with no gays were more likely to be hotbeds of hate.

    Actually I thnk both statements are true. For instance, a lot of small towns, including the one I live in, are incredibly and ridiculously prejudiced against anything black, simply cause it’s full of southern whites, with few blacks.

  132. Jason Y

    Quote by Robert

    As my mother noted, “It doesn’t matter if the guy is 13 or 93, if a beautiful woman walks into the room, they all perk up and look at her, and their eyes light up. Gay men don’t do that.”

    But you can’t do that now without a sexual harassment charge. 🙄

  133. Jason Y

    What’s odd is that of many people who’ve known DN, they don’t give him credit at all. According to them, he was a fag in 6th grade (we all used to kick his ass for being such a pussy), and he’s a fag now. That small army of women? They look at me dumbfounded when I bring it up, like it’s completely irrelevant. I tell them that he’s always had an extreme attraction to women, and they look at me like I’m speaking Greek.

    I doubt if fagness leads to social rejection in the 6th grade. Generally, guys that dress well (something interesting or fashionable) at that age tend to be liked.

    Also, it helps if you play sports, but then again not everyone can make the team. Basketball tryouts were a joke for me cause I was competing against “daddy’s boys” 🙄 who had been playing since they were diapers. I could have tried out for track though, just never thought of it.

    On the subject of “daddy’s boys” that can be as bad as “mama’s boys”, neither one of them can make it on their own. Daddy’s boys are overly loved and given attention by their fathers. As a consequence they dominate everything and their ego is too big. 🙄

  134. Confused male

    Hi, I am really confused.
    I indentify myself as a gay male, I am still not out of the closet.
    I have been in love with my best Friend for about 3 years now, but I don’t know if he’s gay.
    I do feel a kind of gay vibe coming off from him, he does kind of act attracted to me.
    He does sometimes start talking about particular woman, that they are pretty or that he would want to have with that woman.
    I don’t know if he does that on purpose so that nobody would suspect him being gay.
    He also kind of likes to ”touch” me and other male friends, which make it extra confusing.
    He does show interest in me, but I am just not sure.
    About two years ago he asked me if i was gay, ofcourse I panicked and said that I obviously wasn’t gay.
    We had pretty long conversations at night, normally you wouldn’t want to talk too long to a certain person if you weren’t attracted to them.
    Sorry for my bad english.
    I hoped that you maybe had some tips or if you would know if he is gay or not.

    • Confused male

      But the catch is that he had a female crush, he doesn’t talk about her anymore.
      But I sometimes think he made the female crush part up, so that he could make me jealous.
      Even though he did confess to her, but it al seemed really fishy, even the confession.

  135. Mimi

    I know way too much about Barry Manilo after reading here and I learned it all in SCREAMING angry all caps! I had a friend in college who was gay and we became friends and far into friendship he very seriously confessed he was gay. I was then faced with how to react to this….. This news was not new to me, I knew he was gay before I ever spoke to him. He was so so so effeminate-such a prissy little thing! Anyway, he thought that people did not know and if he was seen out with me, they would assume that we were together….. I reacted with as much surprise as I could. It seemed cruel to burst his bubble, as he was so seriously confessing this very important thing to me….. I don’t lie well or much- or convincingly. I think one can surely tell when someone is gay. The bisexual thing is just iffy.

  136. Step

    My boyfriend crickei is gay ihe lives with me and when we go to bed he barely touches me he dont like to hold me or kiss me he is abusive at times he look at other men and he gets aroused but he hises it but he rarly gets a rise off of me and im not a ugly female just want women to beware cricket is gay … Rockingham nc

  137. Very well Done


    I don’t agree with your evaluation, at least in Today’s world. These days, people are a lot more open to their sexual curiosity. I am a bisexual man, and I have been witnessed to some confusing happenings.

    To keep a long point short, Gay men and Straight men are not to such an extent anymore. I’ve slept with straight men, not gay or bisexual, straight.
    They all have different reasons for trying it, but mainly because they are curious to try it, or they actually find attraction emotionally from another guy. Women are the same way, I knew two girls in high school, known for having sucked half the guys off in the school, including myself, and they had sex with each other! When I personally brought it up, they both told me they were completely straight, they were just ‘trying it out’.

    Now, in my later years, whether anyone reading this would believe it, Straight people have sex with the same sex, and gay people have sex with the opposite. There are many men who claim to be completely gay, but have had children, and affairs with women. If you ask how this is possible, I never really understood it either, but it happens!

    I had an affair with a guy friend, who had a girlfriend, and he was straight. I knew him for a good little while, and he obviously wasn’t in to men. At first, we were just really good friends.
    BUT, he was extremely attractive and I wanted him. At some point, for 2 weeks or so, I couldn’t get him off my mind, in THAT way, and we ended up both being at a party. After I realized he was there, (I was horny) I didn’t go acknowledge him, or go dap him up or anything, I just made intense eye contact with him, and later on after a few drinks, and laughing, I caught him making eyes at me! Well at this point, butterflies have shot through my stomach and I’m debating whether or not him and I would ever work. Well, right before he walks over to me finally, we made eye contact for a 3rd time, and he comes and does the ‘need to touch’ thing. He grabs me on my lower back. THIS allllwwwaaays tells me whether or not there is an attraction there. They just have to touch you!
    -So, I brought up his girlfriend, letting him see my jealousy, and he told me he didn’t care, disregarding her, allowing me to flirt with him. We had, NEVER acted this way with each other, it was so weird, and at the same time felt so good. We had fun, for the rest of the party, very bromantic acting, and he knew I didn’t have a car and asked me if I needed a ride home. I said yea, and the most awkward moment of the night was riding in the car together because we just were acting so different towards each other, we were acting like we were trying to impress each other! And all the while we were just looking at each other funny, and I was still all antzy and, butterflies in the stomach.. anyway, he asked if I wanted to crash at his house, and I said that was fine, and we both mentioned that we weren’t very tired. cough cough, and when we got to his place, I went to his room, I started taking my clothes off, he asked what I was doing, I said I was getting in to bed, and no shit, he did the same thing. I’ll end that there, but I was so confused, I didn’t get how or why that happened, I was happy, but confused, but now that I’m older it all makes more sense. That friend of mine was an unhappy person, in an unhappy relationship. I made him happy, and made it clear to him that I was attracted to him, and it just kind of worked out. The only thing I still couldn’t explain is why it wasn’t a one time thing, most men (straight) trying something gay will only do it once, not repeatedly.

    I have had MANY straight men who only wanted to try it once, because they were curious, and from what they told me,, they enjoyed themselves.

    Some guys are just really kinky, and some just find attraction mentally.
    Whether you believe any of this or not, it is the truth.

    We live in a time now were Sexual Exploration is a Big To Do, but we know hardly anything about it!

    I know there are men who wouldn’t have sexual affairs with another man, they are more old fashioned and stubborn to the idea of being gay. However, because being gay is such an “Okay” thing now, straight men have never been so feminine as they are today.

    If you’re like me, good looking and charming, try for yourself. Pick a guy who you are really attracted to.
    Eye contact is the best way to send signals to the brain. Prolonged eye contact lets them know your interested in them.
    The next step is usually touching you, grabbing your wrist, rubbing against your lower back. Giving you a name that sounds more like a partner would say, than a non sexual friend.

    You can tell by the way someone looks at you if they are into you.
    If you want to make them interested in you, you need to be good looking, you need to be charming, and you need to be manipulative. I’m not proud to say that I am, I’m just saying, this is how I’ve gotten with the people I wanted to get with.

    • Eustace Sibanda

      uhh I had this friend of mine who I really was attracted to we used to look at each other eye to eye and start smiling at each other obviously I would start blushing one day I asked which part was I only supposed to kiss and he was lyk my cheek and I was lyk dude are u bi and he was lyk okay then u can only kiss my head then the next day I was way out of my mind and I started acting horny around this friend of mine he looked at me straight into the eyes I looked down and the next thing we were locking lips we continued this act for days and the next thing we made love I told him I love him twice but he doesn’t say anything is he shy to say it that he loves me too?

      On 11/27/15, Beyond Highbrow – Robert Lindsay

  138. Peter

    I am gay man. And i fell in love with a man. He was in the closet. So now he is out. For 6 months he is been living a gay life. And now suddenly he says hea straight. Not gay and was never. I dont believe it. Cause he broke up with me but still want to live by me and still kisses me and hug me and al forth. He says when he finds a job in the city. He will then move and never be gay again. I want to know do u think he is confused about himself and do u think he will come back. And is he bi or gay

  139. Tom143

    pardon my english but i will try to share my thoughts. I am a Bisexual. And straight men could not possibly tell till we pinch your butts. Being a bisexual is really complicated, I have extreme fetish for older men especially on their 40’s-50’s. I am really attracted to women too, lying is pointless. Might hard to believe but it is true. From the comments that said “a gay man would never eat pussy” was absolutely not true, I do eat pussy and I enjoy it as much as licking daddy’s nipples. For me having sex with women is more satisfying than anal. I will list down my experience with both opposite sexuality.

    with a Man
    -i feel safe
    -only daddy’s arm can calm my veins
    -hugs and kisses

    with a Woman
    -hugs and kisses
    -going out somewhere together
    -attracted to boobs and booty

    I can say bisexual man likes women and loves men

    • pardon my english but i will try to share my thoughts. I am a Bisexual. And straight men could not possibly tell till we pinch your butts.

      Yes the article asked, “How can you tell if a man is gay or not?” Your response is irrelevant as you’re not even gay! You’re bisexual!

      I did not mention bisexuals in the post, but you fellows are another kettle of fish altogether. I admit that it can be quite difficult to tell if a man is truly bisexual or not. They come in all shapes and sizes and their behavior is quite different from gay men’s. Many bisexual men are not effeminate at all and act just like straight men. The only way you can figure them out is by the way that they look at you, if they give it away that is.

      From the comments that said “a gay man would never eat pussy” was absolutely not true, I do eat pussy and I enjoy it as much as licking daddy’s nipples.

      Yes but you’re not gay! You’re bisexual!

  140. Will S

    I have a client that I cut his hair and he knows I’m gay But he still comes to me. Every time I cut his hair I feel the same vibe he is really good looking and I make no secret of that. Now he says he is straight and my life style is not for him but he would never judge me but I can’t help the feeling that he would do a little something if he knew he could get away with it. I mean when I shampoo his hair I give a long scalp massage ,take my time on cut and styling then when all is done I massage his shoulders. Now I know when a “straight man” doesn’t want all of that. What could I say or ask to find out 100% rather he would play in our play ground.

    • This is so difficult for me. Sorry my gay friend. I really do not have any good advice to give to a man for picking up another man for gay sex! Because I’ve never even done it! It’s a tough call because it is very easy to infuriate someone when you make a pass at them. I mean I have a lot of experience with women, but still all through my life, women have flipped when asked them for their phone numbers or asked them out. They practically acted like they were going to call the police on me. I really do not understand why women need to flip out so much just because some guy finds you attractive and wants to go out with you. Why is it “evil” if he does this? I mean everyone needs sex, love and sexual companionship. All adults do. It’s a need like eating. Do people flip out when someone goes into a restaurant and orders a burger? No? Well then why do women flip out, go insane and start hating our guts when we merely ask them for their phone numbers?

      I don’t get it.

      • CM

        not all adults need sex, love and companionship..i don’t. You forget about A-Sexuals and people who are just not that actively social face to face.

  141. Jack

    Hi man. It’s hard to be gay, isn’t it? I got the point…tnx for time you spend to write it down.
    I like it. I wish the best for you.

  142. I have been looking for something like this for ages! And it’s almost exactly what I’ve come up with to tell if a guy is straight or gay. Here’s my method: so I’m a gay guy, and whenever I talk to a guy the first time, and he’s nice to me, I start fanboying (or used to, until I came up with my method) like crazy. But if they keep or don’t keep being nice (they don’t have to be rude, I’m saying that they give you eye contact and actually converse (or don’t) with you) that makes it clear. It might not always be obvious the first time if someone is gay or not, and unless they have obvious signs like dressing in drag or something, this is the way I always can tell if a guy is gay or not. I’ve kinda gotten into this because I have one friend who I can just sense this about him, but I can tell you the full story over some private message. Like I’ve been looking all over for months for some article that relates to my situation, but for once I finally found /one/.

  143. madison

    what if he constantly post his pictures in instagram? like, 4-5x a day? it is always a close-up. and there’s something in his eyes that i don’t see in most men. i don’t think that guy is straight…
    and when i leave a comment to one of his picture saying, “gay as shit”, he totally got upset and saying words like i’m the ugly one.. he swears at me.
    seriously? he’s that talkative. and that made him more suspicious.
    so… what do you think?

  144. crew

    I have this friend he always says babe you look good and he loves me and he is always talking about a girl lastnight at are homecoming he set by me a lot he hung out with his other male friends was walking down the hill to see my cousin and he pulled in got out the car and he just stared at me a lot and skilled that’s all he ever does and I walk by himself to go in the doors he whispers in my ear and said hey babe you I love you you look good he know I’m bi but he leads me on so much Idk what to do and over the summer we hung out at the fair road rides all that and my two friends that are girls said to him thatvi love him and he set down and said I know I can see the way he looks at me and I smile and he always looks straight in to my eyes and smiles like he looks deep in my eyes and he always smile at me

  145. BW

    What if ur man spends a lot of time with his friend and goes to the bathroom to talk with his friend and when his friend wife leaves it doesnt go 15mins he is coming down to pick him up and he will stay gone till about hour before his friend wife comes home are they anything I would be worry about?

  146. He might want be discussing a divorce or they are discussing an affair.

  147. Tre-Anthony Lame

    Ok so I have a friend who I think is bi and my friend asked him and he took a while to answer so like is he gay or no

  148. Hey mr Robert when i was 10 yrs old i was fucked by my cousin and now i am attracted on men but i dont want to be a gay… i always find some solution to avoid the gayness…. am i a gay?

    • Hi, email me. I have worked with boys and men going through similar things and I am very good at it. I am also an expert at determining sexual orientation. I think I do a better job of it than most clinicians, most of whom are just terrible at figuring out what your sexual orientation is.

  149. sir help me pls i dont want te be a gay T_T

  150. Sir i cant pm you just leave a reply here sir pls! 🙂

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