There are all sorts of websites like this. The sad truth is that a lot of gay men marry women. In addition, a lot of men who are not really gay marry women and have sex with both men and women. These men probably fall into the heterosexual and bisexual categories.
No gay man should ever marry a straight woman for any reason. It is sad that this continues, and it should not. There are many websites out there promoting this sort of thing, and that is pitiful right there. No one should promote this nonsense. These marriages have an 85% failure rate. You will waste years of your life and ruin many years of the woman’s life.
As far as bisexual men go, I see why they marry. It makes sense. I also see why they lie. I actually think they should lie to women about their gay stuff, but that’s more for another post.
The most frequently asked question I receive as a counselor is this: “Is there any way to definitely know if my husband is gay before or during the marriage?”
There isn’t really.
There is only one sure way — if the man is honest! Since this rarely happens, this list provides the behavior patterns that can be clear indicators in determining whether your man might be gay. Some of these behaviors include:
She’s right. They’re not honest. Gay married men are the biggest liars on the planet.
There is a decline of sexual activity early in your marriage that never picks up again. He tries to convince you that all relationships have a decline in sex even when you’ve only been together for a few years.
He is turned-off by normal sexual activity and accuses you of being oversexed, aggressive, or a nymphomaniac when you have normal sexual needs.
His sexual performance is more mechanical than passionate with a lack of satisfying foreplay.
He claims he is “depressed” and will blame his depression or medication for depression for his lack of sexual desire for you.
All of this is just stupid, and I am sorry this nonsense is catching on. I know three women who think they were married to gay men. In one case, I think she is right.
In the two other cases, I really believe they are wrong. Both cases are cases of long-term sexual dysfunction on the part of the man.
In one case, the man had chronic low sexual desire and wanted sex maybe every six months. He also had long-term delayed ejaculation – he simply could not orgasm with his girlfriend. Although the case is very odd, I looked into it and I am convinced that he is not gay. She put him in therapy to “find out that he is really gay” because she is convinced that he is gay and if he only comes out, everything will be fine. Problem is I do not think this man is gay at all. Granted, he has a lot of issues such as transvestic fetishism (which may be causing his sexual dysfunction right there). He himself thinks that deep down inside he is a “straight man with a lot of issues.” There’s your answer.
I know another woman whose husband had long-term impotence stretching over 10-20 years. Apparently it was not chronic as he fathered two children with her. He would get a good erection and then lose it, which is actually quite common. They divorced and she is convinced that he is really gay, but I do not think so.
I am hearing this nonsense more and more these days. I know of women who have sexual dysfunctions, in particular pain during sex. They were also inhibited during sex and didn’t want to do a lot of things. I told people about this and was instantly informed with 100% certainty that she was a lesbian. The thing was in this case, she was my girlfriend for a while, and I assure you that she was not a lesbian as I can tell if a woman is a lesbian or not and I have never dated a single lesbian in my entire life.
The insane idea seems to be that all humans are naturally sex maniacs with no hangups. If a woman is not a sex maniac with men, well obviously she is a lesbian. If a man is not a sex maniac with women, well clearly he must be gay.
The truth is that sexual dysfunctions among pure heterosexuals are incredibly common, and it is not rare that they go on for decades or are even lifelong.
Homosexuality is actually a relatively uncommon reason for male sexual dysfunction with women. Other reasons are much more common, such as performance anxiety.
The idea that all persons experiencing sexual dysfunctions in heterosexual sex are really homosexuals is absolutely insane. I do not know what is wrong with people anymore. Why do they believe all this stupid bullshit?
You find sexual enhancers such as Viagra or Cialis hidden in his private hiding places, but you know he hasn’t made any attempt to have sex with you.
All right, that is a bit weird I must say.
He tells you that he wants you to use sex toys on him because he needs his prostate stimulated or because he likes kinky sex.
Bullshit. A lot of straight men like anal play and like to have their asses stimulated. Of course it does not indicate homosexuality.
He erases the computer history on a regular basis.
That is pretty weird, unless she won’t let him look at porn and he is hiding his porn history.
You find pop-ups of gay pornography on the computer while he claims they are not his.
That is pretty bad. I have surfed a million porn sites, but I do not typically go to gay porn sites. It is exceedingly unlikely that you will get gay porn popups from straight porn sites.
He spends excessive time texting people at irregular hours.
That is odd. Or else he is having an affair. I know that when I have love affairs, I am often nonstop texting with the woman.
He starts to spend more time at the gym and works on changing his appearance.
A bit strange for a married man to do that, but what if he suddenly decides he wants to start looking good?
He claims that he feels “trapped” in the marriage and won’t explain why.
Not so sure about this one. Supposedly a lot of men say they are trapped in their marriages for various reasons.
He travels a lot for business and you can’t track his activities.
That’s pretty shady, but he might also be having affairs with women.
He says he is having a “mid-life crisis” and becomes moody and depressed.
This is a symptom of homosexuality? Since when?
He tells you about sexual abuse in his childhood/adolescence.
I really doubt this. I assume that she means he was abused by a man? A lot of boys were abused by men during childhood or adolescence. I have known some of them. They were certainly not gay. Getting abused homosexually when a boy does not a homosexual make. Many heterosexual men have experienced such things.
He admits to having a homosexual encounter in the past.
Completely stupid. The number of completely heterosexual men who have had at least some gay sex (often experimentally) is very high. Excellent studies show that ~25% of men have had sex with another man by age 18, and that’s only in adolescence. Surely there are others who begin experimenting in adulthood. Homosexual experimentation by straight men is very common and is not proof of anything.
He uses the word “bisexual.”
Well it is a word you know. Hell, I use it myself.
He visits gay bars claiming he’s there only to hang out with his gay friend(s).
Well this is pretty sketchy. I have certainly never visited a gay bar to meet up with my gay friends and have only been in such a place once in my entire life, and it was more traumatic then fun. I went there on a dare with two idiot friends at age 18 so we could “act like fags” as a joke. It was a very stupid idea.
He watches porno movies with gay male scenes.
Well yes that is getting pretty bad. I have a vast collection of porn on this box, and you won’t find a single gay porn video in there. If a man is regularly looking at gay porn, that is quite a telling symptom.
He makes continual homophobic comments or he makes too many gay comments in conversations.
Not really. Some men are just homophobes. Believe it or not, a lot of homophobes are not gay at all and they simply hate homosexuals. I know it is so hard to believe in this bullshit PC world. There could be other reasons for this. Straight men who are accused of being gay a lot might act this way too, and men with Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder could very well act that way. Both types would be doing it to try to show other people that they are not gay.
His ego appears to be boosted by compliments from gay men.
I do not know. They have been telling me how good-looking I am my whole life and now that I am deep in middle age and hardly any human anywhere tells me things like this, I must admit that the rare attention from gay and bi men feels good in a way, even though it is creepy and disturbing if not traumatic.
These are the obvious “red flags” that most of our women have found in their relationships.
However, some men don’t exhibit any of this behavior, but they are still gay.
Let’s all get paranoid now.
Some men have sexual activity with their wives for many years because of their emotional need to prove they are straight and they do love their wives.
Men do all sorts of things to prove their masculinity or their heterosexuality. I have known 15-20 straight men who were continuously accused of being gay their whole lives. None of them were even 1% effeminate. The strange thing was that half of them reacted to that by trying to screw half the women in LA in order to prove they weren’t gay. So I suppose some psychological complexes can have an upside. See all the crazy macho nonsense that men are constantly doing for no apparent reason at all? Do you realize how many of them are doing that to prove that they are masculine or heterosexual? A lot.
But some of those men also fantasize about other men in order to perform with their wives.
Well yes, this is how most gay married men are able to have sex with their wives. They pretend they are with a guy.
Some men allow their wives to handle the financial affairs and their wives get all of their obvious bills. In fact, there are some gay husbands who are truly great guys and nice men. They are kind to their wives and don’t resent them.
Nevertheless, this whole gay men marrying straight women nonsense is stupid, and it’s got to end. There is no justification for it.
I always tell women to follow their instincts.
Maybe, but instincts are often wrong. Look at how pitiful “gaydar” works. Gaydar fails more often than it works.
Women who have straight husbands don’t come to me thinking that their husbands are gay.
That is not true. It is common for wives to suspect 100% straight husbands of being gay. In fact, this idiocy happens all the time. Go on the Net and read up on it.
Women can sense when something is off or wrong in a relationship. Some are misled into thinking that it could be infidelity with another woman at first because the idea of a man is inconceivable.
Maybe, but instinct is junk. Why does gaydar fail so often if instinct is so great?
By the time a woman suspects that the issue is homosexuality, her sixth sense has surfaced and she just KNOWS.
Not necessarily. See the two cases above where I am convinced these women are falsely accusing their men of being gay due to sexual dysfunction.
Statistics say that over 50% of gay husbands will never be honest with their wives or tell them the truth about why the marriage isn’t working even after they leave the marriage.
Oh I believe that all right.
They often turn the tables and make you think that you are crazy or imagining things even when you have proof. Or when they leave, they name a dozen faults that you have that made the marriage fail even if they aren’t true.
People do this.
Don’t spend a lifetime waiting for confirmation.
Ok and if she is wrong?