A commenter, who has never had sex before, is worried about doing it for the first time because something might go wrong. My response follows:
Well, if you can’t get it up, you can’t get it up. At least with young men it’s psychological. Wait til you get to be my age, then it will be physical too!
Lots of guys are impotent. Even young men are impotent. The more sex you have, the more impotence you will experience. A guy who has fucked say 100-200 females will have wracked up quite a few cases of impotence.
Impotence is extremely common. Young men who are swingers, porn stars and gigolos experience impotence commonly, and nowadays, many of them are taking Viagra as a prophylactic.
On porn sets, impotence used to be epidemic. About 85% of men who tried out for porn in the pre-Viagra days bombed out because they could not reliably keep it up. Showhorses like Ron Jeremy were revered by producers because he could always get it up and he could even cum on cue, which is not so easy!
I know a bit about the swinging scene, and I have been told that impotence is epidemic among male swingers. It is such a problem that some guys advertise looking for swinging partners saying they are completely reliable in this area.
Psychological impotence in men can be caused by any negative emotion: Fear, guilt, sadness, depression, anxiety, anger, not being attracted to your partner, etc. Many men have fears that they are not masculine enough. It’s not uncommon to hear angry, bitchy, ballbreaking women complain about epidemic impotence in the men they have been with. Gee I wonder why? Those types of women create a ton of impotence.
Keep in mind that if a man does not feel like a man, it will be hard for him to have sex with a woman. So women need to butter up their male partners if they want them to be reliable in bed.
Ignorant people say that all psychological impotence is caused by “hangups” or people who are uptight or inhibited about sex. This is not true, though it does cause some cases.
Actually the most common cause of impotence is performance anxiety, where the man worries that he won’t get it up or keep it up. The worry leads to the very thing happening that he worries about. Most men are complete assholes about psychological impotence and lie and say it’s never happened to them. They react very angrily to any man who admits it has happened, so my advice is not to admit to most guys unless you are very careful.
Women have an absolutely horrific attitude towards psychological impotence and often react to it with anger and disgust. This is another example of female solipsism. I have discussed female sexual problems with women, and all of them are extremely sympathetic towards the bedroom issues of their sisters. But of course they have no sympathy towards us.
Considering how emotional women are, if they had dicks, many of them would be frequently impotent!
If you relax and don’t worry about it, sex should work out ok. Primary impotence is very rare, and even long term secondary impotence is not common in healthy younger men. The only young men who are never impotent are either hardly getting any sex or they are stud bulls. The only way to be a stud bull is to be a rock and have few to no feelings. Once you start having feelings, you risk impotence. And I would like to point out that even stud bulls have off days!
Careful surveys done in the 1970′s showed that ~50% of men were impotent during hurried or rushed sex with new woman where they felt a lot of anxiety about the initial sex act.
The main thing is to not let the occasional impotence slow you down. In many cases, if you are impotent at first, just relax and do something to the woamn and forget about your dick. Give yourself permission to be impotent. Say, “If I’m impotent, so what!”Once you give yourself permission to fail, you pretty much stop failing.
By saying, “If I am impotent, that will be a catastrophe!” you increase the chances of it happening.
I have had a ton of sex in my life, and yes I have been impotent on some occasions, but not very many. It was more common when I was younger than it is now for some reason.Still the people who heard about it gave a ton of shit about it. Often they said I had “hangups” but I never did. I’m a “do it in the streets” guy. My problem was generally performance anxiety.
If you’re really worried, there’s always Viagra!
I read an article recently about young male impotence and the use of pornography in masturbation. The gist seemed to be with the increase in pornography it became difficult for the actual physical act to provide the behavioral cues and threshold to maintain erection. I cannot cite the reference, but it seems plausible. Although somewhat dated, classic behavioral conditioning and desensitization seems a reasonable explanation.
I have heard something like before.
You mean that a there is quite a bit of psychological impotence going on with young men these days due to desensitization from excessive pornography consumption?
Where they unable to get an erection period or did they get one and then lose one?
LOL, I did not read the article that closely. I think it was initiation impotence, but I could be wrong. It was on one of the Medscape e-articles. I will search it later if it is relevant.
Guilt and fear! Exactly!
I suffered with this briefly at the start of one relationship, and it’s quite reassuring to hear that it isn’t uncommon. Solved it through smoking weed together actually.
It’s all about confidence, IMO. I often say that for a young man, losing your virginity is not enough. Once you’ve got a girl coming over and over again all night, that’s when you get that real confidence. Not all girls are capable of that though.
I couldn’t seem to find the article. I did find a You Tube Video by Phil Zimbardo (yes that Phil Zimbardo) giving a talk at the TED conference called “The Demise of Guys”. It touches on the topic of male impotence and may provide further links to the citations.
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Its called Bisphenol A or BPA. The feminising castrating oestrogenic hormones that are causing this.
Another leading cause of male impotence: American Women.
if you are that worried, go to securetabs. I bought viagra there after a few frustrating and depressing moments of ED. I don’t worry about ED anymore.
Yes, I am getting at the age where physical impotence sets in. I had a couple of obvious cases of physical impotence with young women in the past few years, and I popped a Viagra, and everything worked out just fine!
You are right on the money – while impotence in men is something that is looked on with disgust and loath, frigidity among women is considered a misfortune. I think it is more because women take a man’s inability to ‘get it up’ more personally (unless they already know it is a physical problem). They just let their anger and frustration on the men in these situations (women take a sexual rejection far less gracefully than men).