Category Archives: Solitaire
A few years ago, I met a fellow who I will call Internet Man. Three years ago, he was about 40 years old. I didn’t take notes of our conversation, so I will reconstruct it from scratch. Obviously, he will sound like me. This is what happens when you don’t take notes or record. All interviewees sound like you.
He was involved in the early Internet scene from 1998-2001 or so, and he delved into the Internet pedo and child porn scene, if only out of curiosity. He’s a straight male with an attraction to mature females, but he’s also somewhat attracted to females aged 13-15 and very much less attracted to females age 7-12. In other words, I figure he is just a normal guy.
One thing I will say about him is that he is a trysexual. He’s a total sex maniac who has screwed more women than I can count, plus maybe a guy or two. He is into most every perversion and kink on Earth, so it figures he would dabble in the pedo thing for a bit.
My dx is that he is not a pedophile in any way, shape or form, though obviously, many may differ. He’s simply one of the biggest sex freaks I’ve ever met, and he’s a guy who think about, fantasize about but not necessarily always do just about anything sexual.
During the interview, some strong pot was smoked by both parties, and we were drinking quite a bit of wine.
RL: Hi there, how are you?
Internetman: Fine,and you?
RL: So tell me about the Internet pedo/child porn scene. How did it all start for you?
Internetman: Well, I was into Yahoo chat rooms. I also went to all sorts of other perverted Internet chatrooms. I used to have cybersex with women there all the time, and also I made a lot of female friends and used to talk to them online about sexual matters and other stuff. I was also spending a lot of time in chatrooms chasing women of all sorts, trying to find new women.
So I was online talking to women, playing sex with women, or talking about sex with women a good part of the time. I was also dating sporadically. And of course I was jacking all the time, because I am Fapmaster Flash, the greatest fapmaster that ever lived.
RL: Not bigger than I was? I nearly broke my dick off there for a while!
Internetman: Well, close. A dick’s best friend is it’s hand.
Internetman: Well, on Yahoo there used to be chatrooms that were turned over to Adults Only. There were also Romance Chat rooms, but those were bullshit, because I only want sex. Screw love. Sex first, then love later, maybe, if the woman wants to take it that way. There were also other weird Internet sex chatrooms set up all over the net, some devoted to particular fetishes. There were also swinger chatrooms, for sex swingers. I used to go to all those chatrooms to talk to chicks, play with them, whatever.
RL: How many women did you meet that way, in a sexual sense?
Internetman: Scores, hundreds, no idea.
RL: Were there cams around, or voice?
Internetman: This was before the cam era. The cams were just coming online around 2001. Voice was not common, but I voiced with a few chicks towards the end, around 2003. Also some called me up on the phone, and we sort of did phone sex. Most cybersex was just typing. Many people of both sexes and all ages were in on this. The number of women in the 20′s, 30′s and even 40′s into this stuff would seriously blow you away. Sure, there were tons of guys, but there were many, many women. And some were married women, looking for men.
RL: Did you meet any of them?
Internetman: No comment, but typically, or rather sadly, many lived too far away. I had women constantly inviting me to come see them, and saying that sex was going to be on the agenda. But I would have had to fly there, so I never went.
RL: What is the scene like now?
Internetman: Dead as Hell. It has all been taken over by scammers, spammers and camwhores. The rooms are full of women on cam, but they are all camwhores. All other women are bots advertising camwhores or porn sites. The chatrooms have all been destroyed by capitalism. There are no more female humans of any kind in there. It’s sad.
Also, around 2004, the rooms got invaded by Internet romance scammers out of the Philippines, Russia and Eastern Europe and Nigeria and West Africa. You would strike up a relationship in there, and then the women would start asking for money while professing love. They ask for money for airline tickets to come see you, etc. A lot of times, it is a man pretending to be a woman, so you fall in love with a man. LOL. Many guys have been taken for a lot of money via this scam.
I also developed many close relationships with women overseas. Some fell in love with me. This was nice, but we never got together. Sometimes we talked on the phone. It seems ridiculous, but it’s always nice to be in love, even if it’s a continent away. If I had a choice between overseas Internet love and no love, I would choose the former. A life without love is painful to me. I’m a man who likes to be in love with a woman and especially vice versa.
RL: What were the adult rooms like?
Internetman: Yahoo set up many rooms around all these different adult themes. Then there were user rooms set up for different themes, and this is where there was some really perverted stuff going on. I mean seriously perverted! LOL!
RL: Did you keep doing this into the cam and voice era?
Internetman: Yes I did. After cams got big, a lot of guys had cams. But few women did. I would meet women online, and as soon as they figured out I had a cam, they would be like, “Get on that cam right now, dammit!” Then when I got on the cam, they would be like, “Take it off, baby!” You know how women are, a lot of them are just whores deep down inside. And I seem to bring it right out of them.
RL: Me too. Thank God for sluts!
Internetman: Yes, on the seventh day, God made sluts! Anyway, in 2004-2008, I had some relationships, mostly overseas, that were fun. Twice the women got on cam. One time this chick who lived a few hundred miles away was banging herself with a candle for like 1-2 hours. I had my cam on too, and I jacked and came, but she was a freight train. You know how woman are. They’re like a machine that once you turn it on, you can’t figure out how to shut it off!
Another time this woman from the Netherlands masturbated for about an hour or so with me. She was hot! Those were the only two times. One time a woman from Egypt got me on cam and I put on show while she cheered. Then she got on voice and masturbated on voice for a really long time. “Uggh, Ohhhh, Owwwwww….” It went on like that for 30 minutes or so. It was hot man! You could hear the Cairo traffic below LOL. All three of those women were about 42-45, an age at which a lot of women are incredibly horny.
I had others who were always getting me on cam. Then they would start demanding I get naked. Then they want a show! So I gave them one. I used to jack for women all time on cam. It was a blast! They would watch, urge me on, cheer me on, etc. Sometimes I would take pics with my cam and mail them to the chicks, and the chicks would collect pics of me naked, jacking, whatever.
I also got some pics from women, like pics of their pussies, their tits, them wearing little to nothing, them naked, them fucking or sucking guys, etc. I had a whole collection of naked women pics. They were sending me this stuff all the time.
RL: I have a bunch of those too. Women were always sending me that stuff for a while. What is your opinion of cybersex?
Internetman: Good times! I even cybered with some relatively famous women. I talked to a bunch of porn stars, mostly amateur, but some not. One from Japan and one from Germany. And one famous one from the US who I will not name. Straight cyber is a blast, but audio is better, and camming is the best. Best of all is audio or camming with the woman getting off and you can see or hear her, but it’s not that common. It’s mostly chicks getting you on cam and the chicks not having a cam.
RL: Did you ever worry it was a guy on the other end?
Internetman: A few times it was! One time I think it was a whole Internet chat cafe in Nigeria, with Black guys who must have been all laughing at me.
RL: Is there ever action right in the room?
Internetman: Sometimes there was action right in the room. In user created rooms, they would set up themes. Some of them were really wild. Some had torture or enslavement themes. There were women in there who wanted to be submissive or enslaved or whatever.
I remember one time this 33 year old married woman came in the room and she goes, “I’m going to piss all over these Goddamn bitches!” LOL. Good times!
Sometimes there were sex scenes right in the rooms. I would go at it right in the rooms with chicks and these other women would start cheering us on. “I’m watching Internetman! Oh Hell yeah.” I think they were masturbating watching me play with the chicks. It was fun!
There were rooms set up for kinks like golden showers. I went in this one room and there was this chick in the room and she was like, “Piss on me!” all the guys were walking up to her and pissing all over head. LOL! It was great!
RL: Were any of the females underage?
Internetman: You see,that’s the thing. Back in those days, there were so many females in rooms and on the Net. Females of all kinds were coming to chat on ICQ mostly, and some were underage. And there were some underage girls in the rooms too. And there were user created rooms like Older Men for Younger Women and Younger Women for Older Men. They were extremely popular! Mostly teenage girls in there, age 15-up to young adulthood. You would go to talk to them, and they would be like, “I love older men!” Guys would be like 20′s to 40′s or so.
RL: Did you ever mess around with the underage girls?
Internetman: Yes I did! LOL, what does that make me? A pedo? A pervert? Fuck it. I did it and it was fun. Girls were 15-17 for the most part. One was 14 from the Netherlands. She was in this room and she writes, “I want to suck a cok!.” She misspelled it LOL. I’m like cool, so I message her and we do it, tons of fun, and she was really perverted. After she asks me my age, and she was freaked out at how old I was and disappointed. I didn’t care, screw it!
One time I met this chick in there, 15 year old girl. She was seriously perverted, and we had a lot of fun. Then she sent me some nude pics, one when she was 14 and one when she was 15. The conversation ended because her mother’s boyfriend who was like 35 years old came in the room and wanted sex. She said she was going to go fuck him. I said, “Whoa! Don’t do it!” She said, “I can’t turn him down. I’m addicted.” Then she went offline.
RL: How were the pics?
Internetman: They were hot! A naked girl that age just looks like a woman, a little young, and the breasts are not quite as full, but they have full pussy hair and all. More or less a woman’s body by that age. Looked just as good as a naked woman, no better, no worse.
RL: Where are the pics?
Internetman: Deleted. Back in those days, it was no worries. But now things are extremely insane, and no way am I going to have any nude pics of teenage girls on my drive. I like women just fine anyway. I don’t have a teen fetish, and I think it’s weird if you do.
Another time this woman was in a chatroom. She was 18, but she had been molested all through her youth since age 8 by her family. Or that was her story. She told me this story, and how she had two sisters, 9 and 12 or so, and they were in on the scene too, the pedophilia scene. Pennsylvania, family affair. The girls were having sex from an early age with all the males of the family, father, uncles, cousins.
I guess a lot of guys must find that story exciting, because she said she had told it to like 90 young guys in that room, and they were all getting off on it. She thought most of them were just regular guys. I think they were just normal guys, but they liked the forbidden nature of it.
I realize now that it was a story of molestation, but the kids were getting off on it, so it seemed less bad. Though just the same, I guess it’s not right. Anyway, I would not do it. Doubt if I would turn them in either though. The girls were supposedly having fun for what it’s worth.
RL: Ever do any cam or voice cybering with underage girls?
Internet Man: Well, sort of. One time I was in this room. It was full of people, mostly teenagers, but there were a bunch of adults in there too, and even several adult women! The people in the room said a girl was naked on cam, so a lot of us went to look at her. She looked really young, but she was seriously hot too. She was naked, and she was masturbating like wild! It was cool, man!
I was like WTF. Then the people in the room said she’s only 13 years old. One guy said, “I know her! She goes to my school!” Well, she could well have been 13. But she had very full and large breasts, though they had that funny look about them? You know how girls’ breasts about 14-16 look, even if they are good sized? Sort of funny or weird in some strange way. Not quite a woman’s breasts for some reason.
She had full hair on her pussy. She was just like a woman in so many ways. But she had a very young little girl kind of face, and when she shut off the cam, she acted like a little girl in some way I can’t describe.
But to tell the truth, the show was seriously hot! LOL.
RL: Was it illegal?
Internet Man: LOL, I guess so, but there were a bunch of adults in the room too, including grown women, so what the Hell, eh? She was putting on a show for everyone of her own free will. What are they going to do? Arrest the whole room? Crazy.
But this was in a freer era. I’m very paranoid now. I don’t know what I would do if I ran across that now. I hope I don’t. Things are so weird now.
RL: Anything else?
Internet Man: Well, I used to talk to this young girl, 14 years old, on ICQ. She was rich and lived in Venice Beach, California. Her Dad was a notorious playboy, and she lived with him. Never-ending parade of women coming in and out. She thought it was funny. She used to talk to me about her body and how it was developing. We had some interesting conversations!
She kept bugging me to send her porn to look at, so finally I sent her some. It was really hardcore stuff, way dirty, but I won’t say what it was. She thought it was sort of shocking. Cool chick, lot of fun to talk to, but we never did anything sexual.
RL: Is any of that illegal?
Internet Man: You see, this was another era. You could send a teenage girl porn online. You could cyber with teenage girls. But now, adults are actually going down for talking dirty to teenage girls via texting and whatnot! There have been some cases. And clearly they can bust you for sending porn to a teenage girl.
And I think some guys on To Catch a Predator were even busted for talking dirty in chat to teenage girls. So anymore: You can’t talk dirty, cyber with or send porn to teenage girls online. It’s apparently all illegal now. No way am I ever doing this again, or at least I hope not.
RL: Ever see any real child porn (CP)?
Internetman: Well, you see, those rooms, they are perverted. Nothing but perverts in there of both sexes. And one thing is porn pic trading. People do pic trading all the time in there. Well, one time I was talking to this guy who was in there with his young wife. They were both perverts. The guy sends me this pic without asking, and I accept it. It’s like an older man nailing some little girl, screwing her! I look and it, and I’m like, “Whoa!” and deleted it right away.
RL: How did it look?
Internetman: Not erotic. More sick and disturbing. Like wrong. Hard to describe. It seemed like a bomb was heading right in my face from the computer ready to blow up in my face when I saw that pic. I couldn’t delete it fast enough.
Another time I met this guy in the rooms, and he was a major pervert. Young guy from San Diego, 23 years old, had a hot live-in gf, and they had sex all the time. But he also had a thing for girls around puberty age. I was getting curious, so I started talking to him.
He started sending me pics from Russia. I forget what they were exactly. Seemed to be girls about age 12 or 13. That doesn’t do much for me, but there is a “forbidden” factor about it that can be exciting. I didn’t really understand the guy’s fetish. He spent a lot of time dredging this illegal stuff up because it’s hard to find.
Guys would come to me on ICQ and say, “Pic trade?” I usually said yes because I’m a perv. One guy from Netherlands sent me CP without asking. I was mad and deleted it instantly like it was poison.
Later I got a bit curious because I came across the CP fiction stories.
RL: What are those?
Internetman: Well, they are legal! I got into that for a while because it was forbidden, so it was kind of hot. I actually jacked to some of those stories because they were exciting in some forbidden, ought to be illegal kind of way. So it just became another of my zillion perversions and kinks. Later I felt guilty about jacking to those stories and I decided I didn’t want to explore that area of sexuality.
RL: So are you a pedophile?
Internetman: Don’t think so. I’m not into that stuff, don’t want to explore it anymore, don’t want to read about, and anyway, I get off just fine on like a million other things. There’s a million other kinks, etc. I would rather explore. If you dx me pedo, you have to dx me with every other thousand kink and fetish in and out of the DSM.
RL: I don’t think you’re a pedo. Keep in mind that 28% of males react pretty strongly to pedo stimuli in the lab. Are 28% of all men pedos? I don’t think so. Most of them can take it or leave it. Pedophilia is a very strong and persistent interest, one of their main interests.
Internetman: Well, anyway, I started exploring further, and I got interested in CP. I wanted to see it, to see what all the fuss was about. So I spent like 2-3 weeks pounding away at the Net trying to find it. It is that hard to find. Finally I found a lot of it, but it was in Yahoo Groups! Back then Yahoo Groups were almost unpoliced, and there were lots of Yahoo CP Groups springing up all the time. They would pop up like mushrooms, immediately get like 8-14,000 members, then vanish into thin air. That was the MO.
RL: What guys were in the groups?
Internetman: Well, back then, you could talk to people in the groups, but Yahoo got rid of that feature. I talked to some of the guys. They seemed like regular, normal guys, just really curious. This stuff is illegal, and I honestly think the vast majority who look at it are just “curiosity seekers” . Not pedos in any way, shape or form.
One time I talked to the owner of a group.
RL: Who was he? Was he a pedo?
Internetman: A Bulgarian. I don’t think he was a pedo even 1%. What was he then? The guy was simply a criminal. He was Organized Crime. He was just doing this as a lucrative criminal venture. He said, “Here in Bulgaria, nothing is legal, nothing is illegal. Everything is legal, everything is illegal.” He was laughing the whole time.
RL: You saw the pics? How did you react?
Internetman: Yes I did. Grown men having sex with very young girls for the most part. Well, some of it was a bit hot, because it’s like a beautiful young girl sucking a cock, say, and it seems the same as if it was a woman.
But a lot was downright disturbing and even upsetting, and I think the very idea of adults have sex with kids is dubious and ought to be illegal. A lot of kids are hurt by this. Yes, some like it, but so what? It should be illegal just because it’s weird if for no other reason. Guys who do it need to go down. And CP unfortunately probably needs to be illegal too. I won’t have any on my drive, I won’t mess around with any kids, and pedo stuff is not part of my fantasy life. There is some stuff kids should not be exposed to, and one of those things is sex.
I remember one pic in particular was very upsetting. I think that guy in San Diego sent me the url. It was a guy about 40 screwing this girl who was like 8.
Something was just so wrong, sick and messed up about that. The man was way too big and too old, the girl was way too young and too small. I would not say it was “sick,” but it was just very weird, disturbing and upsetting. Sort of like those sicko gore and shock videos online. It was almost traumatizing to look at it. You look at it, and the main thing you think is, “WRONG. That is so wrong.”
You can’t even put your finger on why it’s wrong, it’s just wrong in some hard to describe way. It’s fucked up, and it’s so fucked up, it should not even be legal. It almost seems to scream crime too. But was it “sick?” Not really. Some behavior is just fucked up, wrong, not ok, messed up. So messed up that it ought to be outright banned, and if you do it, the cops should e able to haul you off. It’s something society should not tolerate for the simple reason that it is too fucked up to exist in a decent society. Ok?
RL: More or less my feelings too, though I have seen little of this stuff.
Internetman: You have seen CP?
RL: Only a few times. I used to prowl around on dirty Yahoo profiles all the time. And I found a few profiles that had CP on them as profile pics. Mostly it was young kids screwing each other, like a 9-10 year old boy and a girl the same age, but that also looks very weird and disturbing in some bizarro kind of way. Should it be illegal to do it? No idea. But pics like that should not be allowed.
I also saw some weird profile pics that were like mothers and daughters. Not sure if it was CP, but it seemed messed up. And a couple of times pic trading morons sent me pics of that crap. Like you, I was freaked out and deleted it immediately. I have seen maybe several photos of it – a few on Yahoo profiles, couple others idiots sent me.
Internetman: Oh well, I completed my investigation!
RL: You sure did. Should CP and adult-child sex be illegal?
Internetman: Oh Hell yeah. That stuff is so hard to find, and that’s because it is illegal. Once you make it legal, it will be everywhere, and that will be a catastrophe. And it’s a lie that it’s everywhere on the Net, simple for anyone to find. It is nearly impossible for the average surfer to accidentally run across such things.
Adult child sex needs to be illegal, especially age 12 and below. I don’t care what excuses they have. It’s hurts a lot of the kids, and anyway it ought be illegal, #1, just for being weird if for no other reason.
I have been told recently that prostitutes and porn stars get a lot of yeast infections and UTI’s. The reason, I assume, is that these infections are a hazard of promiscuity. But try as I might to track this down, I can’t seem to make any sense of it. Males rarely are carriers of yeast, so a promiscuous woman is unlikely to get more yeast infections than a non-promiscuous one.
Many things can cause a yeast infection, including friction and even a tampon. Some women even get them from certain kinds of condoms. The suggestion here is that sex itself, or possibly lots of sex, might sometimes give a woman a yeast infection. But there’s nothing implicating promiscuity. “Too much friction” could come from lots of sex with one partner or more than one. So is lots of sex bad for women then. It leads to yeast infections? I’m dubious. Only 25% of women get a yeast infection in their lives, and a lot more than that have plenty of sex.
What about UTI’s? Once again, I found no tie-in with promiscuity, but a possible one with sex period. It’s possible that some women get UTI’s simply from having sex. These are women who are very susceptible to them. So having sex gives you a UTI? Having lots of sex makes you even more likely to get one? Yikes. So why have sex then? Why bother, if all its going to do is give you a UTI?
Curious, I wondered whether masturbation gave women UTI’s. I Googled around, and found a page saying there was no evidence for this, then another page with a number of women writing in saying that masturbation was giving them UTI’s, with dildos and without. Wow! That’s really depressing. Women can’t express their sexuality in any way without risking a UTI? Jeez. One of the more depressing things I’ve heard in a bit.
Anyway, it appears that there is no connection at all between promiscuity and UTI’s and yeast infections in women. If porn stars and prostitutes are getting lots of these (a big if) then it’s because they’re getting fucked a lot, and it shouldn’t matter if you’re getting fucked by one or more than one person. So getting fucked a lot is bad for you? What a disturbing implication.
97% of men admit to having masturbated.
The other 3% are obviously lying. LOL.
I would imagine that most men are currently doing it too.
That’s one thing I don’t like about living with male roommates. Soon or later, you catch the guy jerking off, and it’s really embarassing for both parties. Either that or you can hear him doing it in the next room, and that makes me uncomfortable.
I figure that all single guys who are not living with a woman are jerking off. It’s just obvious. There’s no point discussing it.
Most married men are too, if truth be told. That’s a bit more of an interesting subject, but most men will just laugh if you bring it up.
A lot of stupid women think that male masturbation is absolutely hilarious. In the past, I’ve had some of them ask me if I did it. The answer was DUH. She started giggling. I felt like slapping the stupid bitch.
Guys don’t sit around and have conversations about, “Hey you do jerk off or not?” It’s like asking if you take a crap or eat. What’s there to discuss? On the other hand, the subject is somewhat taboo in that most guys don’t openly admit to doing it, say, “I just jerked off,” or discuss different ways of doing it. It’s all sort of taboo.
I knew a young guy once (age 21), who told me that he would go to guys’ houses and they would all sit around and watch porn and jerk off, but not do it with each other. I asked him if he thought that was gay, and he said no. It’s a pretty wild thing to do, and I don’t think I could handle it. Gay guys have jerkoff parties too. Not sure exactly what goes on there, but I guess it’s fun and doesn’t give you AIDS.
If you go into those adult book stores, there are movie stalls. It’s obvious, if they have locked doors, that about 100% of the guys in there are probably jerking off.
I was in this one in Garden Grove, California, once. It was run by Vietnamese who had the same attitude towards sex as a restaurant would have about food, which seems healthy. There were locked doors on the stalls, and obviously guys were jerking off in there. The Vietnamese guys were going up and down the aisle with a mop and a bucket, mopping the floor with soapy water all the time. A door would swing up, a guy would leave, and the Vietnamese guy would wisk his mop in there and mop around. They didn’t act like what these guys were doing was gross or horrible. They had the most bored, flat expressions on their faces. This was completely banal as far as they were concerned.
The ones that are run by White guys are a lot weirder. Even if they have locked stalls, if a guy stays too long on a stall, they conduct a raid on the stall and unlock the door. Guess what the guy insidie is doing! Then they act like cops when they catch him in the act. Fuck that. These guys are running a porno movie arcade, dammit. Guys are jerking off while watching the movies. LOL, duh, no kidding.
Instead of admitting that they do it, guys engage in endless jokes about masturbation. The hand in the air jerking off motion is a typical component of male conversation. Everyone knows what’s being said. But there’s no reason to admit to anything. Every now and then some idiot will insist he never does it or has never done it. This is met with an appropriate chorus of catcalls and “Liar!”
82% of women admit to having masturbated. That figures makes a bit more sense, and I’m sure there are women who currently don’t do it. Female sexuality is a lot stranger and more mysterious than male sexuality. But it’s amazing how many women are masturbating nowadays. This is one thing we sexual revolutionaries can be proud of. The unlocking of female sexuality. We gave them the key to the Room of Sexual Treasures and now they are rummaging around and having a ball.
You go, girls!
I know quite a few grown women who masturbate a lot.
Some do it every single day (age 45). She has a teenage daughter and she encourages her to do it too. I knew a teenage girl (age 16) who used to steal her Mom’s vibrator. She like to suck on it and pretend it was a cock. She asked if I thought that was weird. I said Hell no! When I was young, for a while we had some young girl relatives living with us. There was an electric toothbrush in the bathroom that kept disappearing. After a while, I figured out they were stealing it. They treated that thing like it pure 24 karat gold. At the time, I never exactly got it, but I always wondered. I don’t wonder anymore. Our relatives were around ages 13, 10 and 7!
I know women who surf porn for hours at a time, masturbating (age 30). I know another one who surfs the male webcams for hours on end, looking at the cocks as she puts it (age 23-27). I not sure if she’s masturbating, but she may well be. I used to talk to this Russian woman online. One time she said she had to go for a bit. She came back online and said she just masturbated herself to a great orgasm (age 35). I congratulated her on her awesome achievement.
All of this sounds like something a man would do.
Masturbation is the purest form of sexual pleasure and it’s a good way to measure inherent sex drive. In females, sexual desire is often tied in with emotional and psychological factors, but masturbation needs none of that. If women really didn’t like sex nearly as much as we do, you shouldn’t see all this Mother of All Female Masturbation Epidemics. The uncertainty you are seeing in real life sex is women who have lost interest in partners due to psychological and emotional factors.
In my life as a sex addict, I found that quite a few women were more than willing to accommodate my sex addiction. They were overjoyed to do it for hours a day (up to 6-8 hours a day), hours at a time (up to 2-3 hours), or 3-4 times a day. They were often the ones who were asking me for it 3-4 times a day. In general, they ranged in age from 18-34. I’m not sure if older women get into it like this. I figure they were just normal.
A woman is like an old machine that you wonder if it even works anymore. Once you flip that switch, it’s hard to shut it off unless you actually go to the wall and yank out the damned plus physically. Otherwise, it will keep humming away all day long.
As I age, I can’t really do it with young women (say age 23 or so) that much. Why? They always want to do it again, dammit! I’m 53 years old. “Do it again” is not part of my vocabulary, if it ever was.
If you made it through all of this hot text without reaching for your groin, it should be apparent that the notion, very popular among prudish women and men of all types, that women don’t like sex nearly as much as men do, is a theory that leaves much to be desired.
Actually, I would not recommend this. You would probably hurt your back. How do I know? Oh, I don’t know…
I’m not sure if I should post a link to this topic, because I don’t want people flooding over to the OCD forums to bother these people. These folks are suffering from a form of OCD that focuses on worrying that they are a pedophile. I will quote the site later on in the post after some expository material.
I wrote some articles about the subject, so I get a lot of emails from these folks, and I do a lot of online therapy with them.
Not bragging, but they often tell me I’ve done a better job than their real therapists.
One guy was a millionaire who had been hiring the best psychologists and psychiatrists in the country. He was paying some guy $500/hour 3 times a week for a year or so. A couple of hours with me on the phone and he got better than he had with the super-priced therapist in a year. Also, the psychiatrists had dx’d him as psychotic and put him on antipsychotics. I quickly figured out he was psychotic, and told him so. All I saw was OCD plus some depression.
He had developed a particularly nasty form of OCD called “Harm OCD” where they worry that they are going to commit an act of violence. I don’t know if they ever act on it. Maybe there was a case or two, but I’ve never heard of a real case. So I just assume that they are harmless. Most folks are seriously freaked out about this OCD form too, and think these folks are dangerous. The statistics show that actually people with OCD are the least likely to commit any irrational act of criminal violence.
I just treat them like they are harmless, and let it go at that. I even laugh at them when they tell me they are afraid they’re going to kill someone. It’s ridiculous. The millionaire, after two hours with me on the phone, finally got out of his house for the first time in 4 years. Actually, that’s an exaggeration, but you get the picture. I simply told him he was harmless, was never going to act on it, and to quit worrying.
I think I also gave him the Knife Therapy. I told him to put a legal knife in his pocket and go into a bunch of stores and whatnot, walking all around town with the knife. After a while, you’re not whipping out the knife and killing anyone, so you start to get over the fear.
I had one guy with Harm OCD who was a dwarf. I used to make fun of him and say, “What are you going to do, reach up and stab someone in the knee?” It’s good to ridicule the disorder and make fun of them, because most people, including therapists, are freaking out on these people, and that just makes them worse.
This guy was also starting to get sadistic and pedophilic fantasies and imagery interfering with his masturbatory fantasies. He didn’t have a partner, so he masturbated. As he did so, fantasies of murder, torture, pedophilia, etc. intruded as intrusive thoughts.
Unfortunately, this is a pretty common complication, especially in young men. The main thing is that the OCD stuff is intrusive, that’s how you can tell it’s not normal. But they get upset about it because now the weird stuff is getting tied in with sexual arousal, and they can’t figure out if it turns them on or not.
There are lots of folks who get off on sadistic stuff. We call them Sexual Sadists. They’re quite common, especially in the gay male community. For straights, sexual sadism, like all paraphilias, begins in adolescence. They enjoy it and get off on it, the same way normal guys get off Raquel Welch or whoever. It feels natural, normal, like it’s a regular part of themselves. The fantasies are not intrusive. They feel just like any guy’s normal sexual fantasies. Do you try to stop those?
They like it! They don’t really want to stop thinking about it, because it’s too much fun. Sexual Sadism is a problem of desire. OCD is a problem of fear.
That’s the difference. Most sexual sadists are not dangerous, but a few of them are. Sometimes it escalates, and the sadist might start worrying that it’s getting out of control and he’s really going to hurt someone one of these times.
The differential diagnosis between Harm OCD and sociopathy is quite simple.
The sociopath loves to think about hurting or killing people. Serial killer types go around all day long thinking about little else. They don’t feel bad about the thoughts and they never try to stop them. If they are out around the town all day and if they like to kill say young women, they will be looking at every young woman they see and fantasizing about how they are going to capture, torture, rape and kill her.
They may not carry the acts out, mostly because they’re afraid that they might get caught. But they can’t see anything wrong torturing, raping and murdering people for fun. It’s simply their idea of a good time. Since they don’t see anything wrong with mayhem, they never show up in therapy and never ask for help. Sociopathy is a problem of lack of morality. OCD is a problem of fear.
Pedophilia is a tough case, because it’s so confusing. Most child molesters are true pedophiles, that is, they prefer sex with children over sex with adults. Most of them don’t like sex with adults at all, or at least not much.
There’s a website that profiles pedophiles here. It’s clear, looking through those histories, that this once again is a problem of desire. Pedophilia is a problem of desire. OCD is a problem of fear.
These guys have almost all gotten off preferentially on kid stuff since adolescence. They’re interested in adults only a little, or not at all.
They are almost all extremely happy to be pedophiles – that is, they love it! It’s what gets them off. I have no objection to their orientation, and I realize that they can’t help it, and there’s no cure for it. However, they do have to be celibate. This is going to be a problem, because how many of us are good at being celibate? So we need to watch these people all the time to make sure that they don’t act on their orientation. As long as they don’t act on their orientation, I think we need to respect them.
I don’t really know what to do with pedophiles. Maybe we should throw them on islands where everyone is over 18.
To the pedophile, pedophilic fantasies feel natural, normal, healthy, right, a part of you. They’re not really bothered by them, and they don’t try to stop them.
A lot of these POCD types start going round and round because there are some pedophiles who are not happy with their orientation. That’s not really the best way to put it. More that they are not happy with the way that society treats their orientation.
I tell people to imagine this: If you are heterosexual and repulsed by the idea of homosexuality, try this fantasy. Suppose that homosexuality was the same as heterosexuality is now. Suppose it was just normal to be gay. Suppose heterosexuality was treated the same way as pedophilia is now. Suppose straights were treated as evil, sick fucks who need to be tortured in prison forever.
Straight sex was illegal, and even straight porn was illegal. Revealing that you were straight meant you might get your ass kicked or even killed; or at any rate, massive societal rejection would ensue. I ask them how they would feel? This is how the pedophile feels.
Most straights would refuse to engage in gay sex and would continue to fantasize about straight sex. They would masturbate to it and enjoy it. Despite all the societal propaganda, they would collect straight porn even though it was illegal. They would form networks with other persecuted straights. They would campaign for changes in the laws to make straight sex legal.
Societal propaganda would try to say that straight sex caused serious emotional harm, but the straights would refuse to believe that. And in spite of severe legal penalties, they would probably try to engage in straight sex. They would not feel bad about being straights, but would only be mad at society for persecuting them.
With this analogy, you can imagine what it’s like to be a pedophile in straight society.
If you go to Wikisposure, you can see that almost all pedophiles are utterly unapologetic about their orientation, believe that kids are sexual and have sex drives (dubious), and believe that adults having sex with kids is good for kids, fun and helpful to both the kid and the pedophile.
There’s a lot of evidence now that this is not the case. For whatever reason, a lot of kids who get molested have problems later on. Why they have problems is not known, but I don’t think it’s relevant. It’s a great reason not to do something like that – chances are, you’re going to hurt the kid.
Things get complicated when some of the POCD types start testing out their POCD by masturbating to pedo fantasies. They usually just masturbate to fantasies, as child porn is illegal. They are often seriously freaked out when they find that often it’s pleasurable. This opens up a serious dx difficulty. If the person enjoys it, they’re a pedo, right? Well, not really.
At least 28% of normal males react to pedophilic stimuli in the lab (Not sure how they did that experiment). They often react quite strongly. The difference is that they react to normal stuff too. With pedophilia, there’s a preference for the kid stuff and a lack of interest in normal sex. I suppose there are nonpreferential types, but they can probably take it or leave it. With actual pedophilia, you’ve been getting off strongly to pedo stuff from adolescence on. It feels natural, normal, fun, like it’s a regular part of you.
This is a pretty typical case that I deal with below. As you can see, he is complicating matters by masturbating to pedo fantasies as some kind of “testing,” but that’s just going to make him even more crazy.
At any rate, recent research shows that all normal straight males react to females all the way down to age 7. Maximal response it at age 16+. Below age 16, the response curve rapidly descends down to age 7, where it extinguishes. So really any normal male has a reaction even to prepubescent girls. It’s just not very strong is all, and it’s easily ignored.
Just spent a relaxing couple of days at a friend’s house, and started to feel ok, decided maybe I did have POCD after all and it was all in my mind, then started spiking really bad in the afternoon about various paedophilia-related things, including feeling a sudden surge of arousal when testing to see if I was aroused by paedophilia, when I had trouble getting off to normal pornographic fantasies, though managed to eventually.
I started feeling better later on after writing down my worries but then at the end of a walk in the park two young (pre-pubescent) girls walked close to me, and I thought one was cute and felt a vague groinal response, maybe a partial erection.
Then I thought, it must just be the anxiety, but then I couldn’t dismiss the feeling of finding the girl cute, and thought, ‘I never find young girls cute’, it must be sexual attraction, and ‘I must be sexually attracted to young girls’, and at this I felt a sudden intense arousal, and I couldn’t stop thinking about this, my arousal growing, then I thought, ‘If I give in and get myself off to this, it proves I’m a paedophile and I’ll end up looking up pictures of children on the internet to get off to and then that’ll lead to me molesting a child’, and horribly these thoughts made me even more intensely aroused, but I don’t think these thoughts were due to my OCD making me think of the progression of actions, it was maybe more a series of escalating sexual urges.
At the time of these thoughts, to make it even worse, I was only resisting slightly, but my anxiety grew, and I started worrying about these thoughts, but the arousal was still there strongly, and when I got home, despite my anxiety and decreased arousal, I gave in to the arousal, unable to resist, and ended up getting off to images of the two young girls ‘together’ if you know what I mean, though not in a particularly explicit way, which I think makes it even worse that the arousal and orgasm were so intense.
Immediately after, I felt shame and deep depression, realizing I must almost certainly be a paedophile, with OCD, rather than someone with POCD as all these events fit the symptoms of paraphilias and not POCD at all.
I only post here in the vague hope this can be explained as POCD, but the fact that even now in my depression and anxiety I still feel the arousal combined with the events described means there isn’t really any hope of it being POCD rather than paedophilia.
I guess now I need to work out how to fix this, if that’s even possible. For past details, see my previous post. Very depressed…
UPDATE: I now seem to be blocking out this incident as I have great trouble accepting that it happened and this blocking out serves further to convince me that I am a paedophile in denial as someone in denial would block things out like this, things which show they are a paedophile (and the omission of the word might when I wrote this seems to confirm I’m blocking this out due to denial and deep down believe I am a paedophile) whereas I think someone with OCD would not block these things out, especially not so easily (denial=easy to block out OCD=hard and thoughts recur from past experience) but would worry about them constantly and their implications.
FURTHER UPDATE: I now remember there was anxiety ‘during’ the arousal after the initial intense arousal, which like the later anxiety decreased my feelings of arousal I think, which suggests the intense arousal was not caused by anxiety, maybe just from the thought of acceptance, which as I typed just caused a feeling of arousal, but now when very anxious I only have mild feelings of arousal, though not thinking paedophilic thoughts.
This is really messing me up…I also now remember at the conclusion of the thoughts thinking ‘I’m a paedophile’ and getting a rush of excitement and arousal rather than disgust like I do now at the thought. Anxiety might have come straight after this but I’m really not sure…
Other than the run-on sentences, I can’t see anything wrong with this guy, other than anxiety issues that he is torturing himself with. As you can see, this person is just going round and round about anxieties in their head, and his mind is chasing it’s tail. He’s trying to think his way to a correct solution of this problem, but that’s not going to be possible.
A concise picture emerges from this case study. Although there are some variations, this is the classic picture that I see in most every case. I tell them that it seems like they are reading off the same script.
The OCD just preys on whatever you are most afraid of. There’s ridiculous and insane mass hysteria about child molesters nowadays, and being a child molester is about the worst thing that you could be. OCD tells you your worst fears are going to come true. Since people are terrified of pedophilia, we are seeing a lot of OCD playing into this fear. A while back, there was a wave of AIDS OCD. It just plays up whatever fears are floating around in society.
1 porn movie
Remove your pants and underwear and sit on the bed. Turn on the porn movie. While watching the porn movie, casually pump your pussy with the dildo. With the other hand, slowly rub your clit. Continue slowly for 10-15 minutes, or until orgasm.
Death. Best served cold.
Modern women have no understanding of the male sex drive and what it means to be a male whatsoever. My Mom’s generation and Third World women understand us very well. They’re not wild about our sexuality, but they figure boys will be boys, that’s just the way men are, and what can you do about it?
The feminist generation is the first one to actually declare war on male sexuality and pathologize it. It’s also led to profoundly disturbed views among females about male sexuality. Modern women seem the extremity of a young man’s sex drive. He almost literally has a fucking hardon all day. If not, all it takes is a breeze and he’s got one. And often no place to put it at that.
Hence the epidemic of situational homosexuality among young males (at least when I was growing up). Most of these guys were not the slightest bit gay, but they just were not getting laid. For a young guy, that’s a damned five-alarm fire. If there’s a queer around who will jerk you off or give you head, hey, any port in a storm. I’ve followed up on a number of these guys. Most of them got married, had kids, live in the suburbs, and as far as I can tell, knocked off the situational bisexuality crap.
I once had a friend who was a bisexual guy. I don’t like these guys too much because they always try to screw me, but anyway, after I turned this guy down at his place, he started confessing. The guy was basically gay, but he liked women too. He brought out a collection of pics of young guys, head shots. There must have been 40-50 pics in the collection. They all looked like young, macho construction workers around 20-25. They’d all let this queer suck them off, and not a one of them looked queer themselves.
A friend of mine served on a ship as a young man.
“There was this fag on the ship,” he told me once over some wine and weed. “He was going around sucking guy’s cocks on the ship.”
I winced. I didn’t want to hear that.
“I guess he sucked a lot of cocks,” nodding his head with dead seriousness in his eyes.
“I guess so,” I said, wincing again, this time twice as hard.
Modern women don’t understand how often a horny young guy will jerk off. A young man with no partner may well jerk off every single day, often more than once. I know guys who told me they did it for hours a day, for weeks and months on end. Modern women think there is something sick, weird, strange, or stupid about that. There’s an attitude that only losers jerk. No, you silly dames, only men jerk off.
In marriage it’s even worse. Apparently even most young married men keep on masturbating. Modern women think this is horrible and consider it perversion and infidelity.
Same with porn. Young single males nowadays often look at tons of porn. I know guys who have hard drives full of the stuff. Even young married men probably look at the stuff. Modern women are freaked, once again consider it cheating (LOL!) and are divorcing men for looking at porn, accusing them in court papers of sexual perversion and “pedophilia” for looking at porn. There are a few cases right in my town.
A surprising number of modern women think that single guys can have sex anytime they want to. They don’t get it. Who can have sex anytime they want to? Females! Attractive females spend every day swatting away horny males. Surely it must be the same for guys.
I’ve had women repeatedly tell me that any single guy can get as much as he wants, anytime he wants. There are all these women out there who want to make “sexual arragements” with you, you know. You know, you fuck her, she fucks you, no wedding bells, no babies, no mortgage, everything’s cool.
Hell, women are ringing my phone off every day here asking for these sexual arrangements. At least 10 a day. I’m gonna need to change my number!
Well, if there’s no women around, a guy can always buy it, right? That’s not an option for most middle class White males. I know very few men who ever admitted to me that he bought sex. As a rule, if a young middle class White guy admits he bought sex, all of his idiot friends are going to pound him for him. “I’ve never paid for it!” They will all exclaim. Yeah right. Like Hell you haven’t.
Funny thing is I’ve never heard any man over 40 give me that line, “I’ve never paid for it.” You always pay for sex, one way or another. All men know this. That’s what is so retarded about the, “I never pay for it,” line.
I know one guy who had sex with a lot of whores. He also did it with a lot of women. I figure he’s had over 100 partners easily. He’s a great looking guy, sort of Alpha, and he’s horny as Hell. He just never got married, that’s all.
He’s screwed a bunch of whores, but he’s done a ton of so-called “non-whores” too (who also charged him). Back in the 1980′s, he used to buy high class call girls in Hollywood. Going price was around $65 if you were lucky. In addition to getting laid, you also got a Herpes infection. As he already had it, he didn’t give a fuck, but he kept getting new infections in different places, from both prostitutes and non-prostitutes, but the whores were the worst.
He also went to Oriental Massage Parlors a lot. You can get seriously get laid in these places, but they are also a serious bust, since they operate with open signs, advertisements, you name it. The women in these joints are Asian, often young and very often attractive to extremely beautiful. Going rate was $65-85+ for 30 minutes to 1 hour.
Thing is, you often had to seduce the masseuses. They make a decent wage just giving massages, and a lot don’t want to go to jail or screw every client, or any client. If you’re not Joe Slick Alpha, you might never get laid. Even this guy, who is Joe Cool with chicks, often struck out in massage parlors. In that case, you just get a nice $55 massage. The sex is extra, tipped directly to the girl.
If you’re slick and cool, you can often seduce them. Then you get handjobs, blowjobs, even eat pussy and 69 if you like that sort of thing. Sex is rarer. The women are very clean, and he said he never caught a thing.
He also sampled street whores, who he said were a disaster. Often Black, often on drugs, often with very bad, sleazy attitudes, and yes, they have lots of diseases. They were cheap, $20 back then, but no sane guy goes there.
Here it is 20-25 years later, and the price must be around $150 for Oriental Massage and $130 for call girls, or possibly much more. Even street whores must be $40 at least.
There is another thing to consider. Prostitution is against the law. You can be busted as a john for trying to buy a whore. Oriental massage joints are often busted. The cops take over the joint and send in Oriental female undercover cops. You go in there, offer the chick $40, and you’re cuffed for soliciting.
My friend made good money, but even back then, he could only afford whores maybe once a month. That’s not enough sex for a typical young man. At the going price of ~$150 a shot, how many young guys can afford to buy whores?
Even if, as a single man, you find a women willing to give it to you, she’s charging. Dinner, movie, bar afterwards, is what? $100. I don’t know, it’s been forever since I did it. If you’re getting it regularly, she probably wants to be taken out once a week, if not 2-3 times a week. Figure $100/week easily for the girlfriend. I paid my dues as required, but my memory was endless bitching about how I needed to start making more money. And how the women I was dating were always making more money than I was, but would never even so much as pay the fuckin tip.
At $100/week for a girlfriend, how many guys can afford that?
Don’t forget anniversaries. It’s our one month anniversary, our two month anniversary, our one year anniversary. Don’t forget holidays. Christmas, Easter, Valentine’s Day, on and on. Fork, fork, fork. Now you’re going to be asked to actually buy some stuff. Jewelry, outfits, cellphones, computers, Hell, even cars!
Yeah, free love, right. What were we fighting for back then anyway?
The “Game” and PUA (Pickup Artist Community) guys is a movement of guys who are trying to teach other guys how to get women. More crudely, you can say they are teaching them how to get laid. However, some married men with no interest in cheating are just using game to try to control their out of control wives, or as one man put it, “to deal with the insanity of the typical American wife.”
Game teaches you how to manipulate and control women in order to get them to do what you want them to do. Women use Game on us all the time. They constantly try to manipulate and control us to try to get us to do what they want us to do. Each sex is entitled to use Game or any other legal techniques to try to get their partners and love interests to do what they want them to do, assuming everything is legal.
There are no moral issues here, because all’s fair in love and war. Tell you what, women? You first. You stop fighting dirty first (Women are the ultimate champions at fighting dirty; men are just cheap penny pikers), then we’ll follow suit.
What the PUA community does and the techniques it uses go for beyond the scope of this post.
Some of their techniques involve phrases like ASD, LMR and bitch shield. When a woman is not giving you sex or physical affection, she is said to have her bitch shield up. Ok, that’s kind of funny. Me? I just might not call her back unless I have a chance soon. I go to work real soon, and I am manhandling and getting physical by the first date. I get slapped down a lot, and it doesn’t always get me into bed, but in general, it works great. You have to get physical with these women!
ASD and LMR stand for anti-slut defense and last-minute resistance. This is when the woman is holding out on you. Ok, that’s kind of funny too. Usually in my case she has already gotten really physical with me but is now holding out on the best part of the game. Of course I have utilized all sorts of psychological techniques to wear down these common defenses. I recommend other guys do too.
These PUA guys also do stuff called “negs,” and “refusing to validate.” I don’t see the point. Negs is where you insult her, often openly and in front of others. It’s testament to the extremely low moral quality of the female in general that this disgusting technique makes them want to mate with us.
“Refusing to validate” is similar. To some extent, this makes sense, but I’m not going to do it in that callous PUA way. Problem is that most guys fall all over themselves like puppy dogs or babies when they are with women, kissing women’s feet, showering them with stupid lines, gifts, compliments and adoring, puppy-like affection. Reasonably enough, many women find such self-abasing behavior disgusting.
My technique is to act like, “Hey look, I’m too busy to chase women! What the Hell do you want anyway?”
Another one is to act like you have women after you all the time.
“Oh boy, here’s one more, just what I need? So impress me babe. Realize you’re competing with hundreds of other females for my overwhelmingly desired attention? How are you going to show me you’re better than the rest? How are you going to beat all these other women.”
Another thing is to never let a woman know you’re not dating anyone. Traditional women don’t mind hearing it, but American women are psycho. He not dating anyone means, “He’s a loser.” Women only want what others want or better yet have. Never let them know at the beginning that they are the only one. Never let them know that you aren’t getting any. Always give them the impression that you have an easy return no questions asked policy and she can be replaced with a better model anytime.
Never let a woman know you’re lacking in sexual experience. Never let a woman know you’ve been celibate for any length of time at the present. A history of many women works better than a history of few to none. Women say they hate studs, but they can’t stop sleeping with them.
As soon as women figure out you haven’t been getting any, or you lack sexual experience, or haven’t had many women in your life, they will start running their own Game on you, and boy! You think the PUA guys’ Game is evil! Wait til you see this Game she’s about to run on you! The only way to deal with women is from a position of strength. Women see weakness, grab the ball and make a 90-yard dash to make a touchdown in your territory, then throw the ball to the ground and dance a little jig right on your balls.
It’s sad that we have to act this way, but really, these somewhat shitty techniques work great.
Anyway, that’s my version of Game. It’s worked quite well for me in life.
I don’t like the PUA or game community all that much. They say to get women you need to act like an asshole and treat women like shit to some extent. They’ve tested these theories as scientifically as you can, and they’ve proven that they’ve worked. They throw out theory that doesn’t work and try new things all time. It’s a very science-based approach.
This just reaffirms my increasingly low opinion of women. I see. So…the way for me to get women is to be mean to them, do “negs” on them, treat them like shit, “refuse to validate them,” on and on.
Well, nothing new here. I’ve noticed for 35 years that the assholes get most of the women, and the rest of the guys don’t get crap, or get evil carping bitches. Worse, the women are nice to the assholes, and seem to enjoy being treated like shit by a bunch of near sociopaths.
Well, that’s just wonderful, isn’t it? Want to be successful with women? Just act like a quasi-psychopath, treat ‘em like crap, insult them, cheat on them, psychologically abuse them, because the damned bitches are masochistic freaks and get off on being treated like shit by a modern day Caveman with a club. And the nice guys get kicked in the balls and then kicked to the curb.
Wonderful, just wonderful. Game isn’t telling me anything new. If mentally ill masochistic females reward the most callous, cruel and sociopathic males with the most love, sex and obedient behavior, while the nice guys always lose, who can blame guys for giving some of these crazy biatches what they want? I won’t.
But it’s not for me. If I have to “invalidate,” “neg,” treat like shit, insult and abuse women in order to get laid, Hell, I’ll just stay home. I have a hard drive full of porn, and that’s all I need, but at least my conscience will be clear.