Category Archives: Borderline

Dealing with the Victims in Underage Sex Cases: Are We Making them Even Worse by “Treating” Them?

A commenter points out that two of the adult women who are suing the men who downloaded porn movies of them being molested as kids didn’t seem to be particularly bothered by the molestation at the time of the abuse. This is unfortunately a rather typical scenario – more typical than anti-abuse activists like to think.

One wonders if we are making these girls worse. Some of them anyway don’t feel particularly harmed by this experience, but then we drag them into therapy and drum it into their heads over and over how horrible this was and how it ruined their lives, and lo and behold, soon they are completely screwed up in the head!

Above all, do no harm. Hippocratic oath.

If the girls don’t feel harmed and don’t seem screwed up by the child sex abuse, then why not just leave it at that?

A lot of teenage girls are having sex with older men and even older women. In the history of mankind, this has never made any 15-17 year old girl crazy. It’s normal sexual behavior. But we drag them into therapy, tell them that they got “molested,” and what do you know, soon they have all sorts of psychiatric symptoms and acting out behaviors. They go running around to therapists for years, and live screwed up lives. One wonders how many of these symptoms were simply manufactured?

We even have cases of teenage boys having sex with their teachers. In one case, the boy was 17 years old. Now, if no older girl has ever been hurt by sex with an adult (which is to be honest a bit questionable) then surely no teenage male in the history of time has ever been injured by having sex with an older woman. It’s called getting an education! Now this kid has psychiatric symptoms and he’s acting out and screwing up his life. He’s going to therapists and going on and on about how he got “molested” (LOL!) by this horrific 30 year old sexpot. What a joke!

Granted in many cases, especially when the kids are below teenage years (12 and under), the victims of illegal sex are indeed harmed.

In some cases, sadly there is physical harm, and it has now been documented, in many cases of actual child molestation (12 and under) and girls and boys are harmed emotionally. We can now even view the harm physically on actual photos of the brain. They carry this harm with them into adulthood and it manifests in all sorts of ways, typically with psychiatric symptoms.

Many women with Borderline Personality Disorder, for example, seem to have been physically, emotionally or sexually abused and the abuse seems correlated with their symptoms, though admittedly this is somewhat controversial (some say that Borderlines are just nuts and are exaggerating normative behaviors as abuse or hallucinating or fabricating the abuse as part of their illness).

Anyone contemplating doing such a thing should look at the evidence that if you do this, there is a good chance that the kid will be harmed emotionally, and the harm be last quite a while. So child molesting in many cases is akin to rape, battery, mugging, robbery, burglary, theft and other crimes where the victim is obviously harmed. It’s near a crime of violence in that sense – violence to the child’s psyche. Too many people think this stuff is victimless crime.

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Filed under Borderline, Crime, Law, Mental Illness, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology, Sex

Harm OCD Versus Other Conditions: Differential Diagnosis

A very frequent complaint in OCD patients is thoughts of harm, either harming oneself or others. The general rule is that the person never acts on the thoughts, although this is somewhat controversial. Some say there have been a few cases of OCD’ers acting on their harm obsessions. It’s just that I have personally never heard of a case. In addition, as a peer counselor, I have worked with many people who have this particular theme as they come to me for help. I haven’t met one person yet who acted on the thoughts, and I have known people who have had this theme for 25 years or more.

In one case, a man had an obsession about turning his bicycle either in parked cars or into pedestrians (I forget which). He did say that sometimes he would just start to act on the obsession and turn his bicycle, but every time he did this, he simply crashed his bike. No one was hurt other than himself.

Generally, people read my articles and simply self-diagnose as OCD with whatever theme they have going. 100% of the people coming to me self-diagnosing as harm theme were in fact suffering from that very condition.

What to look for:

Resistance: I would look first and foremost for resistance. Look at how hard the person fights the thought. The harder the person fights the thought, the more likely it is to be an obsession. In fact, I would say that thoughts that are ferociously resisted are always or almost always obsessions. Resistance to thoughts is not commonly seen in other conditions. In asking around informally, I found that most persons without OCD simply do not ever try to stop or fight off their thoughts. They tell me things like, “I only think things I want to think,” and “I don’t have unwanted thoughts.” So resistance to thoughts in non-OCD’ers is probably not common.

Although it is often said that resistance is a bad sign in OCD as it makes OCD worse, I don’t really mind seeing resistance. The reason is that if a person is ferociously resisting and doing so successfully, then the OCD is simply not that bad yet. As OCD gets worse and worse, resistance gets harder and harder. I have talked to a number of people where the thoughts have simply taken over the person’s mind and are going all the time. They can’t resist them anymore, if they ever could. Inability to resist thoughts or thoughts that have completely taken over is what I regard as a more serious case.

Ego-dystonic: The person hates the thoughts, or at least it seems as if a large part of the person hates the thoughts. The new theory is that the entire self hates the thoughts and that no part of a person wants an obsession, but this is a bit controversial. Nevertheless, this is what I believe. I have had people tell me things like, “I hate this with every fiber of my being.” That’s a good sign when they can think like that. As the condition worsens, the person gets more and more confused about whether they like the thoughts or not or want to get rid of them or not.

In an advanced case of Harm OCD, the person will feel evil and it will seem as if they like the thoughts and do not want to get rid of them. Nevertheless, feeling evil, feeling like they like the thoughts and feeling like they don’t want them to go away will cause alarm and profound anxiety in the person as they feel that they are turning evil.

Ego-alien: The person is often confused as to why they are even thinking these thoughts. They tell me, “I have thought one million times, why the Hell would I even think of this stuff even one time, ever?” “I love my mother/father/husband/wife, etc. so why am I thinking about killing them?” I ask them if they feel angry and they often say that they don’t. The person is often frankly mystified why they are even having these feelings in the first place.

Thoughts go against the person’s morals: This is the reason for all of the distress, the resistance, the anxiety and the alarm. The thought of hurting or killing others seems profoundly wrong on at least some level. This moral feeling is what engenders the strong resistance, discomfort, anxiety, worry, alarm and whatnot.

Differential diagnosis: There are apparently quite a few people with ego-syntonic fantasies of hurting and killing other people. Sometimes it is someone they hate and sometimes it is just anyone in general, women in general, or whatever. The whole problem with this sort of thinking is that the people who are never going to do it are the only ones who show up clinically – that is, only the OCD’ers are ever going to show up. The people who are really going to hurt or kill other people or who like to think about it and area not bothered by it simply do not show up seeking help.

They go through life either choosing to think these violent thoughts, or at some point they give them up. In some cases, they act on them, but in many other cases, they do not. But this is a real problem: truly violent people generally simply do not show up clinically asking for help to try to stop acting on their violent urges. It would be nice if they did, but they just do not.

Sociopathy: This is not OCD. Sociopathy develops in childhood and adolescence and is generally a long standing problem. A non-sociopathic person simply cannot turn into a sociopath in adulthood de novo; it’s not possible. If you’re not a sociopath by age 18, you will never be one.

A casual survey by a friend of mine of sociopaths on an Internet board revealed that most to all sociopaths agreed with the following: “Thinking about hurting or killing people is one of the few things that I actually enjoy thinking about.” So we see that most sociopaths take great pleasure in thinking about hurting or killing people. They think about it whenever they want to. If they want to think about it, they do, if they don’t want to think about it, they don’t. It’s ego-syntonic. They don’t feel bad about having these sorts of thoughts. Thinking about this stuff is simply their idea of a good time.

Unfortunately, most sociopaths never show up in a clinician’s office. However, there is a team currently following 5 teenage sociopaths with clinically significant fantasies of being serial killers. They love to think these thoughts. They are ego-syntonic. They enjoy them. Just thinking about something is fortunately not grounds yet for hospitalizing someone. Anyone can fantasize about being any kind of criminal that they want to be. As long at they don’t do anything, there’s nothing that the law or psychiatry can do. In the case of the five young men above, the team is doing an intervention to try to prevent these kids from acting on these fantasies of theirs.

It is certainly possible to have feelings like this for years, even decades, without ever acting on them. One theory is that for every one person running around being a serial killer, say, there are maybe 100-1000 (or some unknown number) who dream of such things but due to various controls or fears or whatnot, they are unwilling to act on their fantasies. Nobody has to do anything.

Lack of guilt: You will sometimes run across people who have violent fantasies about people they hate. This is not OCD. They will often tell you that they are not going to act on the thoughts, but it sounds like a good idea since they hate the person so much. They do not feel guilty about these thoughts; instead they enjoy them. The thoughts are not resisted. A famous psychiatrist said, “A homicidal fantasy a day keeps the psychiatrist away.”

In some more florid conditions such as Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar Disorder, the person is making overt threats and seems to be capable of carrying them out. In my experience, they generally still don’t act on the threat, at least not homicidally. Obviously in some cases they do though. But I have observed that the overwhelming majority of homicidal threats are simply empty threats.

Nevertheless, this is cause for alarm, and under the Tarsakoff Rule, they can be hospitalized for making specific threats towards a specific person. In other words, if a person says, “I feel like killing people,” there is nothing we can do. There’s nothing to act on. But if a person is making a specific threat towards a certain known individual that seems to be a credible threat, clinicians have to notify the person being threatened and the person making the threats may be hospitalized, although in many cases, they are not committed,or if they are, it is only for the 1-3 day minimum. It is very hard, if not impossible, to determine in a clinical setting exactly who is dangerous and who is not.

Potential serial killer stopped: I read a case online that was very interesting. A man had Bipolar Disorder. At some point in the disorder, he developed elaborate fantasies of being a serial killer. He had assembled a very fancy murder kit including all the implements and whatnot that he might need. He also had a list of about 20 people he was going to kill. He had been following them and observing them for some time and had taken precise notes on many aspects of their location, travels, and behavior. He had notebooks with elaborate plans on how he planned to kill these people.

It’s not known how or why he revealed this in therapy, but he did. The threat was considered credible enough to be actionable. He was hospitalized for 1.5 years in an institution in which he underwent intensive therapy and was given medication. At the end of the period, his fantasies and desires to be a serial killer had been completely eliminated. He no longer wanted to do these things. The team said this was a very unusual case of intervention.

They noted that he was not a sociopath, and this was probably the only reason that he volunteered his plans in therapy and was able to renounce his desires, be alleviated of his desires and return to society as a healthy member. The man had apparently had some ambivalence about his plans, and this was due to his not being a sociopath. This was not a case of OCD. He enjoyed his elaborate plans, had been planning them for some time, had assembled kits and stalked potential victims and had elaborate, pleasurable, long standing and ego-syntonic fantasies about homicide which were not resisted.

A person with Harm OCD will never assemble a murder kit, write down elaborate plans for how they are going to kill people, stalk potential victims or even carry weapons. The overwhelming emotion here is fear, and the tremendous fear will prevent them from doing any of those things.

In fact, I have talked to a number of Harm OCD people who had “disarm” themselves before they went to see another person. They would have to remove all potential weapons from their person so they could not use them to attack the person they were with. I had others who would “disarm their vehicle” when another person was getting into it. They would take all potential weapons and hide them under the seat of the car so they would not use them to attack the person.

Sexual sadism: Sexual sadism is a paraphilia that almost always develops in its strong form in childhood or adolescence. The person’s preferred means of arousal involves hurting, inflicting pain on, humiliating, degrading, insulting and abusing an other person. These are people who like to hurt other people. They get off on it sexually.

Unfortunately, a very large number of serial killers are sexual sadists. They kill in order to get off sexually. Their masturbatory fantasies, since childhood or adolescence, have typically involved sadism, torture or even homicide. It is very common for serial killers to have a history of kinky sex with their wives or lovers. The kinky sex usually involved bondage, discipline and sadism and masochism. In addition, many have an erotic arousal going with images of dead bodies. They collect photos of dead bodies or women who appear to be dead. They apparently get off to images of this sort of thing. This sort of “death pornography” is available on the Internet, and it is quite dangerous. It may be legitimate to ban it.

I would also like to point out that the BD/SM scene is not a harmless scene. You are far more likely to run into a highly dangerous person in the BD/SM than outside of it. In a recent case in Fallbrook, California, a Marine wife was murdered by a BD/SM threesome in part to realize a sadistic sexual fantasy of theirs. And that is not the only such case where BD/SM sex scenes escalated out of control to homicide or serial homicide.

In a recent article by a young woman who joined the Yale University BD/SM club, she said she met a man there who pulled a knife on her and raped her, then said it was a BD/SM act. These acts escalated over time. At one point, he suggested to her that he was a serial killer. It is actually not uncommon to run into such folks in the BD/SM scene as sociopaths and sadists who are interested in hurting people will be attracted to this sort of sex.

Unfortunately, in many cases, sexual sadism tends to escalate over time. There have been cases of serial killers or murderers who could only orgasm if they were pretending to strangle their wives. A rather typical case might involve a gay man who is a sadist (sadism is extremely common in the gay community). His sadistic activities escalate over time. The last time he had sex, he burned a man with cigarettes. He got so excited that he wanted to kill the man, and he had to restrain himself from doing that. He presented to therapy thinking he was out of control. He was afraid he would kill the next man he had sex with.

This is not OCD. Fantasies in paraphilias such as sexual sadism are typically very pleasurable. The thoughts, images, feelings and urges are either seldom or never resisted. So what we look for her is an ego-syntonic syndrome with a lack of resistance. In addition, we are looking for strong sadistic sexual fantasies, typically dating from an early age, that are powerfully arousing. Such fantasies will be absent in Harm OCD.

However, in some very bad cases of Harm OCD, violent and sadistic thoughts about torture, murder, cannibalism etc. intrude quite often during masturbation or possibly sex. This is not sexual sadism; it is OCD. I have talked to a couple of OCD’ers who have this sort of thing intruding while they masturbate, and it was extremely unpleasant for them. The difference here is due to the intrusive nature of the thoughts which are generally not present in sexual sadism, where instead of being intrusive the thoughts are pleasant.

On occasion, a sociopath or potential serial killer will present to someone or other, more often law enforcement than a clinician. Usually they present only once and then go away. Possibly years later, they may begin killing. In one case, one of the prime suspects for the possible Smiley Face Killer Gang presented to a police station about powerful urges to drown young men. He was afraid he was out of control, and he was going to act on them. The police could do nothing to retain him. This is not a case of OCD. This is a sociopathic person who simply feels out of control.

In a case in the UK, a serial killer gave a warning years before killing that he felt he was out of control, and he was afraid he was going to kill someone. Once again, this is not OCD. It’s another sociopath who fears they are losing control. This person will be having strong, ego-syntonic fantasies of homicide for a long time which are not resisted. They are pleasurable to the person, but he doesn’t want to act on them at the time, probably due to fear of going to prison. Over time, homicidal fantasies may become stronger so that the capacity to resist putting them into action becomes more difficult.

In short, a diagnosis of Harm OCD is relatively straightforward and should prevent few problems.

What we are looking at here is the difference between problems of fear and problems of desire. OCD is a problem of fear. These other problems are problems of desire.

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Filed under Anxiety Disorders, Borderline, Crime, Mental Illness, Mood Disorders, OCD, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology, Psychotherapy, Serial Killers, Sex, Sociopathy

Histrionic Versus Borderline Personality Disorder

Histrionic and Borderline Personality Disorders are what I might call the feminine styles of craziness.

When women, who embody the female or feminine character, go nuts, they tend to go nuts in some fairly predictable ways. In other words, their nuttiness is an outgrowth of their feminine character and their female nature. There is a “female style” to going nuts.

Histrionic and Borderline PD‘s are diagnosed overwhelmingly in females. 75% of borderlines are females. One thing you notice if you spend a lot of time around women is that when they act nutty, they tend to act somewhat “borderlinish.” These women are not borderlines at all, but the suggestion is BPD is simply the down side or the nutty side of being female or the female character all bundled into one and taken to a wild and utterly uncontrolled extreme.

To be fair, I would say that there are some male styles of being nuts too. One of them is Aspergers of the Autism spectrum. This is simply a case of too much male essence. Aspies show an aspect of the male character taken to a wild extreme.

In addition, sociopathy or Antisocial Personality Disorder seem to be the male essence taken to a wild extreme. When males are nutty, they act narcissistic, antisocial or autistic, among other things. Males are much more aggressive, egotistical and cerebral than females. These things taken to a wild extreme result in the “male” disorders.

I don’t even know what a male borderline would look like, but supposedly many male borderlines are bisexual or gay. I have also heard that Histrionic PD is even more common among females, and that an even higher % of male histrionics are gay or bisexual.

I known at least one female borderline, and a good friend of mine was involved in a long relationship with another female borderline. Both of them were about 35 years old. Fairly regularly, I see women with borderline tendencies. Whether or not they are true borderlines is hard to say, and you often have to spend quite a bit of time around them before you can figure it out.

Many male borderlines are in jail or prison. Female borderlines are quite impulsive and act out quite a bit. Nevertheless, they are females, so they don’t commit a lot of crime. Male borderlines are just the same, except the mere fact that they are males means that they are even more violent, aggressive and uncontrolled than female borderlines.

Whereas a female borderline can often control herself and stay out of imprisonment, male borderline simply cannot. Males are less repressed and more prone to acting out.

I knew a male actor once who was somewhat histrionic. He was also eventually bisexual.

Obviously, I have known many women who had histrionic traits to one degree or another, but whether they truly had Histrionic PD or not is another matter. I’ve never known anyone of either sex with an actual Histrionic PD diagnosis. It seems to me that being somewhat histrionic is simply part of the female character.

If I had to sum up the character of the Histrionic PD, it would be “the whore.” The classic personality of the prostitute or similar occupations such as porn star, stripper, etc. looks a lot like Histrionic PD. The Wikipedia article on Histrionic PD links to the article on Femme Fatale. So the classic motif of the femme fatale, the seductress leading you to destruction and ruin, is akin to Histrionic PD.

The Histrionic PD may also be seen as “the actress.”

When I was in junior college around ages 18-20, I knew many, many females around the same age. Many to most of them seemed to have “histrionic” tendencies. So being “histrionic” may just be a normal developmental stage for a young woman.

Others have said that Histrionic PD is the same thing as “teenage girl.” It is probably true that many teenage girls go through some sort of a histrionic stage.

Both Borderline and Histrionic PD’s are what are known as “high conflict personalities.” If you’re involved with these folks, there’s going to be a lot of drama and maybe even chaos.

Below are two cases. Two different men each describe a “crazy woman” that they were involved with. Both think that the woman was a Histrionic PD. That may indeed be true, but one is a case of Histrionic PD. The other case may be Histrionic also, but to me it looks more like a case of Borderline PD.

See if you can tell them apart. Which is a case of Borderline PD? Which is a case of Histrionic PD?

Case 1: I have been having an affair for many years with a person that displays these characteristics. This person demonstrates a behavior very similar to what you would associate with a histrionic/narcissistic personality. It is very difficult to be sure. I am not a professional psychologist or psychiatrist, but here is what I have observed over the years:

It does require a lot of free time to provide them with the attention they constantly crave. They can be ultra friendly and appear very caring. They will tell you that they love you, adore you and can’t live without you because they know that you will be stimulated to feed their craving for attention. At other times, they can be cold, cruel and show a lack of empathy for others.

It is a personality that constantly seesaws between extreme positions. They are very bright and extremely manipulative. They will gradually attempt to control your person and mind. When they sense that they are loosing your attention, they will tell you that you should concentrate on your spouse. This is only a tactic to get you to concentrate on them.

If you dropped them (and they don’t have another partner), they will call you back and make an excuse about their behavior and tell you about their deep love for you. In reality, your sole purpose is to fill their craving for attention.

When they are not depressed, sex can be utterly unbelievable and kinky. Their craving for sex is limitless and most imaginative. They just want to do it everywhere and as often as possible. It flatters them a great deal when you take pictures of their naked body. Their impulsive drives and flirtatious behavior forces them to look for other partners to sustain their need for attention.

When they identify someone they like, they can be extremely forward with that person. They don’t shy away from telling him of their deep desire. Once they have ensnared the person, they will have some excuse not to appear too “easy”. They can appear prude one minute and sexually pervasive the next. It can drive you crazy.

Again the sole purpose of these swings is to get your full attention by keeping you focus on them exclusively. Obviously, you should not expect to be their sole source of interest after a while because they get bored easily! It requires a lot of imagination to sustain their interest, but it can be most interesting.

They want the ultimate love and attention. If you have another relationship, they will work very hard at breaking the relationship you have with your partner because they want your full attention. They are envious and jealous of your companion. They are extremely self-centered and continuously talk about themselves.

Conversations are usually monologue about themselves, their money, possessions and accomplishments. You learn with time that most of their monologues are somewhat exaggerated. At times, it can be difficult to interrupt their self-centered narratives. They lie with such ease that it becomes a second nature for them.

They can easily blur the line between truth and lies. They don’t show any constriction when you catch them lying. They will even try to make you believe a lie even when you know the truth. They are fascinating manipulators.

A word of advice, if you want this type of personality as a lover, make sure to protect yourself from their great abilities at trying to control you and thrash your mind. Don’t ever fall in love. They will destroy your sanity and your life.

Case 2: I too have had a relationship with a woman showing these characteristics. When I met her I was in a relationship that was failing, and she was a friend. She was married and we formed a good friendship based on good discussion. She was very attentive and combined with being beautiful i was immediately drawn to her charming personality, her apparent honesty and constant communication.

What I realize now was that I was a source of attention for her, and she had my attention completely on a daily basis. I was drawn into the savior role as I heard never-ending stories about her daily unhappiness and battles with her husband (2nd husband) for a woman who was 26 at the time.

I provided a relief to what she related was her daily agony of her unhappy life. Now I understand that this was the over-emotional exaggeration and over embellishment of her unhappiness as she craved new and exciting. I also recall her constantly flirting with other men, constantly going out to coffee with them as “friends” and her relating how she just could not cope with her children.

I eventually left my relationship to live on my own and told her i thought we were drawing too close and did not want to interfere with her marriage, also other friends of hers had told her they were attracted to me. She immediately told me she loved me, we were soul mates, I was the one who truly knew her and she wanted to be with me and leave her husband for me.

I was deeply in love with her and accepted her advances. I felt pressure to praise her and felt sucked into the role of hearing the exaggerated dilemmas of her life, offering advice and solutions but feeling the frustrations that none of the advice or solutions were acted upon to help solve those issues. I was always given the excuse, “You and I are different, and I am doing it my way.”

I realize now that the dilemmas of her unhappy marriage and other concerns weren’t what she wanted solved, otherwise she would not be drawing any attention to herself, nor would she be embroiling herself in the middle of such wonderful drama.

Sex with her was amazing, but it was used as a tool, as ammunition to be pulled out when I tried to draw away from the frustrations of dealing with the deception of the affair and lack of motivation to change anything. If I drew away and stopped contact, I would get completely hysterical phone calls and visits begging me to stay that she was coming to me and asking questions about whether I had found someone else.

The attention was lavish and in hindsight completely over the top. However once I was drawn back to her, she would shut it off, become cold and distant, making me chase, then the pattern would repeat itself once I got upset and decided this wasn’t for me. In hindsight I can see I was a pawn, hidden in a box only to be pulled out when she wanted to play with me, it was all about her and had nothing to do with me.

If I tried to break free, I was drawn back in. If I tried to jump out of that box, I was quickly berated with unbelievable anger and told how much I was hurting her and being abusive to her by my attempts to do so. Eventually her husband left her, and I had to be the unseen and unknown shoulder on the side and support mechanism, drawn in but held completely at arms length.

Any attempt by me to enter the reality of her life was shut down by over the top emotions and threats then promises of change. Any emotion shown by me was coldly disregarded and not paid any attention to other than the accusation of my being abusive in venting frustration.

I felt driven completely insane via rapid changes of emotions on her part daily, constant shifting of position and constant drawing in and then pulling away that I broke free of the relationship by declaring the truth of it to her family and her ex-husband and then leaving.

Notwithstanding I had just created a situation of outstanding drama and attention towards her, exactly what she constantly craved and wanted, whether that be negative or not. I was publicly disgraced and accused of various misdemeanors and abuse. Her husband was drawn back to return to the marital home and then accused of threatening her life and physical abuse. My god it was good for her; she was the talk of the town.

Some time later I formed another relationship with a woman who was completely the reverse of her. Immediately for months afterwards she pursued me, attempted to seduce me and told me I was the one, I was the only one, and she wanted me to choose her, we belonged together. I resisted for months but was drawn in by threats and over elaborate attempts at seduction.

She could not bear that I was showing my attention to another. I was happy in my relationship and did my best to limit contact, not get sucked in, but it was constant. I was rung day and night and all sorts of guilt trips applied to me. It was as if I was singlehandedly destroying her. The pressure form this after 18 months of it ruined my other relationship and I ended up alone.

Once I was alone and paid attention to her again, in the space of three weeks I was drawn and told that we were soul mates and visited with over the top sex and photos sent to me and very sexual text messages and then withdrawn from and treated with contempt.

I eventually lost the plot and became so angry and confused – it was not til I read this article and ticked every single box in the description of her that I realized this was a never ending battle I would not win. I could not tell her about this condition because nothing is wrong with her, according to her. So I left and cut her off all together, changed numbers and address. It had to be done.

It was not only just me; it was every facet of her life. Her brother was married recently, and she pulled a turn about stress and her children in order to draw the attention to her.

She uses her two children born to two different fathers as pawns in custody games with them on a continuous basis and then accusing them of being abusive when they get angry about it or that they don’t care about their kids when they try not to react. Either way, no-one will ever win with a person like this. If you see anything remotely similar in your situations – RUN!!!

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Filed under Antisocial, Borderline, Gender Studies, Mental Illness, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology

Are Cluster B Personality Disorders on the Increase?

Excellent article by a woman’s site called Shrink4Men.

Now ordinarily I would be very suspicious of any woman offering therapy for men. I flat out refuse any therapy with a woman. I have seen about 3 female therapists, and in general, it was simply a disaster. They just don’t understand men. I talk about sexual stuff a lot in therapy, and female therapists just don’t get it. They usually think I’m a “typical male asshole” or something. Not a whole lot of empathy on their end. They can’t get out of their “Sisterhood” thing enough to do good therapy with me.

Anyway, it’s a good piece on the Cluster B’s. There is evidence that Personality Disorders (Axis 2) are increasing in modern society. They’ve been on the rise for about 80 years or so, with each succeeding generation having a higher rate of them than the preceding one. There are a lot of theories who this is so, and the author outlines them in the piece.

I also have noticed this (mostly crazy women) but I just blamed it on feminism.

Some of the reasons offered are:

  1. our advanced industrial society that provides most of our needs,
  2. our highly litigious, get mine and screw everyone else for as much as you can take them for lawyered up culture,
  3. a pop Zeitgeist full of entitled, high conflict persons celebrating belligerent, unpleasant, assholey, bitchy, selfish, high conflict behaviors,
  4. the culture of radical individualism fostered by radical Ayn Rand style, screw everyone, get mine, Libertarian neoliberal economics since 1980,
  5. increasing divorce, drug abuse and family instability leading to children having an unstable first six years of life when the personality is formed (instability in ages 0-6 can create Axis 2 problems as the person fails to develop an effective and adaptive personality.)

At any rate, the Cluster B disorders are some of the most abrasive PD’s of them all. These are the “conflict-prone” or “extroverted” disorders characterized by continuous conflict with others in pursuit of blatantly selfish gains, refusal to accept responsibility, lack of insight and profound selfishness.

Cluster B people cause a great deal of damage to society in various ways on the job, in school, and on the streets. They run up high costs in the health care system and often run afoul of the law too. Cluster B disorders commit much more crime and especially violent crime than the rest of the PD’s and vastly more than normals.

They are abrasive, in an aggressive, unstable, mercurial, threatening and intense way. They provoke strong reactions in others and frequently elicit aggressive and even violent defensive reactions in those they constantly attack.

The Cluster B’s are:

Antisocial PD – sociopaths, psychopaths.

Borderline PD – a hurricane or tornado like behavior syndrome, mostly women, awash with suicidal behavior, acting out, self-harm, drug abuse, dangerous behaviors, promiscuity, occupational instability, extreme, regular and violent mood swings, very high anger levels, fluctuating self-esteem that descends to intense lows, over-idealization followed by or combined with total devaluation, emptiness, no insight, constant blaming, manipulation, scheming and threats and often what looks like “multiple personalities.”

Occasionally psychotic, but more often appears “near-psychotic or quasi-psychotic.” Often shows unconscious behavior that is even poorly remembered or not remembered not all, as if one was in a fugue.

Histrionic PD – I don’t know it well. Mostly women. Most of the men who have it are gay or bisexual. Bitchy, over-dramatic, always on stage, “actor” or “actress” like histrionics, putting on shows and displays and generally acting out.

Narcissistic PD – The center of universe, brags, manipulates others, has little to no concern or love for or even interest in anyone else, extremely inflated self esteem followed by incredible lows (“brittle” or “shallow” self-esteem), jerky, assholey or bitchy behavior, is often cruel or sadistic, insults or puts down others, displays haughty or arrogant attitude, blames others, has no insight, takes no responsibility, engages fantasies of extreme accomplishment and grandeur, shows profound jealousy of rivals.

Can lead to violence or criminality in pursuit of selfish ends or revenge against the hated rivals. Has no idea how they come off to others and is stunned or mystified when told how they do. Seems “blind and deaf.”

Master manipulators, often excellent social skills, extremely competitive, associated with high achievement but unstable relationships and even occupational history as they fight with most around them.

The term narcissism is often conflated with Narcissistic PD. I have a psychodynamically oriented therapist now who tells me that I am a narcissist.

What he means is that I am vain, self-centered and conceited and can tend to think I’m better than others, though I try very hard to control that part of it.

The problem is that that only skims the surface of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I’ve known some NPDs, and I am certain that I am noting like these folks.

I am not a high-confict person. I am a low-conflict to zero-conflict person. I go everywhere trying to be as nice as possible to most everyone all the time. If someone tells me they’re a Nazi, I am afraid to act offended because then maybe they won’t like me. So I just smile and try not to act offended. I pretend that they just told they like cherry pie or something.

What I am, in part, is the person described in the first paragraph below – a “vain individual who may overly enjoy his own reflection and is self-centered.” At worst, I am like Paris Hilton below – a “spoiled, silly, self-centered, attention seeking brat,” but even that’s pretty much of a reach for this introvert.

The following quote from the page above shows how the popular term “narcissism” has been ridiculously conflated with the extreme toxicity of the ultra-abrasive, high-conflict NPD type. He also points out that it’s just wrong to call Cluster 2 types mentally ill people who need our sympathy.

Screw that. They have a character problem. They’re people who are pretty much deliberately acting bad, and they need to knock it off. We need to aggressively confront their high-conflict bullshit, and deliver swift consequences on them every time they act up. They are like little kids who need to be “sent to their room” from time to time until they act better.

Here is the quote:

Like I think many, I always associated the term “narcissist” with vain individuals who may overly enjoy their own reflection and are self-centered, etc.

Obviously this just skims the surface in terms of NPDs.

While I can see where “narcissist” was a convenient label to attach to a particular flavor of PD for the purposes of, as Dr. T. previously mentioned, a sort of shorthand for the purposes of mental health professionals, I think the term is misleading in respect of PD’s and should be dropped by the psychoanalytic community.

The reality is that what we might see as narcissist personalities in the media, e.g., Paris Hilton, could just as easily, and likely accurately, be described as spoiled, silly, self-centered, attention seeking brats.

Obviously NPDs are something way beyond this.

When you get right down to it, PD’s seem to be, as evidenced from our almost identical experiences with them, more a personality type rather than individuals with anything I would from my layman’s perspective describe as a mental health issue or disease.

Their minds just work differently than most. If they worked differently in a beneficial way, they wouldn’t be identified as being “mentally ill,” however because they work differently in a negative way, the assumption is that this must not be from their own choice and that they would choose to be “good” if not for that infernal “mental disease” that prevents them from doing so.

Speaking of “infernal”, and calling a spade a spade, I have no doubt that PD’s were well represented in the group of those described as “possessed”, “witches”, “evil”, etc. a few hundred years back.

I have come to think that society and non-PD type people would be better served if PD’s, sociopaths, etc. were removed from the psychoanalytic realm and into the, for lack of a better word and as Dr. T. put it, the “character realm” and understood as being personality types who are best recognized and avoided or dealt with firmly when they use disruptive or dishonest, etc. tactics to achieve their ends rather than than being seen as individuals with a “mental disease” beyond their control who require understanding and forbearance.

Just my layman’s opinion.

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Filed under Antisocial, Borderline, Crime, Culture, Feminism, Gender Studies, Mental Illness, Narcissism, Narcissistic, Personality, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology, Social Problems

What is POCD?

Repost from the old site.

Please feel free to sign the Reform Sex Offender Laws petition here, and yes I signed the petition. If signing the petition makes me a pedophile, then I guess I am a pedophile.

POCD is a terrifying illness; the mere mention of it makes ordinary people squirm uncomfortably. What is it? It is the colloquial name for a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD. Specifically, it is the obsession that one may be a pedophile. Actually, this obsession is surprisingly common on the OCD boards.

Perhaps one or more persons with OCD have acted on this obsession and done something to a minor, but I am not aware of any cases. In general, clinicians will tell you that the person with POCD simply does not act on the thoughts, feelings, urges, etc.

Like HOCD (homosexual OCD), POCD often begins with a sudden thought, often as the person is dealing with a minor. Often the persons had been around young people for a long time before developing it. I know one man who developed it at age 29 as a schoolteacher. Previously, he had been around kids for a long time and had not had any such feelings.

The symptoms of POCD seem frightening to those who do not understand the disorder. As the disorder progresses, the symptoms get worse and worse. The person, strangely, often feels that they are losing their attraction to the mature individuals of the opposite sex (the only POCD folks I have known have been straight).

Some desperately try to get back the feelings they once had for mature persons. They may become convinced that they are a pedophile. They become terrified of being around children. Perversely, they start to notice that some children are attractive (often males start noticing that little girls are attractive).

When they see children, they often feel compelled to look at them for longer than is necessary (this is a type of checking). Looking at children (especially attractive children) does not disgust them, and they may even find it mildly arousing, facts that serve to convince them that they are a pedophile.

They begin to go back into their past and wonder if they have always been attracted to children. At the same time, they may wonder if they have ever been attracted to mature opposite sex persons.

This is a form of checking. This mental merry-go-round of doubts leads nowhere and often leads them to falsely conclude that they were always attracted to kids and/or never to adults. The reason they conclude falsely is that the high anxiety impairs rational thinking.

Sometimes they think about being a pedophile all the time, others only think about it sometimes, often when they are around kids (the schoolteacher I talked to only got it around his students). The person is often in deep despair and in a state of very high anxiety. They often stop having relationships with the opposite sex because they think they are too upset or anxious to get into a relationship.

However, the schoolteacher above continued to have relationships with women and functioned well in them. The person is sometimes afraid they may start looking at child porn on the Net soon (though I am not aware of any that ever did so). As in many other types of OCD, POCD feels very real and the person really feels like they are turning into a pedophile.

The feeling is one of anxiety, though – sheer terror. In addition to thoughts, they may also experience feelings and urges around children, but they are rarely aroused. Sometimes there is a little arousal (this is the so-called groinal response) that is probably more due to sheer anxiety than anything else.

This serves to confuse the person more and more. The person is usually terrified that they may act on the feelings, urges and thoughts about children. The POCD sufferer also obsesses about going to prison if they do act on the thoughts. The person does not want to be a pedophile and feels they are turning into one against their will.

Sometimes they fear that the only reason they do not act on the thoughts is fear of the consequences. Typically, they have no real fantasies about kids, but some report intrusive thoughts of child sex intervening when they are aroused by more normal fantasies.

In more severe cases, they fear that they may have to act on the thoughts in order to achieve sexual satisfaction because this will be the only way they can achieve gratification, since they are pedophiles (nevertheless, they still will not act on them).

Some report that the thoughts disgust them, but others fear that the thoughts do not disgust them, and this means they are a pedophile.

They may do a lot of testing with thoughts and fantasies (as in HOCD), bringing up thoughts of sex with children to see whether or not they get turned on by them. Usually they find that the thoughts do not turn them on, but often they start questioning that until they start wondering if the thoughts really do turn them on. Some of the males spend many, many hours in bathrooms or in their rooms thinking of pedophile thoughts and then seeing what their reaction is.

They may look at people their own age but then think they won’t be attracted to them because they are a pedophile. Some report that they are terrified that they might actually enjoy the pedophilic experience if they should ever have one.

They often surf websites that have information about pedophiles to see whether they are a pedophile or not. When they do this, they may feel that they identify with the feelings pedophiles have. Some fear that they are worse than others with POCD for various reasons, and that this means that they are actually a pedophile and do not have POCD, whereas perhaps the others have POCD.

Some worry that their lack of sex, either during the POCD episode, or in their life in general, could cause pedophilia and is going to turn them into a pedophile. Others read that immature males who cannot get the opposite sex sometimes molest children, and then fear that they are immature and cannot get a woman, and this will make them a pedophile.

Often, they are frightened they will fall in love with a child, and some fear that they already have. They may look back on some love or sexual experiences they had as a teenager and fear that they got stuck at this age and this makes them a pedophile.

Others begin to fear that they will never be able to marry and have children (which is what they want to do) since they fear they will molest their own children.

Typically, the person had no interest in children prior to the onset of POCD. Usually, questioning will reveal a history of typical OCD, often fear of diseases, germs, being gay (HOCD), being killed by a criminal, harm OCD, etc. POCD sometimes seems to come fairly late in the course of OCD.

Sometimes a person feels they have beaten HOCD only to deal with POCD. Typically, people who have been through both feel that POCD makes HOCD look like a walk in the park. POCD seems to be one of the worst kinds of OCD that one can get, probably due to the profound fear and stigma attached to pedophilia, for good reason.

As I mentioned at the start, the general rule is that the person with POCD will never act on the thoughts.

I confess that it is difficult to differentiate between POCD and the thoughts of a person who is really going to molest a child. First of all, a definition of pedophilia is essential. Contrary to the lunatic hysteria seizing our sick Medieval land, a man who is attracted to teenage girls is not a pedophile.

In my opinion, any man who says he does not look at teenage girls is a lying hypocrite. In general, psychiatry defines pedophilia as attraction to a pre-pubertal child. Attraction to females age 14-17 is completely normal in males of any age.

In fact, excellent studies have shown that all males react maximally to females aged 16 and up. The same studies show that these same males are attracted to minor females, on a basis of descending attraction, all the way down to age 7, at which point the attraction ends.

Note that the attraction is on a descending scale. A male with maximal attraction to young girls and minimal attraction to mature females is not normal and is properly termed a pedophile.

Hence, attraction to minor females is completely normal in any males – and maximal attraction to females age 16-17, is not sign that a man is a child molester or a pedophile or abnormal in any way, shape or form. Adult males having sex with females aged 14-17 is properly termed statutory rape in many US states.

In most of the world, including most of Europe, the age of consent has been dropped below 18. Nevertheless, when we talk of child molesters and pedophilia, as sane people, not as Medievalist freaks, we are not talking about attraction or even sex with minors aged 14-17. Whatever it is, and the sex part is often illegal, is certainly not pedophilia or child molestation by any non-lunatic definition of the term.

A true pedophile is attracted only to children of a certain age and not to adults and has been this way since adolescence. Apparently they cannot change their orientation.

I think we should feel sorry for these people as long as they do not molest children. They should be encouraged to live out their fantasy lives with pedophilic stories and the like (which are legal anyway), and counseled strongly to avoid acting on their urges (after all, they do have a right to some sort of an inner sex life). Since they apparently cannot change their orientation, they deserve to be treated with compassion.

However, about 50% of convicted child molesters will offend again over a 25-year period. Furthermore, although some kids come away unscathed, at least in Western societies, many kids who get molested seem to suffer psychological damage. New evidence indicates that they may even suffer long-term effects in their brains, setting the stage for future pathology, in particular Borderline Personality Disorder.

This shows that child molesting frequently causes real, observable, and possibly permanent damage to children. That is one more reason why persons thinking about doing such a thing should think about the damage they are likely to cause.

In a true pedophile, the thoughts, fantasies, pornography, etc. are likely to be very pleasurable. The person loves to think about his fantasies and in many cases feels little or no guilt about it. Sometimes he may feel that he has gone too far, but that is more of an addiction-type feeling. He will feel minimal attraction to mature individuals. Such a person is referred to as “regressed”.

There are also folks referred to as non-pedophilic child molesters. There are various types.

There is another type of child molester, the “immature” offender. This person is inadequate in many ways and often cannot get persons of their own age. I do not know how their thinking operates, but apparently they do not have POCD. The main thing is that they apparently want to molest a child. People with POCD do not even want to think about this stuff, much less do it.

Another less common offender is the “trysexual” – this is someone who will try anything. Whatever thinking this person has, it is not POCD. The wild popularity of pedophilia themes on erotic story sites, often written by housewives and mothers of young kids, among others, suggests that not only pedophiles are reading and writing this stuff.

Perhaps there is a forbidden fruit aspect to these type of stories. Considering how many people are reading and writing this stuff, I assume that most of them have enough social controls that they can fantasize about such things without acting on them.

A recent survey showed that 28% of normal, non-pedophiliac males were aroused by pedophilic erotic images (How the heck do they get away with doing these studies anyway?) This shows that non-exclusive or non-preferential attraction to pedophilic erotica is a normal sexual expression for many males. But once they cross the line from thinking to action, we are in another ballpark altogether.

I should note that pedophilia stories, unlike child porn with photos of real kids, is completely legal and if one is so inclined, there is plenty of it out there on the Internet. I’m not going to show you how to search for it, but Google is your friend.

Treatment of POCD involves SSRI’s – the usual OCD treatment – and cognitive-behavioral therapy. CBT involves exposure – typical exercises involve going to parks and places where there are lots of kids and exposing yourself to the thoughts and fears. Many POCD sufferers are probably too frightened to get into therapy because they are afraid that the therapist may try to turn them in to the authorities.

I am currently doing amateur therapy (he also sees a real therapist) with an individual who has POCD for a considerable part of the day, every day, for about 16 years now.

Drugs have all failed, and he has continuous obsessions all day from the time he gets up until the time he goes to bed, though not necessarily POCD. Most of the time he has harm obsessions (thoughts about killing, raping, torturing and cannibalizing victims). The funny thing about him is that he is probably the last person on Earth who would ever commit such a violent office.

In addition, I am absolutely certain that this individual will never molest a child. If he did not have OCD and I thought he might molest a child, I am not sure if I could be comfortable talking to him.

I am not aware that much has been written about POCD in the psychological literature, at least from what I can find on the Internet. This disorder needs a lot more light shined on it due to the number of sufferers. This post is a small ray of light in that direction.

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Filed under Anxiety Disorders, Borderline, Heterosexuality, Mental Illness, OCD, Pedophilia, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology, Reposts From The Old Site, Sex

Crazy Women Ahoy, Pull Up the Anchor and Leave

Repost from the old site.

Ah, crazy women! I suppose if I were really nuts, I would not mind a crazy woman. After all, I would probably deserve her, right? Sad thing is, I am hopelessly prejudiced against crazy women. I don’t like em. I discriminate.

I also require that all females be no more than 10% overweight, and in my age bracket, that rules out most of the females. So I don’t really date that much these days, but hey, at least I have pride, dammit.

Women find out I am fat-prejudiced, and they go nuts, I mean ballistic. Beggars can’t be choosers and all that. Hey, look, I have to have sex with this creature, so I have to be able to tolerate your unclothed appearance enough to be able to do that, and at 50, it ain’t a walk in the park anymore, baby.

I have enough problems of my own to deal with without crazy women on top of everything else.

I remember this one crazy woman, I broke up with her, and she goes and punches a hole in the wall! Whoa, baby, hold onto your horses! I broke up with you? Hell, you should be happy!

She used to swallow handfuls of acid tabs (like five hits at once) when we went out on dates. She drank like a fish. She would smoke any kind of weed you gave her and probably take any kind of drug too. All her friends were fags, and she specialized in the sickest fags of them all, the ones in Hollywood who loved masochism.

She regaled me with their tales of how these guys require welts raised two or three inches before they were satisfied. Her idea of a good time was going to an LA fag bar. That was what she did most of the time, as she was almost a full-time fag hag. She also had straight boyfriends, apparently, as she did like men and sex. Going to an LA gay bar is not my idea of a good time.

One night she was drinking like a maniac, and she grabbed four or five tricyclic antidepressants and tossed them down. I protested, and she cried out that this was all of the misery that she was in. So she was deeply psychiatrically ill, as you can see. Diagnosis: borderline schizophrenia, which nowadays goes to Borderline Personality Disorder for the most part.

She had a weird way of talking, and when we would go out, it seemed that she would act so crazy and weird in public that I would be embarrassed to even be seen with her. She spoke in weird metaphors, and it really started annoying me. I’m kind of like neurotic, staring off into space like a weirdo nuts, but I’m not stark raving acting out bats like that. Forget it.

I told her, “Hey, look, you are just too nuts for me,” and she freaks. I wonder if she is still alive.

She was also quite a masochist as far as sex went, but I could not really get into that too much. Anyway, most females are like that to some degree or another, let’s face it. It goes hand in hand with being female.

She was always telling me about stories where she was meeting guys who would pull knives on her, rape her, threaten to kill her, torture her, etc. One time it was a whole group of guys and she gangbanged them all. Whopeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Except they were all pulling knives on her and trying to torture her and threatening to kill her at the time.

She was quite proud of her gangbanging experience, but my best friends heard about it and were totally freaked out and appalled, saying she was a disgusting slut pig whore. That was true, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing in a female. In fact, one could knock on my door right now and even at age 50, I might not even mind too much.

She also liked women a little bit, but only a little. She really loved young boys, as she called them, and delighted in having sex with teenage boys, especially around 13 years old. Her Mom was schizophrenic and had tried to stab her to death in her sleep when she was a little girl, and I guess it was all downhill from then on.

She had all these weird seemingly different personalities that she would fade in and out of all the time. Now, I’m into channeling myself, but this sort of thing really ought to be controlled in order to work best, otherwise you just seem like a street person or a potential maniac.

Later she accused my best friend of hitting a baby in the EEG lab where he worked. According to everyone else, it never even happened, but she insisted and insisted. I think maybe they fired her, but I forget.

I saw her once later, she came over to my house in the daytime, and you know how that goes. I was 27 years old, graduated USC with post-BA degree, teaching school full-time, smoking lots of dope, going nuts.

The culmination of the sex act on my end left her all pissed off, but I thought it was funny that when I kissed her goodbye at the car, I swear some of the middle aged neighbor ladies were laughing and smiling and giving me the thumbs up?

One housewife even sneaked outside and gave me a great big beaming smile. Who says women don’t like guys who score?

Women ain’t all bad.

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Filed under Borderline, Homosexuality, Masochism, Mental Illness, Mental Patients, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology, Reposts From The Old Site, Sex, Women

Nice Sid Vicious Montage

Tracks are Black Leather by the Professionals and Here We Go Again by the Sex Pistols. Sid Vicious was a complete asshole, but I love him anyway. He embodied the punk spirit very well. I still miss him.

The story of the love affair between Sid and Nancy Spungeon is a sad one. After the Pistols broke up, Sid and Nancy moved to the Chelsea Hotel in New York and Sid tried to get his career going. They were both very heavily into drugs, in particular opiates and heroin.

Nancy was found dead in Sid’s place with a single stab wound to the abdomen. Sid said he awoke from a drug stupor to find her dead in the bathroom. He gave conflicted reports at booking, claiming that he did it, then claiming that she fell on the knife, then saying that he loved her but she treated him like crap. They fought all the time and were both totally strung out on drugs.

There are other stories claiming that a heroin dealer killed Nancy that night. Rockets Redglare is sometimes named as the killer. A dealer, he had delivered heroin to them that night. Another dealer was supposed to come over later. Redglare said he thought that that dealer had tried to rip off the drugs from them while Sid was passed out and ended up getting into it with Nancy.

Surely the world of heroin dealers and heroin users in New York City is a sleazy one and ripoffs no doubt go down all the time. Most heroin addicts are after all thieves themselves. I would probably trust your average heroin dealer about as far as I could throw them.

However, Nancy was stabbed with Sid’s very own knife.

This mystery will probably never be solved.

Redglare died in his early 50′s from a lifetime of drug abuse. His liver and kidneys were shot. He was an interesting person, and a movie about him has recently been made.

Nancy Spungeon was a very mixed up person. A beautiful young Jewish woman, dead at age 20. At age 15, she was diagnosed with schizophrenia, but that can’t be correct. Borderline Personality Disorder is more like it. She was despised by the rest of the band for her unpleasant and abusive behavior.

Sid was arrested for Nancy’s murder. Soon after, he attempted suicide by slitting his wrists.

Four months later, there was a gathering celebrating Sid’s being released on bail. Sid’s Mom (!) sent him some heroin, although he had been clean for some time. Sid had began using drugs as a boy when he took up using speed with his speed using Mom.

Sid shot the heroin that night in three doses. It was nearly pure heroin. He passed out with his new girlfriend and was found dead the next morning of heroin overdose.

This very strange and sad story was immortalized in a move called Sid and Nancy, which is highly recommended.

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Filed under Borderline, Cinema, Crime, Heroin, Intoxicants, Mental Illness, Music, Narcotics, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology, Punk, Rock

Just Kill Yourself and Get it Over With

Seriously, you sick bitch.

Borderline personality disorder, apparently. She’s a cutter.

I knew some cutters once. They actually formed a club called Oakhurst Cutters. Bunch of stupid, sick, fucked up young White women. She told us that at a table with a bunch of other people and started laughing. I stood up, pointed at her, told her she was a sick bitch, and walked away. In modern society, that’s considered impolite. I think it’s impolite to use your own living body as a med school cadaver, sorry.

Why don’t we just line these people up and shoot them and get it over with? I’m not serious, but that’s what I often think about these BPD types. Just line em up and shoot em!

 

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Filed under Borderline, Mental Illness, Mental Patients, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology, Self-injury, Symptoms, Women

The 50 Craziest Rock Stars Ever

Here.

This article is pretty damn funny.

A lot of rockers are or were seriously nuts!

I’m having a hard time figuring out dx’s for a lot of these people. It seems to be something towards the more extroverted end. I suspect a lot of them are acting this way on purpose, sort of like a lot of artists act “deliberately insane.”

I only see a few who were obviously psychotic: Syd Barrett, Peter Green, Roky Erikson, Brian Wilson, Jim Gordon and Skip Spence for starters. I’m familiar with all these cases. They all had schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. It’s commonly said that they are all drug burnouts, but I doubt it.

For one thing, LSD does not appear to cause permanent psychosis. I’ve known too many completely normal folks who have taken it 100-300 times. It’s not even proven to damage your brain. The worst that can be said about it is that very heavy users sometimes do go psychotic and have to be hospitalized. Typically, they get better, but they often go back to heavy LSD use and become mentally ill again. No one has any idea how LSD even makes you temporarily insane.

All of these people simply developed schizophrenia. LSD can trigger schizophrenia, but no one knows how that works either. LSD-induced schizophrenia looks just like the rest of schizophrenia and it responds to the same drugs too. Since acid doesn’t damage your brain, I can’t see how it could cause schizophrenia. There are good reasons not to do acid, but fear of being permanently mentally ill is not one of them.

For the rest of them, dx’s are difficult. Some seem to have issues with narcissism and borderline personality disorder. Some were just seriously whacked out on booze and dope, often cocaine and/or heroin.

Ike Turner used cocaine for some 45 years until it killed him at age 76.

Sly Stone spent years on cocaine, even living on the streets smoking a crack pipe. No one quite knows what is up with Sly these days. He shows up at occasional performance, acts very strange, walks off stage in mid-show, gets on his motorcycle and rides away.

Rick James spent a good 15 years on a crack pipe.

Whitney Houston is ruined and is heavy into cocaine.

David Bowie went nuts on coke in the 1970′s, became full-blown psychotic and embraced Nazism.

Ol’ Dirty Bastard is on crack.

John Frusciante almost killed himself on heroin and coke.

Ozzy Osborne, Jerry Lee Lewis and Liza Minnelli were alcoholics.

Keith Moon was a drunk and a pillhead who liked to blow up toilets with dynamite for fun.

Elvis was a hardcore pillhead who apparently went insane from all the tablets.

Arthur Lee of Love spent 20 years abusing drugs heavily, became homeless, set buildings on fire and shot up his neighbor’s house.

Carlos Santana used acid heavily, then 20 years ago met up with an angel named Metatron who looks like Santa Claus who has been guiding his life ever since. He communicates with Miles Davis, a dead person, on a regular basis.

Miles Davis (while he was alive and not talking to Santana) spent years shooting heroin, beating his wife and just acting weird.

Little Richard spent years binging on cocaine, having sex orgies and sucking cocks in men’s restrooms.

James Taylor was a depressive and a heroin addict.

Some were suicidal.

Wendy O Williams sawed instruments in half with a chainsaw, then retired and blew her brains out.

Ian Curtis recorded some of the most depressing music ever made, then hung himself on the night of his US tour.

Adam Ant is a depressive.

Mariah Carey assaulted staff and reporters and slit her wrists.

Some like Courtney Love and Britney Spears simply cannot seem to function as adults.

Sinéad O’Connor is just a kook.

Lou Reed’s main problem is that he’s a terminal asshole.

R. Keely is just a weirdo with a taste for underage girls.

Sid Vicious assaulted fans, carved up his chest onstage, murdered his girlfriend, then OD’d on heroin as a grand finale.

Jaz Coleman, George Clinton, Captain Beefheart and Julian Cope are unclassifiable.

No one knows what’s up with Sun Ra.

GG Allin was just nuts, dx’d as narcissistic, Borderline PD and masochistic.

Michael Jackson was one of the weirdest of all. No one seems to know what was wrong with him. He seems to have been a homosexual pedophile. I’m familiar with most of his weird antics, but I never knew that he said he had fathered 2 “Aryan” babes named Prince 1 and Prince 2. Weird!

Just because you aren’t psychotic (and most of these folks are not) doesn’t mean you’re not nuts. You can be plenty nuts without being psychotic, plenty.

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Filed under Alcohol, Borderline, Celebrities, Coke, Depressants, Depression, Dope, Hallucinogens, Heroin, Humor, Intoxicants, LSD, Mental Illness, Mood Disorders, Music, Narcissistic, Narcotics, Personality Disorders, Psychology, Psychopathology, Psychotic Disorders, Rock, Schizophrenia, Stimulants

Sexmaniacman On Borderline and Schizotypal PD

Repost from the old site.

A commenter notes:

Schizotypal was always the odd-man-out personality disorder — both literally and figuratively.

Sexmaniacman thinks he had a gf once who was both a Borderline and a Schizotypal:

Hi Bob, this chick was so nuts, man, oh man oh man. She had a dx of “Borderline Schizophrenia” and was a serious acidhead.

She proudly said, “I’ve always been crazy.” Her Mom was schizophrenic and had tried to stab her in the back and kill her when she was 4 years old. Her life was desolate, and she would move back and forth between all these different personalities that you could not keep track of.

She lived in Hollywood, was a fag hag and was always getting picked up by guys and abused. She let groups of guys gangbang her and all sorts of crazy shit. She was always telling stories about guys or groups of guys picking her up, tying her up, torturing her, having sex with her, and threatening to murder her.

The stories seemed almost too weird to be true, but she was an extreme submissive who obviously was giving off “hurt me” vibes that a lot of sicko dudes might have picked up on and acted on.

She was also a bit bi and had sex with women sometimes. But she liked young girls, like 14 years old! Whoa! She also liked young boys, like 13 years old, and she loved to entertain me with stories about breaking in 8th graders. She was an old pro at this. I thought it was just plain weird.

We were going to go a lesbian bar in Hollywood and try to pick up a girl to take home with us (that was real easy to do in LA, which is full of all kinds of gays, bis and swingers), but she was so weird, I figured we would never be able to pick up any decent women.

Her idea of a good time was going to a gay bar and hanging out there all nite. I said pass.

She literally ate acid by the handful, five or eight hits at a time.

I took her to a Cure concert and for some weird reason, all these Goth chicks were grabbing me and trying to molest me the whole time at the concert, even when I was with her. While we were walking around, while we were sitting at the concert, the women just wouldn’t leave me alone. The whole thing seems like a hallucination now. It was 1983. She was flying on a handful of acid.

I took her to see Pink Flamingos, we watched Divine eat dog shit off sidewalk, and she thought that was hilarious. We went to see The Story of O, which I thought was weird, but she insisted was the story of her life.

She kept wanting me to inflict pain on her in all these different ways (A LOT of women are into pain! Is that weird or what?) but I wasn’t really into being a sadist too much. I did inflict some pain on her, but I didn’t really enjoy it. She sure did! Damn right! But it was the weirdest joy, a joy in a bottomless sadness. I couldn’t relate.

We went at forever, and she was a real screamer. One night she turned me in the middle and said, “You know what, Sexman?”

“What?”

“You’re a good fuck.” She repeated that a few times.

I’d just been turned into a complete sex object by a woman, and I didn’t even care.

I’d leave her place at the end of the weekend. Her Hollywood apartment complex was full of all these Guatemalan and Mexican illegal aliens. It was 1984 and the invasion was well under way. I guess the guys had been listening to her sexual opera performance all weekend because as I walked out, the Hispanic guys would all stand up and start clapping for me and raising their beers.

Cheers to the Master Fucker! She would drink, take acid, smoke pot, do speed, and then grab a bottle of antidepressants and start taking pills and downing them with a glass of booze.

“Whoa!” I said. “What do you think you’re doing!”

“You don’t know the pain I’m in Sexguy,” she whimpered and started crying. “You have no idea what it’s like. I need this, Sexdude.”

I shrugged and hoped she didn’t die on my watch. Who wants to deal with a dead chick and cops?

She was schizotypal in that she used language in really weird ways, and even though she insisted she had all these friends, she seemed really isolated. Plus she was just flat-out fucking weird in a way that Borderlines simply are not. Like she was on another planet, an alien. Invariably, she accused me of being a fag too for some reason like all of her faggot friends, and that pissed me off.

I will say she had more insight into my personality at the time than most other women have ever had.

She used to regale me with stories about her gay friends. Her gay friends were all these seriously weird masochist dudes into the leather scene.

Her eyes got really wide.

“My friend Jim, he’s not satisfied until the welts are this big.”

That’s one of her sicko masochist gay friends. Every time she talked about them, I told her to shut up as she was grossing me out.

She stretched her fingers to make about a one inch measurement. In her eyes, she was trying to shock me and I know it turns her on. She wanted one-inch welts too. Obviously. Like Hell you’re getting ‘em from me, you sick bitch, I thought.

She called me one time but I wasn’t home. A woman I knew was over at my place in my absence and answered the phone. “Tell Sexman it’s just me,” she sighed wearily into the phone. “It’s just me. Just V.” Her self-esteem was 80,000 leagues under the sea under an anchor. The woman hung up the phone.

Later the woman said: “That’s the woman you’re dating, Sexguy?”

“Yeah,” I sigh.

“Wow, she seems like she thinks she’s the biggest zero on the face of the Earth. How sad.” The woman shook her head, and an incredible sadness came over her face too, a hundred years’ worth.

“I know.”

I broke up with her.

“Can…you…at least…give me a reason, Sexcat?” V. whimpered into the phone.

“You’re just too nuts for me. I mean, I’m nuts, but I’m neurotic. You’re way more crazy than I am, and I just can’t deal with you. It’s like dealing with someone from another planet. I can’t handle you. Good luck in the rest of your life.”

She called me a few days later, crying.

“After you broke up with me, Sexbro, I put my fist through a wall, I was so mad. Now I have a hole in my wall.”

“Over me? You did this over me? Why? Don’t bother, V. Don’t smash walls over me. I’m not worth it. Smash walls over someone else…Look, I can’t handle this, this is way too nuts.”

I got a new girlfriend, K., pretty soon, and V. had given me VD like most sluts do, something called Trichomonas with no symptoms in the male. I immediately gave it to the new girl, and it causes four days of misery in the female. The new woman was pissed.

I said the only thing you can say when you give your girlfriend VD.

“Hey, don’t ever say I never gave you anything.”

I thought that was pretty funny.

She sure didn’t. Icy eyes shone at my across the room.

“That’s not funny, Sexman.”

“Yeah it is.”

“No it isn’t.”

I saw V. again two years later. She came down to visit me, an hour’s drive. I saw her on my porch like a lost poppy, the most forlorn thing you ever saw. We went inside and had some wild sex for a couple of hours. She got pissed at the way it ended and left in a huff.

I never saw her again.

I assume she’s dead, probably long ago. The way she was, she couldn’t have lasted long.

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Filed under Borderline, Psychopathology, Reposts From The Old Site, Schizotypal, Sexmaniacman