Steve asks:
How did you masculinize your personality or act more masculine? Like what does that involve?
It’s hard to say. A long time ago, I shut down most of my feelings, including my soft ones. Now I’m a rock. I’m not sure if that was necessary, but I did it. I am afraid to have any feelings at all nowadays because it seems like every time I started to have a feeling, people called me “crazy.” So I associate feelings with people calling me crazy.
Now, I will smile, laugh, and act happy of course. I don’t consider that to be a feeling in need of work. Ok, so I’m a rock. But even after I turned into a rock, people still kept insisting that I was a fag. An emotional hard as a rock fag I guess.
Which really doesn’t even exist. If you know anything about faggots, you know that they’re all very emotional. They’re just like women. Some control their feelings better than others, but emotionally, it’s just a woman. When a fag gets mad, he seems like a bitchy woman.
I don’t think there’s any such thing as a scary faggot. The only one I ever saw was in a courtroom, Randy Kraft, a serial killer. Other than that, faggots are just not scary. Ever met a scary feminine woman? They don’t exist. Faggots are feminine, like women. Hence, they are ot scary.
So whenever you see a guy who is cold and hard as far as his emotions go, he’s doing something very masculine. After all, the super masculine guy is supposed to be like a rock emotionally. So if you see a guy like that, I figure he can’t possibly be a fag.
At the same time, I tried to do everything I could to modify my behavior and make it more macho and less “faggy.” But I was driving myself nuts. I ended up hovering over myself all the time watching myself and analyzing every move. I second guessed every move, and every move I made I would think, “Wait a minute? That was a faggy move there. Do that again.” I was driving myself insane. This went on for 3-4 months. I was teaching school at the time. Somehow I was also screwing every woman in sight, I don’t know how.
Well, the more I tried to act macho and not act like a queer, the more people called me queer. People calling me that actually went way up during that period. So I just said screw it, I’m calling it quits, I am what I am, and I’m just going to be myself. I can’t be anything other than myself, can I? You can’t escape from yourself.
So I just let it go.
But I got into some other phases. I went into an “asshole” phase where I was like this hardass surfer doper guy from the beach who will kick your ass if you don’t watch it. Didn’t work. Then I was an “asshole, badass fag.” But there’s really no such thing.
Then I got into this really angry thing. Didn’t work either. Then I was a “dangerous, homicidal, possibly murderous, hit man fag.” Which, really, there is no such thing.
The truth is that even among men who have sex with men, the more masculine the guy acts, the more bisexual he is. The “gays” that act masculine, hard, cold, tough or even violent are almost all having sex with women too. The more faggy and effeminate the “gay” is, the more he avoids women and has sex only with men. The relationship between “gay” male sexual behavior and observable nonsexual behavior/internal psychology is direct and obvious.
So the whole idea of the badass, psycho, macho tough guy faggot who’s going to kick your ass doesn’t even make sense. Maybe in Afghanistan. Not in the US.
But in maybe the past several years or so, I started in with a new masculinization thing. It has to do with the way I walk, the way I talk, the way I hold my body, the way I stand, the way I laugh, the way I drive my car, the way I do everything. I have no idea how it’s working, but it feels really good. The main thing is that it’s not self-conscious. At this point, it is completely natural. As I always had that part of me, it was pretty easy to just slide into that.
As far as people thinking I am queer, I haven’t the faintest idea anymore. I haven’t heard it much in the last 20 years. The only people who ever said anything along those lines were teenage and young adult Hispanic gangbangers. A few of them called me faggot and challenged me to fight. But those guys are at the extreme end of far masculinity, so they are going to call people that more than any other group of guys.
You have to find a masculine style that suits you and try to slide into it to where it fits you very well.
But I think you have to have a strong masculine part of your soul to start with. For my part, this part of me was created in childhood and adolescence. If you went through childhood and adolescence without creating a strong masculine spirit somewhere in your heart, it might be hard to make one out of scratch.
I know some guys who simply are not into the masculine thing. They have told me this more or less explicitly. One guy, an artist, even told me that he was feminine. These guys are completely heterosexual. A lot of these men don’t want to become masculine because it seems to go against their very essence of what they have always been.
Robert,
Why all this obsessing over masculinity real or perceived? I’m assuming you are over 50 yrs old so it isn’t very likely you can change your persona much.
Who cares if some asswipe calls you faggot?
How many women do you have to have sex with to prove you’re ‘masculine’?
Definitions of ‘masculine’ vary widely by culture.
On the whole Indian men throw more emotional tantrums, sit around gossiping, are more vain & unreasonable than most women I know. Yet they don’t fret over their ‘masculinity’.
Repeat the ‘Lotus Sutra’ – NAM-MYOHO-RENGE-KYO, which can be translated as ‘the teaching of the lotus flower of the wonderful law’ declaring that all living beings, regardless of gender or intelligence (that means everyone), have the potential to attain Buddhahood or true enlightenment. This Buddha nature enables us to enjoy absolute happiness and to act with boundless compassion.
Wake up to the true nature of life, realising that all things are connected, and that there is such a close relationship between each of us and our surroundings that when we change ourselves, we change the world. Yeah I know it sounds ‘hammy’ & no I’m not smoking Himalayan hash.
Mind you these the majority of these Indian male assholes sure as hell ain’t ‘enlightened’😉
Sorry to get all ‘trippy dippy hippy’ on you & I can assure you this is about as much conversing on ‘relationships’ as this female can stand.
Sorry, maybe I should knock it off.
It’s a pretty big deal to most guys though. A lot of guys, you call them a fag or insult their masculinity, and there’s going to be a fight. Or else you’re going to die. So this is a really big deal to most guys in the US. Women always say it’s stupid, but they are the ones who impose these hyper masculine demands on us more than anyone else.
In Man World, you attack a man’s masculinity, you are asking for a fight or you are asking to get murdered. And no one will come help you while you get your ass kicked either. But women do this to us all the time. I have some friends who I thought were very masculine. They had wives and ex wives who cut them down all the time. Their favorite pastime was to insult their masculinity, because they knew how homicidal and angry this would make them. My Mom’s generation would not dare to do this? What’s with women nowadays? Why do they attack our manhood? You don’t do that to a man. When a woman does that, she asking to get murdered.
So in other words, I am over 50, and my persona is my persona, and there’s nothing I can do about it, and I might as well just accept it as it is, and fuck anyone who doesn’t like it.
Ok, that is a very nice attitude, thank you very much for that. I will consider it.
I’ve read more than once that the persona is considered pretty much set after age 30. I don’t buy it though. It’s harder to change, later on, but think of it this way: it’s much easier to learn a language before age 12, but we can still do it when we’re older. It’s just harder.
Our brains, even as we get older, are more malleable than conventional wisdom would have us believe.
I’m totally in the fuck anyone who doesn’t like it camp. Just be yourself man, whatever that is. Have your masculine side, accept your softer side. You know you’re straight; you know you’re a man. You don’t need the approval of gangbangers or whoever would call you a fag.
It really has to be that way. This “gay” bullshit is probably going to go on forever, I’m afraid. There doesn’t seem to be any escaping it for some weird reason. What’s weird is I don’t like effeminate men, I mean I hate that behavior, as in no fuckin way would I ever act like that. So it pisses me off that some people might think I’m effeminate. I hate that shit. I don’t even like wimpiness in guys, as in I don’t see myself as acting that way. It’s cool though, at least my Mom says I’m not a wimp, cuz she don’t like wimps. I asked why and she said, “You fight! Wimps don’t fight! You really, really, really, really fight!”
That’s a good definition of wimpiness. Wimpy guys just sit there and take it. Screw that. You mess with me, and I’m gonna fuckin kill you man. I’ll slit your throat and watch you bleed to death. Hehe.
hehe.
its funny that we live in an age and culture where you can say something profound and then have to worry people will think you’re being ‘trippy dippy hippy’.
🙂 tc I like your posts.
I looked up Randy Kraft on Wikipedia. Christ that photo of him is frightening. I think you’re right regarding gays. There are scary gays and I’ve known a few (though, being gay myself, I’ve known far more gay men though most people will ever meet), but the scariness, while it requires some baseline of masculinity, is due to psychological deviancy. I’ve only known one gay man who was (potentially) scary owing to masculinity alone. That’s out of hundreds.
Randy Kraft killed young men and boys which suggests he was on the masculine end of the spectrum for gays.
Anyway, I disagree with Bibi that this whole obsession with masculinity is a waste of time. The man’s world is a reality. I don’t think you should retreat from reality through eastern mysticism. If everyone did that nothing would ever change for the better.
Hi Mark, sorry for using the word fag and faggot. Let me know if it bothers you. But it’s hard to think of another word for a male homosexual. Is queer better? I also wanted to express the contempt and hatred that so many straight males and females feel towards male homosexuality. Like I said, women love queers just fine. But not as boyfriends and husbands. Fuck that! Men are actually a lot more relaxed about this issue than women are.
Men accept me as a masculine guy, and once they do that, any questions about my sexual orientation are rather moot. A lot of guys acted like, “Hey dude, if you’re queer or bi or whatever, it’s cool with me man.” The reason they accept that is because I am completely acceptable to them as a masculine man. I play by the rules of Man World. And anyway, of course I don’t come onto them.
I honestly think that in Man World, almost nothing is as important as masculinity. It’s hard to say that one issue is the most important in the world, and dumb too, but to men, masculinity is very, very important. Women tend to poo poo it, but they are the ones who enforce an even more brutal code than most men do by cutting us down.
As far as gay men and masculinity goes, I have no idea to what extent they value it. But I thought it was interesting that some gay men who suffered from temporary psychological impotence said they “felt that their manhood had been taken away from them,” or “they felt that they were no longer men.” This implies that manhood or feeling like a man is more important to gay men than people may think.
You are right. Randy Kraft didn’t really look scary like dangerous, badass, kickass, macho scary. The guy just looked “insane.” His eyes were rolling around in his head over and over while he was looking at me with this lunatic smile on his face. He looked like a fuckin lunatic. He wasn’t really insane; he was just psycho, but he sure looked like a psychological deviant.
OTOH, dangerous straight men often don’t look nuts at all. They look cold, hard and very mean, but they often appear 100% sane. They look like MEN, masculinity taken to the utmost extreme.
It didn’t even register with me that you used the term faggot, probably because I’ve lurked at your blog long enough to know you don’t hate gays. But thanks for asking.
Like women, gay men all want to get laid by a masculine guy, so they value masculinity in that sense. I think more masculine gay guys value masculinity the way straight guys do, but most gay men do not, though we try to imitate it (e.g. through weightlifting, fetishes, the “clone” look from the 70s, 40 year old men wearing Abercrombie, I could go on) for the purpose of getting laid.
We have a saying: “…then he opened his mouth and a purse fell out.”. Usually preceded by something like, “Yeah, he looked real butch from across the bar, then when I went over and introduced myself…”
I’d have to disagree with Mark’s comment- “The man’s world is a reality. I don’t think you should retreat from reality through eastern mysticism. If everyone did that nothing would ever change for the better.”
The ‘alpha male’ certainly shares many traits of Buddhahood-
Speaks slowly, never qualifies himself, is comfortable in his own skin, doesn’t answer questions-they often give a non-sensical or a basic response, enjoy a challenge but are never impressed, doesn’t look around-not interested in comparing themselves with others thus becoming the focus of the ‘group’.
Why all this talk of Buddhism. I mean, it’s my favorite religion, but you are a Muslim, correct?
PS. I practice meditation a lot, often for hours.
I have a Buddhist art gallery. Also being raised Mennonite I am required to convert to the religion of my husband, as he is ‘the spiritual leader’ of the family unit. Kashmiri Islam is very uniquely syncretic, combining aspects of Buddhism & a lot of Sufism. Otherwise I don’t think I could put up with all this ‘Muslim’ stuff.
Kashmiris are an interesting bunch. Have you visited the shrine of Jesus in Kashmir?
Dota,
Yes, there are several ancient Jewish & Christian tombs in Kashmir. I really hope Kashmiris can keep their unique form of Islam alive considering all their Talibani neighbors & the Hindutvadis from Hell.
It’s Nichiren Buddhism, not mainstream Buddhism.
I once went to a Nichiren meeting. There were a couple really pretty Japanese-American women there, who were friendly too (probably trying to seduce me into joining their cult).
The people told me that chanting that phrase over and over can make your wishes come true, even if you don’t believe it will work. Even specific, materialistic wishes; the idea is that you then evolve to where you wish for more spiritual stuff. I’d never heard that one before, so I gave it a try with a couple well-specified, reasonable materialistic wishes.
It turned out that not only were the wishes not granted, but the outcomes were even worse than what I’d have expected otherwise. I told the Nichiren guy what happened, and he said something about having to get through bad karma or something. But that was bullshit, he’d given me a falsifiable claim. Even the cute Japanese girls weren’t enough to keep me interested in that stuff.
And that is the story of my journey through Nichiren Buddhism.
Bibi,
Interesting take on the alpha male.
“The ‘alpha male’ certainly shares many traits of Buddhahood-
Speaks”
True, but you wouldn’t want to live in a entire country of Buddha heads. Nothing would get done. Buddhism is great, but it is parasitic.
Perhaps I misunderstood your advice. More importantly… raised Mennonite and converting to Kashmiri Islam? What a life you must lead.
Masculinity is certainly important, however it goes well beyond sexual conquests and behaviour. It’s also defined as a need to create. Abstract thought rendered along logical lines. Men get this and always have. Listen to Die Fledermaus by Strauss, or the Second Hungarian Rhapsody by Liszt. There is a structure to this music, and analysing this structure does in no way diminish its artistic value. The human species got to where it is due to patriarchy. Feminazis hate to hear this, but it’s true. We’re the only species (as mamals go) where the males play an active part which goes beyond procreation. This is why the glorification of single mums is such a disturbing trend. Masculinity can also be defined by the power and leadership a man can exert in his own family. Power is a guy thing and the family allows him to excercise his power in a constructive way. This is one of the reasons why Asian men are so emotionally stable (the ones living in Asia anyhow)
“This is one of the reasons why Asian men are so emotionally stable (the ones living in Asia anyhow)”
Some truth to this. I pity the mono-lingual English only speaker in the coming years. You will see an internetization of dialogue in the “Anglo” world. Or at least the strange bifurcation of dialogue that exists, The internet vs the real-world. Steve Sailer is actually very good at pointing this out wrt to race talk. People’s inner thoughts on net, the censored communication in real world. As Anglo world becomes even more diverse and insane it’s so necessary to have the out group stable world, the “go to world” of peace. And keep Anglo world from destroying your out group stable world.
Hacienda I think you need to lighten up a bit😀
But basically what I was saying is that Asians marry for stability and not love. Romantic love is a western construct, and while it has inspired some wonderful literature, it’s not very workable. The traditional Asian family unit enables a man to be a man and a woman to be herself. This is why Asian men never seem cowed or unusually edgy due to ‘domestic disharmony.’ That’s not to say we don’t love our women, quite the opposite. We believe that true love is forged on the anvil of sacrifice.
Dota,
You’re the Muslim. Thought you’d be all for this “Death to America” thing.
Just say it a few times, it’ll start rolling off your tongue, like a natural.
“Just say it a few times, it’ll start rolling off your tongue, like a natural.”
In which language?😉
@ Dota
This is why the glorification of single mums is such a disturbing trend.
Exactly, and it only reflects an overall trend that seeks to undermine the traditional family.
On the flip side of the glorification of single mothers is the way in which fathers/men of the house are made to be objects of ridicule.
Shows such as “The Simpsons” and “Family Guy” perfectly illustrate this point. Men in these shows are made out to be dumb, buffoonish, slovenly, insensitive, and culturally backward compared to their progressive wives. Kids in those shows are also frequently talking back to their parents and trying to undermine their authority.
As Paul Craig Roberts once noted in an article a while back, before white American men rush off to “liberate” women in Muslim countries, they ought to be liberating their masculinity RIGHT HERE in the U.S.
“Ever met a scary feminine woman? They don’t exist.”
I don’t know about that. I consider my German grandmother to have been a very feminine woman (clothes, hair, perfume all very femme. Petite, with a super-curvy figure. Never learned to drive a car. Her focus in life–the house, the cooking, catering to the men in the family, being nurturing to her family and friends, taking care of sick family and friends, keeping family traditions alive, etc.). But she was also kind of scary. She yelled a lot and kept all the kids in line–she ruled the house. Maybe that would be considered a masculine thing, the yelling, but there was something very feminine about it all the same.
Also, a really scary person can be scary without even raising her voice.🙂
Yeah…I’ve always wanted to be able to do that. Quietly scary can be so impressive.
It’s weird though, when yelling is called for (in my world, the world of Mom, that’s when someone is about to get hurt or something is about to get broken), I sound just like my grandmother, minus the German accent. This trumpet blast comes out of my little chest. People jump! Better than my Mom’s bitchy screeching–I used to worry that I’d squawk like her when I became a Mom.
Still, I’d much rather be able to do the quietly scary thing!!
“I’ve always wanted to be able to do that.”
Not hard. All you gotta do is kill a person for no good reason. After that everything you say will be very scary. Especially when said quietly.
I can do that. I am an expert at it. I even had some people in a store tell me to never come back to their store again because all the workers were terrified of me.🙂 I kept going back to the store anyway.🙂 Apparently I scare the shit out of people, or at least I can anyway. I’m not even sure how I do it. I’m very quiet, I have a very soft voice, and honestly I don’t even think scary or hostile thoughts most of the time.
But I am psycho, it’s true. I am absolutely, totally, 100% psycho. Not hurt, victimize or kill innocent people psycho, but more like, “You mess with me and you get a bullet in the face,” psycho. My enemies are going to get killed, period. Or they will wish they were dead. Who gets to be an enemy? Anyone who out and out declares war on me, that’s who. As it is, I have very few enemies in life. I have quite a few ex-enemies, but I already killed all of them. I expect there will be some future enemies too, but I will just have to kill them too.🙂 I am looking forward to a fun future.🙂
Anyway, I guess I walk around all the time with this, “You mess with me and you die motherfucker,” attitude. It’s not hostile or angry or anything like that. It’s just the facts.
I smile and talk very, very softly. And I guess it does scare some poor people silly.
In my opinion,masculinity is what most women aren’t:SELF ASSURANCE.This is the main core of it,the rest is just filler imo.Confidence,inner confidence even if it’s quiet and unassuming.Like the first poster said,those Indian men,despite their “feminine” gossipy bitchy ways,don’t give a fuck.They don’t fret about it.They are self assured.That’s pretty masculine in my opinion.
If Men had no need to Fuck; They would control the world. Unfortunately, women control the world surreptitiously
its strange even in this age one group of people ,are waging war on another group, for nothing other than lack of knowledge.Knowledge can remove stupidity, but we are not letting go of our immaturity ,we stick on to external chareacteristics ,rather than the real internal i.e .how we use our brain ?how we work?how we excell ?These are the priorities today, not feminine or masculine stereotypes.feminine or masculine characteristics does not decide if a person will turn into a murder,or criminal,or robber then why should anyone be feminine or masculine?
One more fact ,using the words killing people, is not really funny, killing is a crime not a revolutionary or fashionable thing ,nothing great about klling!
So killing people or using those words frequently is not a very mature thing or a sensible thing,if you have knowledge.World must concentrate on environmental issues,health issues, scientific research,technology rather than oldish gender stereotypes ,which have no use in todays life,save apart from using physical strength against violence,using force aginst force is science nothing to do with masculinity.Hope a least now we realise our immediate priorities and let go of superstious good for nothing gender stereotypes like feminity an masculinity.